Programming Jokes February - Obligatory Witty Remark - Developers

They forgot to give Java its own caricature, along with the text. Java can do all the things the others can do... <java personification here> And it has the downsides of all of them!

Java: write once run anywhere... ...that has a properly configured JVM of the proper version installed.

Two string walk into a foobar The bartender asks "What will you two be having?" The first string replies, "I'll have a chartini" The second one replies, "I'll have a e$‘þf#4e9AGMb|oÜ..." The first string says to the bartender "Sorry, he isn't null terminated"

[QUOTE=Sombrero;44647446]Two string walk into a foobar The bartender asks "What will you two be having?" The first string replies, "I'll have a chartini" The second one replies, "I'll have a e$‘þf#4e9AGMb|oÜ..." The first string says to the bartender "Sorry, he isn't null terminated"[/QUOTE] There are 10 kinds of people on earth, those who understand binary and those who make really old jokes.

[QUOTE=DrDevil;44650635]There are 10 kinds of people on earth, those who understand binary and those who make really old jokes.[/QUOTE] And then there's those that (old jokes) | (understanding binary)

We live in a simulated world. We are simulated universe that exist on a floppy disk beside other random floppy disks. Also, when you die, Garbage collector collects you or if you are lucky, you get claimed back to the object pool and then reused later (next life).

All heap blocks were freed -- no leaks are possible

[t]http://i.imgur.com/42ryBVl.png[/t] [editline]30th April 2014[/editline] [code]perl: warning: Setting locale failed. perl: warning: Please check that your locale settings: LANGUAGE = "en_US:en", LC_ALL = (unset), LC_CTYPE = "UTF-8", LANG = "en_US.UTF-8" are supported and installed on your system. perl: warning: Falling back to the standard locale ("C"). Number found where operator expected at - line 1, near " bcx" (Missing operator before ?) String found where operator expected at - line 2, near "-_`n.L6> ?Oxpc"" (Might be a runaway multi-line "" string starting on line 1) (Missing semicolon on previous line?) Operator or semicolon missing before *x at - line 3. Ambiguous use of * resolved as operator * at - line 3. syntax error at - line 1, near " bcx" Unrecognized character \x05; marked by <-- HERE after a&Ez"f*x[<-- HERE near column 182 at - line 3.[/code] ~perl~ [editline]30th April 2014[/editline] [t]http://i.imgur.com/OTEeAxN.png[/t]

There are 10 types of the people in this world, people that understand trinary, people that don't understand trinary and people that think I am insane.

-snip-

Javascript tells a pretty good joke: [code] > new Date(2014,1,1,0,0,0); Sat Feb 01 2014 00:00:00 [/code]

made me chuckle [img]http://i.imgur.com/Dy2RnyL.png[/img] (qt docs)

If the Mersenne Twister was a woman, she would be miserable for 2^19937−1 days at a time.

It's been scientifically proven that people with a stutter are some of the best programmers. [sp]They're pro-programmers.[/sp]

"The only reason coders' computers work better than non-coders' computers is coders know computers are schizophrenic little children with auto-immune diseases and we don't beat them when they're bad." [url]http://stilldrinking.org/[/url] Not so much of a joke as an entire comedic writeup of the day-to-day life of programming. Worth the read if you're bored. [editline]2nd May 2014[/editline] "The human brain isn't particularly good at basic logic and now there's a whole career in doing nothing but really, really complex logic. Vast chains of abstract conditions and requirements have to be picked through to discover things like missing commas. Doing this all day leaves you in a state of mild aphasia as you look at people's faces while they're speaking [I]and you don't know they've finished because there's no semicolon.[/I][I] You immerse yourself in a world of total meaninglessness where all that matters is a little series of numbers went into a giant labyrinth of symbols and a different series of numbers or a picture of a kitten came out the other end.[/I]" No but seriously this is kinda funny. [editline]2nd May 2014[/editline] Lastly: "So no, I'm not required to be able to lift objects weighing up to fifty pounds. I traded that for the opportunity to trim Satan's pubic hair while he dines out of my open skull so a few bits of the internet will continue to work for a few more days."

Did you hear about the girl under version control? Guys were always checking her out.

[QUOTE=Goz3rr;44706591]Did you hear about the girl under version control? Guys were always checking her out.[/QUOTE] Don't talk about the time I tried to commit to her and her HEAD got detached. :(

[QUOTE=BackwardSpy;44706736]Don't talk about the time I tried to commit to her and her HEAD got detached. :([/QUOTE] Maybe you need to stash her?

[QUOTE=johnnyaka;44707224]Maybe you need to stash her?[/QUOTE] In the back of the trunk.

[QUOTE=redx475;44707921]In the back of the trunk.[/QUOTE] Don't joke about this, they were using --force on her all the time

Don't worry about it guys, after some pushing and pulling I gave up and cloned her.

Aren't you that git that's committed to her? You push and pull her even harder and I heard of an incident with a fork in the past too...

If she'd only give me access to her repo, I'd fork her all night long.

It's dead guys...

[QUOTE=Darwin226;44713026]It's dead guys...[/QUOTE] :(

[QUOTE=Darwin226;44713026]It's dead guys...[/QUOTE] I miss her already.

Her owner granted access to my pull request ;)

[QUOTE=Shadow187(FP);44714863]Her owner granted access to my pull request ;)[/QUOTE] What the fuck are you doing? Did you even checkout her origin yet? Thousands of people have forked her already. She's a pretty open girl.

Guys are like methods without parameters; we function without arguments.

condition race :v: