Programming Jokes February - Obligatory Witty Remark
1,291 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Fourier;49898543]What
the
fuck.
This is some poor programming skills.[/QUOTE]
That's not even the worst of it.
This scripting language uses gotos a lot (because how on earth do high-level constructs work?). Imagine you're the programmer tasked with implementing goto. Do you:
[B]OPTION A[/B]: Store a label's location the first time you come across it, and look it up again every time after
[B]OPTION B[/B]: Re-read every line of every file and check if it's the label you're looking for every time a goto is used
[editline]---[/editline]
The PC version of the same game (which uses an only distantly related engine) at least doesn't run like shit, but it also has its fair share of terrible code.
Suppose you need to implement the function for a script-level function call. You also need to decide whether it's a natively-defined or script-defined function. Do you:
[B]OPTION A[/B]: Tokenise the input, check if the function name is contained in a list of strings mapped to native functions, and call the appropriate function if it is; otherwise, pass to CallScriptFunction
[B]OPTION B[/B]: Write what in C essentially looks like this:
[code]
if (input[0] == 'D'
&& input[1] == 'r'
&& input[2] == 'a'
&& input[3] == 'w')
{
scriptDraw(input);
return true;
}
[...]
return CallScriptFunction(input);
[/code]
with about 80 of these conditionals skipped, one for each function, the average name length being more like 8 characters than 4.
[I]Note 1[/I]: You may have noticed the last code returns a boolean. This is to indicate whether the code parsed is actually a function call at all. If not, the parser just goes "oh well maybe it's a variable assignment then, let's try that".
[I]Note 2[/I]: If you were expecting "do it at parse time" to be an option, you are insufficiently pessimistic. Neither program has any concept of "parse time".
[editline]---[/editline]
You might find it hard to believe that the above was taken from two separate implementations of a real commercial game shipped by a niche but generally respected publisher with hundreds of thousands of copies sold. Since we're not quite ready to reveal what we're doing just yet, as well as to protect the names of the guilty, I will not publicly post the title. However, feel free to ask me by PM if your morbid curiosity compels you to take a look.
I got put in AP programming at my school (yay). And the lessons are done in notepad and the Java coding style in the lessons is awful. They sometimes don't tab their code and sometimes do. It literally looks like a rollercoaster.
[QUOTE=Verideth;49906913]I got put in AP programming at my school (yay). And the lessons are done in notepad and the Java coding style in the lessons is awful. They sometimes don't tab their code and sometimes do. It literally looks like a rollercoaster.[/QUOTE]
That's how it is at my school. Where we learn how to write """proper""" html [sp]tables, lots of them[/sp], Java in Arduino, and no indent style what so ever, commenting even the ending of if statements, etc. We almost had to learn storing passwords with MD5 too had I not presented about database secutiry. That and so many more fun things that's just eugh
[editline]10th March 2016[/editline]
Then there's that odd commenting style where everything has to be commented, even the end of if, while, etc statements
We also had this picture at our school about something called "UNF"
They had something with programming, where this was displayed
[t]http://lewd.se/f/ykpoie_2016-03-1109.46.44.jpg[/t]
Software development camp, looks exiting. Oh, they've got code too? Nice. Let's see
[t]http://lewd.se/f/jybxaz_2016-03-1109.46.49.jpg[/t]
Oh dear
No sure if has already been posted here, but anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, [URL="https://github.com/samshadwell/TrumpScript"]trumpscript[/URL]
JS devs, your entire community should go sit in a corner.
[media]https://twitter.com/TobyKurien/status/712536641391484929[/media]
[QUOTE=DrTaxi;49992932]JS devs, your entire community should go sit in a corner.
[media]https://twitter.com/TobyKurien/status/712536641391484929[/media][/QUOTE]
It's like FizzBuzz Enterprise's [url=https://github.com/EnterpriseQualityCoding/FizzBuzzEnterpriseEdition/blob/master/src/main/java/com/seriouscompany/business/java/fizzbuzz/packagenamingpackage/interfaces/factories/StringStringReturnerFactory.java]StringStringReturnerFactory[/url].
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/wfdV6XW.png[/IMG]
[QUOTE=Trebgarta;49996726][url]http://left-pad.io[/url][/QUOTE]
On that note, [URL="https://medium.com/@azerbike/i-ve-just-liberated-my-modules-9045c06be67c#.bzkqtfyto"]this[/URL] is the background for all of this and [URL="https://medium.com/@Rich_Harris/how-to-not-break-the-internet-with-this-one-weird-trick-e3e2d57fee28#.ylxkdp36z"]this[/URL] is the mitigation. I wonder if npm broke the law by "un-unpublishing" the module without consent. [editline]edit[/editline] Apparently the project is under WTFPL and as such republishable without issues.
(As far as I can tell, Koçulu is completely in the right here regarding the trademark dispute. There doesn't seem to be any (potential) competition at all.)
[QUOTE=Matthew0505;50001336]Yo momma's Schwartzschild radius wider than the observable universe.[/QUOTE]
Relevant XKCD
[IMG]https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dark_flow.png[/IMG]
----
[URL="http://www.wfplsiu.com/"]What f#&king programming language should I use?[/URL]
[QUOTE=Trebgarta;50000122]Not only is he in the right, but also his actions' effects revealed this shitty ordeal where you unpublish a 10-line function Internet dies. Hopefully people can patch these flaws.[/QUOTE]
[URL="https://medium.com/@mproberts/a-discussion-about-the-breaking-of-the-internet-3d4d2a83aa4d#.oian2dvmg"]The company replied[/URL][URL="https://archive.is/uNeJ3"].[/URL] Here's a quote from one of their emails: [quote]We don’t mean to be a dick about it, but it’s a registered Trademark in most countries around the world and if you actually release an open source project called kik, our trademark lawyers are going to be banging on your door and taking down your accounts and stuff like that — and we’d have no choice but to do all that because you have to enforce trademarks or you lose them.[/quote][He's extremely likely incorrect about having to do it, since there's no competition. Nevermind the blatant overreaching threat.]
I'd have done the exact same as Azer, in this situation.
NPM were complete idiots and [I]really[/I] should have seen that coming. Their handling makes it clear they aren't reliable, so I wouldn't do business/hosting with them either.
[video=youtube;RVhHNVguMWo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVhHNVguMWo[/video]
Never before did I expect Retsupurae to find something funny of this kind.
[QUOTE=Trebgarta;49996726][url]http://left-pad.io[/url][/QUOTE]
Why go all the way to another server?
[url=https://lkml.org/lkml/2016/3/31/1108]We all know where this functionality really belongs.[/url]
In my household, we actually collect trash every workday.
[CODE]"I" + heart = you[/CODE]
What did rubocop say to the reallocated string?
.freeze
make --girlfriend
Found this in the comment section of a YouTube video were they were interviewing Bell Labs scientists on the applications of UNIX
[QUOTE=MrFancyBuns;50074789]make --girlfriend
Found this in the comment section of a YouTube video were they were interviewing Bell Labs scientists on the applications of UNIX[/QUOTE]
I dunno, I'd rather q(t)make
Though, I couldn't do so since i don't have the right dependencies
[QUOTE=buttsnake;50052560]In my household, we actually collect trash every workday.
[CODE]"I" + heart = you[/CODE][/QUOTE]
Wouldn't order of precedence assign heart to you, and then concatenate "I", so it would effectively be "I" + you?
[QUOTE=proboardslol;50075811]Wouldn't order of precedence assign heart to you, and then concatenate "I", so it would effectively be "I" + you?[/QUOTE]
Normally [I]=[/I] has the lowest precedence (so you use less brackets under normal circumstances).
However, [I]"I" + heart[/I] normally isn't an lvalue so the operation would still fail in most cases.
Uh... I'm teaching my AI to make human sentences based on stochastic processes. I gave it some source material to read, including "I have no mouth and I must scream".
[t]http://i.imgur.com/QZbSHsg.png[/t]
Should I be worried?
[QUOTE=proboardslol;50079037]Uh... I'm teaching my AI to make human sentences based on stochastic processes. I gave it some source material to read, including "I have no mouth and I must scream".
[t]http://i.imgur.com/QZbSHsg.png[/t]
Should I be worried?[/QUOTE]
Make two of them, let one of them read SJW stuff, and the other one read Redpill/mra stuff
[t]http://i.imgur.com/HbBfVx1.png[/t]
what the fuck is this holy grail
[QUOTE=Fourier;50153859]what the fuck is this holy grail[/QUOTE]
Me, it seem
[QUOTE=Trebgarta;50153304][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/a3SND2v.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]
Is this from some sort of tech company?
This sounds like art-degree tier managerial fluff to essentially say "our product is held together with overtime, 6 packs and broken dreams"
[QUOTE=Trebgarta;50156581]This is from some senior devs presentation to some executives IIRC.[/QUOTE]
So, did the presentation end with him setting off the hidden explosives to stop the blight at it's core?
"coding is not work" is what bothers me the most.
If it is for hobby then yeah, but if you pay me and tell me what to do, it's friggin' work. Some people really live in illusion :v:
[editline]19th April 2016[/editline]
Another (not programming joke but geeky nonetheless):
"Your dick is so small that you could reset calculator with it."
Programming Jokes February - Obligatory Witty Remark
