• Facepunch... I come to you.
    7 replies, posted
With tears in my eyes. Lube on my fingers. And a yearning in my soul. Teach me. Teach me how to fellate myself. Do not cast this thread away as a troll thread. You see, arms are only so useful when it comes to life. Writing, drawing, and cradling a mewling babe until it slumbers, blissfully, in your arms. I lust to learn, and learn to satisfy my lusts. This is a very vibrant community, painted with many shades of the human spirit. I'm hoping to stumble upon the lighter shades of the community. Those willing to teach a young man. Any thing you people may bring forth will help in my journey. Thanks in great advance fellow facepunchers. [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Undescriptive thread title/Crap thread" - JohnnyMo1))[/highlight]
First step is to sever the torso from the legs so you can reach it easier. Come back after you finished doing that.
Google it, there are plenty of articles. Basically, exercise, gain flexibility, and hope you don't break your back.
No worries, OP, I have an easy 5 step plan that will allow you to easily twiddle your dick with your mouth. Step 1 -Check your email's spam folder. There, you will doubtlessly find hundreds of emails hyping cheap ways to extend your penis. Find one and purchase the product within. They should arrive about 3 weeks after you order them because shipping from China is a mess when it comes to customs. Step 2 is to find a doctor who will remove your bottom 2 ribs. This will make bending your abdomen easier, allowing your head to reach your loins with ease. Most of the time such doctors can be found working in seedy alleyways selling kidneys they stole off tourists. If you've got enough money they'll do anything. Step 3 is to start wearing one of those African neck ring thingies that make your neck longer ([URL="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/03/Kayan_woman_with_neck_rings.jpg/220px-Kayan_woman_with_neck_rings.jpg"]like so[/URL]). Wear this for several months before taking it off and your neck will reach truly giraffe-ian heights. Finally, in Step 4, when your neck is at the right scale, you've lost some of your ribs, and your ch33p herbal pharmec87icals have arrived, is to put them all together and fellate yourself. Make your first autofellatio a memorable one, though. Light some candles, maybe practice tying knots in cherry stems with your tongue beforehand, put on some light music. The fifth step is one that is optional but I highly recommend it. Get your family involved! Have them do the first four steps themselves so you can have familial bonding masturbation sessions. [SUB][SUB](or you could just go out and [I]talk to a real girl[/I] instead of finding new ways to fap)[/SUB][/SUB]
I thought about doing that once. I tried it in my state of horniness and couldn't do it. So I finished normally and as soon as I came I instantly had a disgust and regret that I ever could have wanted to suck myself off.
Not worth it. Back hurts like shit if you do it.
Just say you want to learn to suck your own dick.
technically you're coming to yourself
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