• The Hotel Diaries
    168 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36255086]No? Nothing was ruined or damaged, so we armed our crack housekeeping team with a heavy duty loadout and sent them into the fray. We had to throw out the sheets and stuff, sure, but that's built into our business model, and it's nothing we have to document. We toss or shred dozens of towels, washcloths, linens, and bits of comfort-fluffery over the course of every week just because of normal wear and tear and staining. The Poop-Lady's unhallowed grounds have already been back in order for several days, and there's no sign that her abominations ever even transpired anymore. We've got a guest in one of those rooms tonight, even, and I haven't gotten any calls from the new clerk yet about a customer complaining of phantom poopstink, so I guess everything's pretty much back to normal now! And besides, why would I be responsible for documenting legal mumbo jumbo? I may have more responsibilities and leeway in my duties than most other jobs offer, but I'm still just an entry-level desk clerk! My job is to handle all the [B]mundane shit[/B] to the best of my abilities, and then refer the[B] really weird shit[/B] to the managers, who can make funny faces and scratch their heads about it.[/QUOTE] Oh ho ho ho!
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36255086]We've got a guest in one of those rooms tonight[/QUOTE] Oh God, I will never be able to sleep in a hotel now that I know that there might have been a lady covering my room with feces. What if she does this to many hotels? There could be hundreds of rooms she... used. Urgh.
What, like a serial poopist?
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36256465]What, like a serial poopist?[/QUOTE] They're everywhere.
poop lady needs to refine her methods and poop in the vents that's how you get phantom poop stink days later
[QUOTE=thrawn2787;36259971]poop lady needs to refine her methods and poop in the vents that's how you get phantom poop stink days later[/QUOTE] No, right behind the furnace
Your posts are always awesome Big Dumb American.
Hey Big Dumb American, i found a hotel thread on /b/ and decided to share your stories (Relax, i didn't claim they were mine), anyway, about gypsies. [quote]Gypsies is usually what you call the assholes who steal EVERYTHING from the room. They'll take the ashtrays, linens, the fucking curtains, every god damn thing they can.[/quote]
I love you BDA
[QUOTE=geel9;36211177]Now you just need to read these in your godlike narrator voice.[/QUOTE] This needs to be done
This thread is rich, just plain out rich. I would love to see more stories, especially with good ol' Detective Frank.
[QUOTE]Gypsies is usually what you call the assholes who steal EVERYTHING from the room. They'll take the ashtrays, linens, the fucking curtains, every god damn thing they can. [/QUOTE] Oh so its like me in skyrim
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36256465]What, like a serial poopist?[/QUOTE] She probably has something like this going on. [url]http://yppm.removed.us/index.php?vid=35[/url]
God dammit I was eating chocolate ice cream.
[QUOTE=kaine123;36275757]God dammit I was eating chocolate ice cream.[/QUOTE] [sub]Poop lady was here.[/sub]
[QUOTE=Im-Bored;36275569]She probably has something like this going on. [url]http://yppm.removed.us/index.php?vid=35[/url][/QUOTE] Reminds me of Conker's Bad Fur day, that one level where you can piss all over the other players in the bathroom.
We finally figured out what the leak in the pool was, by the way! Turns out, it WAS sewage! The room directly above the pool was a king suite with a jacuzzi bath tub, and as it so happened, the seals around the drain were bad. So, every time somebody took a bath in that room, most of the dirty bath water drained directly into the pool through the ceiling tiles. It's fixed now, but a word to the wise consumer: if large amounts of water are draining through the ceiling, it's probably not something you should let your kids play in. [editline]10th June 2012[/editline] I just had a veteran come through with one leg and the shakes so bad he couldn't fill out his own registration card. He was vacationing with his kids. I knocked the rate down an extra fifteen bucks, on top of his military discount. The guy just tugged my heart strings. I always look for the maximum discount possible for the friendly customers! Tonight, I'll write about the housekeeping staff. They're an interesting bunch all their own. As far as Detective Frank goes, he's still on the case! He's been watching a couple of rooms for the past few days, but there haven't been any interesting developments yet! I don't much about Frank outside of his undercover assignment. I suppose the "secret identity" thing works both ways? I know he's a police officer, and I know his real name, but all I've heard about his work with us are hand-me-down stories from an occasional small-time bust, with the exception of that one big one! I keep hoping something really cool will go down, like a guest on PCP running through the halls naked, so I can give Frank a call for some Frank-style justice. Also, a parting thought: every time I enter a guest's room for any reason, I have to knock and announce myself. When there's no answer, a small part of me worries I'm gonna walk in and find the guest dead in the bathtub. I should have never read The Shining.
On the note of The Shining, make sure you don't make out with naked hot chicks in the bathroom because it'll actually be a decomposing old lady
The unfaithful movie adaptation was both dumb and offensive, so I'll make out with any naked dead chicks I please, thank you very much.
Well I think we know what your next story is about
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36278144]I don't much about Frank outside of his undercover assignment.[/QUOTE] Just wanted to point out the missing verb. I love these stories.
[QUOTE=Baboo00;36278635]Just wanted to point out the missing verb. I love these stories.[/QUOTE] Let's play guess-the-verb! I don't taste much about Frank outside of his undercover assignment.
[QUOTE=Canter;36278878]Let's play guess-the-verb! I don't talk much about Frank outside of his undercover assignment.[/QUOTE]
Fantasize
Ok BDA wins game over.
BDA I have a friend who works at the Hilton here in Tucson, and his biggest tip was a $20 and a Bowey knife. Are you allowed to accept Bowey knives as a tip?
[QUOTE=sp00ks;36197805]@The Poop Lady story: Isn't that vandalism? Shouldn't she pay for the damages?[/QUOTE] Well, they kept her security deposit, so it was probably a pretty hefty sum that was enough to cover the damages. [editline]11th June 2012[/editline] [QUOTE][I]Jack. 2011. [B]Gypsies.[/B][/I][/QUOTE] [t]http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120128214002/disney/images/3/36/Hunchback-disneyscreencaps_com-189.jpg[/t]
BDA is my hero.
These are excellent stories, please continue while I sit here bored at work.
I suddenly have an urge to join a care taking service...
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