• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
So any advice on how to get a girl friend to be more social. I mean she's married and all, a little nerdy, super nice and really pretty, but still shy. He husband works a whole ton and she just stopped working, so she's kind of bored a lot. Even in groups of people we all know, she gets really shy. She just told me that she wants to go out on a double date with me and my girlfriend.... then added after a couple seconds of silence "We don't have many friends".... and it was kinda sad. I don't want to, and can't really, push her to go out more or anything, but any advice on how to get her to be a little more open at the times we already get together with everybody? I'm thinking that during the double date we get her to open up a bit. Maybe she'll then feel more comfortable later.
[QUOTE=D0C H.;37465321]So any advice on how to get a girl friend to be more social. I mean she's married and all, a little nerdy, super nice and really pretty, but still shy. He husband works a whole ton and she just stopped working, so she's kind of bored a lot. Even in groups of people we all know, she gets really shy. She just told me that she wants to go out on a double date with me and my girlfriend.... then added after a couple seconds of silence "We don't have many friends".... and it was kinda sad. I don't want to, and can't really, push her to go out more or anything, but any advice on how to get her to be a little more open at the times we already get together with everybody? I'm thinking that during the double date we get her to open up a bit. Maybe she'll then feel more comfortable later.[/QUOTE] she sounds exactly like me tbh it doesn't really work like that. even if she's comfortable around you, that's only specific to you and her getting used to you isn't going to have any imprint on her relationships with other people. go on the double date anyway. if she's anything like me she's lonely as hell and would love to hang out with someone she's comfortable with. as for talking in group situations, even if they're all people you're familiar with, talking to a group of people tends to be overwhelming for shy/quiet people and they're more comfortable in a one-on-one conversation.
[QUOTE=Repulsion;37462974]I'm in a hilariously awkward social scene right now. I just moved to a new city (san antonio) from new mexico, I'm in highschool (9th grade) and I know absolutely nobody. Lunches are terribly awkward, I just sit by myself among the also hilariously crowded lunches. I know it's only the third day, but that doesn't make me feel any less weird. I feel like a round piece in a jigsaw puzzle. I talk to people in my periods but nothing really happens other than that.[/QUOTE] During lunch, just go up to a table of people who look like they might be nice people and say something like "Hey, I don't really know anyone here, mind if I sit with you guys?". Might sound weird reading it like that, but people appreciate the confidence. I did this when I went to the taster day for the Sixth Forth College (16-18) I'll be starting at in two weeks and I made like 6 friends in that day.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37465509]she sounds exactly like me tbh it doesn't really work like that. even if she's comfortable around you, that's only specific to you and her getting used to you isn't going to have any imprint on her relationships with other people. go on the double date anyway. if she's anything like me she's lonely as hell and would love to hang out with someone she's comfortable with. as for talking in group situations, even if they're all people you're familiar with, talking to a group of people tends to be overwhelming for shy/quiet people and they're more comfortable in a one-on-one conversation.[/QUOTE] After working retail for 3 months I became really social. That job just had me getting pushed out of my regular comfort zone until I adapted to a new one.
Yes, San Antonio, Texas. Which makes it also a bit weird some to me Texas has always been portrayed as somewhat of a shithole for an atheist liberal such as myself to be in, no offense meant to any Texans. I should also note that the school I'm going to is about 80% hispanic and I am white. Not pasty white, but still quite noticeably white.
can I ask what district/school
Why not? Jefferson.
oohhhhhhhh rip
Is there someone you also know of that moved from New Mexico or something? Also that rip is slightly disturbing.
Jeffersons a p. bad school I go to Brennan tho
This might sound a bit weird but, how the hell do you start a conversation with a person that you don't know? Normally, I never really talk to anyone unless there's something specific like asking for directions or asking for help on a specific subject in school and I prefer to just leave other people alone in exchange for them leaving me alone. I guess the most fitting word to describe myself would be "loner". As one might figure, not talking much or being around people for a long time has the tendency to cause one's social skills to pack their bags into a car and then drive themselves and said car off a cliff at high speeds. The reason I'm asking this is because of a girl I've had a massive crush on for at least 3-4 years now who I don't even go to the same school as anymore but we live in the same city and at times end up on the same buses. So today I ended up sitting next to her without even realizing it at first and spent the following 30 minutes trying to figure out a way to start a conversation that didn't involve just outright saying "I like you". If it wasn't obvious at this point, I ended up being a bit of an idiot and not uttering a single word. So, is there any magical secrets to starting conversations that anyone happen to be able to share?
Practise makes perfect. An opener could have been something like "hey, sorry to bother you, didn't we go to the same high school?"
[QUOTE=ReconUnit;37468064]This might sound a bit weird but, how the hell do you start a conversation with a person that you don't know? Normally, I never really talk to anyone unless there's something specific like asking for directions or asking for help on a specific subject in school and I prefer to just leave other people alone in exchange for them leaving me alone. I guess the most fitting word to describe myself would be "loner". As one might figure, not talking much or being around people for a long time has the tendency to cause one's social skills to pack their bags into a car and then drive themselves and said car off a cliff at high speeds. The reason I'm asking this is because of a girl I've had a massive crush on for at least 3-4 years now who I don't even go to the same school as anymore but we live in the same city and at times end up on the same buses. So today I ended up sitting next to her without even realizing it at first and spent the following 30 minutes trying to figure out a way to start a conversation that didn't involve just outright saying "I like you". If it wasn't obvious at this point, I ended up being a bit of an idiot and not uttering a single word. So, is there any magical secrets to starting conversations that anyone happen to be able to share?[/QUOTE] James May, the wise old man that he is has the right of it. "Hello" is a damn good start! Beyond that, introduce yourself if you haven't spoken before. My name is *Steve* and I do *something*. Smiling in a friendly manner helps too. After that, move the conversation wherever you want, the most difficult bit is "hello"
[QUOTE=Disseminate;37468080]Practise makes perfect. An opener could have been something like "hey, sorry to bother you, didn't we go to the same high school?"[/QUOTE] That actually seems to be a pretty good way to start of, no idea why I didn't think of that. Thanks! [QUOTE=metallics;37468099]James May, the wise old man that he is has the right of it. "Hello" is a damn good start! Beyond that, introduce yourself if you haven't spoken before. My name is *Steve* and I do *something*. Smiling in a friendly manner helps too. After that, move the conversation wherever you want, the most difficult bit is "hello"[/QUOTE] My main problem is what to say after the "Hello!" so I'll guess I'll go around and introduce myself to myself in different ways for a bit and see if that in any way helps me be less nervous over the whole "hello" business or if it will just make me look insane. So, uh, thanks.
[QUOTE=ReconUnit;37468064]This might sound a bit weird but, how the hell do you start a conversation with a person that you don't know? Normally, I never really talk to anyone unless there's something specific like asking for directions or asking for help on a specific subject in school and I prefer to just leave other people alone in exchange for them leaving me alone. I guess the most fitting word to describe myself would be "loner". As one might figure, not talking much or being around people for a long time has the tendency to cause one's social skills to pack their bags into a car and then drive themselves and said car off a cliff at high speeds. The reason I'm asking this is because of a girl I've had a massive crush on for at least 3-4 years now who I don't even go to the same school as anymore but we live in the same city and at times end up on the same buses. So today I ended up sitting next to her without even realizing it at first and spent the following 30 minutes trying to figure out a way to start a conversation that didn't involve just outright saying "I like you". If it wasn't obvious at this point, I ended up being a bit of an idiot and not uttering a single word. So, is there any magical secrets to starting conversations that anyone happen to be able to share?[/QUOTE] This is more of general advice, not specific to your case, but it may be helpful. Just say hello, and be confident, and make the conversation flow. Unless they're a anti-social person themselves, most people enjoy others company and if you make it clear from the outset you're interested it makes it even easier for you to ask them out there and then. I make a point of doing it whenever I'm on a train or whatever and see someone that seems nice, I just chat to them because it makes both of your journeys much more enjoyable.
[QUOTE=ReconUnit;37468064]This might sound a bit weird but, how the hell do you start a conversation with a person that you don't know? Normally, I never really talk to anyone unless there's something specific like asking for directions or asking for help on a specific subject in school and I prefer to just leave other people alone in exchange for them leaving me alone. I guess the most fitting word to describe myself would be "loner". As one might figure, not talking much or being around people for a long time has the tendency to cause one's social skills to pack their bags into a car and then drive themselves and said car off a cliff at high speeds. The reason I'm asking this is because of a girl I've had a massive crush on for at least 3-4 years now who I don't even go to the same school as anymore but we live in the same city and at times end up on the same buses. So today I ended up sitting next to her without even realizing it at first and spent the following 30 minutes trying to figure out a way to start a conversation that didn't involve just outright saying "I like you". If it wasn't obvious at this point, I ended up being a bit of an idiot and not uttering a single word. So, is there any magical secrets to starting conversations that anyone happen to be able to share?[/QUOTE] You highlighted that you're a loner. I was perfectly one before. Bad socially, actually horrific is a great way to explain. I had girls I wanted to talk to and know better (not for romance but for easing out my future love life and since they already had boyfriends). I improved to be to a point where I could talk to the other person about directions and school studies etc. Since I was affected by "lonership" I really decided to dig into what the person really likes. I have to say this is the secret I have to reveal to you. I knew one of my mates loved rugby and UFC boxing so I researched stuff on both these elements and I got to know more around the subject. Once I knew sufficient information, I tried testing the waters into their interests. I have to say all the people I talked to about their interests really enjoyed me and eventually became friends with me. This really goes to your crush thing. Like other people said, saying hello is the most difficult bit but what do you know about her? Do you know her interests? If she dances, talk about things like hip-hop, whether she's seen the recent Step Up film, etc. Talking about subjects based on someone girl or boy makes them "feel good" and want to talk to you. Say "hello". Is she listening to music? Ask her things like what artists she likes. She reading a book? That's a bad sign to start a conversation since she is trying to concentrate so don't start a conversation unless she is just holding it and not reading. If so, ask about the book and what she likes about it, etc. Also after saying hi, if she constantly looks at her phone, texts frantically like she doesn't know you're next to her are all bad signs (obviously).
Thanks for the advice I'll try my best to actually use it and not go mute at the last minute. Heads up, I have a habit of over analyzing things. She didn't seem to be uncomfortable sitting next to me and she looked back at the bus/my general direction after she got off, which I assume is a good sign? I actually also remember her looking at me a lot back in high school (Not quite sure how the Swedish school system is structured compared to the American or English one), I'll stop going over every little detail though and try to put some of the advice to use instead of just endlessly recounting every silly little detail I can think of. Thanks again.
[QUOTE=ReconUnit;37468064]This might sound a bit weird but, how the hell do you start a conversation with a person that you don't know? Normally, I never really talk to anyone unless there's something specific like asking for directions or asking for help on a specific subject in school and I prefer to just leave other people alone in exchange for them leaving me alone. I guess the most fitting word to describe myself would be "loner". As one might figure, not talking much or being around people for a long time has the tendency to cause one's social skills to pack their bags into a car and then drive themselves and said car off a cliff at high speeds.[/QUOTE] a word of advice on social skills: do improv. seriously, give it enough time and you'll be like lightning in a conversation.
seriously just say hi and introduce yourself, maybe ask a few interview questions if you have to, but stem off from there (ie. "where are you from?" "X" "oh X, my friend lives there blah blah") i didnt even think this worked until not that long ago but really just saying hi will get almost anyone to talk to you, even in a setting where its not exactly normal [editline]30th August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Deathhunter;37468376]You highlighted that you're a loner. I was perfectly one before. Bad socially, actually horrific is a great way to explain. I had girls I wanted to talk to and know better (not for romance but for easing out my future love life and since they already had boyfriends). I improved to be to a point where I could talk to the other person about directions and school studies etc. Since I was affected by "lonership" I really decided to dig into what the person really likes. I have to say this is the secret I have to reveal to you. I knew one of my mates loved rugby and UFC boxing so I researched stuff on both these elements and I got to know more around the subject. Once I knew sufficient information, I tried testing the waters into their interests. I have to say all the people I talked to about their interests really enjoyed me and eventually became friends with me. This really goes to your crush thing. Like other people said, saying hello is the most difficult bit but what do you know about her? Do you know her interests? If she dances, talk about things like hip-hop, whether she's seen the recent Step Up film, etc. Talking about subjects based on someone girl or boy makes them "feel good" and want to talk to you. Say "hello". Is she listening to music? Ask her things like what artists she likes. She reading a book? That's a bad sign to start a conversation since she is trying to concentrate so don't start a conversation unless she is just holding it and not reading. If so, ask about the book and what she likes about it, etc. Also after saying hi, if she constantly looks at her phone, texts frantically like she doesn't know you're next to her are all bad signs (obviously).[/QUOTE] this is fucking weird dont do this [editline]30th August 2012[/editline] you dont have to spend the night researching all of someone's interests to hold a casual conversation
[QUOTE=Mon;37470779]a word of advice on social skills: do improv. seriously, give it enough time and you'll be like lightning in a conversation.[/QUOTE] Yup, no matter how many times you go through a conversation in your head, it will never come out that way in real life. Just go with the flow! the more you just relax and talk to people, the less of a big deal it becomes.
I've asked this a few times and I really would like an answer, I want to know how to meet new people, I don't mean in that "help I'm completely unsociable and trapped in a bubble" sense I just mean I want to meet people I can hang about with or do stuff, my college friends are nice but we don't really 'hang out'. I burnt a lot of bridges with high school friends because of my general personality (I have changed since then, I actually mean this) and so forth so I want to start fresh with people, I'm not a social retard and I'm not as ugly as 2x4 that a dog shit on, but I can't figure out how to meet new people. The most obvious one I've thought of is getting a job, and that would've worked out this summer if it wasn't for the fact I'm working in a bank and that my lifeguard application was denied (not looking for casual staff) In the bank the majority of people are twice my age, don't get me wrong I've made friends with those people but they're not really people I could do shit that my age group does. I like skiing but that's a little difficult to do anything about since you're cooped up in skiing gear and don't get the chance to socialise much with it. I obviously like gaming, but there's only so much you can do, that's why I want to actually go and do things and meet people, but I have no idea where to start, so some help on this would be nice. I like cycling and I wouldn't mind mountain biking/x-road stuff, is that a place to start?
try harder with the college people. i thought i didn't 'hang out' at all with my mates at uni but once we started going out for the occasional drink and stuff it all fell into place. after a year of not much, i'm now living with one guy from my couse and have been on a roadtrip with 3 others. i could never have imagined that happening back in september last year or even later than that getting a job can help with meeting people. i'm not sure you'll get as much out of them as college friends though. i have a part-time job i work for 8 hours a week and in a year, the only social things i've done with work have been organised by work itself. seeing people for such a short amount of time and with such a short window of time in which to talk to them is not gonna be the most sure-fire way to make new, close friends. and yeh, if you're not interested in doing a simple job with other people your age, like working in a supermarket or something, it'll get even harder so maybe try and make something of the college friends
A tip I like to remember is if you think you should go over and say something to someone you should do it within a few seconds of having that thought. You can't over-think it or miss the chance. Then you end up doing it automatically without worrying.
[QUOTE=ChestyMcGee;37474309]try harder with the college people. i thought i didn't 'hang out' at all with my mates at uni but once we started going out for the occasional drink and stuff it all fell into place. after a year of not much, i'm now living with one guy from my couse and have been on a roadtrip with 3 others. i could never have imagined that happening back in september last year or even later than that getting a job can help with meeting people. i'm not sure you'll get as much out of them as college friends though. i have a part-time job i work for 8 hours a week and in a year, the only social things i've done with work have been organised by work itself. seeing people for such a short amount of time and with such a short window of time in which to talk to them is not gonna be the most sure-fire way to make new, close friends. and yeh, if you're not interested in doing a simple job with other people your age, like working in a supermarket or something, it'll get even harder so maybe try and make something of the college friends[/QUOTE] Yeah I suppose you're right, I've considered everyone apart from a guy that I have a good laugh with, but is there any suggestions I could bring up? I suggested Eurogamer the other week but train tickets are a god damn nightmare in prices for students so we had to cancel, is there something I could bring up maybe?
[QUOTE=doomevil;37463818]So there's this girl I met last year, we became friends and all, but now this year it seems like we don't know each other. Whenever I see her, she doesn't really give much of a reaction, She only glances and acts like she doesn't know me. I try to talk to her but I never have the opportunity. Am I bothering her?[/QUOTE] Never mind, I talked to her after school. She's not ignoring me. We talked and then went with our day. I really ought to stop being so sensitive..
[QUOTE=Deathhunter;37468376]You highlighted that you're a loner. I was perfectly one before. Bad socially, actually horrific is a great way to explain. I had girls I wanted to talk to and know better (not for romance but for easing out my future love life and since they already had boyfriends). I improved to be to a point where I could talk to the other person about directions and school studies etc. Since I was affected by "lonership" I really decided to dig into what the person really likes. I have to say this is the secret I have to reveal to you. I knew one of my mates loved rugby and UFC boxing so I researched stuff on both these elements and I got to know more around the subject. Once I knew sufficient information, I tried testing the waters into their interests. I have to say all the people I talked to about their interests really enjoyed me and eventually became friends with me. This really goes to your crush thing. Like other people said, saying hello is the most difficult bit but what do you know about her? Do you know her interests? If she dances, talk about things like hip-hop, whether she's seen the recent Step Up film, etc. Talking about subjects based on someone girl or boy makes them "feel good" and want to talk to you. Say "hello". Is she listening to music? Ask her things like what artists she likes. She reading a book? That's a bad sign to start a conversation since she is trying to concentrate so don't start a conversation unless she is just holding it and not reading. If so, ask about the book and what she likes about it, etc. Also after saying hi, if she constantly looks at her phone, texts frantically like she doesn't know you're next to her are all bad signs (obviously).[/QUOTE] please dont ever write a self help book
Is it wrong of me to want my girlfriend to take pictures of her last relationship and her off of her facebook? Normally I would think so, but he passed away and it's still a touchy subject. Normally that might add an exception, but he treated her about as bad as you can treat a woman without killing her. I just get filled with so much anger whenever I see his picture and it bothers me that he's still up there. I feel that he doesn't deserve to be recognized as being in her life at all. I know it's not really my place to force anything, I guess, but it doesn't seem right. To see a picture of us in the same album that has pictures of him. I haven't said anything to her about it yet, I thought it might be a good idea to get some anonymous advice here first....... (Some might think that she is having trouble letting go, and maybe, but he was also the father of her children, so that's understandable to an extent. My question is, am I justified in wanting him gone?)
[QUOTE=D0C H.;37475677]Is it wrong of me to want my girlfriend to take pictures of her last relationship and her off of her facebook? Normally I would think so, but he passed away and it's still a touchy subject. Normally that might add an exception, but he treated her about as bad as you can treat a woman without killing her. I just get filled with so much anger whenever I see his picture and it bothers me that he's still up there. I feel that he doesn't deserve to be recognized as being in her life at all. I know it's not really my place to force anything, I guess, but it doesn't seem right. To see a picture of us in the same album that has pictures of him. I haven't said anything to her about it yet, I thought it might be a good idea to get some anonymous advice here first....... (Some might think that she is having trouble letting go, and maybe, but he was also the father of her children, so that's understandable to an extent. My question is, [B]am I justified in wanting him gone?[/B])[/QUOTE] I would say its understandable that you want her to move on, considering what the ex did to her, but its also important to recognize that she has to move on herself, the ex was a part of her life (even though you may not want to recognize it) and the father of her children, and now he's forever gone. I don't think you would be helping by bringing this issue up, and it could produce alot of tension between you and your girlfriend if she sees the issue differently. Those photos are the past, focus on the present, and avoid tearing up old wounds.
Talking to a girl I'm interested in in what feels like a long time. Any advice on not blowing it?
Red Dress Girl randomly messaged me on Facebook today! Totally wasn't expecting to hear from her, but we had a nice little chat. If she weren't moving out of state in a month, I'd be tempted to ask her out! Still might, with the air of a "let's just go have fun and stuff" kinda thing instead of a "let's be boyfriend and girlfriend and be romantic" kinda thing. Cause a month isn't really long enough for "let's be boyfriend and girlfriend and be romantic." She's a free-spirited party lady, though, super energetic. Doubt she has anything serious in mind, either! Dunno what made her want to message me, but I guess I'll see if she wants to hang out next time I see her.
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