• The SCP Foundation - "Send in the D-Class!"
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Someone give me something to write on and I'll make something up on the spot.
[QUOTE=Someone4956;32602656]Someone give me something to write on and I'll make something up on the spot.[/QUOTE]Cosmic Stapler
[QUOTE=Someone4956;32602656]Someone give me something to write on and I'll make something up on the spot.[/QUOTE] Sentient dragon dildos.
[img]http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/232/2/9/scp_173_pull_out_poster_by_i_was_so_blind-d47b284.jpg[/img] this
Item #: SCP-XXX Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX is to be contained in a locked safe at all times, with the combination only being given out with O5 approval. ------ Description: SCP-XXX is in two parts, hereby identified as SCP-XXX-1 and SCP-XXX-2. SCP-XXX-1 is a seemingly normal stapler with an apparently infinite amount of staples. When SCP-XXX-1 is used in it's intended fashion, it will act as a normal stapler would, except that the staples produced by SCP-XXX-1 are indestructible, can pierce though any object, are unremovable except with the use of SCP-XXX-2, and are indeterminable from normal staples. All items stapled to another object by SCP-XXX-1 appear to become indestructible until removed. SCP-XXX-2 is a normal staple remover and is currently the only known object capable of removing the staples produced by SCP-XXX-1. Please see Addendum-XXX-001 for test logs. --- Details of Discovery: SCP-XXX-1 and SCP-XXX-2 were discovered in the office of Mr.█████ when it was discovered that a co-worker had stapled Mr.█████'s tie to his desk while Mr.█████ had been dozing off. In a daze Mr.█████ woke and discovered he could not pull his tie from the desk. All attempts to cut the tie with scissors resulted in failure. It was until Mr.█████ used SCP-XXX-2 was he able to remove the tie from his desk. A Foundation agent in the guise of another co-worker quickly stole SCP-XXX-1 and SCP-XXX-2, and replaced that with duplicates of normal operation. ------ Addendum-XXX-001 --- Test#1 Name: Dr.Clef Subject: Two(2) standard sheets of writing paper. Details: Dr.Clef stapled the two sheets together. Subsequent attempts at seperating the sheets proved fruitless. All attempts to otherwise rip or burn the paper also proved fruitless. Elemental makeup was determined to be normal paper while stapled and unstapled. [I]Well, that was expected. [/I]- Dr.Clef --- Test #2 Name: Dr.Clef Subject: One(1) sheet of standard writing paper and one(1) sheet of 1/8th inch thick sheet metal Details: Dr.Clef stapled the sheet of paper onto the sheet of metal, the paper and the sheet metal both proved indestructible. [I]Once again, that was expected, but I think I'm onto something. [/I]- Dr.Clef --- Test #3 Name: Dr.Clef Subject: Forty(40) sheets of standard writing paper stapled, D-1010. D-1010 proceeded to use SCP-XXX-1 to produce a makeshift vest out of the paper supplies. Mr.████████, the local guard on duty tasked with assisting this test drew his sidearm and proceeded to fire 7 shots at D-1010. Subject reported feeling each of the seven shots, but with negligible force comparable to four times the effectiveness of a standard kevlar vest. Subject then tried to escape, Subject subsequently shot in the head and terminated immediately. [I]Huh, we could strike a deal with militaries around the world with this, indestructible armor made out of paper, but I want to try something else. [/I]- Dr.Clef --- Test #4 Name: Dr.Clef Subject: Two(2) sheets of standard writing paper, one(1) standard 5mm round. Details: Dr.Clef stapled the two sheets of paper together and then proceeded to tape them on the wall with standard clear tape. He then proceeded to staple a small scrap of paper to the bullet and fired it at the paper. The bullet punched straight through the paper and continued on for [DATA EXPUNGED] until resting. [I]Holy shit. Oops.[/I] - Dr.Clef --- Test #5 Name: Dr.Clef Subject: SCP-682 Details: SCP-682 was led into the containment chamber with D-Class personnel 1178, 1179, and 1180. D-1178 and D-1179 served as distractions while D-1180 proceeded to staple some of SCP-682's hair to the floor. SCP-682 was reported stuggling to get free from being stapled to the floor, after 5 hours of thrashing, SCP-682 entered a rest state. █ hours after SCP-682 entered this rest state, observers reported a massive growth in SCP-682's body hair, offering SCP-682 an extended reach. SCP-682 then proceeded to [DATA EXPUNGED] until personnel were able to use SCP-XXX-2 and render SCP-682 vulnerable. [I]That was bad, very very bad. I suggest we don't let anyone use it on any biological entities. Also, I have one more test to run.[/I] - Dr.Clef --- Test #6 Name: Dr.Clef Subject: A wooden shed, measuring 3x3x3 meters and one(1) standard sheet of writing paper. [B]Due to the blast range of the devices we are testing with, we have moved the shed to the onsite bomb range.[/B] Details: Dr.Clef proceeded to use SCP-XXX-1 to staple a standard sheet of writing paper to the inside of one of the shed's walls. Personnel then ordered to fire on the shed with numerous weapons, including grenades, RPG's and [REDACTED]. When smoke settled, shed appeared completely unharmed. [I]Oh wow, damn thing didn't even MOVE. Amazing, instant indestructible bunkers.[/I] - Dr.Clef --- [I]Due to the nature of objects affected by SCP-XXX-1, all Site heads are hereby ordered to staple one(1) sheet of paper to any wall in all Foundation locations. -[/I] O5-██ ---------------------------- There, shame it took so long. [editline]3rd October 2011[/editline] Why is it when I post one the thread dies for like half an hour.
That was awesome. :v: Stapling a paper to every wall in all Foundation locations would effectively negate all escape attempts by SCPs.
Unfortunately it seems a bit too useful. Like it could potentially make buildings 100% natural disaster proof, tanks and bunkers indestructible, soldiers invincible, spaceships completely reliable... If you stapled something to a guy than he could fight 682 until it finally died. That thing's more of a godsend than an SCP. Sure it could be dangerous in the wrong hands, but what is that person gonna do when a hundred thousand invincible staple soldiers show up in his backyard?
[QUOTE=Aredbomb;32604051]Unfortunately it seems a bit too useful. Like it could potentially make buildings 100% natural disaster proof, tanks and bunkers indestructible, soldiers invincible, spaceships completely reliable... If you stapled something to a guy than he could fight 682 until it finally died. That thing's more of a godsend than an SCP. Sure it could be dangerous in the wrong hands, but what is that person gonna do when a hundred thousand invincible staple soldiers show up in his backyard?[/QUOTE] Throw D-class at them.
[QUOTE=credesniper;32601953]Can I make a few suggestions?[/QUOTE] Actually, I just trashed it. Apparently it's been done before with an iPod.
Okay yep i had nightmares about this bullshit: [url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/event-log-scp-097[/url]
[QUOTE=Neat!;32546557]So would a hammer. Sedate 682 and place him in a rocket next to 096, launch it into jupiter's gravity well, then have them duke it out as they crash into one of the most powerful storms in the solar system.[/QUOTE] The last time they tried to launch 682 it grew wings from its ass and lit them on fire and launched razor sharp feathers at people. [editline]3rd October 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=wewt!;32594122]SCP-420-J is hilarious [url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-420-j[/url][/QUOTE] "Let's give some of this to that freaky statue, man." (AKA SCP 173) "Why, man? He's, like, already stoned." I snorted water all over my keyboard, thanks SCP.
[QUOTE=Corey_Faure;32601739]I just published this one: [B][url=http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-989]SCP-989[/url][/B] [img_thumb]http://i55.tinypic.com/25pqn4i.jpg[/img_thumb][/QUOTE] "The page scp-989 you want to access does not exist." What a shame. That picture got me interested.
There should be an SCP about a walkie talkie which lets you talk into peoples minds and they can talk back by thinking
[QUOTE=Eonart;32606234]There should be an SCP about a walkie talkie which lets you talk into peoples minds and they can talk back by thinking[/QUOTE] GENIUS! But its more of a gadget that the foundation agents would use.
Perhaps it can be in the containment procedures that a possible agent tool for distribution if a reverse engineering can be performed.
[QUOTE=Eonart;32606234]There should be an SCP about a walkie talkie which lets you talk into peoples minds and they can talk back by thinking[/QUOTE] [URL="http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-285"]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-285[/URL] No talking back at the same time, sadly
Can somebody upload a vocaroo of them pronouncing "Euclid" and "Keter" I have no idea how to read them. [editline]3rd October 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=Neat!;32602884][img]http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/232/2/9/scp_173_pull_out_poster_by_i_was_so_blind-d47b284.jpg[/img] this[/QUOTE] Rule 34.1: If there is porn of it, it isn't scary to you anymore.
[QUOTE=geogzm;32607129]Can somebody upload a vocaroo of them pronouncing "Euclid" and "Keter" I have no idea how to read them. [editline]3rd October 2011[/editline] Rule 34.1: If there is porn of it, it isn't scary to you anymore.[/QUOTE] don't know about Keter but I'm pretty sure euclid is just 'You-klid'
If that infinite stapler produces indestructible stuff, wouldn't you just be able to lock SCP-682 in some tiny box?
[QUOTE=strayebyrd;32607206]don't know about Keter but I'm pretty sure euclid is just 'You-klid'[/QUOTE] I always pronounce Keter as "key-ter."
One of my favorite SCP has got to be those floppy discs with unlimited storage. One of them contains all the porn on the internet apparently.
[QUOTE=Aperture fan;32607465]I always pronounce Keter as "key-ter."[/QUOTE] I always imagined it being "Kay-ter", it just sounds right to me.
[b]Item#:[/b] SCP-XXX [img]http://allaboutprops.com/images/inventory/inventoryph-office/Typewriter%20-%20Underwood%20Manual%20black%2030's_md.jpg[/img] [b]Object Class:[/b] Safe/Euclid [b]Special Containment Procedures:[/b] SCP-XXX is to be contained within a standard safe within Dr. ███████'s office at Research Command-██. Personnel below Level 2 require temporary Level 2-XXX clearance granted from a Level 3 cleared personnel or above. [b]Description:[/b] SCP-XXX was recovered from an antiques shop ███████████, England on ███ the ███ 198█. SCP-XXX appears to be a vintage Underwood typewriter with loosened keys. The typewriter appears to 'sow' new paper when it detects that the user is coming close to the end of the page. When the 'sowed' paper is removed, the typewriter does not sow any more paper until it is re-inserted. Normal paper is used up as with any other typewriter. When a user types an event in to the typewriter, a sound similar to that of a dying █████████ is emitted and the said event has an estimated ██% chance of happening, and a ██% chance of the opposite happening. Test subjects were instructed to type "There is a 100% chance five dollars will appear before me." Two test subjects, D-4021 and D-4207, were instructed to type this, one with a five dollar bill present on them and the other without any money. The subject who possessed the five dollar bill, D-4021, found the money removed from their pocket upon typing the sentence. The subject without the five dollar bill, D-4207, found that they experienced sharp pain in their █████, and upon examination of the wound created on their █████, the wound was 'carved' like a five dollar bill. Forensic analysis has shown trace amounts of an unknown acidic substance similar to ██████████████████ in seemingly random areas of the wound. SCP-XXX was also found to have a cooldown period variating from five minutes to seven weeks. After these tests, Dr. ███████ requested that SCP-XXX be [REDACTED] and stored in her office. [b]Addenum:[/b] Upon further testing, it has been noted that typing events on normal paper has no effect. The 'sowed' paper has shown to be immune to the ink of other typewriters. Dr. ███████ has requested for Level █ clearance to obtain liquid ███████ in hopes of producing more 'sowed' paper to use with SCP-XXX. [b]Further Addenum:[/b] Attempts to eradicate SCP-682 with SCP-XXX are [b]NOT[/b] to be made due to the chances of another 682 being produced. [b]Incident 001:-A[/b] D-5465 was instructed to write on the 'sown' paper whilst it was still attached to SCP-XXX. D-5465 complied. SCP-XXX's keys began to jolt around. This may be evidence that SCP-XXX is sentient. [b]Incident 001-B:[/b] D-5465 was instructed to write a short story about herself using SCP-XXX. She managed to write the following: ██████████████ █ ███'██████████ █'█ ███ffffffffquitnowquitnowquitnowquitnow D-5465 claimed not to have wrote the words after ███. This was one of the incidents which lead to Dr. ███████ securing SCP-XXX in her office. [b]Incident 002:[/b][b] [DATA EXPUNGED][/b] [b]Incident 003:[/b][b] [DATA EXPUNGED][/b] (My first attempt at these things, just rough and all that for now.)
Euclid: 'You-clid', Keter: 'Keh-ter'.
I was pronouncing it 'you-slid'.
What made you think it was pronounced like that?
[url]http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-914[/url] This one is just awesome, read all of the experiments they did with it. I especially love when they turn in to the 1:1 setting. Basically it 'refines' things at random, pretty much. Read it.
[QUOTE=Rainhorror;32608005][url]http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-914[/url] This one is just awesome, read all of the experiments they did with it. I especially love when they turn in to the 1:1 setting. Basically it 'refines' things at random, pretty much. Read it.[/QUOTE] Wouldn't that 'refined' Colt Python be able to destroy SCP-682?
When wondering if a given SCP/Method can kill 682, just remember this simple mnemonic device! If you think it's worth a shot, then absolutely fucking not.
The SCP Foundation v2: Jack Bright's Sentient Orgasm Simulator
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