You're not in Kansas anymore. You're in [b]Malatora[/b], ladies and gentlemen. Respect that fact every second of every day. If there is a Hell, you might want to go there for some R&R after a tour in Malatora. Out there beyond those borders, every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes. We have an indigenous population of cyborgs called [B]Cytrans[/B]; they're fond of napalm that can char your flesh in under one minute, and they have bones constructed from an artificial material called duratanium. They are very hard to kill. As a forums poster, it is my job to keep you entertained. I will not succeed...not with all of you. If you wish to find this funny, you need to cultivate a strong mental attitude. You've got to obey the rules: Malatora rules.
[img]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/emot-siren.gif[/img][highlight]NOTE: This thread is rated "F" for furries.[/highlight][img]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/emot-siren.gif[/img]
S[I]pecial thanks to Mizuti and Dark Archimedes, who brought us all this bounty.[/I]
This website was posted in the PYF Internet Trainwreck thread, specifically referring to the leader of this would-be nation, Robert Lord, a.k.a. Taygon. We'll get to him later on. I'm getting ahead of myself.
[B]What is Malatora?[/B]
[quote=Official FedCom Website;0]The "Federated Commonwealth of Malatora" (often shortened to simply "FedCom") is, in short, the future. People should be free to live with as few laws as possible, and society should promote and support the common good of all. Our goals include uplifting humanity to the next social and evolutionary level. We believe that science can push the limits of what most people consider possible, and we do not fear pushing beyond the limits and weakness of the original human body.
Some may call FedCom a micronation — and as far as the fact that our society has a comparitively small population and limited resources, that is accurate. However, FedCom also stands notably distinct from any other micronation, with our revolutionary social policies, unique system of government, heavy integration with a major transhumanist project that will alter the course of history forever, and many other factors. The vast majority of micronations exist to stroke the ego of their creator/leader, but FedCom is a direct democracy, and lacks that issue entirely. Also, many micronations have little or no real interest in evolving into anything greater than a hobby, and even if they do, virtually none have a solid plan to achieve such wishes. In sharp contrast, FedCom is firmly on the path to establishing real de facto sovereignty, and has extensive planning and a roadmap for successfully reaching that goal.
Most accurately, FedCom is a "new-country project".[/quote]
In short, the FedCom nation is an anarcho-communist state off the coast of Africa, and the Cytran Project will allow its citizens to place their brains in robotic dragon bodies. They are led by a gentleman who thinks that quoting wikipedia makes him a scientific authority, a year of JROTC makes him a brilliant tactician, and who will eventually assume the form of a hermaphroditic dragon that looks like this. Allow me to elaborate:
[U]SECTION I: FEDCOM[/U]
[B]Where is Malatora?[/B]
Malatora is an island off the western coast of Africa. The precise location is not available to outsiders/non-citizens due to security concerns.
How are they going to establish themselves? Why, they're going to become international squatters and use lethal force against anyone who tries to remove them. It's not unethical; they're exercising their right to "self defense." Furthermore, they are justified in claiming that land because it is their "spiritual homeland"...even though no FedCom citizen has so much as laid eyes on it. gently caress national sovereignty.
[B]What sort of government runs Malatora?[/B]
There are two main bodies of government: the [B]Council of Leaders[/B] and the [B]People's Assembly[/B].
The Council of Leaders is the executive body, and is chosen on a meritocratic basis by the council. The standards and qualifiers of merit are also decided by the council.
[quote=Taygon, Council Member;0]There are no job application forms to become a Councilor. If a seat needs to be filled, the Council looks for the best person to fill it, and then extends an offer. That offer is all the justification the population needs.[/quote]
But FedCom is a direct democracy, so they also have the People's Assembly, which votes on everything. Voting is non-compulsory, so it follows that only the educated will make decisions. For the ignorant, the beloved council is present to offer advice, as always.
[B]What kind of laws does Malatora have?[/B]
As stated [url=http://fedcom-online.webs.com/law.htm]here[/url], social norms and customs are to be more important than silly written laws. They do have a defining document called the Code of Malatora, which enshrines these customs and morals and will be the basis for written laws later.
[quote=THE CODE OF MALATORA;0]
Honor, Courage, Loyalty, Honesty, Respect, Benevolence, Rectitude
1) Always have a goal to strive for.
2) Patience: nothing great is created suddenly.
3) Adversity is a test: willpower is the answer.
4) Learn something new every day.
5) Keep the mind open: embrace the unknown and unfamiliar.
6) Know the past, lest it repeat.
7) One for all, and all for one.
8) From each according to ability, to each according to need.
9) Give more, take less.
10) Eat to live, don't live to eat.
11) Waste nothing.
12) All belongs to all.
13) One raindrop raises the sea.
14) Thought is indispensable.
15) Strength protects the weak.
16) Do not hesitate to confront evil; it will not hesitate to confront you.[/quote]
This is to serve as the equivalent of a constitution for the small Utopia of FedCom. How many fortune cookies Taygon had to eat in order to compile this document is still classified, unfortunately.
The great thing is, while virtually no consideration has been given to trial code and proceedings, things like dragons' inalienable right to fly have been provided for. Taygon has stated that juries have been done away with in favor of a panel of experts. Common citizens are intelligent enough to vote on every political matter, but God forbid they decide the guilt or innocence of their peers based on the customs and mores they collectively share.
[B]The Malatoran Economy[/B]
FedCom, if you haven't noticed, is an anarcho-communist nation. They claim that they will use a [B]gift economy[/B]. There is no private property (with exceptions according to custom). All labor is voluntary (except as assigned punitively). Everybody works because they are encouraged by custom to do so, and because they are assigned work based on what they think is fun. So it's a revolutionary new economic model--except when the government is allocating resources and mandating labor, in which case, it will just be a command economy, but they don't really talk about [url=http://s11.zetaboards.com/FedCom/topic/7422399/1/#new]that[/url] much.
Oh, and I almost forgot: there will be no scarcity of anything because of the brilliant technologies they're going to develop. They'll be totally self-sustaining, and it will be economically advantageous for them to be so. Trade is for suckers.
[B]Malatoran Defense/Foreign Relations[/B]
There's a lot of this stuff on the visitors' forum, so I won't go into much detail. Basically, however, it would be suicidal for any nation or coalition to attack Malatora.
[quote=Mehrunes Taygon, Prince of Destruction;0]
For any nation or alliance of nations, the bloody cost of capturing or destroying the Citadel would be absolutely staggering, and the bodycount could easily rise to tens of millions... and that's not counting the Navy's support and retaliation on the surface.[/quote]
The citadel is too deep underground for even nuclear warheads with subterranean delivery systems. They have submarines that are too stealthy to detect. Their fortress is equipped with state-of-the-art weapons systems, and with its self-sustaining biosphere, it could hold out forever. It's defended by super-powerful weapons using [del]magic[/del] technology.
They may be untrained civilians, but their pluck, luck, and guerrilla tactics will give them the advantage they'd need to hold out against the entire human race, if they had to. That, and their [del]magic[/del] technology makes it possible. This is a recurring theme. Taygon, their chief of defense, has read a lot on Wikipedia, and he's good at paintball. He knows how to lead an army (in spite of his Asperger's).
A common past-time on their forum is masturbating to how good their cyborg dragon bodies would be at killing infantry equipped with small arms.
[B]FedCom and the environment[/B]
FedCom has designed habitations that have zero negative impact on the environment. Excavation of an enormous structure hundreds of meters beneath the earth is pretty much like minecraft. As mentioned before, the [qurk=http://fedcom-online.webs.com/barryds.htm]arcologies[/url] are totally self-sufficient. Nosy outsiders aren't allowed to see these brilliant schematics, though.
Given that this is the driving force behind both legal action and the economy, it's worth saying a few words about it. Basically, the "culture" is whatever vague values/concepts Taygon spouts on the webpage and people agree to before joining. Social mores are definitely best when imposed from the top down. Anyway, most of this stuff is standard leftish, feel-good lines about tolerance, understanding, and patience, with a few important additions. Namely, Malatora claims to be non-species-ist. They use the mirror test for self-awareness, and anything that passes it gets "respect." They claim they will intervene militarily to prevent the killing of such animals (to a limited degree). Alternately, they will teach animals like elephants to fight back against/evade poachers. I'm not making that up.
[U]SECTION II: THE CYTRAN PROJECT[/U]
Here it is: the moment you've all been waiting for: the key separating factor between The Federated Commonwealth of Malatora and every other communist utopia dreamt up by people who didn't pay attention in ECON 101.
Best you hear it straight from the [del]horse's[/del] dragon's mouth:
The Cytran Project is a transhumanist research and development program, with the ultimate goal of creating cybernetic total-body prosthetics for people who desire or need them. This will not only restore full function to an extremely wide selection of disabled people, but also provides a means for individuals to customize their physical appearance, and make their external appearance match their inner self-image — the body can, at last, match the soul.[/quote]
This is the stuff of science fiction, but I suppose it's possible within the next century or so. They believe that a small group of people, with virtually no capital, and no advanced degrees in the sciences can, while simultaneously founding, running, and quite possibly defending a small country, produce a working product within the next 20-45 years.
Multiple model classes exist including the ever-popular Dragon, the Humanoid, the Taur, and the Non-humanoid [url=http://fedcom-online.webs.com/ctp/models.htm]types[/url].
Your dream of becoming a Na'vi can finally be realized! Or perhaps you'd like to become your fursona? Indeed, behold their sample image for what a "therian" humanoid could be:
No, you'd like to be a Chakat. What the gently caress is Chakat? Well, apparently it's a taur-class [del]possibility[/del] monstrosity that looks like this:
Living as a dragon/gryphon/velociraptor/[url=http://i.imgur.com/8V9jZ.jpg]dragonoid[/url] (NWS: dragon tits)/centaur/furry-whatever comes with additional benefits! Not only does yiffing become more convenient, you become a veritable superhero:
Compared to humans, cytrans will have superior durability, flexibility, stamina, environmental adaptability, strength, senses, and longevity. Cytran technology is a permanent cure for an extremely wide range of diseases and conditions that would be terminal for humans.
Cytrans cannot naturally self-repair (heal), nor are they capable of traditional reproduction. There are proposals for filling these holes, but current technology is inadequate...
In a few centuries, it is likely that cytrans will be able to at least match (if not exceed) all the abilities of their organic contemporaries.[/quote]
They ramble at length about it more often on the forums. Essentially, you're an immortal being immune to disease and chemicals who can sustain incredible shocks and abuse compared to those puny humans blah blah blah. Details about exactly how large they can make your penis are also restricted to citizens. Sorry, guys.
[B]But Warheart, how are they gonna get the tech to make these things?[/B]
Well, it's easy! See, most of this technology exists in some form or another; they'll just put it together. If it's proprietary, well, they'll just acquire it by "whatever means necessary." Reverse-engineering can't be that hard! It's not like interfacing/adapting these discoveries will be difficult; it's pretty much like LEGO. See also: pluck, luck, and hard work.
[B]But I thought you said nobody had an advanced science degree![/B]
Yeah, but that doesn't matter. What matters is your ability to get results; they don't need any slips of paper. They'll just use pluck, luck, and hard work.
[B]But even for highly-trained, extremely intelligent, motivated researchers, major breakthroughs take a long time and a lot of money![/B]
They don't need money! They have a gift economy, and they have front companies to interface with the capitalist world! They've already made major breakthroughs and could start producing Cytran parts right now if they had a machine shop. They just can't tell you about it because you're not a citizen
[U]SECTION III: GLORIOUS LEADER[/U]
Robert Lord is a self-declared "Aspergian."
He claims in-depth knowledge about how to assemble weapons of mass destruction.
He has a pseudonym (for when he writes fine literature about dragons): Ryan Ashkoort.
He has a dragon name: Taygon.
He will one day assume the form of a hermaphroditic dragon.
He claims to be very good at paintball, Aikido, and computer games, giving him the valuable skills necessary to run the Malatoran military.
According to Lord, he was involved in a year of JROTC, during which he managed to piss off everyone who interacted with him. He is, of course, still an invaluable leader on any battlefield due to the tactics he learned.
He is certified to operate a CAD program, and can legally append "CD" to the end of his name, which is pretty much as good as any other sort of degree.
He serves on the Malatoran Council of Leaders as both the Defense Councilor and the acting Immigration Councilor.
He was apparently the one who thought this whole thing up in the first place.
He is [B]27[/B] years old.
He wrote his own [url=http://micronations.eu/wiki/index.php?title=Robert_Lord]wiki entry[/url].
He has a [url=http://ryanashkoort.deviantart.com/]Deviantart page[/url] (surprise, surprise).
Here is his [url=http://www.youtube.com/user/RyanAshkoort]youtube account[/url], in case you need more videos about dragons.
This stuff is listed pretty publicly. Please don't do any stupid, creepy Internet-detective stuff to him. He seems mostly harmless.
[U]SECTION IV: Miscellany[/U]
[B]Are you sure this isn't a troll?[/B]
No. I've wondered quite a bit about it, but the amount of work Taygon et al. has put into this crap is colossal. The time he spent writing his scifi story about Malatora, creating the (still unfinished) website, the time he put into his forum responses, etc. This would be on the scale of Chris Chan's collective trolling, all to create a honeypot. I'm inclined to think that at least some "Malatorans" are sincere. Delusional, but sincere.
[B]What does it take to join Malatora?[/B]
There's material on the website/forums about joining and getting access to the juicy content. If someone wanted to try getting in, that could be amusing. I don't think it's that hard if you really wanted to.
[B]What about just posting on the forum?[/B]
You have to make an account to post on the visitor's forum, but you can read it without one. If you do browse the forum, look forward to spectacular arrogance from the insiders. They seem to think that they're already dragons, and will frequently refer to the barbarism of those primates or the flimsiness of humans. That's not to say that humans aren't brutal or flimsy, but these clowns think that they're above it all. They do claim to be the next evolutionary stage...
[B]I want more profound dragon wisdom![/B]
[quote=THE DRAGON'S MANTRA;0]
The Dragon is wise, a sage among the ignorant.
He knows: not all that glitters is gold.
The Dragon is as agile as he is strong.
Before the wings comes the feline leap.
The Dragon is perceptive, his eyes alert as his mind.
Only he discerns a difference in a mirror.
The Dragon is moral, his purpose just.
When he sees wrong, he acts to correct it.
The Dragon is a hunter, patient and focused.
His prey cannot match his prowess.
The Dragon soars unbound, the freest of all beings.
None can choose his path for him.
[B]Show me the sources![/B]
But of course.
FedCom website: [url]http://fedcom-online.webs.com/index.htm[/url]
FedCom wiki page: [url]http://micronations.eu/wiki/index.php?title=Malatora[/url]
FedCom Forums: [url]http://s11.zetaboards.com/FedCom/index/[/url]
Taygon's Personal Page: [url]http://taygon.webs.com/index.htm[/url]
Ryan Ashkoort's Malatora Novel: [url]http://taygon.webs.com/books/Reborn.htm[/url]
Sundry forum threads I used for info:
[B]TL;DR A group of social rejects led by a sperglord will take over an island off the coast of Africa, transplant their brains into robotic dragon/furry bodies, and live forever in a self-sustaining fortress capable of withstanding the entire human world's military might indefinitely. This is possible thanks to the gift economy(TM), dragon magic wishful thinking technology assimilated by luck, pluck, and hard work, and the brilliance of their glorious, Aspergian leader.[/B]
[highlight]This thread was shamelessly stolen from somethingawful and I thank the original creator Warheart525 for it[/highlight]
lol he's writing a novel
Rilac opened his mouth wide and snapped his long tongue sharply backwards toward his throat. He was rewarded with twin high-pressure streams of water that shot out of small nozzles embedded in the corners of his mouth, just behind the last set of molars in his lower jawbone. The streams joined in front of his nose, and raced off to soak the straw dummy 30 meters away. The force was like that of turning on a fire hose, though the quantity of liquid was minimal.
Rilac was pleased with himself. He was getting much better at hitting his targets. The Brazilian strike force was only three days away, and he had to be ready.
Low on fluid reserves, he stopped drenching the dummy, and trotted back to the refilling station at the edge of the field. He was getting much better at conserving his ammo by firing in short bursts. Pausing at the water station, he watched the field while the human attendant snapped the refill hose into the concealed panel under his chin, and he felt the cool water begin to flow back into his exhausted fuel reservoir. A dozen of his comrades were engaged in various forms of combat training around him: some practiced dicing up targets with caudal spades, while others engaged in mock swordfights and martial arts katas. A pair sparred to his far left. He spotted Darlea approaching from the right, also coming back from the firing range.
Hi Dar. Gone dry again? he guessed, with a vocal trill in friendly greeting.
Yes, unfortunately, she sighed. I think you're better at the fire-breathing than I am: I run out of fuel too quickly.
You need to shorten your shots; that's all… Like this. He shot a quick stream into the grass in front of her, drawing a line five meters long with a quick snap of the head. Both she and the human attendant jumped with a start. He was done in less than a second.
"Whoa! I hope you don't go trying that when this stuff is real!" exclaimed the attendant.
Rilac turned to regard her with a goofy grin. "Of course not."
"I certainly hope so…" the girl scolded. "You could have killed all three of us."
"Well, maybe just you…" Rilac corrected with a smile. "Don't worry. I wouldn't do it with real fire."
The girl eyed him suspiciously for a moment, then turned back to her equipment, muttering inaudibly.
Rilac turned back to Darlea as she sat down next to him, waiting for her turn at the pump. This new fire-breath will be a truly terrifying weapon. Human or not, I'd hate to be on the receiving end…
It certainly fits our image, Darlea nodded with approval. They were training with starch-thickened water, but the real liquid was a form of watery napalm laced with a catalyst that would spontaneously ignite in contact with oxygen. Nasty stuff indeed.
She eyed the tip of his tail. You figure out how to use that yet?
Rilac followed her gaze to his new caudal spade, and flicked the tip of his tail to feel its weight again. The armor-piercing iridium-plated tungsten blade glinted in the setting sun, resembling a stubby broad dagger. I think so. I've gotten accurate enough to decapitate the dummies with a single slash.
That'll do fine. Darlea smiled. Rilac was adapting to this new role faster than she, and she was proud of him. He had graduated her flight training and easily passed the certification trials. The Dragonrider Academy had asked him to join their ranks, but he hadn't made a decision on the matter yet. She inwardly hoped he would decline the offer and remain close to her: she wouldn't admit to it, but she very much enjoyed his company.
"You're full, hotshot." The human girl grinned. Rilac lowered his head so she could easily reach the quick-disconnect, and she unplugged the hose. The gap in the scales under his chin automatically slid shut, leaving no trace of the refill port.
"Thank you very much," he chimed.
Darlea also lowered her head, and the girl repeated the process.
"So, which unit are you two joining?"
"We're both assigned to the 5th Home Guards," Rilac said.
"The 5th huh? Aren't they assigned to the northeast corner of the Redoubt?"
"Yes, they are…" Rilac exchanged looks with Darlea. The northeast passage was the most likely point for enemy ground forces to penetrate the Redoubt's defensive perimeter, since the valleys and slopes were much less steep on that side. If enemy forces could punch through there, they would have direct access to the primary entrance to the underground fortifications.
"Good luck to you then. I'm assigned to the fire-filling stations in Tatsu Eyrie. From what I hear, your unit's going to need all the luck we can spare."
"The bulk of our forces are massing to the northeast to repel the Brazilians. If they try a land assault, we'll drop on them like Thor's Hammer. I think we can take them." Rilac tried to reassure the worried girl. She was young - perhaps twenty - and just a junior technician; a good kid. He hoped she would make it through the uncertain future…[/quote]
This is why the invented the A-Bomb, now lets make use of it :v:
What the fuck did I just read?
Nuke the Western coast of Africa and the Atlantic ocean. All of it. Twice.
hey isn't that dragon mantra from Divinity II
I know exactly what we need to do (volume warning)
my brain is filled with fuck
ITT: robot dragon porn
What the fuck is this shit.
[QUOTE=Red scout?;31420432]What about just posting on the forum?
You have to make an account to post on the visitor's forum, but you can read it without one. If you do browse the forum, look forward to spectacular arrogance from the insiders. They seem to think that they're already dragons, and will frequently refer to the barbarism of those primates or the flimsiness of humans. That's not to say that humans aren't brutal or flimsy, but these clowns think that they're above it all. They do claim to be the next evolutionary stage..[/QUOTE]
As organized, perfect, and above all masterful as this!
we already have a dragon shit thread and that's already too much, why did you post this
[QUOTE=Meatpuppet;31422189]we already have a dragon shit thread and that's already too much, why did you post this[/QUOTE]
Because the internet is not a serious place?
Please rise for the Malatoran national anthem.
[QUOTE=LCBADs;31422466]Please rise for the Malatoran national anthem.[/QUOTE]
I will lay down thank you.
That's the proper thing to do for such a lazy country/whatever it is.
In all seriousness though, how do people become so delusional as to think that something along these lines could actually be possible?
[QUOTE=Meatpuppet;31422189]we already have a dragon shit thread and that's already too much, why did you post this[/QUOTE]
you didn't read the tl;dr did you
[QUOTE=ewitwins;31420691]I know exactly what we need to do (volume warning)
The first thing I thought of when I saw the hole was "New from Acme: Instant Swimming Pool!*"
*does not include water or actual swimming pool
hahaha what the fuck is this shit
Saw this on SA a little bit ago what the fuck is wrong with people
Oh god what is going on what is this
Edit: No no no no, this is the worst fucking piece of fiction ever. It's again one of those "lol they created technology to fulfill your furry fantasies!!!11" kinda story. Even if we had the technology some day to turn ourselves into some kind of bastardised monsters crossed between man and animal I don't think it would be even LEGAL.
or atleast I HOPE.
"we are all going to live on the moon, developing technolodgy that allows us to seperate our soul energy from our bodies and live as ascended energy-based beings!"
crazy people who'd agree to the above aren't anything new, there's a 1/10000 chance they'd do as so much as visit the territory they want to claim.
imagine them walking into the existing island-nation's post office in a fursuit and saying "this territory belongs to us now! get off your island you filthy primitive natives!"
then proceeds to be clobbered over the head and trampled by a donkey.
Why the fuck invented this
Hey guys have furries finally realized that they can be accepted if they kill their morons?
For some reason I'm reminded of that thread a while back about that small mini-country that men could pay to be sex slaves or something.
I only clicked this thread because "Immortal Cyborg Dragons" sounded like a bitchin' metal band. Why does a band not exist with that name?
As a former furry (quit because that shit got really weird really fast) I always found the idea of fur-suiting, much less getting some kinda surgery to be more like one's fursona fracken weird man.
You are human, you'll never not be human, [b]suck it up asshole.[/b]
Come to think of it, with all the fanatical obsesion the internet has to offer, I can SERIOUSLY see people joining just to become a [url=http://www.loltimeout.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/navi.jpg]this[/url] or a [url=http://images.wikia.com/mlp/images/2/20/Dash.jpg]that.[/url] And I actually like the second one, but the idea makes me wanna cry at how stupid we can get.
Fuck people, why are we all so idiotic?
What the fuck pushes people to act and think like this?
[QUOTE=Snow-Hawk;31429791]What the fuck pushes people to act and think like this?[/QUOTE]
idk but it pisses me off that they act like 13 year old dragonball z fanboys.
[QUOTE=Snow-Hawk;31429791]What the fuck pushes people to act and think like this?[/QUOTE]
In order to answer this question study Japanese culture.
Observe how very strict/stress/what have you can give birth to the weirdest forms of expression man has ever seen.
For this is the root of the weird, in a way it is a mere offshoot to the heart of rebellion.
I can understand weird things coming from japan due to their strict culture, but how does behavior like this extends to western culture? I have no problem with ''weird'' but this is on the levels of ''I just lost hope in sanity''.
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