• CDC Denies Existence Of Zombies Despite Cannibal Incidents
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[IMG]http://i.huffpost.com/gen/628979/thumbs/r-ZOMBIES-large570.jpg[/IMG] [QUOTE]The horrific face-eating arrest in Miami and several other seemingly subhuman acts has many people wondering what's behind this flesh-munching wave of terror. A zombie apocalypse, however, is not what we should be worried about, at least according to the federal government. Over the years the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has released a couple of tongue-in-cheek "zombie warnings," which really are just disaster-preparedness stunts. But on Thursday, the agency made it official: Zombies don't exist. "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post. Nevertheless, recent incidents in which humans reportedly ate human flesh have the Internet in a firestorm, with "zombie apocalypse" being Google's third most popular search term by Friday morning. The zombie craze seemed to start with an attack in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, 31, was killed by cops while in the process of eating almost the entirety of a homeless man's face off. The victim, Ronald Poppo, miraculously survived, but doctors are having a hard time figuring out how to put his face back together. ZOM-BIE: n. also ZOM-BIES pl. 1. An animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh. 2. A voodoo spell that raises the dead. 3. A Voodoo snake god. 4. One who moves or acts in a daze "like a zombie." [a word of West African origin] - Max Brooks, "The Zombie Survival Guide" Then, on Tuesday, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua of Maryland allegedly admitted to dismembering his roommate and then eating his heart and brain. Cops in Canada are also searching for a low-budget porn actor who allegedly killed a young man with an ice pick, dismembered the body and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse. Luka Rocco Magnotta is being hunted after he allegedly mailed some of the body parts to Ottawa. He's also accused of killing cats on video and posting the footage online. Gawker fingered a "mysterious rash" breakout at a high school in Hollywood and other parts of Florida -- which hazmat and disease control teams still can't explain -- as further proof that zombies are taking over. Zombie-like characteristics have been confirmed in the animal kingdom, just not in humans. A newfound fungus in a Brazilian rain forest -- called Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani -- is known to infect an ant, take over its brain so as to move the body to a good location for growth, and then kill the insect. Yet Daigle dismissed "fictional viruses" like Ataxic Neurodegenrative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome, noting that other triggers have been alleged to cause zombie-like symptoms. "Films have included radiation as well as mutations of existing conditions such as prions, mad-cow disease, measles, and rabies," he said. But recently, some have found truth stranger than fiction. "Action must be taken now before an outbreak!" an anonymous reader told The Huffington Post. "Zombies may be subdued by destroying the brain or removing the head. It is now your responsibility to prevent the apocalypse." Correction: An earlier version of this story stated that Gawker pointed out a rash outbreak in the Hollywood district of Los Angeles. It's actually in Hollywood, Florida. We regret the error.[/QUOTE] [url]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/01/cdc-denies-zombies-existence_n_1562141.html?ref=mostpopular[/url]
What a joke, I feel sorry for the CDC having to fuck about dealing with idiots thinking that zombies are real.
Of course they would deny it. They don't want to start a panic.
Wow, I never thought we'll hear an actual confirmation. :v:
[quote] A newfound fungus in a Brazilian rain forest -- called Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani -- is known to infect an ant, take over its brain so as to move the body to a good location for growth, and then kill the insect.[/quote] Oh come on that's been around ages
Oh look! Fairly common things, previously out of the spotlight of mass media, now causing mass hysteria. Goody gumdrops! Edit: ITT: Sensationalism at it's finest.
People thinking cannibalism is something new, way to go media for sensationalizing all of this
Haha zombies LOL HILARIOUS
I don't think cannibals generally go out and just eat a random persons face on the street when they're hungry for human. I'm not saying it's zombies, that would be stupid, but I don't think it was a case of cannibalism.
[QUOTE]Then, on Tuesday, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua of Maryland allegedly admitted to dismembering his roommate and then eating his heart and brain.[/QUOTE] of course, a zombie would admit to eating somebody it all makes sense
[QUOTE=AzureAngelic;36170384]of course, a zombie would admit to eating somebody it all makes sense[/QUOTE] If killers see the faces of the people they've killed in their dreams, what would the guy who eats faces have to say?
Wait what. People were [b]actually[/b] believing that all this cannibalism shit was zombies?
[QUOTE=Jcorp;36170681]Wait what. People were [b]actually[/b] believing that all this cannibalism shit was zombies?[/QUOTE] Yes
[QUOTE=yawmwen;36170132]Of course they would deny it. They don't want to start a panic.[/QUOTE] exactly, just like how nibiru is gonna come and kill us, as if it has some personal vendetta
[QUOTE=geoface;36170768]exactly, just like how nibiru is gonna come and kill us, as if it has some personal vendetta[/QUOTE] 9/11 was an inside job by planet x because the mayans predicted 2012 the truth is out there
[QUOTE=yawmwen;36170802]9/11 was an inside job by planet x because the mayans predicted 2012 the truth is out there[/QUOTE] Alex Jones will light the way to truth
If my friend knew about this, he'd start buying shotguns and going apeshit. He reads everything about zombies and zombie apocalypse related stuff and if it does happen, I think he'll get a boner instead of saying "we are all doomed".
[QUOTE=dass;36170886]If my friend knew about this, he'd start buying shotguns and going apeshit. He reads everything about zombies and zombie apocalypse related stuff and if it does happen, I think he'll get a boner instead of saying "we are all doomed".[/QUOTE] My girlfriend's a big zombie fan, and every time she gets all chatty about the idea of a zombie apocalypse I just remind her that I'm out of shape and will probably die in the first wave.
At school I hear nothing but "OMG ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE THIS GUY ATE SOME DUDES FACE OFF ZOMBIES GUYS ZOMBIES" For god sakes people, quit over-sensationalizing things
[QUOTE=Jcorp;36170681]Wait what. People were [b]actually[/b] believing that all this cannibalism shit was zombies?[/QUOTE] I had the same reaction. I thought the things about a zombie apocalypse were all meant to be jokes, people can't be [B]that[/B] stupid. Now I realise that a mass suicide on December 21 is likely to happen.
[QUOTE=Kljunas;36171037]I had the same reaction. I thought the things about a zombie apocalypse were all meant to be jokes, people can't be [B]that[/B] stupid. Now I realise that a mass suicide on December 21 is likely to happen.[/QUOTE] Then on the 22nd the world suddenly starts running more efficiently.
It always starts out being denied of existence Then we watch as some of the few instances start popping out in small towns, in cities
Oh shit I had no idea people [I]actually thought[/I] those were zombie outbreaks. [editline]2nd June 2012[/editline] Conspiracy theorists are going to have a field day with this one then.
But it was the flesh eating bacteria that infected people and made them into zombies its true I read it on internet!
To be honest, I was worried a little in the beginning and I have to admit that I'd shit myself if a zombie apocalypse actually would happen, even though I'd probably survive at least a little bit longer than most other people, due to all these movies and books and stuff. But in the end, I'd probably kill myself in order to avoid getting eaten. Aside from that: Seriously, they actually believe that? Oh Hollywood, you crazy.
Aliens aren't real. Zombies aren't real. * God is real. Power is real.
[QUOTE=Big Ben;36170365]I don't think cannibals generally go out and just eat a random persons face on the street when they're hungry for human. I'm not saying it's zombies, that would be stupid, but I don't think it was a case of cannibalism.[/QUOTE] I'm not saying it was zombies, but it was zombies
If a zombie outbreak actually happened, which is very, very unlikely, you would hear a hell of a lot more than a couple people doing this.
[QUOTE=Bentham;36170923]My girlfriend's a big zombie fan, and every time she gets all chatty about the idea of a zombie apocalypse I just remind her that I'm out of shape and will probably die in the first wave.[/QUOTE] Does she say anything about how if you get infected, she'll put a bullet through your skull? I don't have the guts to ask him that, if he would put a bullet in his girlfriend if she was infected. It would just be hell of awkward...
[QUOTE=markg06;36170104]What a joke, I feel sorry for the CDC having to fuck about dealing with idiots thinking that zombies are real.[/QUOTE] Dudes, this is all my entire fucking Facebook page and all the chatter has been the past few days. People genuinely think that there's a zombie virus, and for some reason, the Chagas Parasite is back in the news (which doesn't even display symptoms similar to a zombie), so there's a bunch of idiots running about talking about how "LOL there r zombies!!!". And gods forbid you try to explain that one was on LSD, and that cannibalism isn't rare when dealing with some of the more insane shit that happens in the world.
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