Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V7
383 replies, posted
You didn't lose anything. Seems to me like you won your battle. I can tell you're happier just the way you're typing and it's good to see it man.
I keep surprising myself with just how much of my own pain I can handle without snapping but I really don't know how much more I can take
I think I'm slowly getting more and more okay with the idea of dying and being at peace that way
Coping with anger is incredibly difficult.
First post after stalking FP for atleast 10 years hah
Being diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 seemed to get me ignored by any GP or Psychiatrists, stopped taking anything i was given treatment wise as far as drugs go.Been after beeg re diagnosed as an adult with adult ADHD they dont really want to go further with any other diagnosis as things are completely different in how i act and what problems i struggle with now.... much less of the general crazy child who gets in trouble at school with no attention span and more depressive whenever im not in a manic-esque episode which mainly consist of trying to do 100 things at the same time and getting nothing done, being very irritable and blunt with people and going off on impulse and drinking randomly or doing crazy stuff. Not going into too much detail but all in all UK mental health care is strange.
No social life and no friends that i talk to or hang about with frequently, the only time im good more or less is when i work and that seasonal as I work as a Fisherman in the North Sea so having something to keep my busy helps to some degree but if that gets stressful or there are arguments and whatever else things quickly go downhill again, not sure what i want to achieve by posting but yeah trying a new way of being social again... also dont want to reel of an essay either haha
My mom thinks I'm going to continue living in her household still any time soon little does she know I still intend to move out. Ever since I lost my job, she's been lecturing me about how expensive it is to afford our living expenses and keep everyone sustained and fed under our roof, and keeps persisting me to look for another job and start paying rent here. Yeah, I'm not going through that, now that me and my boyfriend decided it'd be much easier to move in with him, rather than searching for an apartment where I live, I'll be moving out in a few weeks. I may as well just get it out of the way and tell her already so she knows, and can provide anything essential like personal documents I'll need, since I still also intend to try and at least apply for social security.
I feel like I need to stop browsing Tumblr along with some of the shit a couple of my siblings occasionally reblog on there since its fucking with my perception of the world in multiple ways. From what I've seen, they don't have any problems with stereotypes of white people and think all white people (including themselves) are racist. I'm not even sure if I should be super upset at the former (hence what I meant when I said my perception fucked in multiple ways), but after hearing my brother say that he's fine with that one ex-Bioware dev being incredible fucking hostile specifically towards white people and even thinks he's justified, I started assuming the worst out of shit like that and potentially freaking out over shit that's probably not even a big deal.
Before, this sort of shit, while annoying, didn't bother me as much, because I didn't think it would leak into my personal life. Now, I find out that some of my family members unironically buy into shit like this. Better than them being Nazis / Trump supporters, but still.
I have tired and obviously failed to take my ok w life.
Well two times
Any who just wondering if you other guys and gals. Err do you guys a gala from time to time The lingering urge to end your life just stay with you for years ? Forevermore?
It's like a drug always in the back of my skull and it's hard to fight it
It used to but eventually I realized that taking my own life was pointless.
I'm going to die at some point, either at old age or in an unknown way (and God I hope I do die of old age), so even if things get tough, I'd rather make the most out of my situation and live as long as I can, than take myself out and completely get rid of the chance of seeing a better day.
Sometimes when I'm in deep pain or facing difficult times I start to consider it, but eventually I break out of it and realize it's not a practical solution.
If you're struggling to get rid of it. Try to keep your mind busy doing other things, like reading, cooking or doing something you feel it can make you feel productive at your own pace. The other suggestion is seeing a professional, but I think that goes without saying.
If what you're facing is a problem, you'll find a solution eventually.
If what you're facing is an event or bad experience, you'll overcome it eventually.
The thoughts come and go, I feel like I'd hate myself more in the afterlife than I do now if I committed suicide. There's so much I haven't experienced, so many places I haven't seen, and so many things I haven't completed.
My body feels like there's weights taped to my limbs. I don't think my antidepressants are working at all
Welp I had my good weekend, time for the next 3 months to be borderline suicidal again
Anti-depressants are always worth trying, but if theyre not working for you its better to think about dropping them
Someone who isn't an asshole
Can you read? the person he was replying to was already taking the medications, and nowhere was it said that he hadn't done so before. When people say this kind of thing it's usually asking the person to check back at their shrink to get new medicines in place of the old.
I seem to remember you mentioning issues with depression before? that can fuck up your sleep cycles fairly well too.
What you need is basically a hard reboot of your sleep cycle, and a combination of this and sleep aids.
Here's my advice: what you need essentially are somewhere around 7-8 hours of good quality sleep in a day. To get that good quality sleep, you'll need to make a hard reset in the way you're sleeping. Begin by going to bed at the same time every night, and turning off any electronic media (computer, iPhone, TV, etc.) at least an hour before bedtime. If you don't the stimulus makes it harder to actually get to sleep. Drink a glass of warm milk, which can also help, since it makes the brain secrete hormones that help you with getting a decent night's sleep. And if in spite of that you cant seem to find yourself falling asleep, melatonin or a sleeping dose of benzos can help too.
I'm assuming you had a bad experience (given the pseudoscience in this post) and will just say that something not working for you doesn't mean it's not helpful for other people.
People who know what they're talking about. Also the fact that the medication was prescribed in the first place, most certainly by a doctor, says a lot.
You advocated against getting treatment, that's fucked up.
Anti-depressants aren't for everyone, but for a large portion of the population they work. What's more damaging to your brain is letting the trauma continue on in the form of depression, this is known to seriously mess up your brain because of the prolonged excess stress from adrenaline/cortisol.
yeah my doc just gave me a new script, i'm switching over
Please get the fuck out of this thread and stay out, thanks!
i don't think crying myself to sleep several nights a week even though my life has never been better is "slightly under the weather"
Hi. I have major clinical depression and I do not take anti-depressants myself, either! However I fully support them. Lemme learn ya somethin', kiddo.
First off, Anti-depressants are medicated drugs that attempt to treat mental illness and mood disorders by introducing a balance of chemical neurotransmitters to thwart signs of depression and/or symptoms of other aforementioned fun quirks.
Anti-depressants first officially came about in 1951 when (fun fact) scientists were researching a cure for TB and found the drugs instead helped patients with their moods and acted as mental stimulants.
Since then, despite admittedly a lot of Anti-Depressant (we'll go with ADs from now on because yeah) science has been exaggerated somewhat by pharmacological marketing, science has broguht forth a huge variant of effective mood enhancers and balancers.
There are many types! SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, MAOIs, and while they affect the body in different ways, they all aim to introduce a balanced mood in what otherwise would be feelings of listnesses and apathy and obviously depression so strong that people attempt to self-harm or commit suicide. Thankfully, because they are under the effects of ADs, they feel less to sometimes no urge to do that!
In 2008, The National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) did a study that showed 3 in 5 (approximately 60%) of people felt emotionally & mentally better and more controlled after taking an AD for the first time, and for the remaining people who did not, approximately 50% of those people reported they felt better when trying a secondary/different class of AD.
In 2008, the CDC reported a 3-year study conducted by two different groups of scientists that showed while unfortunately there are different rates of AD usage and effectiveness based on ethnicity, ADs were used by literally every race and there was no difference in usage even in lower vs upper classes (or across any income class).
Let's get to the results, though!
The National Institute of Health (NIH — separate from NIMH) does a bi-yearly, continually updates study on the effectiveness of ADs and their last reportings at the start of 2017 were that without ADs, Only 20 to 40 % of people who used a placebo even showed an improvement to symptoms of depression and mood disorders, and those who took the actual ADs were up to 50% more likely (40 to 60% of people) to notice a mood and mental improvement of their symptoms.
The longest/largest study on ADs, called STAR*D performed over 6 years by the NIMH showed that out of over 2800 people, 70% were free of symptoms of depression after 5 years.
'But wait won't they just get hooked on them?'
No you dud (hah! Because you're a grenade that has no firepower), not in general, because while anybody can get addicted to anything, the overall idea of ADs are to work as a crutch until your body and/or mind can feel better, or in some cases of varying severities, keep you from getting worse.
IN FACT, in that same study by NIH, for the placebo peoples, 50% of them who did not actually take an AD had a relapse within 1 to 2 years, whereas only 23% of people who took the ADs had a relapse (over a 50% increase in effectiveness), showing that not only can ADs help your immediate mood, but prevent you from decaying or relapsing back into bad habits and old symptoms.
Dr. Oquendo who is the president of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and a professor at University of Pennsylvania has said that 40% of patients see results and get better, even if they have to find which type of ADs work or if the ADs work with other therapies, which is the other beautiful thing!
ADs are not meant to be an instant-happy pill, but as previously stated they are a crutch to aide you in getting better, so ADs with exercise, meditation, whatever works for people can be increasingly effective, or at minimum allow people to start other therapies they would otherwise not be able to do.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
A recently published study in a research journal called The Lancet (which spawned like dozens of articles, just this past April lol.) proved that of the major types of prescribed ADs, they were between 40 to 120% more effective than just the placebos.
While I would normally suggest speaking to your doctor, for your sake I would say go take some anti-psychotics first because you have other issues, man.
Please get out of the thread if you're only going to spout non-informative, opinionated negativity, thanks.
Normally I would have said he wasn't worth that amount effort cause he wouldn't be convinced, but this was good for anyone to read here I think!
Can somebody give me advice? A friend of mine has been getting really pissed at me, to the point where he probably doesn't consider me his friend. I can understand why he would be piss, ignoring his messages, not playing with him, etc; but I have my reasons. For one he is like a toxic child who just learned about swears. I cannot go into a CS:GO match with out him spouting "Fuck you kid" and "You're bad" every minute; he literally blackmailed me to play Fortnite with him (thank god he didn't find shit). Secondly, I just like to be alone and have my own thoughts to my self when I can calm down with all the pitiful thoughts inside my head. I asked one of my online friends on what I should do, he said just to not be friend with him any more: I can't do that. He's done so much for me, without him I probably would've killed my self by now or drop out of High school living as a NEET. And the thought of me just abandoning him and not staying friends with him only just removes one less support of the toppling tower of my anxiety. It also doesn't help if things remain the way they are because in about three weeks we're gonna head back to school, and before this entire thing happened we were signing up for the same classes.
I'm feeling a bit regretful over the past today. I've been curious about something other than my depression and anxiety causing issues for me, specifically ADHD. I remember back in 2013 the psychologist I went to at the time seriously considered the idea that I might have ADHD and went ahead to prescribe me Ritalin. Unfortunately, the reason I'm feeling regretful over this moment is because of how detached I was from my own situation at the time. I didn't share my thoughts, I didn't know what was important to say and one could say I wasn't really mature enough to understand my own situation. I skipped so many sessions because I didn't see the point and partly because I was already knee deep in a mixture of clinical depression and apathy. Since I didn't share shit about how I reacted to the meds or was motivated at all to fix my situation back then, my psychologist at the time never got the full picture. So the diagnosis was retracted and the meds were stopped. It wasn't such a big deal back then because I didn't "care" but now it's bothering me a lot.
It pains me so much to know that I might've gotten a ADHD diagnosis back then, if it really is ADHD that is affecting my life so badly. It's easy to daydream about how life could have been different and how things could be so much better and how much further I'd been now. I try to view my negative experiences as something to learn from so I'm not wishing it was different since it has definitely shaped who I am today and there are qualities to me that I like about myself. But yes, it's hard to refrain from thinking of an alternate timeline where things went differently for me. If only I went to my sessions, if only I shared my thoughts and experiences, if only I was more involved in my situation in general. Then maybe I'd have the correct diagnosis then rather than 5 years later.
It sucks but I don't regret the path I took either. Besides, hopefully this stuff is sorted out in August anyway and I'm still young so it's not like I'm on the tail-end of my life where my problems could have erased a lot of potentially good experiences. There's plenty of time left to fix my problems without worrying too much about losing out on stuff. Regretful and a little sad, but still optimistic. Hopefully this neuropsychologist I've been going to will finally have the answers I've been looking for over half of my life.
Hi, me again. This thread feels like home.
Bit of an interesting development with my job woes. So I handed in my resignation on Tuesday which they accepted. On Thursday, the HR manager and boss asked me to come to their office and I was shitting bricks. Turns out, they decided to accept my resignation, pay me until the 25th September and as I've got an interview today (which I'll get into later) they said I was free to go on Friday and I'm not required to come in.
You would have thought most people would be doing cartwheels if they were given an opportunity like that but there's still a part of me which feels betrayed, angry, upset and yet happy at the same time. I'm happy as I will never have to work with my asshat manager again, but I am truly and utterly upset that I've abandoned all my other work colleagues and left them in the dark. A part of me wishes I could have stayed on until the 25th but the rest of me knows it's the right choice.
I don't think it helps that I've got a funeral to attend next Wednesday which, on top of the resignation has wrecked my ability to think straight. The funeral is even more personal as he was a work colleague who died of muscular dystrophy. It was heart breaking to see him starting to waste away at work and a year later he was wheelchair bound. I was meant to meet him this month and it came as a shock he died a few weeks back. I regret not seeing him sooner and I don't think I can close that chapter as I never said goodbye to him. Ive dealt with funerals before but he was a true friend and colleague and I should have visited him sooner. I can't forgive myself for that.
So now I move on to my interview, which is kinda stopping me from crying in wetherspoons as I spill my heart out writing this. I feel like I've completely and utterly fucked up my interview by saying the stupidest shit and now I'm regretting it as my parents keep on saying 'youll get the job!' I don't think I should have gone to the interview with everything that's happened this week. I foolishly said to the interview panel that 'this would be the last few times I will apply for a job in this field, and I wasn't fully able to articulate what I meant. I know they took it the wrong way and what I wanted to say was that I am unsure if this career path is right for me considering how inhumane my treatment was at my previous job from my line manager. They saw me as contradictory and a bit of an idiot for saying that when I said I was so willing and eager to join.
I just wanna go home and sleep but I'm stuck in a town I've never been to and I can't stop thinking how badly I've fucked up the interview.
As harmless and inane as the online communities I'm a part of are, and as much as I like being a part of them and as friendly as everyone is and how well I know everyone, I'm still managing to do that thing where I withdraw from them and just kinda isolate myself for reasons that I don't really know apart from "lol social anxiety". It feels silly because it's not even real-life stuff where you can kinda understand it, it's just online stuff and it's still occasionally overwhelming to think about all the people and notifications for some reason. I logged on a couple weeks back, saw all the notifications and PMs and new posts and just...immediately went to a different website. Even though I'm a moderator and should be doing stuff (especially with a new big update that'll surge forum activity coming in a few days) the thought of having to stomp around having my stupid coloured name showing up when viewing threads 'n that doesn't help. I've even stopped having discord open for the same reason, so there goes like 90% of my daily communication - I've mostly just been lurking facepunch and reddit for the past few weeks because no one really knows me and its like I can post into the void.
It's really silly because it's just gaming forums, but it's a majority of my interaction with people, and I know from past experience that it's a terrible idea to not interact with people, gaming forums or not. I sure hope I don't hermit myself in September at my second shot at uni, social anxiety fuckin' sucks,
Green therapy is weird
I grabbed all my camping gear and headed into the woods, with 10 miles from nearest town. I cried for three hours and eventually fell asleep bellow a tree. My depression has for years made me 100% apathetic and these last days I've been able to cry non-stop. The only way to make it stop is by forcing it. Never felt this out of control, and I feel weak.
But I recommend it though, the calmness the natural silence is like a drug
My parents are reluctant about me leaving in a couple weeks, as I reminded them I'm going to need to pack my stuff very soon. They think I'm not ready as I've always been dependent on them for support but I don't believe I'm inclined to stay here much longer after always having difficulty with handling a job, and that they expect me to contribute more financially. I just can't do it, yet even after saying if I can't then I'd have live elsewhere, they still want me here? It also doesn't convince me with the fact my siblings were more concerned about claiming my room once as soon as the news had been announced rather than having any feelings of missing me. I really do think I'm better off being elsewhere I can be happy at and no longer lonely, and I'm aware it will be rough for a few months trying to get back on my feet and start receiving income again, but I'm confident I can make this work out, especially having my boyfriend's support. I just wish my parents would have the same optimism as me, since they went through the exact same struggle when my mom and step dad met online.
I'm doing more, and more things to try and improve myself and feel better, and feel more in control of myeslf and my emotions.
the more work I put into things right now, the more hopeless, lost, and confused I'm feeling.
I don't know what to do. I genuinely feel like I'm starting to lose it.
Any change in routines throws me out off course almost instantly. Brushing my teeth, showering, washing my hands, meditating, general self care stuff happens mostly automatically at home with some resistance here and there but still doable. Take me away from home for only a day or two and I'm reverting back to bad habits pretty quick. I've been at my mom's place the last two weeks to look after their cats while they're hiking on the mountains and welp, my routine got messed up bad. Even the simple things like washing my hands became difficult. I did it anyway but that's the only example I got where it worked out for me. My sleep, hygiene and daily mindfulness sessions however...
It is so frustrating to feel so helpless in situations like these. It takes me so much willpower to build a routine to begin with so disrupting it means I have to somewhat start from scratch again which isn't always easy. I've had plenty of experiences like this too and I notice that it has made me reluctant to do bigger things. Stuff like visiting my dad or going somewhere new is hard for me because I'm afraid it'll happen. I'm so afraid of it that I ended up postponing a visit to my dad for 2 whole years and the only reason I ended up doing it in the end was because I had plummeted down the depths of the chaotic lifestyle of not having a routine.
I think this stems from multiple things. I like to describe routines as a necessary evil; I despise routines because they take so much energy from me but I need routines to function because without them nothing gets done. I simply don't have enough willpower in me to do boring but necessary shit unless I'm aided by it being a habit as well. It's still difficult but more doable, even if it doesn't always work. I could live with this but the problem is with the disruptions. Since I really, really don't like having routines even though I need them, I tend to quickly jump off the ship when I'm somewhere where I can't follow my routine 100%. It could be compared to only taking one bite of some delicious ice cream you swore not to eat. If you don't take a bite, it's easier to say no but if you take one bite? Well, now you've got the taste for it and before you know it the whole thing is gone. The short term satisfaction of not expending energy on routine stuff becomes so tempting it's close to impossible to resist.
Another thing is that I don't feel much urgency to follow my routine when I'm not at home. When I'm home, stuff feels more serious since what I do there says a lot about what kind of person I am. So if I'm a lazy slob there, then the negative thoughts start to bombard me and I feel like that's who I am, someone who won't get anywhere in life. When I'm not home however, it's no big deal in my head. It feels like a break, a vacation, somewhere I can chill out and relax without a care in the world because what I do there doesn't define who I am.
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