ITT: We take hats from the game and give them really long descriptions.

[TectonicImprov]

The Pyro's Beanie
"This magnificent piece of headgear is only available to the most mature of Pyros. Only they can see the true beauty behind this simple hat. The propeller's aerodynamic nature makes it not only prime for combat, but also the talk of the town for dinner parties, birthday parties, and hat parties. And yes, this propeller will spin, and Pyro can get it started on his own."

[01271]

The team captain:
Throughout time there have been men who lead and men to be led. This is the hat for the man who really really wants to lead without any qualifications. When asked about if this hat affects natural leadership attributes Our lawyers say "Yes!* Yes!*"
*Note: This hat won't make the team follow you or help you that much more, furthermore it is not a copyright infringement upon any hat real or virtual in the world namely Russian Officer caps, Mr Bison's hat, Commissar caps. Additionally this hat has its own copyright and terms of use down below:

This is a copyrighted hat that has been released by a company or organization to promote their work or product in the media, such as advertising material or a promotional photo in a press kit.

The copyright for it is owned by the company who created the promotional item or the artist who produced the item in question; you must provide evidence of permission of use by either Valve™ or Daimao. Lack of such evidence is grounds for a DMCA.

It able to be used in some images of promotional material to illustrate:

the product or subject in question;
Promotional material for the award winning game Team Fortress 2
Additionally, the copyright holder may have granted permission for use. However, if they have, this permission does not fall under a free license.

[Captain_Crazy]

Batter's Helm:

I get payed per-word, suckers.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum

[That Sprite]

Dillinger's Duffel Bag:

Upon viewing a video about large quantities of money, or "dosh" as it was called, young scout took it upon himself to gain a successful career and acquire such large sums of money. It was to his shock that nobody would hire him with such terrible grades, and so he resorted to a life of crime. Upon one of these occasions he was nearly caught robbing a public bank by the police, only having escaped by stuffing the money into his duffle bag and permanently sealing it shut, meaning he would never be able to claim the large amounts of money he had earned to that date.

Sounds like a terrible fan fiction.

[Erfly]

Stahlhelm:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stahlhelm[/url]

[emmens]

[i]Ze Goggle[/i]
Never before have I had such marvelous and full functioning head gear! IT keeps my eyes from melting when I see that Lime green max head on the pink as hell fosters facade! (Disclaimer: The goggles, they do nothing!)