Is Portal 2 safe for the Christian Family? - Games

[url]http://christwire.org/2011/04/is-portal-2-safe-for-the-christain-family/[/url] [quote]As a Christian father, I choose not to allow video games into my household, but occasionally my boys will have sleep overs with other Christian families that might be more lax than ours. Imagine my surprise the other day when I overheard my second oldest boy talking about a video game he had played at a friend’s house. As soon as I heard the name “Portal 2”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to. I rushed to the computer that I keep locked away from my impressionable children, and what I found was truly disturbing. Just 10 minutes of Bing research produced so much evidence that this game was a homosexual recruitment tool that I have now forbidden it. You better believe that I called the other father and gave him a good talking to. As a devout Christian, he agreed with me and has now burned his Portal 2 DVD on his barbeque grill to make sure this threat to his family is gone for good. Here are some of the things I have learned: This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation. Just the name “valve” produces images in the mind of a Christian man that should not be there. [img]http://www.warpzoned.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/portal2-2.jpg[/img] Should children be forced to see a room full of giant black dildoes? [img]http://totalspguide.com/wp-content/uploads/Web_Center_269.jpg[/img] An actual AID’s infested bath house. Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven’t heard of this filth, “glory holes” are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy. [img]http://files.g4tv.com/rimg_606x0/ImageDb3/248903_l/portal-2-gamescom-2010-screenshots.jpg[/img] Glory hole in the game. [img]http://neighborhoods.redeyechicago.com/boystown/files/2011/04/courtesy-of-Steamworks-5.jpg[/img] Glory hole in homo-gay bath house. Hard to tell the difference, right? There are two adorable robots. Who doesn’t love robots? Kids sure do. Well, these 2 robots are a homosexual couple. The tall one is the dominate bear and the little one is the swishing bottom. Even the voices are clearly transexual which is a dead give away. I shudder to think of what life style choices a little child will think is decent after pretending to be one of these two mechanical gays. Instead of penises, they have glowing red and blue lights in their sex area. [img]http://files.g4tv.com/rimg_606x0/ImageDb3/249845_l/portal-2-co-op-pax-2010-screenshots.jpg[/img] What is being taught to our children? [img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SUwn_c6tC5I/AAAAAAABVnY/4ur5ddotZMo/s400/78.jpg[/img] Is this what you want for your white Chrisian son? As if that was not enough, there are mechanical testicles and gay saunas around every corner. Not enough? Well this game introduces “gels” which help the innocent children slide through a glowing red sphincter. [img]http://www.downloadatoz.com/resources/201104/20/imgs/portal-2-red-gel-chamber_488x293.jpg[/img] I could go on, but my stomach is turning at this latest homo-gay invention. There is nothing christ-centered in this game. Protect your children from this latest assault from the gay agenda.[/quote] And yes. This isn't a real article, it's satirical.

I must burn my computer, then steamroll the remains. And to think i thought Portal was a harmless game, shame on me.

What the fuck.

Oh phew, satire. I got rather worried.

Bashing organized religion should become a new sport.

I haven't found any proof on the main site that this article is satirical indeed. Just sayin'.

I really hope it is because this amount of stupidity is well beyond acceptable bounds.

[QUOTE=Lordgeorge16;29397338]Bashing organized religion should become a new sport.[/QUOTE] 4chan has been doing this shit for years

[QUOTE=BenQ3000;29397349]I haven't found any proof on the main site that this article is satirical indeed. Just sayin'.[/QUOTE] [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire[/url]

[QUOTE][img]http://www.warpzoned.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/portal2-2.jpg[/img] [B] Should children be forced to see a room full of giant black dildoes?[/B] [/QUOTE] ok.. THAT made me laugh hard

American "humor"?

Dissapointed they didnt mention the conversion gel.

If we ignore the obvious Valve's gay liberal communist agenda they convey with the black penis plates, is Portal 2 safe? Well, the player doesn't really do anything violent. So that's good right? Yet at the same time the main character wants to murder you and talks you down and in the end [sp]eye for an eye revenge[/sp] in which you assist. Not really a nice example. Though it is against and AI so no real people involved except yourself. Few curse words but otherwise it's fine. Though if you go into fine details, no game is probably "christian safe". Except maybe Bejeweld but even there you'd probably find something terrible. As far as FPS games go, Portal 1 and 2 are probably the most safe Well that was a pointless post

Pretty funny, but they give everyone the impression that every Christian is that conservative. However, I applaud their work, I would never have thought the spikes were giant dildos.

Just WHY? [QUOTE=saddasta;29397610]Thank non-existant god that it was satire.[/QUOTE] Oh that explains.

Thank non-existant god that it was satire.

[quote]this game was a homosexual recruitment tool [/quote] what the fuck [editline]24th April 2011[/editline] [quote]And yes. This isn't a real article, it's satirical.[/quote] oh

Just pointing out that the "dominate bear" robot is female, not male. Thus, not homo.

Wow, I just realized that they spelled "Christian" wrong.

I almost punched my screen until you said this was satire. No one could be dumb enough for that.

[QUOTE=MegaErathia;29397442]American "humor"?[/QUOTE] More like worldwide "satire"?

[QUOTE=Christwire]There are two adorable robots. Who doesn’t love robots? Kids sure do. Well, these 2 robots are a [b]homosexual couple[/b].[/QUOTE] Uh, wait [QUOTE=mak13two;29397137]This isn't a real article, it's satirical.[/QUOTE] Oh.

Don't worry guys. [IMG]http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm111/MinnieMan121249/GabePopell.jpg[/IMG] The holy Gabe will save the day.

[QUOTE=D3N1ZFTW;29398209]Just pointing out that the "dominate bear" robot is female, not male. Thus, not homo.[/QUOTE] Just pointing out that those "dildos" are spikes.

[QUOTE=Uberslug;29399075]Just pointing out that those "dildos" are spikes.[/QUOTE] Just pointing out that those "spikes" don't look like dildos. And it never will.

Seriously? Some of you guys SERIOUSLY need to be told this article is satire? This is why I'm deathly afraid of my own country.

I didn't think it was that funny...

ITT: Facepunch doesn't know how to detect satire, even when it's punched into their faces. This wasn't even a reasonably believable satire, either.

[QUOTE=a203xi;29399139]Seriously? Some of you guys SERIOUSLY need to be told this article is satire? This is why I'm deathly afraid of my own country.[/QUOTE] Well, there are some pretty retarded people.

Perfect timing on Easter my friend.