Post The Most Disgusting Joke You Know (ARISTOCRATS VERSION!) - General

For me, it's "The Aristocrats". It can be done by anybody, but here's my version. The goal is to be as dirty, filthy and disgusting as possible without repeating yourself. Here goes. A talent agent is sitting in his office. A family comes in: a father, a wife, a son, a daughter and a cute little dog. The talent agent says "Well, show me what you got." The father unzips his pants and signals the family to take their clothes off. The father whistles for the dog that comes over and chomps on his balls. The wife grabs a couple of rats from the talent agent's cage and gives one to her daughter, they put them in their cunts and the rats are eating the inside of their cunts, there's blood everywhere, it's horrible, but they do it all with a happy face. The dog does a handstand and shits in the son's mouth, mostly liquid. The son swallows most of it, but he spits the rest out of his mouth, rolls forward and catches the dogshit in between his ass cheeks. The family gets into a circle. The kids fart "Nearer My God To Thee", the mother's doing the vocals and the father is flailing his dick around and pissing everywhere. The father starts fist fucking the dog. The dog trys to get away, but he keeps going at it. After about 2 minutes of that, the dog keels over, shits on the floor and dies. The mother takes the son's penis and testicles, squeezes them in her hands as hard as she can until one of her nails breaks off in his nutsack. The father notices this and calls the daughter over to take it out with her teeth; doesn't work and she ends up ripping the boy a hole in his sac. Circus music plays as the father reaches in and pulls out the boys testicles and juggles them in his hands. THE FATHER SHITS ON THE FLOOR! THE MOTHER SHITS ON THE FLOOR! THE DYING SON SHITS ON THE FLOOR! THE DAUGHTER SHITS ON THE FLOOR! The daughter complains that she doesn't want to do the act anymore and the father punches her in the face and knocks all her fucking stupid teeth out and pukes in her mouth. They all squat down and piss. The mother and father toss the dead dog and unconscious son and daughter in the middle of the room onto the piss and shit and they start sucking and fucking each other. Then they take a bow. The talent agent says "hmmmm, that's an interesting act, what would you call something like that?" Then the father proudly states: "THE ARISTOCRATS!" [img]http://www.khurak.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/gilbert-gottfried.jpg[/img] whew! that took about 10 minutes to write. What about you guys?

why did i come to this topic oh god

[QUOTE=Big Ben;23697826]why did i come to this topic oh god[/QUOTE] too graphic? :v:

[QUOTE=mrryanchisholm;23697858]too graphic? :v:[/QUOTE] not graphic enough! Q: How can you tell if your brother is getting a new car? A: Your dad's dick tastes like his shit.

I lol'd pretty hard.

It even has its own [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristocrats_joke]wiki page[/url]. I heard this from my school mates and I don't really remember it perfectly, but here goes: Three people are onboard a skydiving plane- one of who is mentally slow at processing things. Suddenly and surprisingly, they are forced out of a plane due to a mysterious force, with no parachute. A magical genie pops out and tells the people that they can wish for three items to cushion their fall. The first guy exclaims "pillows!" and then lands safely on it. The second guy shouts "feathers!" and lands safely on it too. The third guy (who was mentally slow) just realised that he was falling with no parachute and cried "Oh shit!"

[QUOTE=I Broke The Sun!;23697978]I lol'd pretty hard.[/QUOTE] thank you! one good reaction is a job well done to me. :buddy:

[QUOTE=Dottedline;23698206]It even has its own [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristocrats_joke]wiki page[/url]. I heard this from my school mates and I don't really remember it perfectly, but here goes: Three people are onboard a skydiving plane- one of who is mentally slow at processing things. Suddenly and surprisingly, they are forced out of a plane due to a mysterious force, with no parachute. A magical genie pops out and tells the people that they can wish for three items to cushion their fall. The first guy exclaims "pillows!" and then lands safely on it. The second guy shouts "feathers!" and lands safely on it too. The third guy (who was mentally slow) just realised that he was falling with no parachute and cried "Oh shit!"[/QUOTE] Those first two people might as well be dead. Feathers hurt when you fall into them at terminal velocity, and pillows don't cushion long falls very well.

[QUOTE=eatdembeanz;23699021]Those first two people might as well be dead. Feathers hurt when you fall into them at terminal velocity, and pillows don't cushion long falls very well.[/QUOTE] I don't think poop makes a good cushion either.

whats the difference between your mother and a dead baby [sp]i dont eat your mother after i rape her[/sp]

What is the product of the happiest teenagers? [sp]Dead dumpster babies[/sp]

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An erection :3? Kinda old but not feeling imaginative this morning :smith:

Women's Rights.

heres mine [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_DsQ_F9ZII[/media]

[quote=mister sandman;23703980]women's rights.[/quote] haahaahah omg so funneh :colbert:

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;23703980]Women's Rights.[/QUOTE] you always put that in joke threads. [editline]03:41PM[/editline] [QUOTE=LODY;23703991]heres mine [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_DsQ_F9ZII[/media][/QUOTE] me when I was 12. Good times. :)

How much babys does it take to paint a room?

What do you call a completley fucking disgusting corpse? Yo momma. :downsrim:

[QUOTE=The Numerous On;23707639]How much babys does it take to paint a room?[/QUOTE] If it is a small room just two.

oify

[QUOTE=The Numerous On;23707639]How much babys does it take to paint a room?[/QUOTE] Depends how hard you throw them.

Oh god, i did that thing where you don't read any of it then go back and read one line, why the fuck did i have the read the fist fucking a dog line?!

[QUOTE=CaMpEr_DoOd;23710480]Oh god, i did that thing where you don't read any of it then go back and read one line, why the fuck did i have the read the fist fucking a dog line?![/QUOTE] ohhh shit. Read the whole thing or else it won't make sense...kind of.

[QUOTE=mrryanchisholm;23711231]Read the whole thing...[/QUOTE] And it still doesn't make sense.

[QUOTE=CaMpEr_DoOd;23711544]And it still doesn't make sense.[/QUOTE] Aristocrat= rich, proper person. It's satire. The more vulgar you make it, the more ironic the punchline becomes.

This is all I got: How do you turn a goat into a plow? You cut off it's legs and feed it viagra :v:.

[QUOTE=Vinze;23711685]This is all I got: How do you turn a goat into a plow? You cut off it's legs and feed it viagra :v:.[/QUOTE] :gonk:

What's the difference between a burger and a baby? You don't cum on the burger before you eat it.

[QUOTE=Speedfalcon;23711913]What's the difference between a burger and a baby? You don't cum on the burger before you eat it.[/QUOTE] :siren:[B]DEAD BABY JOKES INCOMING[/B]:siren: