So, I've been given the assignment to write a little story for the smaller kids at my school. Now I'd like to know if what I've written so far is too scary/creepy/disturbing/morbid for 12 year old children.
Here's the story so far:
[quote]
When Jenny woke up, she looked at her Teddy, as usual. Everything was there, the arms, the legs, the fur... everything as usual. But something was off. She started crawling over her bed, heading to the Teddy. “Harry? Are you alright?”, she asked, not really expecting an answer. But then it happened. The Teddy slowly turned his head, looking right at her. Jenny jumped back. “Harry! What is happening! Why are you looking at me like that? And... and where are your eyes?!”, she exclaimed! The Teddy kept looking at her with his stitches were once his eyes were. The Teddy's furred lips started moving. “Jenny, I need your help.”, he whispered, his voice sounding like he hadn't drank any water in years. “As you may have noticed, my eyes went missing, Jenny. I need you to help me find them.”. “What is this all about?!”, Jenny screamed in fear of her suddenly scary best friend. “I need you to go to a special place to help me get my eyes.”, the Teddy explained. “Just touch my paw!”, he said, slowly lifting his right paw up. “What will happen?”, Jenny asked. “Nothing”, Harry answered, “I'll just bring you to a place in your head where you've never been before.”. Although trembling in fear, Jenny slowly approached her Teddy, aiming her hand at him. “Is this dangerous, Harry?”, she asked. “No, not at all.”, Harry answered. Then Jenny touched his paw. A loud hissing noise was heard in the room. Jenny's vision stared to get blurry. Manical laughing could be heard from somewhere. Jenny looked at her Teddy in fear, only to see a manically laughing, eyeless face.
[/quote]
[sp]The teddy is her dead brother who died in a car accident.[/sp]
[sp]They go to her fantasy land to find his eyes.[/sp]
[sp]The eyes represent her memories with her brother.[/sp]
So, Facepunch, what do you think?
[editline]Nothing to see here.[/editline]
It's just the beginning, there is more to come.
Yes.
Get some pills.
Seek help.
[QUOTE=humpalump;34793035]Yes.
Get some pills.
Seek help.[/QUOTE]
Alrighty then.
12 year olds aren't usually that deep.
Yup, very disturbing.
Or you could just write that they cancelled Hannah Montana
Oh 12 year old children?
They are not that childish, so no. I mean you could write a lot worst stuff, and they woundn't give a shit. Infact with the Fantasy Land thing, it might be too childish.
I put some stories into a yearbook last year written by 12 year olds that were more disturbing than that, so no (might have been a cry for help, but one kid wrote about having a bag put on her head and thrown into a dank dark corner to rot and die - her teacher gave it to me so I assume it was sanctioned and I put it in the yearbook). But the story is pretty bad - like creepypasta written by a "Goosebumps" fan.
I think you are trying too hard. Why not actually talk to the kids (stakeholders), find out what interests them and develop an outcome (your story) that addresses their wants and needs.
Also, spellcheck and proofread. Some of your sentences make no sense.
for a twelve year old you need to take the horror very lightly and throw humor in
take a look at "scary stories to tell in the dark" and the goosebumps books for good examples
[QUOTE=Salsa;34797500]for a twelve year old you need to take the horror very lightly and throw humor in
take a look at "scary stories to tell in the dark" and the goosebumps books for good examples[/QUOTE]
You wouldn't need to do that.
I read adult horror books, and I'm only 12.
maybe you wouldn't have to take it as lightly as those books, but a lot of kids are scared more easily than others
nothing wrong with playing it safe
That's true I guess.
But I am guessing you have wrote more then that because of the lack of explanation in what you gave us. Maybe you could release the rest so we could observe it a bit more?
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