[B]One night, I was in bed, beating my wife, when phone ring. I beat
phone, then pick it up. I hear voice. Voice says;
"What you do with my daughter?!"
I turn to wife and demand to know why her father interrupt me beating
her. But she say, her father is dead!
Then, KGB break into house and arrest me for illegal possession of phone.
Such is life in Moscow.[/B]
*
[B]
I check into small hotel a few kilometers from Kiev. It is late. I am tired. I tell woman at desk I want a room. She tells me room number and give key. "But one more thing comrade; there is one room without number and always lock. Don't even peek in there." I take key and go to room to sleep.
Night comes and I hear trickling of water. It comes from the room across. I cannot sleep so I open door. It is coming from room with no number. I pound on door. No response. I look in keyhole. I see nothing except red.
Water still trickling. I go down to front desk to complain. "By the way who is in that room?" She look at me and begin to tell story.
There was woman in there. Murdered by her husband. Skin all white, except her eyes, which were red.
I tell her I don't give a shit. Stop the water trickling or give me refund. She gave me 100 ruble credit and free breakfast.
Such is life in Moscow
[/B]
*
[B]
Toys are made by loyal factory for amusement of the children of the motherland.
Toys are of baby, and have realistic crying function.
Soon, it becomes difficult to distinguish baby and toy.
Both are burned for warmth.
Such is life in mother Russia
[/B]
*
*
[B]
Babysitter home with young boy and young girl. She get call parents, who are working night shift in factory asking if everything is fine. She tells them da, but the large statue of Lenin in daughter's room is unsettling.
Later, she is arrested by KGB for calling great father of motherland "unsettling". She is sent to count trees in Siberia.
Such is life in Moscow.
[/B]
*
[B]
In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell.
Bell rings. Is no wind.
Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?"
Voice says "Yes!"
"Born winter of 1927?"
"Yes!"
"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957"
"Niet, am still living!"
"Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June."
And woman is true Soviet, waits for June.
*
You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.
No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!
Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.
*[/B]
[B]
Russian man is at work alone. Copy machine begins making copies. Man did not make copies. He goes to look. Copies show him dead at desk.
He curses bad Swedish machines. Shoots copier, and begins making all copies by hand. [/B]
[I]GOGOGOGOGO[/I]
In soviet russia, creepy pasta writes you.
What the hell?
Firstly, it's Pastacreepy.
Secondly:
[quote][B]Capitalist Dogs Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)02:47 No.1464504
File :1235461628.jpg-(95 KB, 655x630, 1220146986925.jpg) [/B]
Capitalist dog such as you know nothing of creepy stories.
Babysitter home with young boy and young girl. She get call from parents, who are working night shift in factory asking if everything is fine. She tells them da, but the large statue of Lenin in daughter's room is unsettling.
Later, she is arrested by KGB for calling great father of motherland "unsettling". She is sent to count trees in Siberia.
Such is life in Moscow.
[B]Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)02:50 No.1464511[/B]
Walking home one night, you notice all the candles in personal shack are lit.
You finish vodka bottle as you approach your door.
House is empty, and you made sure not to feed guard dog, but candles still go out.
You check your pocket watch, small hand on 4, big hand on 1. You relise you'll be late for unpaid community service.
At service, you find letter on floor. It's signed to you, from you. You open the letter, confused.
Inside reads "the out for watch watch"
You look at pocket watch. big hand on 4, little hand on one. You look at note again, it appears the 4th and 1st words have swapped places.
"Watch out for the watch."
You look at pocket watch again.
You realise watch is broken, and decide you must get it fixed. You also decide to cut back on vodka, so as to not send letters to yourself anymore.
Such is life in mother Russia.
[B]Salaryman !Ty84lKQS6c 02/24/09(Tue)02:52 No.1464515[/B]
i shall support your cause comrade!
You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.
No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!
Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.
[B]Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)02:52 No.1464516[/B]
You are diligent worker at Soviet Administration office working at night. The Soviet Copy Machine begins working like good Soviet worker. You go to Soviet Copy Machine and see many Soviet copies in the Soviet tray. It is picture of you dead in chair. The other pictures are also of you dead but taken from more Soviet angles.
There is no original picture in the copy machine. In fact, the machine has been out of toner for a week.
SOVIET COPY MACHINES WORK OVERTIME FOR GOOD OF CAUSE.
That's all I've got.
[B]Salaryman !Ty84lKQS6c 02/24/09(Tue)02:54 No.1464523[/B]
Unpopular state worker becomes butt of many joke. Day after unfortunate tractor accident, comrades from her village place severed arm in unpopular state worker's bed, and wait for morning to laugh. Morning comes and they enter room to find her eating arm. Horror results, because arm is enough to feed three comrades, and she will not share!
[B]Salaryman !Ty84lKQS6c 02/24/09(Tue)02:55 No.1464529[/B]
It is cold night in Yak tusk and school teacher is cleaning filth of peasant children from classroom. She worries much because KGB has been removing teachers from area for teaching the wrongs of strong communism which unites the soviet union. She is finished and prepares her auto, built with soviet strength, for the long journey home. Due to her small brain she forgets to fill with petrol and is forced to stop at petrol station to beg for fuel. Strong boy begins to fill petrol when he begins to make faces at traitor teacher, she is unsettled. He tells her to open engine compartment because car looks like women have been taking care of it. She opens and boy tells her that car is broken, needs fix, come inside and enjoy vodka with father. She tells boy, no I finish drive, strange boy scares teacher. The boy refuses pulls arm with soviet might forcing teacher into petrol station. Teacher fights and boy tells her to calm, there is man in back seat of auto, he needed to get her to safety or they would both be finished. Local police are summoned but only find empty bottle of vodka in backseat, also papers discussing democracy versus communism. Teacher never seen again.
[B]Salaryman !Ty84lKQS6c 02/24/09(Tue)02:56 No.1464535[/B]
One night bourgeois parents go to see Moscow Ballet. They hire young girl with their filthy money to watch children. There are only simple rotary phones in great Soviet Union. Parents come home, girl and children are carved into tiny pieces.
Police say parents should have beaten children more. Only bad parents must hire other people to frighten little ones into obedience. They are disappeared and sent to Siberian work camps.
[B]Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)03:00 No.1464553[/B]
Boy was having sexytime with girl on couch, phone ring.
"Da?"
"What are you doing with mine daughter, capitalist pig?!"
He then hang up.
Girl looks to him.. "But.. father is dead.."
In Soviet Russia, Phone was Who?
[B]Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:43 No.1465034
File :1235479401.gif-(15 KB, 576x246, 9MMMakarovdksdet.gif)[/B]
slight revision,
You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.
No footprints in snow. It was reflection, you turn and draw pistolet Makarova shoot degenerate murderer in head, nothing more dangerous than KGB agent.
[B]Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)08:08 No.1465052[/B]
"Father, I had a bad dream"
You take a sip of vodka and roll over. You stare at the clocktower on Sobornaya Square it's 3:23. "Go back to sleep, there is work tomorrow."
"No, Father."
The familiar warm buzz of vodka starts to sink in. You can barely make out your daughter's pale form in the darkness. "Why is that, devochka moya?"
"Because in my dream, when I was about to go back to sleep, the thing wearing Mother's skin sat up."
You pause, and face your daughter and look at her intensely. The figure behind you begins to stir.
"Don't talk that way about your brother, it is not his fault we have no money for coats. Such is life in Moscow."
[B]Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)09:41 No.1465125[/B]
For shits and grins, I'm going to make my own story ((The one posted above)) into pastacreepy.
Lots of shops like these in motherland. Very good building, probably best in whole town. Only half paint gone. Alls of them having the same name, da. Antique Shops. Old man at desk sells you the things inside, and the air only have half as many pollutant as outside. It's all good for hunting antiques, da. walk into shop now, and look at these things for sales. Many peoples like these things that once had other owners, though they don't think about why these thing are here, niet.
That couch over there? Ist fine couch. Sturdy Soviet craftsmanship, and only minimal blood for murderings. . Those chipped plates in the curios stand? You could stare at them your whole life. Old lady did. And the books? Reading ist for people with no job. No job means lazy, and no man ist lazy in motherland What abou table for dining? Sure, family died, but ist good table..
So come in and look. All my prices like theft they are! And don't mind me, am just hard worker. Am not KGB
[B]Sh33p[/B]
Young infant female is housed in infant relocation centre in Kiev, year is 1945, the glorious red army have defeat evil man with small moustache, serfs are avenged. "Sasha" grow up with self, for a superior soviet has no need for parents, only vodka and gracious leader Stalin. Woman meet man in 1936, man has left responsibilities as worker and travel road of bones. Man put little communist in woman's belly. Belly grows to great size and man goes back to work for honour of motherland as all Russian men should. On birthing day, Soviet Doctor tell woman she is being made man so she can help improve industry of great country. Baby is disappear as woman may tell him of the trickery of the West.
Woman, now man, drinks much Vodka and leaves factories for walking trip. 1970, man enters bar, name Great Place of Wonderful Leader Stalin. Man tell story to barman. Man at bar offer man chance to meet man who made man-woman babyful, should the man agree to join glorious government controlled group of traveller in time. Man and barman enter time machine but tractor pulling time machine is poorly built and maintained. Bar man tells man that by leaving factory to take walk trip he fails to complete tractor and stops the glorious progress of nation. Man step out of bar and is killed by polar bear. Such is life in Moscow.
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)12:42 No.2187261[/B]
One night man is riding mule down dirt road. Young woman stands on
side of road, calls out for ride home. Is very cold in Soviet winter.
Man takes off coat and puts it on back of mule. Girl is also cold. Man
gives her sack of turnip for to wear. Girl is much thankful for ride
home.
Next morning man realize it is day for buying turnip at market, and
girl still has sack. He goes to her house. No girl is there, only
father. He says daughter died in salt mines ten years ago night
before. Man returns to mule, turnip sack is on back of mule.
SOVIET HONESTY IS STRONG! EVEN DEATH NOT STOP REPAYMENT OF DEBTS!
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)12:47 No.2187281[/B]
One night, I was in bed, beating my wife, when phone ring. I beat
phone, then pick it up. I hear voice. Voice says;
"What you do with my daughter?!"
I turn to wife and demand to know why her father interrupt me beating
her. But she say, her father is dead!
Then, KGB break into house and arrest me for illegal possession of phone.
Such is life in Moscow.
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)12:49 No.2187288[/B]
I check into small hotel a few kilometers from Kiev. It is late. I am tired. I tell woman at desk I want a room. She tells me room number and give key. "But one more thing comrade; there is one room without number and always lock. Don't even peek in there." I take key and go to room to sleep.
Night comes and I hear trickling of water. It comes from the room across. I cannot sleep so I open door. It is coming from room with no number. I pound on door. No response. I look in keyhole. I see nothing except red.
Water still trickling. I go down to front desk to complain. "By the way who is in that room?" She look at me and begin to tell story.
There was woman in there. Murdered by her husband. Skin all white, except her eyes, which were red.
I tell her I don't give a shit. Stop the water trickling or give me refund. She gave me 100 ruble credit and free breakfast.
Such is life in Moscow
[B]
Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)15:56 No.2187949[/B]
Noble Scientists in Glorious Motherland attempt to dig deepest hole ever in glorious Soviet Earth. After innumerable miles, drill begin to spin other way. Temperature readings are at a blistering 22 degrees celsius. Strange noises heard from hole. Scientists lower microphone into hole and listen.
After two hours of listening to American Pigs lament capitalist way of life, they shut off microphone.
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)15:59 No.2187953[/B]
Mother and father got a little tired from building Communism, so they want to go to Moscow to buy vodka. They call their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrives, children already sleep in beds. Babysitter just sits around and make sure everything good with children. Later that night, babysitter gets bored and goes to read Marks, but she can't read it downstairs because there's no electricity (the parents didn't want children reading Marks all night long).
So, she calls them and asks if she can get candles to read Marks in their room. Of course, the parents say it's okay, but the babysitter has one final request... she asked if she could cover up the Lenin statue outside the bedroom window with a blanket or cloth, because it maeks her nervous.
The phone line is silent for a moment, and the father who says, "Take the children and get out of the house... we will call milita. We do not have an Lenin statue."
The militia found all three of the house occupants dead because KGB killed them for trying to cover Lenin's statue. And militia arrested parents for not having a Lenin statue.
Such is life in Moscow.
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)16:09 No.2187995[/B]
There was couple in Moscow who had just moved into old estate. When they moved in, they decide to drink wine cellar dry, but find large barrel of vodka. They tried moving it and even got comrades around to help, but they couldn't budge it. In the end, they decided to have housewarming party and give glasses of vodka out to empty the barrel and make it easier to move. A few days after party, they went into the cellar and tried to move barrel again. It still wouldn't move. Husband goes to get his saw in order to cut it into smaller pieces and in turns they cut off the top of the barrel. Inside was dead body and they had drank the vodka that had preserved it. Like true Russians who survived siege of Stalingrad, they eat body too. It was very tasty.
Such is life in Mother Russia.
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)16:10 No.2188001[/B]
Once I hear story about girl in Chaplygin. She was asleep in her bed, when she feel lick on her hand. She thinks it is dog and goes to sleep. Next morning, she finds note on dresser with dead head of dog. It says "Comrades can lick too." She screams.
Father comes upstairs, takes belt off and beats her. Moral of story is daughters should not yell in house like peasant. House is not Siberian pigsty. I worry daughter will never find good Russian husband.
[B]Anonymous 06/24/09(Wed)16:21 No.2188040[/B]
In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell.
Bell rings. Is no wind.
Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?"
Voice says "Yes!"
"Born winter of 1927?"
"Yes!"
"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957"
"Niet, am still living!"
"Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June."
And woman is true Soviet, waits for June.
[/quote]
Ya, that covers most all of them.
I fell off chair.
We ran out of vodka
[QUOTE=Maximum Mod;19433647]I fell off chair.[/QUOTE]
The fuck man?
I was expecting shit along the lines of soviet cold war experiments. Thread did not deliver.
[QUOTE=noobcake;19454791]I was expecting shit along the lines of soviet cold war experiments. Thread did not deliver.[/QUOTE]
May I suggest that creepypasta about the Soviet sleep experiments? If I come across it I'll post it.
Водка хороша, но мясо гнилое.
All glory to mother Russia.
Oh lawdy. These are great.
[QUOTE=Detective P;19433579]Firstly, it's Pastacreepy.
[/QUOTE]
Its [b]CREEPYPASTA[/b],not Pastacreepy. Just like [b]COPYPASTA[/b]
I beat this thread. Thread beat me. I post in this thread. It was my enemy. KGB come in. They destroy my computer. Me go cry.
[QUOTE=Aerkhan;19462968]Its [B]CREEPYPASTA[/B],not Pastacreepy. Just like [B]COPYPASTA[/B][/QUOTE]
No, the soviet stuff is pastacreepy.
I'm so confused.
[QUOTE=Kymandu;19493475]I'm so confused.[/QUOTE]
You is idiot.This are pasta-creepy.Soviet stories of Motherland which creepy are.
You is a stupid.
Such life it is in Mother Russia...
I thoroughly enjoyed reading these aloud in a bad russian accent.
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