why does Snoop Dogg wear an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzle.
ok start.
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.
Any form of a "Yo Mama" joke
what's black, yellow, brown, and is funny as hell?
a school bus full of black kids going of a cliff.
how do you get lady gaga to cry
poker face
god im sick of that joke
[QUOTE=One Long Sausage;16649504]how do you get lady gaga to cry
poker face
god im sick of that joke[/QUOTE]
ARGH THAT'S AWFUL!!!
haven't heard it though :3
What did Hitler say when he took a bit out of his bagel?
This tastes Jewwy, put it in the oven.
what sits in the center of your kitchen, and is constantly getting smaller?
A baby with a potato peeler.
what's the difference between my shoelace and a dead baby?
when my shoelace gets caught in an escalator I give a fuck.
What do you call a floating stereo?
A nigger at night.
Dirrrttyyy diannnnaaaaaaaa.
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
"First I come out, wearing a tuxedo, playing Brahms. Just as the music reaches a crescendo, my wife in an evening gown runs on stage and undresses me before dancing provocatively on top of the piano.
Just as I finish playing the song with my cock, my wife strips and does a backflip off the piano in a split on stage. Once her naked ass hits the floor, my 7 year old daughter and 13 year old son rush on stage juggling flaming lawn darts. My wife does a handstand and catches the lawn darts in her cunt, she then manages to queef them out, making her the third part of this juggling act.
The queefs force her to squeeze out a few turds, which I eagerly start smearing on my naked body, which arouses me quickly. Once I'm fully aroused my daughter and son take turns blowing me while my wife straps on a monstrous dildo and begins reaming each child while i ejaculate in the eyes of my offspring.
Once I cum, I run into the audience, shit-covered body still sticky with cum and grab my parents and in-laws to involve them into the act. I strip them all nude and instruct them to start a circle jerk while screaming racial slurs. So my mother and father-in-law start screaming, "Fuck the niggers" while mutually masturbating, and my father and mother-in-law begin diddling one another and chanting, "I hate spics and jews!" Once they reach a geriatric climax, my wife uses their ejaculate to lube up her fist which she uses to start fisting me.
As my asshole is violated, I start playing double dutch with my kids, and once they get tangled in the ropes, start a torrid 69. All the sucking and slurping cause my in-laws and parents to get aroused again and they start sodomizing and fisting one another.
My wife at this point has completely started dry-heaving, so she vomits all over my ass and my back. I line up each of my family members who take turns licking the chunks of spew off my back and out of my ass.
By now my children have to defecate so I tell them to shit in each other's favorite orifices. My son, ever the trooper takes a thick, dense shit in his sister's vagina while my daughter shits in my son's nose.
My young daughter also conveniently starts her menstrual cycle shortly thereafter, and the menses and boy-shit in her cunt make for great lube, as each of my in-laws begin fucking my daughter. My son, blinded in shit, heads back to the piano and does his best Stevie Wonder impression while my wife runs back into the audience to grab a toddler from the crowd.
She begins stuffing this child into her vagina, while my parents begin screaming how she's possessed by Satan and start performing a nude exorcism on her. The power of christ compels them to kill the toddler, which also makes it easier to cram into my wife's lovehole.
By now, I'm so horny and aroused that I start fucking the dead baby inside my wife while my young son starts licking my asshole and fingering his paternal grandparents. My in-laws finish abusing my daughter and start wrestling each other, which culminates in a huge powerbomb through the piano bench. The impact shatters my mother-in-law's hips, leaving her crippled.
The strain of the throw caused my father's bad heart to seize, and he collapses in a heap on the stage. As he gurgles and foams at the mouth, my daughter runs over and begins rubbing her shit covered pussy lips all over my crippled mother-in-law.
My wife grabs the wooden shards of the piano bench and begins playing her father's dying body like a xylophone. My son pulls his tongue out of my asshole and begins sucking his dying grandfather's cock.
I diall 911 and call for the paramedics who revive my father-in-law and then take turns fucking my daughter and eating the menses and shit out of her tight cunt.
Once he's conscious we all assemble in a large circle holding hands and chanting gibberish before launching into a rousing group impression of 'A Downs Syndrome' perspective on the horrors of the holocaust, 9/11 and the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
As we're moaning and screaming, my son runs off-stage to get the family dog. The dog runs over to my crippled mother-in-law and begins peeing on her. Once the dog finishes leaving her in a puddle of piss, my daughter stops blowing the paramedics to light the dog on fire.
The dog yelps and howls before collapsing. My son runs over to fuck the burnt corpse while screaming, "White is right!"as my daughter begins goose-stepping around the stage, squeezing shit out of her cunt and offering Nazi salutes to the audience.
My father-in-law begins raping my father, claiming that he's doing it for the forgotten Vietnam vets and POWs. My mother puts my crippled mother-in-law on her shoulders as I put my wife on my shoulders and we play a game of naked chicken.
Once my son finishes fucking the dead dog. He takes the pieces of the piano bench and begins crucifying the corpse. Once the dog is hung like jesus, he begins weeping at the foot of the cross, saying, "Why my god have you forsaken me?"
My daughter mounts the top of the crucifix, using it as a wooden dildo. My parents, my in-laws and my wife join hands at the center of the stage and start singing "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music"
I grab the lawn darts and shove one up everyone's ass before heading back to the piano to finish off the show with a rendition of Freebird."
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
:rimshot:
What's faster than a black guy with a TV?
his brother with a VCR
Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a
sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries
down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing
a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the
window shouting to the firemen below.
FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able
to catch you.
LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here.
FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him.
LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby.
Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me
have the bullhorn."
JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco
49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby
down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living.
Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby
down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes
and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this
and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area,
fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over
the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby.
The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch.
So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two
step and then spikes the baby.
What's fishy and goes around the bottom of the pond at 60 MPH?
A motor pike and side carp.
:v::v::v::v::v:
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
Ba-dum, pssh!
:rimshot:
What do you call a Middle-Eastern reptile related to the crocodile?
[sp]An Allahgator[/sp]
What's the difference between a priest and a zit?
A zit waits til you're 12 to come (cum) on your face
[QUOTE=Ian D;16649720]What's the difference between a priest and a zit?
A zit waits til you're 12 to come (cum) on your face[/QUOTE]
woooow that's awful.
[QUOTE=Gmod4ever;16649691]Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
Ba-dum, pssh!
:rimshot:[/QUOTE]
He doesn't mean terrible jokes you twit. He means offensive, sick jokes
How is a baby like a grape?
They both give a little wine when you squish them.
what's the difference between a streetlight and a baby?
I don't try and hit streetlights with my car.
[QUOTE=Red Heavy;16649748]He doesn't mean terrible jokes you twit. He means offensive, sick jokes[/QUOTE]
No he means terrible...The OP post was terrible not offensive nor sick.
What's pink and bubbly and taps on the glass?
Baby in a microwave.
What's Pink, Black and sits in the corner?
A mutilated baby.
What's Green Black and sits in the corner?
The Same baby 2 weeks later
What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed floaties.
What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
The same baby three weeks later.
What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby.
OP, are the jokes supposed to be "bad" or just tasteless? Because you started with a "bad" joke and then started on the dead baby ones.
[QUOTE=BaconDioxide;16649880]OP, are the jokes supposed to be "bad" or just tasteless? Because you started with a "bad" joke and then started on the dead baby ones.[/QUOTE]
Both
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