Parent's guide to saving your teenager - General

[QUOTE]Parent's Guide to Saving Your Teenager Some people may notice that teenagers growing up now are different than before. They party all night, get drunk, high, arrested, and other horrible things. Face it: they have no morals. You try to raise them to be kind and sweet, but their destructive "friends" supplying them with drugs and alcohol poison those teachings to the core. How can we protect our children you may ask? The obvious answer is to take texting off of their cell phone, and tell them it can only be used to call you or other members of your family. Be sure to limit their computer use to 1 and a half hours a week. Put a filter that only allows them to go onto websites such as the safe gaming site Yahooligans. This may be extreme, but without it, your child will be dead before graduating from high school. Do not give your teen allowance, or allow them to get a job. With extra money they can create fake IDs or buy drugs. Be sure to only allow your teen to go with friends between the hours of 3-4pm on weekdays, and noon to 2 on weekends. This makes it harder for them to go through the complicated process of making the fake IDs or finding pornography on many virus-filled internet websites. In fact, my child spent hours of time he could of spent studying on online talking areas known as "forums". These "forums" are very odd places with big announcements called "threads" which people reply to using a coding sequence called "posts". Many of the threads are filled with swear words not even I can repeat, and massive data-bankings of pornography, both homo and heterosexual. Throughout my experience, my son's grades deteriorated, and was caught on a school computer looking at pornography, even though his hour and a half of computer time was spent. I also found a plastic container with white dust inside of it in his lunch bag. At this point I knew his friends were supplying him with drugs. He argued with me, saying it was just salt, which I knew was a lie because I limit his sugar and salt intake to fight heart disease and obesity. I sent him to a camp known as Aspen Achievement Academy. They specialize in helping children with behavior and drug issues. After a 90 day program, he spewed lies about the wonderful camp, saying that they beat him when he said he never used drugs. The counselor assured me that most teens that return try to lie about their experience to trick you into trusting them. But this "trust" is only to distract you so they can get their drug supply. After this, I couldn't take it. His drugs were seen as gone, but he came back with lies and lies. I called the counselor again after 2 weeks after his return. She recommended I place him in the Behavioral Enrichment Devision. She told me how in the 7 month program, all of the participants' behavior improved. I quickly signed him up. After informing him, he refused to go, repeating the same lies. I then looked online and found a Teen Escort Service. These people are like police officers who ensure the teen gets to the camp safely. In the middle of the night, we let them in, and they handcuffed and blindfolded him. They left and took him to the camp. That was 4 months ago. We are receiving weekly letters from him, with rarely a few lies, and when there are lies, the online tracker shows that disciplinary action was taken. My husband and I are happy he is doing better and are eagerly awaiting his return. So please, before you go through the horror we had to, follow our guidelines, and save your child.[/QUOTE]

Um... no

Massive Data-Bankings of pornography you say?!

Why arn't I dead yet!?!

What the fuck did I just read? Edit: The last little bit seems a bit too strange.

Over protective parents need to learn that keeping teens from allowances and jobs will not stop them from doing stupid shit.

You know, some of this was done by every single generation before ours.

[QUOTE=Emperorconor;23508075]You know, some of this was done by every single generation before ours.[/QUOTE] I imagine it was a lot worse back in the 40s, 50s, and 60s, actually. But you are right, stupid parents do it every generation.

Yeah those forums really suck. Who needs em?

Err were was this posted?

[quote] Do not give your teen allowance, or allow them to get a job[/quote] Let's do this for adults too, so they can't get high and write shit like this.

this kind of thinking creates juvenile-delinquents.

More like murderers. I'd no-joke kill my parents when I get to come back home from the camp. By the way, I looked it up and it seems those escort services do exist.

lol, thats got to be the most stupidest thing I've ever read.

If people make too many rules, they are going to get broken. Your kid isn't gonna be a fuckin angel and they're not gonna live forever so let them have the time of their like instead of living in a goddamn bubble. Sheesh. I would've killed myself if i was that kid, oops nevermind. His mom wouldn't have let me use the butterknife while wearing a bomb suit.

This reminds me of my neighbors, they were weird some son-of-a-bitches.

[QUOTE=Onlyonebowman;23508644]This reminds me of my neighbors, they were weird some son-of-a-bitches.[/QUOTE] Oh and you are totally normal, with your Berries-and-cream Lad avatar. :v:

You could use that same second sentence to describe teenagers from the 70's :v:

Wow.... Feel bad for the teen. Who is the one person who voted yes?

Since someone is really code wording messages in forum posts to say, "I GOT DRUGS!" Links to the site?

I want to hit those parents.

[QUOTE=Nohj;23508751]I want to hit those parents.[/QUOTE] Record it if you do so I can :fappery:

The OP probably wrote this. Nothing shows up if you google it.

[QUOTE=pie_is_good;23508889]The OP probably wrote this. Nothing shows up if you google it.[/QUOTE] I actually wrote it back in November for laughs, and reposted on FPTest, and then Smartguy posted it here [editline]09:11PM[/editline] in fact it was an entry for a competition now that I look back

[QUOTE=+AntoniD;23508901]I actually wrote it back in November for laughs, and reposted on FPTest, and then Smartguy posted it here [editline]09:11PM[/editline] in fact it was an entry for a competition now that I look back[/QUOTE] I lol'd.

Thank god it is not real

That's hilarious. Hope nobody ever actually follows it though.

Thank god. I was about to stab a kitten out of frustration.

You sir are a' trollin By the way, you're one of the reasons my parents are over protective, and the kid in the story just sucked...

All I have to say is, hey helicopter parents! Your kids going off a cliff! How are you gonna fix that?