The Big Ass Millipede - General

Okay, so a few minutes ago I was taking a shit and I spot a big ass millipede right next to my foot. This is a big fucker, it's like five inches long and looks like it's pissed. I lift my feet up and grab a mirror to beat it with. When I look back it's gone. Then the millipede appears right next to my dick on the toilet. This persistent fucker just climbed up the side of this curvy-ass toilet of smoothness, just to bite my dick. I'm not gonna let him. So I get up and get in the corner with my mirror and a shit hanging half out my ass waiting to beat the shit out of it whenever it comes to bite me. I was wrong though. It was the millipede of Jihad, and it fell in the toilet. I guess it forgot it's bomb. So I go and make sure it's in there drowning and then I flush it down. I turn back around and there's a big stain on the wall where the shit was, and as I'm doing this I am reminded of the shit hanging half out of my ass and I sit down and let is slide out into the bowl (that currently had no water in it). This deserves a Paint drawing [img]http://filesmelt.com/dl/tittes.png[/img]

[img]http://www.seattlebugsafari.com/Images/African-Millipede-Jason.jpg[/img] NOOOOO tony! You killed my brother!

why is there poop half out of your bum

you should have let the little fucker drown slowly, while you bombard it with shit.

[QUOTE=ashxu;20849270]why is there poop half out of your bum[/QUOTE] I was mid-shit while this was happening.

[quote=pike1337] you should have let the little fucker drown slowly, while you bombard it with shit.[/quote] I agree.. Also, did it bite your penis?

[QUOTE=onforty;20849307]I agree.. Also, did it bite your penis?[/QUOTE] Nope, I got away.

You were lucky it wasn't a centipede. That would have been worse

Couldn't you just take that little imp and put it out of your house you flayer!?

[QUOTE=executed rat;20849953]Couldn't you just take that little imp and put it out of your house you flayer!?[/QUOTE] It was three in the goddamn morning and I woke up to take a shit.

millipedes don't bite.

[QUOTE=Autumn;20851511]millipedes don't bite.[/QUOTE] Wait, so all that stuff I heard on the Animal Planet about killer millipedes was all a lie? Well that sucks for me.

Your dick is tiny.

I read this as "Big ass-millipede.

[QUOTE=Wonky;20852424]I read this as "Big ass-millipede.[/QUOTE] :ohdear:

[QUOTE=Kawaii;20851777]Wait, so all that stuff I heard on the Animal Planet about killer millipedes was all a lie? Well that sucks for me.[/QUOTE] yep. millipedes don't bite, all they do is give off a bad smell. centipedes on the other hand can inflict a very painful bite, and i think it's possible if you have a weak heart or an allergic reaction then there's a very small chance it could kill you... but "killer millipedes"? yes, that was a lie.

[QUOTE=Kawaii;20851777]Wait, so all that stuff I heard on the Animal Planet about killer millipedes was all a lie? Well that sucks for me.[/QUOTE] Some Millipedes give off poisonous gas to kill small creatures. It would take a lot of millipedes to kill a full grown human.

Strangely Carmina Burana was a fitting song to the read.