• Ex girlfriend harassing me, what can I do?
    100 replies, posted
TL;DR: Ex girlfriend from a long distance relationship and I split up, she got verbally abusive with me, so I blocked her on everything, she's trying to circumvent blocks and is now threatening to show up at my doorstep. What do I do? Firstly let me apologise, not normally someone that posts shit like this but I'm pretty worried and don't really know what to do besides talk to the police. It's midnight right now here in the UK and I will first thing the morning see if I can contact my local police or talk to citizens advice. Basically, I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl in the US, we've met multiple times throughout the year and a half we've been together, which we both enjoyed, however, recently I broke up with her. She hasn't taken it too well, and ended up getting very verbally abusive towards me and acting like it's okay to do that. Any reaction I gave back to defend myself would result in her getting even angrier at me. Staying quiet exactly the same thing. So I've ended up blocking her on everything I have online, Steam, Facebook, Skype, WhatsApp, phone, emails etc. She has now resorted to contacting me on other phone numbers, using throwaway emails, commenting on my youtube videos, and now contacting my family members and friends to try and contact me, acting all apologetic and that she's changed and all that stuff and I know fully well if I talk to her again even if it starts out fine, it will slip back right to the abusiveness again. Now, we had planned one more visit before I broke up with her, and she has told me that her ticket was non-refundable but it could be changed to a later date. I've paid her back for the other half of the ticket cost so that she has absolutely no valid reason now to contact me. However, this now poses an issue where she could get on that plane and show up at my doorstep on the 4th of February as she knows where I live and it's not hard to get here or that expensive. Now I never took her as someone who would do that, but I just [URL="https://i.imgur.com/EjPFefF.jpg"]received a screenshot from my friend[/URL] we both have in common where she has said she will be getting on the flight and showing up at my doorstep now because I'm not talking to her. What do you guys suggest I do? I don't know if I can ask the police to keep her away like barring her entry to the country because she technically hasn't done anything to warrant something like that. Of course I'll contact them tomorrow and find out what can be done, but if you guys have any other suggestions I'd love to hear them.
Well if you are that worried, the police can help you. Just ring 101 and see what they can do if you think she will actually turn up. Also holy shit, that is fucked up. Hope your family are taking it lightly
File a restraining order or whatever the equivalent is in the UK?
[QUOTE=Steven :D;51748128]File a restraining order or whatever the equivalent is in the UK?[/QUOTE] Would take months to even get to court here, also they would probably need evidence that this is necessary which they wouldn't get until she turns up
[QUOTE=joshthesmith;51748123]Well if you are that worried, the police can help you. Just ring 101 and see what they can do if you think she will actually turn up. Also holy shit, that is fucked up. Hope your family are taking it lightly[/QUOTE] Yeah that's pretty much the plan, only thing I can think of doing right now. My family don't know she's planning on coming over yet I'll let them know in the morning.
If you feel threatened or anything, i'd recommend not being home the day she comes over. Are there any friends or family you can stay with?
If she shows up on your doorstep, ready to get physical, you have every right to defend yourself in the physical manner. In other words, if things get that far where she shows up at your doorstep and if she tries to hit you, knock her teeth out. However, only do this, if the Police have failed you, and other means of being to handle things in a civil way as far as the courts go or other means. But based on what is going down, she's on a plane to approach you. If your family fails to defend you, or help you out, then go down the physical route. Being Verbally Abused, is not acceptable to happen to a person.
[QUOTE=Middle Rafale;51748457]If she shows up on your doorstep, ready to get physical, you have every right to defend yourself in the physical manner. In other words, if things get that far where she shows up at your doorstep and if she tries to hit you, knock her teeth out. However, only do this, if the Police have failed you, and other means of being to handle things in a civil way as far as the courts go or other means. But based on what is going down, she's on a plane to approach you. If your family fails to defend you, or help you out, then go down the physical route. Being Verbally Abused, is not acceptable to happen to a person.[/QUOTE] I'm glad posts like this still exist Quoting in case of snip [editline]29th January 2017[/editline] Preserving art for future generations
[QUOTE=Blazedol;51748318]If you feel threatened or anything, i'd recommend not being home the day she comes over. Are there any friends or family you can stay with?[/QUOTE] I agree. Hide somewhere for a week or so and let this all blow over. Maybe get a friend she doesn't know to stay over if you have an apartment. Move the furniture around so it looks like someone else moved in if she tries looking in the door. Bitch be cray cray.
Firstly, don't do this: [QUOTE=Middle Rafale;51748457]If she shows up on your doorstep, ready to get physical, you have every right to defend yourself in the physical manner. In other words, if things get that far where she shows up at your doorstep and if she tries to hit you, knock her teeth out. However, only do this, if the Police have failed you, and other means of being to handle things in a civil way as far as the courts go or other means. But based on what is going down, she's on a plane to approach you. If your family fails to defend you, or help you out, then go down the physical route. Being Verbally Abused, is not acceptable to happen to a person.[/QUOTE] Self defense laws in britain are way stricter than the US, I'd recommend asking the cops what you're allowed to do to defend yourself if she gets physical. Speaking of cops, call em in the morning, explain the situation. My recommendation would be for them to confirm if she's actually on the plane, for you to start filing a restraining order, for them figure out when the plane lands, and send a car out to your house soon after it lands, depending on distance. If she does show up, the cops can take her away for trespassing, and will probably fast track the restraining order due to it.
[QUOTE=Crimor;51748596]Firstly, don't do this: Speaking of cops, call em in the morning, explain the situation. My recommendation would be for them to confirm if she's actually on the plane, for you to start filing a restraining order, for them figure out when the plane lands, and send a car out to your house soon after it lands, depending on distance. If she does show up, the cops can take her away for trespassing, and will probably fast track the restraining order due to it.[/QUOTE] Well, the physical part, is a last resort, if everything else has failed the person in question. Because a person has every right to defend themselves from someone who is getting physical with them. Especially, if the Law Enforcement, doesn't do much to help out with the situation. If the Original poster were to give as much information about the woman as possible to the Police when they contacted, maybe then they'd also do more. But yes, you're right about confirming if she's going on the plane, or just making things ups.
I would suggest just chilling out somewhere else in the mean time. She'll have to leave eventually.
Obviously you must fight her. Shitposting aside i'll give actual advice: Don't delete anything, document everything she's done and will do with evidence (aka a photograph or snapshot on the video.) If she shows up on your doorstep, and you know it's her, lock the door and call the cops about trespassing and harassment. She'll be hauled off most likely.
she will probably have to pay a lot of money to reschedule the flight i think shes just shittalking, if your worried i dont think it takes that long to have a restraining order issued, they would be pointless if that was the case
[video=youtube;rgEP1niScLc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgEP1niScLc[/video] [editline]30th January 2017[/editline] In all seriousness, i agree with staying with family or friends for a week or two. Hope it doesn't complicate school and/or work though. Anyways, I hope this will resolve itself soon. Keep us updated.
[QUOTE=waylander;51749517]she will probably have to pay a lot of money to reschedule the flight i think shes just shittalking, if your worried i dont think it takes that long to have a restraining order issued, they would be pointless if that was the case[/QUOTE] No we booked this flight like around august time and the ticket is still valid because she hasn't cancelled it. Nothing is stopping her getting on that flight as it is all paid for. I have made plans with some friends, 3 of them are gonna stay with me for a week starting 3rd of Feb to the 10th and it's been kept just between the 4 of us so no one else should know. I can't really stay elsewhere unfortunately so it's the next best thing I can do. I live on the top floor of an apartment complex, so she has to get past the security door, but our neighbours are all idiots and tend to let people in because "I live at number X i forgot my keys let me in". I usually lock and chain my door shut when I am home anyway. The only real evidence I have left is one chat log between my friend and her, where she has said she is going to come over on the 4th of Feb if I don't talk to her. Police can't really do anything until she 'shows up', so I'll have to call them when she starts buzzing my door [B]if[/B] she decides to show up. For the time being all I can really do is wait. At least I'll have my friends with me so I doubt she will try anything. I am honestly just expecting her to show up at my door and if I open the door the waterworks will start. My family think I should send her an email politely explaining I don't want to talk to her any more and if she shows up I will call the police, but other people are saying it's best to call her bluff or just call the police if she shows up rather than give her a warning. I don't want to email her personally because I imagine she will expect me to reply to her next few emails that will inevitably follow.
I wish you the best of luck on this endeavor, and be on your guard. Because this whole situation doesn't even sound right.
The funny thing is the more you ignore a girl the more she is craving to get back in contact with you. I'd just tell her I've turned gay or tell her stuff that makes her lose interest Or if she actually shows up, let her in, fuck her, throw her out and if she isn't leaving call the cops.
I'd say grow some actual balls, maybe put up a camera somewhere for insurance and live on?
[QUOTE=Teddybeer;51750433] Would just add rape claims to the list.[/QUOTE] They usually claim it was rape when they didn't enjoy the sex even though they agreed to it. So either put some effort in fucking or don't fuck at all and try to be as awkward, weird and clingy as possible, like being really needy and nervous. That should be enough to drive her away
[QUOTE=spectator1;51750375]I'd say grow some actual balls, maybe put up a camera somewhere for insurance and live on?[/QUOTE] Well to be fair after having been stalked by someone whom I've never met or known in real life I can attest this shit's grating at best and downright fucking infuriating at worse and I can only imagine the kind of stress it must create to be stalked/harassed by someone you actually know.
[QUOTE=Higurashi;51750351]The funny thing is the more you ignore a girl the more she is craving to get back in contact with you. I'd just tell her I've turned gay or tell her stuff that makes her lose interest.[/QUOTE] See you'll probably find this funny. In case my avatar didn't give it away already as straight as a roundabout. However, her ex before me, turned out gay at the end of their relationship. I only met her because her ex added me on Steam one day and started flirting with me :V I should've seen the signs sooner.
[QUOTE=Skidmarks;51750826]See you'll probably find this funny. In case my avatar didn't give it away already as straight as a roundabout. However, her ex before me, turned out gay at the end of their relationship. I only met her because her ex added me on Steam one day and started flirting with me :V I should've seen the signs sooner.[/QUOTE] Some girls just cannot take being rejected, just like some guys do. I felt like that at one point too, the whole "she fooled me, I hate her" phase until I came to a better ending : we just weren't eachothers type. She tried, I tried. The end. But then there are the types you appear to be dealing with, "never letting you live this down" types. Honestly I have no idea how to handle a situation like that but I can only say don't do anything you'll regret, like violence or threatening violence - I'd say the "don't be home" advice is solid, but she sounds like the type to show up multiple days since she flew over. So sorry for you man, but you'll have to deal with this your own way, be patient and careful though.
[QUOTE=MendozaMan;51750929]Some girls just cannot take being rejected, just like some guys do. I felt like that at one point too, the whole "she fooled me, I hate her" phase until I came to a better ending : we just weren't eachothers type. She tried, I tried. The end. But then there are the types you appear to be dealing with, "never letting you live this down" types. Honestly I have no idea how to handle a situation like that but I can only say don't do anything you'll regret, like violence or threatening violence - I'd say the "don't be home" advice is solid, but she sounds like the type to show up multiple days since she flew over. So sorry for you man, but you'll have to deal with this your own way, be patient and careful though.[/QUOTE] Yeah I appreciate it. I'll deal with it and I'm hoping she is just bluffing for attention but you can never be too careful. I've got almost all of my RL friends on standby mode now for this and about 6 who are gonna stay at my place for the day she is due to arrive. I called the local police and they told me pretty much what I expected, "We can't do anything unless she breaks the law, so if she doesn't leave or attempts to break in or gets physically/verbally abusive then you can call us"
[QUOTE=Skidmarks;51750969]Yeah I appreciate it. I'll deal with it and I'm hoping she is just bluffing for attention but you can never be too careful. I've got almost all of my RL friends on standby mode now for this and about 6 who are gonna stay at my place for the day she is due to arrive. I called the local police and they told me pretty much what I expected, "We can't do anything unless she breaks the law, so if she doesn't leave or attempts to break in or gets physically/verbally abusive then you can call us"[/QUOTE] Damn is your ex a freaking world heavy weight wrestler? I wouldn't be so afraid of her if I were you. Let her come, tell her to fuck off, call police on her. >relationship over. Then don't try to date someone online again. You'll find it ends in disaster nearly 90% of the time. Usually people only get into long distance or online relationships because they are insecure and acknowledge that they have something about themselves to hide. Having an online or LD relationship makes it easier to hide those things that would otherwise be deal breakers IRL. I'm only speaking from experience.
The only advice I'd give is echoing what most others said. Get some homies round or go round their's, play some vidya and chill. (If my mate told me he was have troubles like yours I'd already have pizza and a sofa-bed ready) If she starts banging on the door call the police and let them deal with it.
[QUOTE=Middle Rafale;51748457]If she shows up on your doorstep, ready to get physical, you have every right to defend yourself in the physical manner. In other words, if things get that far where she shows up at your doorstep and if she tries to hit you, knock her teeth out. However, only do this, if the Police have failed you, and other means of being to handle things in a civil way as far as the courts go or other means. But based on what is going down, she's on a plane to approach you. If your family fails to defend you, or help you out, then go down the physical route. Being Verbally Abused, is not acceptable to happen to a person.[/QUOTE] Do you have over 300 confirmed kills?
She is most likely just saying all that crap to scare you. Then again just to be on the safe side, I think you should either stay at a friend's or in a hotel room etc. During the time she would supposedly be in the UK?
My brother's crazy ex-gf once tried the same, contacting through everything and getting blocked, then she showed up home, rang the bell a few times, got ignored, and left. But we can't judge based on that since every girl is different types of crazy.
Call 101 in advance of her potential arrival date so they can actually do something about it. They'll just be the arbiter and talk to her for you if she turns up which may make her realise she's being cuckoo
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