Alright, so last year I dated this girl for awhile, but we didn't quite work things out right and we split and stopped talking for about a year.
During the year we stopped talking, I, of course, found someone else and was very happy in my situation for a long time until recently. I began to realize I don't do anything other than work and see this girl, and while that makes me happy, I want to see my friends again too. So I began seeing my friends more and this really pissed her off and we would literally spend days arguing about it and trying to "compromise" (which involved only seeing my friends a few times a week for a couple hours or whatever). Of course I wouldn't stand for that, and I told her that. I made it clear I need my time with friends and if that means we hangout all day a couple times a week then so be it. This added fuel to the fire and things only got worse to the point where I'm expected to either be with her, be alone, or only see my friends for not an entire day. So I basically have to go out with friends without telling her and find excuses to go and do my own things. We text all day, like 24/7 and it makes no sense to me why I have to leave my friends after a few hours just because she doesn't like it and whatever.
Well that girl I dated last year has begun talking to me again and she's told me she has interest in me again and all this, we of course see each other a bit because we live very close and our friends are all mutual. But now I'm in a situation of, do I leave the girl I've been with for over a year now to possibly be with someone else (and if so, how), or do I stay in this situation where I'm only happy SOMETIMES but I don't possibly ruin someones life (there's many possibly mental issues involved and depression, etc). I'm really fucking stuck Facepunch and I need help or advice on what to do.
Edit: It's honestly gotten to the point where I have been thinking about ending it so much, even all day today. I've had my mom tell me to, friends, etc. It's just terrible honestly and I can see why the clear answer would be to just leave, but I have an honest fear of what would happen. Suicidal thoughts have occurred for her before among other things. Yes, I realize she needs help too but the way she talks to me makes it seem like I'm the only person keeping her from harming herself. I believe it's a controlling/manipulative relationship which I've never had to deal with before. There is no clear way out to me and I'm honestly not happy. I've thought of just doing something I KNOW she wouldn't like so she'd end it herself but again, I really don't want to cause physical harm.
You're clearly not happy in your current relationship.
Break up with the current one (get her help too), stay the fuck away from the last one at all costs.
It's the only way you'll win here.
Break up mang, if she won't let you do things that make you happy then she's no good for ya.
I realize that she's no good and that I'm not happy. I just don't know how to get out of it. Like I said, I fear extreme things will happen such as physical harm.
[QUOTE=drake90001;48004245]I realize that she's no good and that I'm not happy. I just don't know how to get out of it. Like I said, I fear extreme things will happen such as physical harm.[/QUOTE]
Harm to you by her or harm by you to her or harm by her to her or harm to you by you?
[QUOTE=Svinnik;48004304]Harm to you by her or harm by you to her or harm by her to her or harm to you by you?[/QUOTE]
Harm by her to herself. :/
[QUOTE=drake90001;48004425]Harm by her to herself. :/[/QUOTE]
[URL="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201003/what-do-when-feeling-manipulated-suicide-threats"]https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201003/what-do-when-feeling-manipulated-suicide-threats[/URL]
[URL="https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/emotional-blackmail-suicide-threats-in-abusive-relationships/"]https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/emotional-blackmail-suicide-threats-in-abusive-relationships/[/URL]
might want to check these pages out then
[QUOTE=Svinnik;48004455][URL="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201003/what-do-when-feeling-manipulated-suicide-threats"]https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201003/what-do-when-feeling-manipulated-suicide-threats[/URL]
[URL="https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/emotional-blackmail-suicide-threats-in-abusive-relationships/"]https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/emotional-blackmail-suicide-threats-in-abusive-relationships/[/URL]
might want to check these pages out then[/QUOTE]
Thanks. I just read them and they provide great inside and idea on how to get out. I'm honestly living in a lot of fear for the past few days and I feel like complete shit. You all seem to agree that I should get out of the relationship and I want to badly. I've never felt such anxiety before. Thank you guys and please continue to give ideas and insight because it seems to be the only thing helping me right now.
Always remember that what people do (to themselves or others) is out of your control.
Don't be with someone who makes you unhappy and/or forces you to stay with them out of fear.
[QUOTE=Coridan;48006138]Always remember that what people do (to themselves or others) is out of your control.
Don't be with someone who makes you unhappy and/or forces you to stay with them out of fear.[/QUOTE]
Yes, I've accepted that now.
Here's an update. I've told her for two days now that I'm really unhappy and made that clear. She insists that we can be and that she's sorry for things in the past and that we can be better if we work together and all of that. I've heard it a bunch and every time I've said okay and stayed. This time I just stopped talking to her. I told her I can't do it anymore. And stopped replying. She called me a lot and texted me, etc. well then she showed up at my house and began talking to my mom about it who thinks she was just manipulating us to get ahold of me. And she refused to leave until she spoke with me. We then argued and she tried to persuade me to try and all the things she basically texted me about. My mom suggests getting a restraining order.
While the phrase "Bros before hoes" really sounds dumb, I honestly think it's a pretty important mantra.
Personally I treat my girlfriend as I would my friends - if we have a deal to meet somewhere at some point, I'll be there, but I'm not gonna drop any other appointments just to accommodate one person (unless of course something pretty important has happened). Either way I still spend a lot of time with my girlfriend.
But yeah, definitely pull out. And remember that you don't [I]need[/I] to be in a relationship with someone - having another girl waiting shouldn't influence your decision to drop this one.
While I do suggest breaking up, do be careful about using a restraining order. I seen a few other threads here about relationships, and saw how restraining orders are devastating to the other person. Try what you can first, try all other methods first. Leave the restraining order as the last option.
As someone who has gone through some serious relationship issues recently myself, I would really suggest just ending the relationship before anything goes any further. I wouldn't use a restraining order though, trust me on this, you really don't want the whole situation to get into legal stuff. My advice to you is to do whatever is going to make you happier, just be completely honest with her about the whole thing. Also I would advise against going with the girl you dated earlier, it didn't work out before and there has to be a reason for that, a reason that most likely has not and will not change.
The best of luck to you man, relationships can be really tough, but we all gotta hold in there.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.