So, I finish my homework and get on Facebook to see what I have missed out on because I am one of those people, and I get on and my friend Matthew Urick posted a religion based on me. It is pretty funny to read through. So I thought I would post it on here. He says that there are many books of Austin that have yet to be written. Hope you enjoy. It is as follows:
"In the beginning there was an Austin, who grew tired of the universal plains petty games, and created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was a potato shaped glob, not sphere-like for the Austin had not yet conceptualized the sphere, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirits of the Noobs was hovering over the waters.
And the Austin said," let there be a measuring system based on the number ten, which is how many fingers I myself have when I am happy. Let it be called the metric system, in Gerrusianreekfglish."
And the Austin said, "Let there be light, which is an electromagnetic wave that travels at 299,792,458 metres per second in a vacuum," and there was light. The Austin saw that the light was pretty gal-darn cool if you could see it, so he created some other waves you could see if you were special, and He separated the light from the nothing. The Austin called the light "day," and the absence of light he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day, if you want to call it that. You don't have to though. Whatever.
The Austin had a galactic cold, and sneeze expelled the matter that became the vegetation and such, and the boogers became animals of all sizes and types, based on consistency and color of the snot. The Austin decided that some rules to govern motion and such were now needed, so he invented physics. All of them. Like THAT. *snap*
The Austin decided it was dead boring to just have a bunch of snot-animals on his new plaything, so he said, "let there be sex, but make sure it isn't as awesome as galactic plan sex, for that would be boring to watch all the time." And the snot animals began making more snot animals, some better than others, and the Austin created evolution.
Then the Austin got a bit narcissistic and said, "Let there be a creature called man in our image, in our likeness, and let them just be normal and insignificant, but make them think there are incredibly important." And there was man.
The Austin thought the man was boring looking so he said, "Let the man's rib spleen tear out of his belly, and become women, so that she is the venom removed from the man's body, and let some men fall for the woman's venom and become even more oafish and jerky." And it was epic.
And The Austin saw all that he had made, chuckled, and thought this will be temporarily entertaining. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their epicness.
By the seventh day the Austin had finished the work he had been doing and was low on coffee; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God put the seventh day on a really tall marble pedestal and made it fucking awesome, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
---
This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created.
So the Austin decided it was amazingly boring to watch a bunch of jerkwads hump a gaggle of unaffectionate wenches, so he got rid of all the men and women except one of each, and put them in a coma so he could make them a playpen.
And the Austin created the playpen, with many plants and animals of nutrition, and a down bed and Kama Sutra so he didn't have to watch unfashionable humping anymore.
The Austin woke the jerk and the wench, and told them to play nice and not hump so often, and that they could eat anything in the garden save tobacco, for that was uncool and everyone knows pot is much less dangerous, and kill anything in the garden save each other, for that was dumb because necros are dead sick. The Austin told the man and wench to refrain from wearing things, because furies are also uncool. And all was awesome.
One day, the wench say a mink and killed it, but put on the fur around her neck like a boa, because she was vain and fucking stupid, and the Austin say it right away and starting flinging fireballs and shit down at them because he was pissed off, but he was merciful and told them to gtfo of his playpen and make a living on earth without him, but to sacrifice pretty things to him once and a while and stay out of different peoples' beeswax because that is slave morality shit.'
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Wrong section" - Gurant))[/highlight]
this is the right section to post it in
tl;dr and General discussion
i'm sorry to say this, but we don't really care.
My friend created a religion called "Wheel of Fortunism" basically when you die you go on the wheel of fortune and Depending on how good or bad you were in life either Oprah or Dr. Phil comes out and allows you to spin the wheel. Whatever it lands on is what you become.
I read it all, pretty good.
[QUOTE=ashxu;19853358]i'm sorry to say this, but we don't really care.[/QUOTE]
Then why waste your time and post on here?
Edit: Can someone help me to get an admin to move this into General Discussion?
[QUOTE=Gunhound;19853396]Then why waste your time and post on here?[/QUOTE]Don't listen to them haters!
[QUOTE=KSI;19853426]Don't listen to them haters![/QUOTE]
Do you post at every opportunity?
tl;dr ---- It's like Christianity but stupider and says women are venom
[QUOTE=Biotoxsin;19853536]Do you post at every opportunity?[/QUOTE]
Yeah what a fag.
And yet it is still as credible as any other religion.
[QUOTE=yellowoboe;19853575]Yeah what a fag.[/QUOTE]
January 2007
21,711 Posts
[QUOTE=IhateValve;19853614]January 2007
21,711 Posts[/QUOTE]
I would have more then that if I joined at that time.
[QUOTE=yellowoboe;19853632]:downs:[/QUOTE]
more like:c00l:
[QUOTE=Murdoco;19853653]I would have more then that if I joined at that time.[/QUOTE]
And half of them would be that shitty comic from your avatar.
[QUOTE=yellowoboe;19853575]Yeah what a fag.[/QUOTE]
In the past 2 days he's accumulated over 300 posts.
Oh, and yellowoboe, at least you have quality posts. You know?
I don't make quality posts.
The fuck are you smoking.
[QUOTE=yellowoboe;19853711]I don't make quality posts.
The fuck are you smoking.[/QUOTE]
Better than his at the very least.
[QUOTE=Gunhound;19853396]Then why waste your time and post on here?
Edit: Can someone help me to get an admin to move this into General Discussion?[/QUOTE]
Learn how Facepunch works, and come back.
the Mercedes-Benz motto is “Das Beste oder Nichts” meaning “the best or nothing”.
[QUOTE=ashxu;19853722]Learn how Facepunch works, and come back.[/QUOTE]
Thanks for being so helpful.
[QUOTE=Biotoxsin;19853718]Better than his at the very least.[/QUOTE]
Have you even read my posts?
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