So I wake up at the bright time of six in the fucking morning still drunk. I have only gotten one nights sleep out of three days and I have drank without food or water in those three days. I vomit and piss in a bucket by my desk and skedaddle out the fucking door.
Twenty bucks on me I go walk to the smokeshop with a book. This is about two miles and I'm an hour early. So I wait by the cornerstore, read and drink fruit punch bottles.
An hour passes and those cunts aren't there. In between my psychopathic ramblings to my ex-girlfriend she tells me it's fucking sunday. What the fuck I thought it was FRIDAY FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.
So I wait another hour because they open at noon on sundays. I get the incense and walk home. I smoke a bit.
The good shit starts when I arrange a date with this girl I know already, will not come through. So I show up at the boardwalk with some drugs, a book and ten bucks.
I wind up ending the PG night in this pizza parlor getting a deal for 50 bucks and sliding into this bar where a bunch of mid-life crisis degenerate fuckheads are all blitz shitfaced screaming the lyrics to Journey.
I'm alright with this, because my father one of those assholes and I'm used to it. Eventually however this forty year old horrible looking woman begins to hit on me and play this little pool game or some shit with me. I humor her and act all nice and what not and somehow her party hooks me up with a pitcher of beer.
I eat this pitcher of beer and all the booze it's worth. I smoke a joint and they catch onto the fact that I'm 17. They skip town and I slip out when this Tianah bitch calls me up.
She's down 146 by the Lipstick titty bar. I can walk five miles and get there so I grab all my shit and do it. After a fucking long time of looking for this place and passing an inconvenienced fat couple changing their tire I make it there.
Turns out she's at a meth-head's house like it's all just cool and dandy. So I act like it's cool and dandy and eventually convince myself that it is (it took four seconds really).
She gives me a tour of her house like a nice lady and says "wait do you have pot?" I show her the incense and she says it's a bet and we smoke the last of my shit. She instantly deems me her best friend and after tweeking like shit I started doing shots of tequila.
Three shots later Tianah walks into the house with what's a decently attractive girl. I look down to check her out and notice something, she has a bulge. I also notice something else, it's a fucking dude.
This guy had to be one of the biggest fucking flamers I'd ever seen in my entire life. I've been to Harris County Jail enough times to see some fucked up shit but this crossdresser was /flawless/. Even had a weirdly small adams apple, that's what caught me at first; it must've been a girl because the adams apple didn't appear there.
Anyways the night continues and I act cool with all this dribbly fucking nonsense until this hillbilly white trash bitch steps into the kitchen to inform me that Freddy Mercury in there digs my nuts and desperately wants them and in her opinion "We'd make a cute couple".
I consider this for .32 seconds and decide, "We probably actually fucking wouldn't." she informs me this will hurt his feelings and I make haste to get the fuck out the door. Even having to convince that Tianah chick who has some sort of crotch-rot anyways that I should hug or kiss her to make up for being such an asshole. She gets weird about this and doesn't argue with me leaving. [B]Success[/B].
NOW I'M BACK ON 146 walking home in flip flops, blitzed and faded. This takes me four hours of hitch-hiking, brazenly passing by the fuzz who're screaming around that highway like angry ants looking to bust people while I'm publicly intoxicated on both alcohol and what could possibly be an illegal substance.
I just skate on by until I take a break in this IHOP where three Galveston County Sheriffs are chilling out. I'm batshit fucking insane at this point so I figure to myself "Let's see if I can run on a meal in here". Good sense gets the best of me and I ditch that plan and split a coffee with my waitress who TRIES TO GET ME A RIDE WITH THE SHERIFFS.
I play it cool and beg for that ride that I hope doesn't come. It doesn't so I thank everyone and get the fuck out of dodge.
About four bummed cigarettes later I was running across bridges and finally making it home. I recounted my night and realized I had a fucking unplanned blast on a budget of a gram of good weed and ten dollars. I credit the ALL GREAT MAGNET
What was the point of this story?
I was quite entertained.
TL;DR:
you wafe up, go to buy some weed, get drunk, have sex with a guy, hitchhike to an IHOP, and then get in jail. Is this correct?
Sounds like he awoke, drunk from whatever may of happened the night before. So he goes to a cornerstore, and drinks and reads a few juice bottles? Then he goes to a bar with some woman, who doesn't show up, then he flirts with some middle-aged woman, and schmoozes his way into a few free beers. Then someone calls him and asks him to come hangout, but turns out she's at a meth house. THEN some transexual walks in, and wants to have sex with him, so he gets the hell outta there. THEN he breaks into an Ihop, but it's open anyways?(WTF)Then he goes home, and worships some magnet?
Whats wrong with Journey? :(
Nice story and you live in texas, so 5 star thread. Also story sounds like a song that ke$ha would make.
A++ Thread, would read again.
[editline]What is time?[/editline]
No really, I couldn't even read this. Was it even in chronological order?
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
