I've always been a fan of offensive/dark humor. Show me what you got. No, I don't care if you steal from Reddit.
I'll start out with one, in image form.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/bXwOdZa.jpg[/IMG]
Reminds me of this:
[img]http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/meh.ro10678.jpg[/img]
A pedophile and a little boy are walking through the woods at night.
The little boy says "These woods sure are creepy!"
To which the pedophile responds "You think they're creepy? I have to walk through them alone later!"
Say what you will about paedophiles, at least they drive slowly through school zones
[QUOTE=BelatedGamer;50302841]A pedophile and a little boy are walking through the woods at night.
The little boy says "These woods sure are creepy!"
To which the pedophile responds "You think they're creepy? I have to walk through them alone later!"[/QUOTE]
Should swap out the word pedophile for something else, it would be a bigger whammy.
[editline]11th May 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=code_gs;50302802]Reminds me of this:
[img]http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/meh.ro10678.jpg[/img][/QUOTE]
Oh my fucking god
I wish I could rate posts right now.
There's a rabbi in a taxi, going though the city for a meeting. Everything is fine, the driver is nice and all. Suddenly, as they're waiting for the green light, a gang of big black guys shows up, armed with baseball bats and stuff. They start hitting the car, break the lights, get the driver out and kick him.
The rabbi is really scared and scream : "Please stop, Please... Stop it !"
Then another gang shows up, mexicans this time, they're even bigger than the black dudes. They fight the blacks, destroy them, turn on the taxi and the driver, and wreck both of them. The driver is nearly dead, blood everywhere. The cab is smocking, windows are destroyed...
And the rabbi is still really, really scared. He continues screaming : "Please stop, Please... Stop it !"
The the police shows up, shoot the mexicans, handcuff the survivors, call an ambulance for the driver and try to patch him up. The rabbi is still in the car, and seems more and more scared.
He's still screaming : "Please stop, Please... Stop it !"
A policeman helps him out, and see the terror on his face. "Calm down, we saved you, everything is alright", he says.
"Please stop, Please... Stop it !" continues the rabbi.
The policeman try to reassure him. "It's gonna be alright, you're safe!"
"Please stop, Please... Stop it !"
The policeman gets a bit angry "Look, you're safe, you need to calm down!"
The rabbi then looks at the taxi, his eyes filled with terror. "Please stop, Please... Stop the meter!"
Fun fact, I heard this joke on french radio years ago being told by an ex-minister.
Why did the depressed man kill himself?
Because his life was a joke
[sp]sorry[/sp]
How does a Jewish boy pick up a Jewish girl for a date at a death camp?
[sp]With a dust pan[/sp]
How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
[sp]Roll up her sleeve[/sp]
I'll have you know my grandfather died at Auschwitz [sp]He fell out of a guard tower[/sp]
Ya hear about the new German microwave oven?
[sp]It seats six![/sp]
What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?
[sp]Nobody pays good money to have a lima bean in their mouth.[/sp]
Why was lynching widespread amongst negroes, but never quite in the Asian community?
[sp]Who has ever heard of a well hung Asian?[/sp]
What's black, white, and used to be red all over?
[sp] Native America [/sp]
[QUOTE=Johnny Joe;50305025]
I'll have you know my grandfather died at Auschwitz [sp]He fell out of a guard tower[/sp][/QUOTE]
My grandfather also died at Auschwitz [sp]A guard landed on him[/sp]
How do you pick out the Jews in a crowded train station?
[sp]glue a penny to the floor and see who tries to pick it up[/sp]
How do you start a moshpit for Jews?
[sp]throw a penny in the crowd[/sp]
What did the doctor say was the Jew's cause of death?
[sp]heartburn because his non-Jewish wife spent too much money on clothes[/sp]
How do you blindfold an asian?
[sp]Dental Floss[/sp]
How do you offload a carriage full of infants?
[sp]By using a pitchfork[/sp]
What do you call a black father who was recently bludgeoned to death?
[sp]Deadbeat[/sp]
How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman?
[sp]none[/sp]
How to make muslims busy for a day.
Buy three pigs, paint the numbers 1, 2, and 4 on their backs, release them into a mosque and watch them hunt for number 3 the rest of the day.
And here's one that isn't as dark or offensive but a good way to take the piss out of someone:
What mouse walks on 2 legs?
[sp]Mickey mouse[/sp]
What dog walks on 2 legs?
[sp]Goofy[/sp]
Alright, so what duck walks on 2 legs?
[sp]They all do you moron[/sp]
What's long, pink, and makes my girlfriend cry when I stick it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
P.S. how do I hide text?
What does Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
[sp] Their last big hits were the wall [/sp]
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
[sp] Christopher Reeve[/sp]
what's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?
[sp]your erection[/sp]
[QUOTE=Nightmare515;50306288]What's long, pink, and makes my girlfriend cry when I stick it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
P.S. how do I hide text?[/QUOTE]
[url=https://www.facepunch.com/misc.php?do=bbcode]The bbcode list[/url]
More anti-jokes but hers a cluster that i used to use a lot....
Why did Suzzie fall off the swing?
[sp]Because she had no arms[/sp]
What did Suzzie get for christmas?
[sp]Nothing, because shes an orphan[/sp]
Where did Suzzie go when the bomb went off?
[sp]Everywhere.[/sp]
a black jewish boy is walking home and he asks his father
"am i more jewish or more black?"
his father says "why do you want to know, son?"
[sp]"because there is a boy at school selling a bike for $50 and i want to know if i should talk him down to $40 or just steal it"[/sp]
if a group of white men running down a hill is an avalanche and a group of mexicans running down a hill is a mudslide, what's a group of black men running down a hill?
[sp]jailbreak.[/sp]
What do you call a flying jew?
[sp]smoke[/sp]
I wish mexicans would stop naming their children jesus
[sp]jesus was human[/sp]
How do you people even come up with some of those?
[QUOTE=thatbooisaspy;50307619]I wish mexicans would stop naming their children jesus
[sp]jesus was human[/sp][/QUOTE]
holy shit this one is brutal
[QUOTE=matt000024;50307745]holy shit this one is brutal[/QUOTE]
Personally that joke went straight through me, and I was like "Huh."
Not to be a party pooper. This thread gave me an otherwise nice laugh.
how do you fit four homosexuals on one bar stool?
[sp]flip it over![/sp]
What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine?
[sp]A washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.[/sp]
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