• Describe your favorite game, and make it sound as shitty as possible.
    130 replies, posted
I'll start. Shitty modern FPS with you in a overpowered super suit that provides no challenge for the player. Your only enemies are generic soldiers that you would see in any CoD game, except these ones keep tripping over each other and drown when they get chest deep in water. Then a bunch of aliens get thrown into the mix for no reason. The sequels are even worse.
Command & Conquer: The new Free to Play RTS by Electronic Arts and Victory Games! Would you like to buy "SCUD Storm" for $9.99?
crappy ass copy of JBmod that wants $10 out of your wallet and it's made by a faggot
Hulf Lyfe Too you play as a mute, specky nerd bastard with a box opener and a futuristic Trash picker, and his job is to Defeat the evil flying Space potatoes who have enslaved the hummens and set up a big black toblerone tower somewhere in Slovakia.
You go to some shitty rip off of atlantis where you never have any ammo or health and shoot generic enemies while the game tries to force a 2deep4u pretentious story and "political" vision down your throat all on top of shitty fantasy baby magic powers and a broken moral system and infinite lives along with needing to take pictures of enemies all game like you are some fucking paparazzi.
You play as some weird computer nerd who every other nerd wants because he's like the king of Zimbabwe or something. He lays in this LSD chair thing where he trips out that he's a half white half Mexican during the American Medieval period or some shit. Anyway, he just jumps around in a frilly white flock and skins cute rabbits for profit like a cunt. He also speaks in stupid haiku's to some other medieval American cock jockeys, I'm not even sure why. Fucking AssCreedo III's man. Bullshit
Red, Green, and Blue ending choice.
Tribes 2 is a game where a bunch of fairies in brightly colored armor fly around and spray the ezmode bullet hose chaingun at each other. There's also a noobtube. I think you're supposed to do something with a flag, but I can't figure out what. The graphics suck and it's really old, from like 2001.
It's a simulation of everyday life in Ukraine. It's pretty much just a "Ukraine Life Sim" and not much else. The name stands for Simulation of The Average Life in Kiev and Environmental Replica, I think. It's kind of interesting to see Eastern Europe but then you realize that it's not all that great.
Half leef tow You are some spick white muslim nerd with glasses in a ugly suit,you never speak anything because yolo. You are equipped with a glorified can opener and a gun that allows you to clean trash without touching it. Your job is to get to a giant blue toblerone tower somewhere in Mongolia and destroy it. What makes it even worse is that it's a experimental taste and you don't even try it. Plus,you aren't even paid for that.
it takes place in some shitty post-soviet state and your main objective is to find food and shoot zombies until you get killed by zombies or other players who want your food and gear. it's also guaranteed that you'll break your legs from anything.
Chrono Trigger Generic JRPG with really crappy graphics, dumb anime cutscenes, and a ton of overzealous fans.
Men! You got to fight fishes In space! And you can shoot lasers too! And capture enemies like Pokeyman!
So there is the group of british soldiers going to find a terroist mostly stealthily, while american yahoos kill middle easterners. So this science lab make a gun that makes holes, and you solves puzzles lead by a robot. So you are some hacker is on a space station being hunted by an evil ai and her mutants.
Morrowind. The game where we need you to go to this place to get that thing. It's in a cave, over that hill, before a bend, by the river. It's got a tree outside of it. If you find a lake, or a ruin, or a different tree, then you've gone too far.
You are one of 3 clones made from the super mega best tactical soldier in the world of the year all years, who has to take down his clone brother and his power ranger T-Rex megazord rip off of a mech, and his commanders: a camping bitch with a sniper, a fucking hacker cheater that hovers, a guy with a gun bigger than yours and a tank, and an old bastard with a revolver playing Dirt Harry. You also have to save two hostages that die of a heart attack, another bitch who thinks she's a pro and gets owned by the camping bitch, and the crybaby that built the megazord and pissed himself. Oh, and you also fight a ninja! A NINJA! WITH A SWORD AND A RAILGUN! AND HE GOES BATSHIT CRAZY! The game feeds you stupid movies and people to talk with forever instead of letting you play and tries to be ~~deep~~ with stuff about horrors of war and bla bla bla, and did I mention the enemies dont drop guns? Fucking stupid! And the sequel is even worse! Now you play as a whiny ass punk kid who cries about every damn thing, who brought his bitchy girlfriend who whines that he doesnt knows what day it is, and you have to defeat the other clone brother of the clone you play as in the first game and his team of freaks, which is yet another camping bitch with a railgun, a bald wannabe terrorist with bombs, a vampire guy who likes to suck more than just blood and doesnt fucking dies, and the same old man with a revolver who now has a hand again. Oh and you also get to fight not one, but 25 rock'em sock'em robots with only one rocket launcher. And again, the game feeds you b'awwwing shit about war and ~~2deep4u~~ bs The sequel is even worse somehow... You are now the first clone you play as, except old and constantly shooting viagra, you now have to fight a team of crazy bitches with cheats, the pansy from the second game is now a angsty robot, the vampire comes back and FINALLY dies after being sliced by the robot hundreds of times, the scientist who pissed himself gets heartbroken again, and you have to fight the old guy with the revolver (STILL) with the megazord you wrecked in the first game while he has the megazord from the second game which is totally better but still dies like an idiot and then do fisty cuffs with the old man on top of a pimped out battleship. EVEN more cutscenes included, and more deep crap, and in the end, you get to see your father, the super mega tactical best soldier ever of the year all years who dies because of some fart you gave. OH, did I also mention that you fight AIs that are totally freaky and sound like supernatural "u cant beet me lol" ghosts named after presidents? Yeah. And theres also a wedding.
You play as these little children, walking around stupidly named towns with unrealistic looking people. The developers obviously put no effort in the final boss fight, which has no sprite. You can't even catch the enemies in this blatant Pokemon rip off. The game before and the sequel to this game didn't even come out anywhere but Japan.
The writing is terrible and the story is about some guy who loses his wife and daughter. Ends up being a faggot alcoholic. Not to mention he fell in love with some slut in the 2nd game and died. The third game was god awful, terrible gun play, shit ending and terrible voice acting. oh yeah forgot there are also guns
This one game where you are this uninspired japanense guy on a horse and you have just a toothpick sword and a useless bow that does no damage to kill goddamn bosses- and bosses only, because they're the only threat of the game. You also have to go and locate the fuckers yourself with an unintuitive map. That's it. No wait there is else to do, collect things spread around the map. Because everyone loves to fetch random hidden things. [sp]Shadow of the colossus[/sp]
Ok so you're like, some fat piece of shit plumber, who travels to a run-off-the-mill port city and is roped into having to save the world and your girlfriend (who don't even give you no china) from an evil organization filled with bumbling retards. Your reward? Some nerde mushroom guy tells you that people ate mushrooms 1000 years ago. Gee, thanks guy. Also you're all made out of paper and cardboard for some stupid reason?
run around and time travel backwards a billion times to save a bunch of retards from getting crushed by a giant rock
You're some kid with spiky hair and clothes made out of zippers who travels to a bunch of didney worls and help the people there, while using a key as a weapon. I guess it kinda has a cool story, but it's spread over 10 games on 20 different consoles. If you want to know the whole story, you need to spend over 1,000$ to play every game.
Shooting at walls while two robots argue with each other. [sp]Portal 2, for the single-player campaign[/sp]
you run away from the police and maybe punch things once in a while no wonder they haven't made a sequel ;.;
So there's these three white guys and black dude that go to different places and take money for no reason.
qweek It's like TF2 but everyone is the soldier and everything is brown and gloomy.
Basically you run into buildings after some dip-shit calls you on the telephone and you kill everyone except the camera is going everywhere and you will die. Oh and your girlfriend is some bitch ass junkie that you saved after killing everyone that was around her.
A game where you place/destroy cubes and get killed by square monsters in the dark
Don't even get me started on this abhorrent shit. So, you're this kid, I guess. Anyway, this hag starts asking you some questions and telling you that you've been friends with these two other kids you're whole life, which is kind of odd. Anyway, the game starts in your bedroom. Apparently that old bag from earlier thought it was a good idea to shove a pig, an otter, and a snake in a box and deliver it to your house. Real funny. So, each of you decides to adopt one of the wild animals as pets, and then the airhead girl of the group just blurts something out about having them fight or something. So everyone goes, "Great idea!" As a result, your room is just torn to fucking pieces, and you don't seem to care. In fact you don't seem to care about anything that happens to you really. The three of you decide to run away from home and traverse the entirety of New York City on foot. What's funny, though, is that the game is absolutely terrible at accurately representing the metropolis in the game. No wonder, the developers aren't even American. For some reason there's this huge desert just above the Lower Manhattan area. The Statue of Liberty isn't even present, for fuck's sake. It soon becomes clear that making the local fauna fight to the death is a popular pastime. You will do this [I]over[/I] and [I]over[/I] and [I]over[/I] again. During your journey, you'll occasionally come across a group that aims to protect the rights of these animals. However, they are actually villainized, and it's your goal to stop them, because everybody has their heads much too far up their asses to see that what they're doing is downright abominable. The leader of this group is just really fucking weird. There's a point where he'll actually start trying to have a conversation with one of your captured animals. It is also a part of your goal to be the best of the best in terms of making rodents slap each other silly. You have to climb your way to the top, and eventually fight the current best of the best for his title. But, as it turns out, he's pretty pathetic, and the leader of the activist group takes him down with this dragon that came out of a rock or something. I guess being the best gives you political power or something, because then the new champ declares that he'll force everyone to stop all this nonsense. Then a castle, I shit you a not, a full-blown fucking [I]castle[/I] erupts from the ground. The guy's followers just built this underground over the course of several years, and nobody noticed. The defeated champ just sort of sits there and does nothing about it, and you have to go inside the castle and fight the new King of New York. Before you do, another dragon comes out of another rock and forces you to try to capture it, even though it was pretty much just intent on helping you kick this guy's ass anyway. When you finally topple the kid's regime, which lasted about five to ten minutes, his abusive father reveals that the group never really believed that making animals maul each other was morally objectionable at all, and he was just as crazy as everyone else. However, his plan was to somehow horde every animal on the planet for himself. So, you kick his ass. And then he's placed under citizen's arrest, and it sort of ends there.
2D game where you die right at the start of the game and can't do fucking shit about it. You have to save this bitch that keeps fucking dying every time you look away for 2 seconds and you just open fucking doors or roll a ball around trying to do shit.
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