Well, I've been shy all of my life actually. It's very hard for me to talk to people, even if I know they want to talk to me. Could anyone possibly explain how they aren't shy? Or have anything you can say which you think will help? Please don't be immature about it, I'm just really hoping someone could help me.
You and me both pal.
I basically just had to talk to people to continue with my life so I sort of forced myself into it.
I'm still very nervous talking to new people and find it hard to start a conversation, I'll probably never get out of that.
The big problem with advice on this kind of thing is that it's very situational. It partly depends on where you are and your age.
Basically you need to practice.
Get a job in retail.
You get paid, and you learn to speak to people.
Grow a pair. Ok, all immaturity aside....
You have to realize that talking to someone and being rejected ISN'T the end of the world. Oh well, you'll find other people to talk to. Out of the entire population, SOMEONE is going to like you.
If someone doesn't accept you for who you are, they aren't worthy of being your friends. If you fuck up in conversations from nervousness and make yourself seem like a douche, apologize, if the person is petty enough to not even listen when you try to apologize for your mistake, they aren't worth your time.
Trust me, I was an outcast, (Still am, by choice) I didn't make a lot of friends. But then, I didn't care to, I talked with people although I was shy before. Found this stuff out for myself, and am actually better off for it. The few friends you do make like this, will usually be people you KNOW will have your back.
The usual problem is lack of self confidence. Work out, it boosts your self confidence a lot.
There are no tips, just be more outgoing, it may sound impossible, but thats all you have to do.
Imagine them naked.
Get drunk.
Practice on charoulette or something. Just talk about whatever.
Chat roulette, is great to kill shyness.
[QUOTE=Jimbo!;26253804]Get drunk.[/QUOTE]
Although I feel I should be clicking dumb or disagree, I can't help agreeing
Try to force yourself into these situations. I know it's not easy, and I had sort of the same problem too, but instead I had trouble talking and hanging around with girls.. I just went out a lot more, made new friends, went to the beach etc.. You never learn all with just talking, just go out there!
Start by just being more outgoing when around friends. Don't just suddenly be super talkative and loud all of a sudden but take more steps up by starting conversations and not just stopping them after a sentence or two. Then after you're a bit more outgoing, when in public places act the same and don't just revert to your other shy self. After this, even when you're alone, you may not be going around talking to random people but you'll have a bit more confidence and be able to talk to people if you want to. Also, most people say just to be more outgoing immediately, but in my opinion that's to hard and its easier to do it in steps.
In all seriousness getting drunk at a social gathering would be a good start, because the following day you'd feel possibly more aware of the fact that with the right atmosphere you can be more like yourself a a genuinely awesome person. Obviously don't rely on alcohol, but do not underestimate the true power it possesses.
[QUOTE=Jimbo!;26253911]In all seriousness getting drunk at a social gathering would be a good start, because the following day you'd feel possibly more aware of the fact that with the right atmosphere you can be more like yourself a a genuinely awesome person. Obviously don't rely on alcohol, but do not underestimate the true power it possesses.[/QUOTE]
I got drunk to kick off the shyness and hug the hottiest girl at school. Long time ago. I didn't need alcohol ever again after that.
i have a similar prob, but if i "force" myself to speak with someone, i generaly make an arse of my self, or if i try to be funny, im sometimes come across as an absolute c**t without meaning to
my social skills fail :(
[QUOTE=Warlord_1011;26254268]i have a similar prob, but if i "force" myself to speak with someone, i generaly make an arse of my self, or if i try to be funny, im sometimes come across as an absolute c**t without meaning to
my social skills fail :([/QUOTE]
So do mine. But I am not shy anymore, and still fail at talking. Hahaha. I also sweat a lot when I'm talking.
You know how social skills improve? Through trial and error. Just keep talking. Start talking with people you don't care about. Fail enough, gain lots of experience. And then go for people you actually care for.
Force yourself. At the start if you feel uncomfortable looking at their eyes then look at the floor, eventually you will grow more confident and when looking into someones eyes when talking you wont feel as shy
get drunk at a party, EVERYONE is your friend
[QUOTE=AnemoneS2;26254220]I got drunk to kick off the shyness and hug the hottiest girl at school. Long time ago. I didn't need alcohol ever again after that.[/QUOTE]
This is a fair point. True story however- I was once uncomfortable around a girl who was drunk and wanted to fuck me- I got drunk to try and combat this, became very very uncomfortable, and she essentially molested me. On the plus side, she was really quite hot. I lost man points that day :/
i don't understand how people are "shy"
whats so hard about talking?
Well, I'm mainly just shy around everyone. I go to a smaller country school, where like every one is friends pretty much, (Yeah, the whole high school is like 350 kids, the whole school district is 1000ish kids), but I see what you all mean.
I think the main problem I have is the whole, "Am I going to be bugging them?" thing. Also, I spent the past seven years of my life on the computer mainly, I don't have much to talk about with people.
[editline]5:25PM[/editline]
Also, I do have self confidence, it's just I don't know if I'm bugging a person, and like, I just have a hard time starting conversations or asking people to do stuff. Sometimes it just happens on accident and I wonder why I can't normally do it, like the other day I asked for this little sculpture thing, and the guy I asked wasn't who I thought it was and obviously it wasn't a big deal, but if I would have known who it was I wouldn't have asked. I'm not sure why.
Act confident and you'll start to feel confident. It's really a case of 'fake it till you make it'. Watch how other people interact; listen to their tone of voice, watch how they hold themselves.
Learn from this and then start to practice on people that you'll never see again; go out to town and find situations where it's not weird to approach strangers and start conversations. This is a tricky one though, and the only such place I can think of would be a bar.
I got really good at socializing after I just tricked myself into thinking my whole life is a simulation. I realized that I can pretty much do whatever I want and when I die, the simulation ends. So basically, you are all virtual to me...
Yeah, I see what you mean. I guess I'll try to just pay attention to people more when I talk to them. I just really can't handle rejection and such when I'm talking to people. That's one thing I'm scared of.
[QUOTE=Reactors;26255578]Yeah, I see what you mean. I guess I'll try to just pay attention to people more when I talk to them. I just really can't handle rejection and such when I'm talking to people. That's one thing I'm scared of.[/QUOTE]
If they reject you, oh well, you've got more people to talk to. If it doesn't happen during school, it may be coming later down the road in life.
[QUOTE=Darthvoorhee;26256233]If they reject you, oh well, you've got more people to talk to. If it doesn't happen during school, it may be coming later down the road in life.[/QUOTE]
True, you have a great point there. I just don't know how to err, play it off? I guess that's how you'd word it. Like what would you do if they did reject you?
Step out of your comfort zone.
You only have this life to do what you want. Don't waste it not doing things you want.
By the start of this year I was also very shy, quiet and way too serious.
Soon I became friends with this guy: we're best friends now.
He was, different from me, very funny, outgoing and liked to talk with people. We also were opposites in our grades at school: I was doing extremely well and he was very bad.
We passed the entire year as best friends. Soon, from noticing how he behaved, I asked myself: "Why do I care about what other people might think of me if they are a few in a lot?". Slowly as the time passed I became much more friendly, calm, happy and outgoing.
Then by the end of the 2nd bimester when he saw my grades he got sort of annoyed, like every test we did I got at least 0.5 more than him, and he said "No, someday I am going to get scores as good as these". And so he did. He isn't as good as I am, but he improved a lot.
Try to ask an non-shy friend about how and what he does/did to become like that.
[QUOTE=Reactors;26256724]True, you have a great point there. I just don't know how to err, play it off? I guess that's how you'd word it. Like what would you do if they did reject you?[/QUOTE]
What I did is figure "Fuck it. There are plenty of other people to talk to." I guess the point is that even if people do reject you, don't let it get to you, you'll find other people who won't reject you for who you are.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.