• Hey Fuckers. You're All Beautiful. Quit Yer Bitchin.
    23 replies, posted
Be ready for a long read. Most regulars of love advice know me quite well by now and have come to the conclusion that every fucking thing I post is trolling. While this may be true, this post here is completely serious. No jokes. No games. In between posts, I tend to sit back and just observe everyone's life. The beauty about a forum is that I can see a thread about your love issues, click your name and see other posts you have created. Through this I become familiar with people and I literally see a time line of their development. I do this for two reasons; I can piss off people easier and it is a fuckin great read. Recently though, instead of reading about interesting people, I have come to find facepunch becoming more and more...melancholy. I see people falling into a rut of failure and depression, and to be honest it is becoming pathetic. The general consensus is that everyone feels their life sucks, and they look at their problems like they are impossible to solve. The general person here believes they are suffering the most, so we get these bullshit threads such as "things you regret" and "get shit off your chest". Well lets take a look into my life. I was born into a city called Arlington, Texas. For people unfamiliar with the place, it has very poor areas which feature numerous crimes. My family consisted of my mother, my father, my sister and I. The very first memory I have is of me helping my mom scoop as much food as possible from a fallen pot on the floor. We didn't have any other food, so when it fell on the ground the only thing we could do was scoop it up and serve it. My dad was a lazy bastard who often drifted from job to job, he was an avid drug user and left all financial issues upon my mom, who was currently working a dead end job. Being young, I was oblivious to the shitty conditions I was born into, and thus I was content. The second memory I have is of me and my sister crying because our parents were divorcing. I was about 7 at the time. Because our father was no longer providing any of the minimal support he had given us, we moved into a cheap apartment complex in an area of Irving. Here I spent my days roaming with other children of the apartments, having the usual childhood of breaking into property, beating other kids with sticks, and animal cruelty. I was 8 years old. My mom, trying to support my sister and I, worked two jobs and was pretty much absent from 5 am to 11 pm. Thus me and my sister walked to school and back, often with our hands in our pockets clutching whatever makeshift weapon we had that day. We were left in the apartment to cook for ourselves, my sister being in charge since she was 11, we would often be forced to combine random things for food. I remember mixing some corn into pancake mix to make some pseudo corn bread. More often then not we would end up eating uncooked ramen noodles in a bag seasoned with lucas beer salt. The regular schedule consisted of us being outside all the time during the day, finding creative ways to entertain ourselves, and when darkness set in we would lock ourselves in. During the day the crime was not so bad, if the dingy cop cars weren't patrolling you would almost think it was non-existent. The night was different. The most vivid memory I have that serves as an example to this was one night, while watching the one vhs we had, we heard a banging on the door. I precede to lurk over to the door and peek out of the peep hole to see a neighbor there, she must have been around her 60's if I remember correctly. The golden rule while living there was to never let anyone in, only family. I watched silently through the peep hole as the two lads caught up and proceeded to beat her to the ground on my door step. I casually walked away and continued watching my movie. I was still young, and having known no other way of life, I was happy. Throughout all of this my parents were so absent in my life, (one trying to support us, the other off doing drugs) that I was never toilet trained. You fucking heard me. Often at school I would go into the bathroom in my pants and have to endure sitting in my own filth. I was never taught to associate the pressure of my abdomen to the need of using a toilet. Thus whenever pressures came about I had no idea what to do, so I held it in. Eventually this would lead to cramps and extremely painful shits, which only backed up my fear of going to the bathroom. My underwear was used up at such a furious pace that it was impossible to keep the ratio of clean to dirty ones even. So every morning I washed a pair of shitty underwear in the sink, and then attempted to microwave it dry in a rush to get to school on time. I could not use a toilet properly until the 5th fucking grade. I did not find this weird as I thought everyone did this, so I was happy. Around the age of 10 two major things happened. My mom started dating a man, and my father had a warrant issued for his arrest. Now up until then I had still seen my father at random intervals, often him visiting for more drug money. Being unaware of things such as the child support he was not paying, I was always euphoric to see him. The unconditional love of a son being taken advantage of for drug money, such was life. As time drew on though, my mother became fed up with this and cut him off. The drugs he used were suddenly out of reach, and this sent him over the edge. He broke into his family's apartment, stole what measly possessions we had, and pawned them off for quick cash. He spared nothing, from the silverware to my sisters' watch our grandma had given her, he pawned it all off. This is where is gets juicy, the man my mother was dating was a police officer. Already aware of the drug usage my father partook in, he offered multiple times to bust my father's ass to get him away from my mother and her children. My mom refused every time, aware of the importance he was to me, who was ignorant of the drugs. The sacking of the house was the final straw, and my mother pressed charges. Thus my mom's boyfriend was hunting down her ex. That was the last time I heard from my father, though the authorities were unable to apprehend him. To this day, I have no idea where he is at or if he is even still alive. My mother and the police officer eventually marry, allowing us to move into his lofty 4 bedroom house in Hurst. Hurst is a small, old city that would be considered primarily middle class, but to me it was like moving into a mansion. Our quality of life went from shit to relaxing. Unfortunately, this did not last long. The new step dad had a daughter who was spoiled to a great amount, and she always got her way. The reason for this was that her mother died when she was 9 so the dad, unaware of how to properly handle the daughter, simply bought her material goods to heal the pain. So upon seeing these 3 new arrivals, she began to fear that they would soak up some of "love" she was given. In this fear she began causing issues, and the step dad always sided with her. This created a rift in the new family. The step dad had very strict rules regarding everything in the house, he treated his domestic life like his career as a police officer. He checked everything daily, including searching our rooms and clothes for anything that might break one rule. Our life style before this had be one of extreme independence and freedom, which clashed with the almost facist way my step dad ran the house. We were in constant rebellion, since our very existence broke the rules of the house. Often then not every night, my mother and step dad would screech at each other, the sounds of things being thrown echoed through the house. I was stuck in a house that didnt feel like it was mine, and the air of the house was that of a temporary cease fire. I had the constant fear of every action that I created would have the cop breathing down my neck. But I had food, shelter, and safety. I was happy. The fights escalated, and it became common for my mom to force my sister and I out of the house. We would be sent to our grandparent's house to keep us from clashing with the old man. My mom was stuck in a situation where she loved the man, but she also loved her children. The money provided by the man kept them fed and clothed, so she chose to stay with him and endure the fighting. Thus my sister and I were thrust back and forth from the homes, constantly uprooted. Through this though, the homes had peace, and thus I was happy. Years pass uneventfully up until quite recently. On my 17th birthday I was put into the intensive care for kidney failure. I could not eat or drink, as everything was thrown up the instant it went in. I was so dehydrated I lost 20 pounds in one day, and pretty much started hallucinating. They found the cause to be that my blood was acidic, which completely confused them, until they found the cause of that. On my 17th birthday I was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes. I was held in the hospital for 7 days, with a tube shoved up my dick to help my kidneys work, eating only ice chips. I was fed through an IV, one of five that were stabilizing me. The hospital bill plus the medication and equipment needed to keep me alive cost so much that I did not even get a simple balloon for my birthday. I was on morphine, being fed through a tube, but I was alive. Thus I was happy. After being screened during my stay at the hospital, I get the news that because of my earlier habit of not crapping properly that my bowels were messed up. The combination of the failure of my kidneys and this long dead habit made me unable to use the bathroom properly. I no longer feel the urge to relieve myself, instead I have to manually go use the toilet and force out whatever is in there. Because of this, shit will build up and I will not even be aware. So I sit on the toilet pushing large, painful, dry and lopsided shits out of tense muscles everyday. Including this I get horrible stomach cramps that are so painful that I one time broke my thumb clenching my fists in pain. Following the release from the hospital, I am taught about how to care for my type 1 diabetes. The difference is between type 1 and type 2 diabetes is numerous, but I will just go into blunt details. Type 1 diabetes is for life, it is transferred genetically and cannot be cured. The disease is an auto-immune disease, meaning my immune system does not work properly. I become sick very often and quite easily, and when sick I have a higher chance of going back into a near coma. The disease keeps me from healing properly and I bruise easier. This means my blood vessels are weak and bust easily, plus once they do I can not recover as quickly as other people. On top of this the disease gives me horrible circulation, so I cannot keep my temperature maintained, I cannot think or react as quickly as others, and I will probably lose a limb when I am older. The disease also affects my eyesight, making me half blind, and the possibility of blindness when I am older is there. Anytime I eat I must take a shot to the stomach. The shots are the only thing that turn my food into energy, so without them I can barely function. I must take at least 4 shots a day regardless of how much I eat. The shots control my blood sugar, so keeping it balanced is a constant activity. If it is too low I pass out and go comatose, if it is too high I become vicious and sluggish. So I am constantly having mood swings that affect my social life. On top of all this I have to take pills that keep my damaged kidneys from disintegrating, and my pancreas is literally dead. That's right, I have two organs that are almost failing and one that is gone. So what is the point of this long, sad story? Well if you paid attention there was a motif at the end of each section of my life. I was happy. Regardless off the situation, I have always pushed through and said "fuck that, I wont let it bring me down". I have struggled my entire life to survive and even with all these issues I have fucking pulled it off. I wake up every fucking morning smiling in the mirror at my broken self, because that broken mother fucker is still chuggin along on the awesome train that is life. I look at all my flaws and disabilities and I still fucking keep up with normal people, because I never fucking give up. I have an athletic body, a great brain, artistic talent and a healthy social life. I wasn't born with these things, I was born with the bad. I created these skills by being optimistic and trying even though I didnt think I would make it. Even without those abilities I am fucking amazing because I have gone through all this hardship. I am not bragging, but presenting a point. If this broken, sick, fucked up individual can be happy and achieve so much, why cant you? You have an advantage over me, fucking use it. I want you to look at your problems and then look at mine, then think about how happy I am. I may not be the worse person off, but most people's issues on this site pale in comparison, yet I am happier. So facepunchers, look at your problems and realize youre not so bad off. Fucking smile. Youre all fucking awesome and you can get shit done if you really work for it. Youre better then me, from your genetics to your problems. So utilize that advantage, tomorrow wake up and look in the mirror and smile. Go out tonight. Party. Go work out and max out on weight. Go eat healthy. Go talk to people. Go ace that test. You can accomplish amazing things and you were put on this Earth for a reason. You fucking belong here and should be happy that you were gifted as being one of the most intelligent things on this planet. You are the greatest miracle of all, be damn happy and proud of it. Live life, be happy. Peace.
M'kay.
[img]http://www.tutorialpark.com/wp-content/uploads/3/Heart-Blending.jpg[/img]
Hearing about other peoples problem and being told to appreciate life isn't gonna actually get someone to do so. I appreciate my life and I know I have it so much better than so many other people, but I still feel like shit. I know I shouldn't feel all low down and I feel guilty for doing so because I know people like you have had it much worse, but I can't help feeling so bad.
JABBA69ER and -Chu- are heartless bastards
Love bump. It was, beautiful ;-;
tl;dr? [highlight](User was banned for this post ("tl;dr" - Lithifold))[/highlight]
If I was beautiful, why does my mirror break when I look at it? Why does my mother cry when she sees me? And why do children run in fear from me?
[QUOTE=1chains1;27569098]I look at all my flaws and disabilities and I still fucking keep up with normal people, because I never fucking give up. I have an athletic body, a great brain, artistic talent and a healthy social life. I wasn't born with these things, I was born with the bad. I created these skills by being optimistic and trying even though I didnt think I would make it. Even without those abilities I am fucking amazing because I have gone through all this hardship. I am not bragging, but presenting a point. If this broken, sick, fucked up individual can be happy and achieve so much, why cant you? You have an advantage over me, fucking use it. I want you to look at your problems and then look at mine, then think about how happy I am. I may not be the worse person off, but most people's issues on this site pale in comparison, yet I am happier. So facepunchers, look at your problems and realize youre not so bad off. Fucking smile. Youre all fucking awesome and you can get shit done if you really work for it. Youre better then me, from your genetics to your problems.[/QUOTE] It's because you've accepted your conditions/ never knew what would be incorrect, that you take happy to it. normal facepunchers aren't as... unsensitized, or "insane", as some might call. You've gone through a bunch of shit, are in a shitty position, and I dont really have much to say to you about it. the most I can say is pray you can get a donated organ or two. maybe some physical therapy/training concerning your bowls.
[QUOTE=Bryanrocks01;27578619]If I was beautiful, why does my mirror break when I look at it? Why does my mother cry when she sees me? And why do children run in fear from me?[/QUOTE] because your gay
You seem to miss the point that I can look back and see the fucked up situations yet I am still happy. My happiness earlier in life came from ignorance, but the happiness that I possess now I created from nothing. I achieved this deserved happiness through my tenacity to pursue goals that were in many cases out of reach. I may be "insane" as you say, but I am also one of the happiest people you'll ever meet. Good trade off.
Suddenly I don't feel like I've wasted my holidays. Thanks, OP! :buddy:
I read the whole thing and although I want to have a different attitude after reading it all, I honestly don't. Rated heart because you truly do have a shittier life than most yet somehow manage to trudge through it smiling. That's a gift in itself.
Thanks for the read. For some reason I've felt really happy lately. I guess its because I'm so close to having a girlfriend and with Valentines day coming up... But yeah, your life sounds like shit while I've grown up in the calm life of middle class suburbia. And yet you still get out of bed, let alone function. Bravo, no really. Bravo, you are obviously above most people if you manage to function like you say you do.
[QUOTE=DSG;27579125]yet somehow manage to trudge through it smiling. That's a gift in itself.[/QUOTE] Yes, the gift of slight mental retardation from stick beatings! :downs:
asdfasdfl wrong
Oh yeah, Well I had to take out the garbage everyday for a Week. put's your story to shit. Okay for real, wow you had a Horrible Childhood. Man you are one Strong person I'll admit that.
Keep on truckin'. I had a bad childhood too, I feel for ya dude.When I see other people bitching about their lives it kinda pisses me off a little. I'm not going to type a long story but only a few sentences. When I was born my father and mother were already becoming divorced. When I was a baby my father stole me away from my mother, luckily the law got me back. My Dad pretty much did every drug out there, he was a crazy mother fucker, but when he was sober he was a great guy! Also one time my dad once threatened to kill my mom with a chainsaw. Nowadays we have no idea were he is or if he's even alive. Lots of other stuff too. I'm too lazy though.
No tldr ?
lol threads telling people not to whine are more frequent than threads where people whine
Damn, man...
Great read
OP if you're happy why do you feel the need to troll of piss people off then?
I have cancer.
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