You wake up in a blank, white, room. Or is it a room? You aren't sure, but you are surrounded by nothingness. You don't know who, or what you are. You see an SJ to the left of you and two arrows (with an unknown meaning and use) on either side of the room.
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
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What do you do?
I quit.
>Get ye flask
>Examine SJ
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You choose the mysterious "Y" symbol because it is obviously a more interesting hieroglyph, of some sort. Suddenly, you black out.
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You wake up with a bad case of amnesia in a blank, white, room. Or is it a room? You aren't sure, but you are surrounded by nothingness. Strangely, you feel a strong sense of deja vu. You don't know who, or what you are. You see an SJ to the left of you and two arrows (with an unknown meaning and use) on either side of the room.
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
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[b]<[/b]XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[b]>[/b]
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What do you do?
[b]>^_^: Get ye flask.[/b]
You get a mysterious urge to obtain your FLASK. But you don't own a FLASK! You aren't even sure if it exists in this strange world. You put the thought aside.
[b]>^_^: Examine SJ.[/b]
You look back again at the SJ. You go up closer to the SJ, and it appears to be a BOOK! On the cover, it says "Symbol Journal". You pick it up, and put it in your INVENTORY.
[b][u]INVENTORY[/b][/u]
1. -SYMBOL JOURNAL
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
[u][b]KNOWN SYMBOLS[/b][/u]
^_^ = You, apparently!
X = The floor
SJ = Symbol Journal
Examine Symbol Journal
[b]>^_^: Examine Symbol Journal[/b]
You examine the Symbol Journal. You see that three entries have already been written for you! How nice.
[u][b]KNOWN SYMBOLS[/b][/u]
^_^ = You, apparently!
X = The floor
SJ = Symbol Journal
You wonder who wrote this. Why did he leave it behind? You ponder this for a minute but stop, because you can't see a single person in sight. Maybe a person didn't even write this, but who knows. You don't even know if you are a person yourself! However, you know are represented by ^_^. Maybe this mystery should just be left alone.
>Remove pages from Symbol Journal, tossing them all about the room.
>Defecate on pages of Symbol Journal that have been strewn all over the room.
[b]>^_^: Remove pages from Symbol Journal, tossing them all about the room.[/b]
You experience a sudden moment of stress, rage, and confusion. Unfortunately, the pages of your beloved Symbol Journal were been the objects that received your mixed feelings. You tear out all of the pages and throw them around the room. As an artistic touch, you decide to release a whopping load onto the pages all over the room.
You look at your masterpiece and then you return to sanity. The smell of your anal miscarriage baby is unbelievable. You try to wipe off the steaming shit with your hands and suffer the rotten consequences. At least now you have a method of writing on your torn parchment.
You wipe it to perfection with your supreme-cleaning skills, and you can see your reflection in the paper. How odd! It seems that ^_^ is not just a representation of you. You hear a booming voice from above, that loudly exclaims, "NO, [ENTER NAME], YOU ARE THE ^_^".
This new upheaval in your chronicle brings so many questions to mind! Who is this man talking? Why does he sound so scary? Where is the location of this man-beast? And why did he leave your name out of his rampant statement? You don't even know your name yourself, so it would be nice to know...
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[b][u] [ENTER NAME] [/b][/u]
>Swear incomphensibly in an attempt to lure the man out.
[b]>^_^: Swear incomprehensibly in an attempt to lure the man out. [/b]
You yell the most horrible, crude things that you were never taught intentionally. These utterly disgusting words have the ability to cause decades of chaos upon the universe and saying them originally has given you years of misery. However, this seems like the time to use it.
To finish your absolutely puppy-vaporizing sentence, you scream, "WHAT THE FUCK IS MY NAME, YOU OBESE BLOB OF GENITAL JUICE?!".
The enigmatic man continues to scream in hysterical horror for another few hours before his trauma ends. He says, "What?" and whimpers beside your own unholy mouth that just happens to have an incredible knack for swearing and causing bunnies to die. You say "YOU KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SAID, PHALLUS MUNCHER". You have no idea where all this anger is coming from! He sighs sadly, and says, "Oh, just pick one yourself. I don't even give a shit."
[b][u] [ENTER NAME] [/b][/u]
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
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[editline]27th March 2011[/editline]
You think about this for a minute. "I get to choose my own name? Hmm..."
SEMENCOCK MCJIZZERDONG. Wait, that isn't right. How about...RENNY SPIKEPENIS ORLANGUOUS. See, there's always room for vulgarity in middle names!
>^_^: Look at > arrow.
[b]>Renny: Look at > arrow.[/b]
You go over to the right arrow. You touch the mysterious object, and it turns into a door! You twist the doorknob and pull hard. Before you go inside, you want to see what's in there. When you're in this crazy place, who knows what could happen!
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
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[b]Option 1: Advance[/b]
[b]Option 2: Abscond[/b]
[u][b]KNOWN SYMBOLS[/b][/u]
^_^ = You, apparently!
X = The floor
SJ = Symbol Journal
</> = Door
>Start
>Fuck, I quit
>Renny: Start
You attempt to START. But you cannot START, because you have not specified an action to START!
Looking a little more closely, the door has a very tiny note. Written on it, says this:
[b]Option 1: Advance[/b]
[b]Option 2: A8scond[/b]
> Run in screaming, with your war face on.
> Instead of war paint, use the excretion from the floor
>Renny: Instead of war paint, use the excretion from the floor
You go back to the other side of the room and whip out the middle and index fingers of both your hands that were previously massaging your endless urethra in boredom. You wipe said fingers on the Cosbies you just dropped off to school in a big excretion-filled traffic jam. You note that your fingers now look like large, crude finger puppets of [url=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kRuD6zV4Fqs/S4QK4gbaAEI/AAAAAAAACQY/KiABssNezWk/s400/dutton.jpg]Charles Dutton[/url]. Showing your brosome love for your super chill black poet, you wipe it on your face and create war stripes. You are ready. Fucking READY.
>Renny: Run in screaming, with your war face on.
In your dream, you are the commando. It's you.
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
[b]Room 1 - THE LAND OF TORN PAPER AND SHIT[/b]
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[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
[b]Room 2 - STD LAND[/b]
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______[b]WT[/b]_______________[b]WT[/b]_______________________
[b][highlight]^0^[/b][/highlight] [b][sp]KS[/sp][/b]_____________[b]WT[/b]________________________ [b]C[/b]
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You run in screaming with exhilaration and to your utter disgust, your feet meet a very squishy floor. You read a signpost at the side of the doorway that shows no words. It simply says "8====D". It smells like Clorox and you are surrounded by tiny white tadpoles swimming through the red narrow walls. You realize that it can only mean someone has been genetically mutating and breeding frogs while doing laundry. It's the only reasonable explanation, and you know it. You also see red and yellow bubbles growing and pulsating in different places in this strange room. Dimples and pimples are everywhere, and there are some menacing creatures killing the friendly looking tadpoles. Your screaming turns into whimpering as you assess your situation.
You don't know exactly what's going on, but you know it ain't good.
> Attempt to integrate in tadople society and stage a revolution agaisnt the monster overlords.
>Renny: Attempt to integrate in tadople society and stage a revolution agaisnt the monster overlords.
You move forward in attempts to greet the WHITE TADPOLE, but you are blocked by a black rectangle! In a rush of sudden anger you kick it until the same loud, deep voice yells in what sounds like excruciating pain. The slightly RECTANGULAR SHAPE quivers a little and cracks open. Out comes an oddly shaped YELLOW STONE with a wide gaping mouth. You completely jizz yourself like Viagra Falls because that thing looks downright fucking scary.
You try to ignore this STRANGE STONE and step over it, but it just smiles and follows you around. You already made it this far, so you still decide to nicely greet the WHITE TADPOLE, even with the stalker on your tail. But as you try to be friendly to the nice white pre-froggy, all the stone does is make annoying weasel-like noises with his toothy pie-stuffer. You have had enough of this douchebag and you use your fool-proof LICK ATTACK! Bad idea. Apparently this asshole is the most fucking salty thing you have ever tasted. This sodium-filled retard will have you tasting salt and vinegar potato chips for months!
And soon, another deep exclamation from the loud man. He yells "FUCKING KIDNEY STONE!" followed by 'FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK IT HUUURRTTTSSSS". You begin to feel sympathy for this giant because he obviously isn't doing too well. Anyway, you have this stone's mouth shut tight with a gland you found in this FLABBY TUNNEL. Somehow, it seemed to cause the man MORE PAIN. So now you can finally talk to the WHITE TADPOLE in peace. You ask him if you can join its ranks in the quest for domination over the sinister flagella flappers around the place. It swims around you in joy and agrees. How nice.
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
[b]Room 2 - STD LAND[/b]
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_________________________[b]WT[/b]_______________________[b]C[/b]
[b]KS[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b][highlight]^_^[/b][/highlight]
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You see two smaller tunnels on either side of this large tunnel, and you think you might just be able to fit through them. Your two new allies file behind you for some reason. They called you "leader" because of some kind of lousy prophecy. STUPID LOUSY USELESS PROPHECY!
[u][b]KNOWN SYMBOLS[/b][/u]
^_^ = You, apparently!
X = The floor
SJ = Symbol Journal
</> = Door
_ /| = Wall
KS = Kidney Stone
WT = White Tadpole
TC = ?
H = ?
A-BB= ?
C = ?
[b][u]INVENTORY[/b][/u]
1. -SYMBOL JOURNAL
2. -STEAMING SHITLOGS
3. -TORN PARCHMENT PAPER
4. -RED PULSATING GLAND
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
what that fuck
Bump
Now to do what everyone does when they play a text based adventure:
> fuck -SYMBOL JOURNAL
> fuck STEAMING SHITLOGS
> fuck TORN PARCHMENT PAPER
> fuck RED PULSATING GLAND
> fuck SELF
>EXIT
serously though
> talk to white tadpole
>Renny: Talk to white tadpole
You talk to the white tadpole for more information about this place. He tells you that the white tadpole society is being corrupted by the Severely Tenacious Douchebags. They call them the STD's. They have been ruling over your beautiful county for years and never cease to neglect mercy. The most common and weak ones are the red, pimply ones that he likes to call Herps. There are two elite, more powerful enemies called the Top Cops, who pulse red and purple constantly and spew white ooze as an attack. But he calls them the Testy Crabs, due to their harsh, dry sense of humor. And the most powerful, dangerous STD, is the boss. He's the Arbitrarily Illiterate Don. He has no idea what he's doing as leader of the STD's and makes completely irrational, evil decisions, the white tadpole says. He probably just made the job purely for his brawn. But even so, President AID is the leader of everyone in this place. He's the ugliest STD of them all with his brownish-green skin, the orange bubbles emitting from his eyeballs, and his slimy tentacles that he uses as whips.
But the white tadpole says there is hope yet for his UNFORGIVABLE TYRANNY! Now that you're here, the rebellion will soon be in motion, the tadpole exclaims!
Are we inside a fucking urethera?
Prepare the rebellion for our assault.
[QUOTE=MountainWatcher;28920388]Are we inside a fucking urethera?[/QUOTE]
How long did that take you?
>Renny: Prepare the rebellion for our assault.
You call to all of the white tadpoles. Hundreds immediately swim to action in less than a second, because they have so eagerly been waiting for the revolution said in the prophecy. By your heroic side, you tell them the plan. A bit more than half of them are to swim to the right reactor of the facility, kill the enemies, and destroy the core. The remaining portion of the army will go behind you and attack the leader and his guard along with you, the Commander, and the hungry-looking yellow stone, the Gunnery Sargent as your help. But as you speak, the whole place starts to shake up and you hear two loud voices yelling louder than ever.
[u][b]MAP[/b][/u]
[b]Room 2 - STD LAND[/b]
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XXX[b]WT[/b][b]WT[/b]XXXXXX[b]WT[/b]XXX[b]WT[/b]XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
_________________________[b]WT[/b]_______________________[b]C[/b]
[b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]WT[/b] [b]KS[/b][b][highlight]^_^[/b][/highlight]
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Everyone looks more than ready to fight.
Divert some of men to the strange hole to keep the STDs from escaping. Send the men to attack the STDs. And, I take my place at the strange hole with the others.
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