• Need help for descrptive writing.
    15 replies, posted
O.K. So, I have to write a "Descriptive Writing Piece" for my English class, but I don't quite know how to go about it. I need to describe a scene in great detail. I have decided to describe a scene with kids playing on a playground and I don't quite know how to describe things to set a mood. My vocabulary is average and the only thing I can think of is to start with this: [I]The sun shimmered across the grass as the smiling children chased each other ecstatically around the base of the playground.[/I] Thanks for having a look and i hope you can help, Jordan0795.
Close your eyes, hold the image in your head, and then type. Even better, write on paper, because I'm sure the mind holds a better connection when you're putting a pen to paper than when you're just pushing buttons. Descriptive writing has the benefit of not requiring any planning or an outline (which is great for honing arguments but not for expanding creativity), but you still need to have a linear sense of thinking lest you become too messy. Either imagine the scene in your head, or go to an actual playground, and write down your observations and then expand upon it later. No image is stronger than a real image.
[QUOTE=Arkanj3l;17740178]Close your eyes, hold the image in your head, and then type. Even better, write on paper, because I'm sure the mind holds a better connection when you're putting a pen to paper than when you're just pushing buttons. Descriptive writing has the benefit of not requiring any planning or an outline (which is great for honing arguments but not for expanding creativity), but you still need to have a linear sense of thinking lest you become too messy. Either imagine the scene in your head, or go to an actual playground, and write down your observations and then expand upon it later. No image is stronger than a real image.[/QUOTE] Thanks. :D Can you suggest any adjectives that could make it sound more professional please? I can never think of any decent adjectives, I'm lucky I got [I]shimmering[/I].
If you try to hard to sound professional, you end up sounding like an amateur. It's an odd dichotomy. Just do what comes naturally. Honestly, the best way to improve a vocabulary is to read more.
[QUOTE=Arkanj3l;17740346]If you try to hard to sound professional, you end up sounding like an amateur. It's an odd dichotomy. Just do what comes naturally. Honestly, the best way to improve a vocabulary is to read more.[/QUOTE] yes... I guess I [B]should[/B] read more books. I'll keep a notepad with me now. I'll just have a pencil and notepad with me to write things down as i think of them(because i have to do about 5 of these over 9 weeks [as well as a short story each week]) Thanks for your help... I'll post in here after I finish and show what I passed in. I'm in year 9 by the way. I'll need feedback from you beacause my English teacher is an idiot who only speaks fractured English with a strong Indian accent. He refuses to show what I've done wrong in my work because he says "It takes to much time to mark each part of it" even though he has less classes than every other English teacher at my school, but they always seem to have everything marked and commented on. By the way, a "dichotomy" is, in a way, sort of like a contradiction, right? (also.. I'm reading your "darkside" story at this very moment and i have 1 suggestion [it seems kind of contradictory to questions your skills] [I]Medicine truly became the stuff of miracles[/I] I think you should remove "stuff", it doesn't seem to fit the professional wording coming before it. I think it should be something like this : [I]Medicine became a true miracle[/I])
[QUOTE=jordan0795;17740497](also.. I'm reading your "darkside" story at this very moment and i have 1 suggestion [it seems kind of contradictory to questions your skills] [I]Medicine truly became the stuff of miracles[/I] I think you should remove "stuff", it doesn't seem to fit the professional wording coming before it. I think it should be something like this : [I]Medicine became a true miracle[/I])[/QUOTE] I find "work" fits it better, but I may be misising the point altogether. If I was describing a scene I would simply follow the rules of what I can see, what I can hear, what I can smell and what I can feel. If it were to be a cold December morning in the countryside of Britain, something like the following would be used... "It was a bitter morning, the sharp winter air biting at my nose and fingertips. Even the chirps of birdsong seemed crisper and more bracing as they swooped down from the trees above into my ears. A smell like none other hit my nostrils, it was the fresh scent of a new day..." Yeah. I just use a lot of imagery, some fancy techniques like having birdsong "swooping" down from the trees, that kinda crap. Just needs to be original really. Associate some words with what that situation would have, a cold morning would be bracing, the air sharp, your fingers and nose would no doubt get cold. So find some way to describe that.
[QUOTE=jordan0795;17740497]yes... I guess I [B]should[/B] read more books. I'll keep a notepad with me now. I'll just have a pencil and notepad with me to write things down as i think of them(because i have to do about 5 of these over 9 weeks [as well as a short story each week]) Thanks for your help... I'll post in here after I finish and show what I passed in. I'm in year 9 by the way. I'll need feedback from you beacause my English teacher is an idiot who only speaks fractured English with a strong Indian accent. He refuses to show what I've done wrong in my work because he says "It takes to much time to mark each part of it" even though he has less classes than every other English teacher at my school, but they always seem to have everything marked and commented on. By the way, a "dichotomy" is, in a way, sort of like a contradiction, right? (also.. I'm reading your "darkside" story at this very moment and i have 1 suggestion [it seems kind of contradictory to questions your skills] [I]Medicine truly became the stuff of miracles[/I] I think you should remove "stuff", it doesn't seem to fit the professional wording coming before it. I think it should be something like this : [I]Medicine became a true miracle[/I])[/QUOTE] Dichotomy means contradiction, yeah. It's one of my favourite words. As for "stuff"... just like there's a "stuff of legend", I believe that there's also a "stuff of miracles" floating around in the flotsam and jetsam of English idioms. And I love questions. My mind is very masochistic; it loves mistakes, and being proved wrong.
FIRST RULE OF WRITING: less is more. let me clean up your sentence and make it sound a lot better The sun shone as the children chased each other around the playground. the sun doesnt exactly shimmer. maybe add "brilliantly" after "shone" if you want, but really, thats all you need. too many adjectives and you start to sound like youre writing it for a high-school creative writing class and that's never good.
Thanks for helping guys 'n' girls... I think I'll get a better grade than usual... do you agree with me(that my English teacher is a giant dick)? The work amount seems kinda harsh for that of a year 9 english class that doesn't even get marked properly. Dichotomy is definitely in my top 10 now that I understand it more, Arkanj3l. Thanks for the tip of using verbs to describe senses, runtime. Thanks for the general, all-around help, InsaneInThe.
[QUOTE=jordan0795;17751765]Thanks for helping guys 'n' girls... I think I'll get a better grade than usual... do you agree with me(that my English teacher is a giant dick)? The work amount seems kinda harsh for that of a year 9 english class that doesn't even get marked properly. Dichotomy is definitely in my top 10 now that I understand it more, Arkanj3l. Thanks for the tip of using verbs to describe senses, runtime. Thanks for the general, all-around help, InsaneInThe.[/QUOTE] Ehh, if your Year 9 in British education, I was being asked to compile descriptive short stories at that age... Depends really on the majority ability of your class and of course, the teacher. But good luck. You've got some sound help here, from all of us.
[QUOTE=runtime;17754071]Ehh, if your Year 9 in British education, I was being asked to compile descriptive short stories at that age... Depends really on the majority ability of your class and of course, the teacher. But good luck. You've got some sound help here, from all of us.[/QUOTE] Thanks... but i still think that 5 descriptive writing peices, 10 short stories and 2 major projects is a bit much for an autrailian year 9 education and the kids in my class are... rather dense... to say the least.
[QUOTE=jordan0795;17754135]Thanks... but i still think that 5 descriptive writing peices, 10 short stories and 2 major projects is a bit much for an autrailian year 9 education and the kids in my class are... rather dense... to say the least.[/QUOTE] Bloody hell... I don't know how the education system works in Aus, but over here that is one hell of a lot of classwork... Can't say I envy you.
[QUOTE=runtime;17754197]Bloody hell... I don't know how the education system works in Aus, but over here that is one hell of a lot of classwork... Can't say I envy you.[/QUOTE] Thanks... my teacher doesn't even mark it to help us get better. There's also a couple of other things we have to do, but i forgot them.
My advice? dont write about childeren. Its creepy. [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Thread Shitting In Multiple Threads" - Perfumly))[/highlight]
Apparently we have to do it on a certain set of things now... He changed it this term. One of them is: My boat struggled against the huge waves! That's the starting sentence. I preferred my subject. Also... I'm 13... I highly doubt that I'm a pedophile. XD
[QUOTE] A lonely, silent figure stood by the stone pillar, staring into the dark, cloud-filled night sky, as a philosopher would. Cigarette smoke swayed elegantly up from the figure and between the raindrops, into the night as the cigarette’s tip glowed slightly, ever brightened by the darkness surrounding it. The figure wore a trench coat which danced elegantly in the cool night breeze as the raindrops trickled through its folds to reach the base. Black boots ascended into the bottom of the trench coat and a deep-brown hat, placed comfortably upon their head, covered their face down to the base of their nose. The buildings on this particular street all followed a similar design; corrugated stone pillars rising to hold the roof which overhung the tall, flat front of the building on which a small golden plaque showed the contents. The streetlights lit areas of the street along the sidewalk in which small trees were sited. The trees swung in the breeze and the leaves engulfing the top of the trees rustled. The light cascaded out onto the street and illuminated the slightly worn concrete. [/QUOTE] This is the copy that I submitted. It took me about 30 mins and i don't think it's the best i could have done but i handed it up and im awaiting a mark. Opinions?
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.