• Opening Dialouge For a Movie I May Or May Not Complete
    7 replies, posted
Basic vigilante bullshit story. This is the very first scene and it kinda sets everything up. Basically I wanna know if this scene would make you wanna watch the movie or make you go rent Terminator 2 again. So, lemme know. "I never really closed my eyes. I never let the tension in my eyelids get the best of me, but sometimes I wish I had. I wish I hadn't woken up at 10:30 and gotten on the BNSF train from Aurora to Chicago. I wish Bullet and Project would have had the common sense to print out a map. Mostly, I wish I could have closed my fucking eyes. They started in on us and wouldn't stop until they were pretty sure we were dead. I sometimes laugh at the fact that they took my shoes, knowing full well that I hadn't washed the socks I was wearing in over a month. Those poor bastards must have gotten back to their corner and realized it. I wish I could have seen the look on their faces. Hours past in my head from the moment in time that I was bleeding on the pavement of 159th to the moment I was being resuscitated in the ambulance. Only one came at first, and decided to take me instead of Bullet or Project, probably due to the fact that I looked the most... animated. Bullet died, of course Bullet died, he'd been stabbed more times than anything I've ever seen. Project... well that’s a whole new story. Projects been laid up in the hospital for a year today, living off of an artificial lung. His natural lung was caved in, on that day that my eyes were froze open. I did the best out of our trio. Most of my ribs were broken and my thumb was severed, but besides that and a few false teeth I was back in action in no time. That day was a physical nightmare, but the mental ramifications were far worse. I became mentally feral. I decided that human instinct was inevitable, predictable, and... capable of being anticipated. My scars had a funny impact, because my scars left me self-obnubilated. I used to wake up every morning the same way, much like I do now. When I swung my feet over my bed, they would rest firmly on a very narrow line, and it was a line I had traveled on my entire life, and planned on doing until my death. While my vision was being forced active, I noticed the line beneath me start to dissipate. In the hospital, I would use those solitary nights to try and recreate it. I never could, though. Now? Now, when I wake up, my feet have nowhere to step but reality. This lack of a moral compass has led me here today, sitting across from Dead End and Macho. Its the lack the laid this Beretta 92MS in my calm grip. It was the lack that would allow me what I was about to do. I didn't harm either of the men I had tied in this room. I didn't commit any crime other than human emotion, and maybe savagery. I did not, DID NOT kill Dead End or Macho. The lack did." Meh?
Its very good. Hope you do more.
I enjoyed it. Makes me want to know what has happened before hand. Keep it up I say.
Seems pretty decent, makes me want to know more about the backstory. The character names beg for an explanation (which could be a good thing if done right) so I might recommend exploring that.
Wake up and smell the ashes.
[QUOTE=smurfy;16221369]Wake up and smell the ashes.[/QUOTE] ...? (I'm awaiting Dumbs.)
[QUOTE=THX1138;16230276]...? (I'm awaiting Dumbs.)[/QUOTE] Gman from Half life 2
I've got some more written if anybody's interested.
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