[url=http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html]Source[/url]
[quote]With New Moon likely to make yet another metric fuckload of money this weekend we need to find the bright side to the entire Twilight mania. There must be something good that comes from this awful Mormon fantasy that seems to have invaded our culture on every front. That something is the eventual movie version of Breaking Dawn.
Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There's a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it... man, we are in for a treat.
Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.
Let's go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.
Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while fucking her off the coast of Rio de Janero. Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!
The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shitty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I'm dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we're just getting started.
Eventually the baby starts to get born and Bella is dying. The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it's in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. The woman is a moron.
In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.
Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she's about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman's terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.
I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.
The book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fuck the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.
There's more in Breaking Dawn - the Volturi come back, for one thing - but these are the main amazing events that demand this book to be turned into a film. I will not rest until I have seen a movie in which a werewolf falls in love with a baby. Hell, once I've seen a werewolf fall in love with a baby I may quit movie watching - I will have seen the ultimate culmination of a century of cinema. The entire film of Breaking Dawn would play like the weirdest exploitation film since Doris Wishman died - brutal sex, bizarre body horror, unbelievable pedophilia.
A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place. So we could see a werewolf fall in love with a baby.[/quote]
I completely laughed my ass off when I read this. It's so fucked up that the only thing that could probably make it more fucked up is an acid trip.
What the fuck?
I disagree tbh, they'll fuck it up
No.
Even though he fuckes her hard enough to break a fucking bed it still shoudn't be a movie.
But it will be, so ill go and see it.
I will burst out laughing
the idea of a woman's feotus making her spine break makes me laugh so much i want to explode
T'will be a shit movie, but they should make the sex scene.
(The one where Bella gets preggers, not when Jacob fucks an infant)
I would definitely watch this.
[QUOTE=~ZOMG;19783919]T'will be a shit movie, but they should make the sex scene.
(The one where Bella gets preggers, not when Jacob fucks an infant)[/QUOTE]
it'd be like a fat woman being on the top of a thin woman if this thing is right
*F-BOOM FBOOMFBOOM* Instead of
*UNFUNFUNF*
I want to see Breaking Dawn now.
[URL="http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/aclk?sa=l&ai=B7RL07fpZS_iVEpzwnAfSw9C5C4ikqa0Bsqe9qQ3AjbcBkL8FEAEYASDmv4YCOABQuO6Vu_3_____AWDJrueIgKS8E6ABhPqz_gOyARF3d3cuZmFjZXB1bmNoLmNvbboBCTcyOHg5MF9hc8gBAtoBMGh0dHA6Ly93d3cuZmFjZXB1bmNoLmNvbS9zaG93dGhyZWFkLnBocD90PTg4MzQ3NYACAcgCgOGwCagDAcgDBegDFugDIfUDAAEBhPUDAAAQAA&num=1&sig=AGiWqtwO2aWGRqBAUr0nS6T1Ast-f51phg&client=ca-pub-4109526466655731&adurl=http://talenthunter.com/join_cont.php%3FType%3Dtalent%26temp_id%3DMTE1%26ProfileType%3DMovie_Extra%26page%3D1%26key%3DTwilight-Casting&nm=3"][IMG]http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/imgad?id=CK2snpD-3_3tSRDYBRhPMggajXFGyVnREw[/IMG][/URL]
This ad was there when I looked at this page. :D Seriously whoever wrote that article is fucked up. He did raise some good points on why it should be a movie though. Personally I'd like to see the series through, even though they already destroyed the vampire genre, and infected every teenage girl's mind with this sexual fantasy. I'll admit...the concept isn't bad, the execution is just horrible though. A vampire falling in love with a human. It's a very potent idea, but in this case Stephanie fucked it up. Give someone ELSE a chance to write or film this, and it may come out great. You just never know. I guess we gotta wait till Eclipse to see where they are going with Breaking Dawn. Nonetheless I'm looking forward to it.
[QUOTE=Solo Wing;19783987][URL="http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/aclk?sa=l&ai=B7RL07fpZS_iVEpzwnAfSw9C5C4ikqa0Bsqe9qQ3AjbcBkL8FEAEYASDmv4YCOABQuO6Vu_3_____AWDJrueIgKS8E6ABhPqz_gOyARF3d3cuZmFjZXB1bmNoLmNvbboBCTcyOHg5MF9hc8gBAtoBMGh0dHA6Ly93d3cuZmFjZXB1bmNoLmNvbS9zaG93dGhyZWFkLnBocD90PTg4MzQ3NYACAcgCgOGwCagDAcgDBegDFugDIfUDAAEBhPUDAAAQAA&num=1&sig=AGiWqtwO2aWGRqBAUr0nS6T1Ast-f51phg&client=ca-pub-4109526466655731&adurl=http://talenthunter.com/join_cont.php%3FType%3Dtalent%26temp_id%3DMTE1%26ProfileType%3DMovie_Extra%26page%3D1%26key%3DTwilight-Casting&nm=3"][IMG]http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/imgad?id=CK2snpD-3_3tSRDYBRhPMggajXFGyVnREw[/IMG][/URL]
This ad was there when I looked at this page. :D Seriously whoever wrote that article is fucked up. He did raise some good points on why it should be a movie though. Personally I'd like to see the series through, even though they already destroyed the vampire genre, and infected every teenage girl's mind with this sexual fantasy. I'll admit...the concept isn't bad, the execution is just horrible though. A vampire falling in love with a human. It's a very potent idea, but in this case Stephanie fucked it up. Give someone ELSE a chance to write or film this, and it may come out great. You just never know. I guess we gotta wait till Eclipse to see where they are going with Breaking Dawn. Nonetheless I'm looking forward to it.[/QUOTE]
People are calling me a faggot for watching being human because it has a vampire in it
[QUOTE=Solo Wing;19783987][URL="http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/aclk?sa=l&ai=B7RL07fpZS_iVEpzwnAfSw9C5C4ikqa0Bsqe9qQ3AjbcBkL8FEAEYASDmv4YCOABQuO6Vu_3_____AWDJrueIgKS8E6ABhPqz_gOyARF3d3cuZmFjZXB1bmNoLmNvbboBCTcyOHg5MF9hc8gBAtoBMGh0dHA6Ly93d3cuZmFjZXB1bmNoLmNvbS9zaG93dGhyZWFkLnBocD90PTg4MzQ3NYACAcgCgOGwCagDAcgDBegDFugDIfUDAAEBhPUDAAAQAA&num=1&sig=AGiWqtwO2aWGRqBAUr0nS6T1Ast-f51phg&client=ca-pub-4109526466655731&adurl=http://talenthunter.com/join_cont.php%3FType%3Dtalent%26temp_id%3DMTE1%26ProfileType%3DMovie_Extra%26page%3D1%26key%3DTwilight-Casting&nm=3"][IMG]http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/imgad?id=CK2snpD-3_3tSRDYBRhPMggajXFGyVnREw[/IMG][/URL]
This ad was there when I looked at this page. :D Seriously whoever wrote that article is fucked up. He did raise some good points on why it should be a movie though. Personally I'd like to see the series through, even though they already destroyed the vampire genre, and infected every teenage girl's mind with this sexual fantasy. I'll admit...the concept isn't bad, the execution is just horrible though. [B]A vampire falling in love with a human.[/B] It's a very potent idea, but in this case Stephanie fucked it up. Give someone ELSE a chance to write or film this, and it may come out great. You just never know. I guess we gotta wait till Eclipse to see where they are going with Breaking Dawn. Nonetheless I'm looking forward to it.[/QUOTE]It's not really a new idea.
No.
Here's something a friend told me, though...since Edward is a vampire and has no blood, he can't have erection, which means he can't have sex. Vampire babies are impossible. XD
[QUOTE=cheetahben;19784148]Here's something a friend told me, though...since Edward is a vampire and has no blood, he can't have erection, which means he can't have sex. Vampire babies are impossible. XD[/QUOTE]Here's something facebook told me. Twilight: The story of a girl's choice between beastiality and necrophelia. :D
[QUOTE=cheetahben;19784148]Here's something a friend told me, though...since Edward is a vampire and has no blood, he can't have erection, which means he can't have sex. Vampire babies are impossible. XD[/QUOTE]
Damn. You're right. [i]That's[/i] impossible.
Thanks for that man. I was getting a bit carried away there.
[QUOTE=benzi2k7;19784044]It's not really a new idea.[/QUOTE]Yeah, but how many people have put the idea into an actual story. Please if you know a novel that is relevant to the subject, feel free to tell me.
I don't know why you guys are getting so worked up over a sex scene, or anything else
its pg 13, all the good parts are going to suck because you wont be able to fucking see anything
[quote]In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth.[/quote]
okay so where can I get tickets?
[QUOTE=Thead Teckub;19784013]People are calling me a faggot for watching being human because it has a vampire in it[/QUOTE]
:argh:
Being Human is good.
And this is the most popular book of the time?
What have we come to...
Wow...Just....Wow
Hey, they said Watchmen was unfilmable, too.
[QUOTE=cheetahben;19784148]Here's something a friend told me, though...since Edward is a vampire and has no blood, he can't have erection, which means he can't have sex. Vampire babies are impossible. XD[/QUOTE]
yeah but isn't he like hard and cold as stone all the time? so wouldnt that mean he has like a permanent erection?
[QUOTE] imprints on her.[/QUOTE]
I could of fucking sworn it meant gizz on :j::gizz:
[QUOTE=mangabeaner;19791555]I could of fucking sworn it meant gizz on :j::gizz:[/QUOTE]
Someday, someday.. :saddowns:
[QUOTE=mangabeaner;19791555]I could of fucking sworn it meant gizz on :j::gizz:[/QUOTE]
i thought it meant claw the fuck out of the baby
This will be the most popular movie of this decade, no less.
Man, I almost forgot why I hate Twilight. My sister told me this at the height of her Twilight obsession. I just kind of nodded and left.
Wow, great points.
All i heard about Breaking Dawn is something about baby rape, sooo... :q:[QUOTE=cheetahben;19784148]Here's something a friend told me, though...since Edward is a vampire and has no blood, he can't have erection, which means he can't have sex. Vampire babies are impossible. XD[/QUOTE]Rigor mortis. :smug:
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.