So I am almost ready to record vocals to my soon to come metal album but my lyrics lack sometimes, I didn't thought I would ever do this but I reach out for help now because I can't do it better on my own. If there is anyone that can help me shape them up better then I would be very thankful!
So I have this song called Alive:
[quote]
Am I alive or is this a dream
All the hate floods me with spleen
Negativity closing me in
A wall of mud all around me
It's in my eyes my ears my stomach
I can't breath
Eyes shut
Flood of intruding thoughts
But I realize that i'm alive
Am I alive or is this a dream
All the hate floods me with spleen
Am I alive or is this a dream
All the hate floods me with sadness
ALIVE
SO ALIVE
ALIVE
SO ALIVE
ALIVE
[/quote]
and another song I need help on is this (it's about the ukrainian disaster where people were shot):
[quote]
Aim
for the head
No regret
Aim
For the head
No regret
Who is cowardly enough to pull the trigger
A scope on your own flesh and friend
Pull the trigger with the intend to kill
This is not how you should pay your bill
Lifes lost
People wounded physically and morally
Forget what unity was
This is an outrage, lifes lost
Lifes lost
Lifes lost
Lifes lost
Lifes lost
[/quote]
Would really appreciate help, you will get named in the credits on bandcamp ofcourse!
I will post more lyrics if this turns out to be a good idea <3
I'll be very honest, it's a bit on the generic/edgy side. Good effort though, it's much better than many other lyrics I've seen people write.
[QUOTE=Kahgarak;44736360]I'll be very honest, it's a bit on the generic/edgy side. Good effort though, it's much better than many other lyrics I've seen people write.[/QUOTE]
Thank you man, I know that they tend to be quite simple but that's what I have been told to do as advice. The instrumentals itself are a bit more complex. If you have any ideas how to spicen it up word wise (lyrics) or got an idea to change a sentence in there or line then please tell it, this is why I reach out to here :smile:
I feel like the second song would be better if you changed this line
"This is not how you should pay your bill"
to something else and the line
"This is an outrage, lives lost" to "What/Such an outrage, lives lost"
[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;44744050]I feel like the second song would be better if you changed this line
"This is not how you should pay your bill"
to something else and the line
"This is an outrage, lives lost" to "What/Such an outrage, lives lost"[/QUOTE]
Thank you man, changed it to "What an outrage" and the bill thing to "This is not how you should end your day"
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