• Physical punishment as a way of disciplining your children
    170 replies, posted
After a recent argument I had online, I'm curious to see what you guys think. A lot of people were defending mild physical punishment, like spanking. I am of the opinion that don't put a hand on your children to punish them, ever. It teaches them that violence is an acceptable way of disciplining your children, and they will most likely end up doing the same. There are plenty of ways to punish your children that does not involve violence, but rather taking away things they like, making them do chores etc.
There's going to be a point where they can get big enough to fight back always remember that
I feel using physical as a very last resort for something [B]particularly bad[/B] that they have done or continue to do is okay. Even then only the lightest you can do like a gentle slap on the wrist or something never the face. But only in extreme circumstances after you've already warned them and they keep doing it. Nothing more.
I would also rather have my children respect me than fear me.
Depends on the situation, if say my child was physically bullying another kid, I'd give him a spank on the arse or two.
Slapping on the bum or hands as a last resort is fine, but if it ever becomes routine you're probably failing as a parent.
I don't think physical should ever be a sole punishment but I don't think it's automatically terrible in all situations. I usually got a few whacks and hours of labor assigned (usually outdoors work) depending on what I did
[QUOTE=Arc Nova;52121384]Depends on the situation, if say my child was physically bullying another kid, I'd give him a spank on the arse or two.[/QUOTE] Wouldn't that just reinforce his violence?
Corporal punishment when used very sparingly can work but studies have shown that in general it's completely ineffective anyways. All it accomplishes is making your child fear you and teaching them to do whatever they can to avoid getting in trouble and thus not show much trust in you. Under extenuating circumstances, however, something like a light slap to the back of the head or something can help drive a point home though. But only if used very sparingly or else you run the aforementioned risks.
[QUOTE=Ziirxia;52121389]Wouldn't that just reinforce his violence?[/QUOTE] Hey, it worked for me when I was being a little shit to my peers and I never resented my parents for it.
[QUOTE=Arc Nova;52121398]Hey, it worked for me when I was being a little shit to my peers and I never resented my parents for it.[/QUOTE] That's fair. That's just what i assume, i don't know if it's true or not.
Not at all interested in physical punishment. I was smacked and pinched growing up and it just made me upset and more prone to hitting my sister whenever we'd fight. When I was old enough to start having conversations about why I was upset about something, that helped 100% more than being physically punished ever did. I see zero reason to have to physically punish my kid.
I feel, it should be used as a very last resort, and you don't need to really hurt them to get the message across. Sometimes kids just DO NOT listen and think they can get away with something till it goes wrong. Pain is a real world consequence to not listening in many situations. Some people take it way too far though and that's just abuse.
I'm personally against any form of physical punishment against a child. I never once got hit for doing half the stupid shit I did as a kid, all my parents did were ground me or take my stuff away, and that was enough for me to stop. I know other kids are different, and might not respond the same to being grounded, but if you hit your kid you're doing more then you think. I probably would've been scared of my parents if they would've struck me at all for doing something done, and not trust them as much as I do now. And even my parents told me that, they wanted me to trust them, not fear them, so they never hit me.
There are times where a kid won't listen unless he gets his ass kicked. Not literally, of course, but I've met plenty of kids who [B][I]really[/I][/B] could've used a spanking or two when they were little. For me, personally, all it took was an ice-cold shower to know how far could I push my parents, when I was seven. Yes, I hated my dad's guts for a week afterwards, but in hindsight I don't blame him at all, and he has made it clear that he didn't liked it either. Although I don't think there is anything to apologize for
As an absolute last resort. If the way I raised them or other ways of de-escalating a situation do not work, it would be a firm slap on the bum. Obviously though as someone who does not have kids, I am not qualified to speak about how to raise kids. But still, I'm sick of seeing bogans and their kids come into my workplace, and the kids running around and breaking products. Parents are too-afraid to discipline their kids, or they just don't give a shit.
While this is total conjecture, I'd be confident in saying that you'll find a pretty good correlation between kids growing up to become asshole and physical punishment by their parents. Personally I was never physically abused, and without trying to paint myself in too good a light, I'd say I have a pretty strong moral compass. You can punish a child effectively without hitting them, and personally I see it as a trait of bad parenting.
[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52121909]While this is total conjecture, I'd be confident in saying that you'll find a pretty good correlation between kids growing up to become asshole and physical punishment by their parents. Personally I was never physically abused, and without trying to paint myself in too good a light, I'd say I have a pretty strong moral compass. You can punish a child effectively without hitting them, and personally I see it as a trait of bad parenting.[/QUOTE] You'd find a much greater correlation between kids growing up to become assholes and parents not punishing their kids at all compared to physical punishments and nonphysical ones. And as for the bit on physical abuse: Those people tend to be grouped into two main groups. Ones who, having been physically abused, will refrain from using any sort of physical force on their kids ever (even being too soft on them too) because they don't want to have their children fear them like they did their abusive parent(s) and those who were physically abused but are lacking in the awareness to realize they're no different than their abusive parent. In my experience you'll find very few people who suffered abuse and don't fall into one of those two groups.
[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52121909]While this is total conjecture, I'd be confident in saying that you'll find a pretty good correlation between kids growing up to become asshole and physical punishment by their parents. Personally I was never physically abused, and without trying to paint myself in too good a light, I'd say I have a pretty strong moral compass. You can punish a child effectively without hitting them, and personally I see it as a trait of bad parenting.[/QUOTE] Did your parents ever lay a hand on you? Being from Denmark too, no one in my group of friends have been spanked etc and neither did my parents.
Strict parents raise the most mischievous children. Of course, you can't let them completely loose, they can use a little spanking if they fuck up once in a while, but you shouldn't be beating them up for not doing their homework, for example.
My parents occasionally hit and spanked me and my brother when we were kids. That didn't make us bad/violent people. It taught us the meaning of respect, maturity and thinking before we acted or spoke.
I think parents should be able to discipline their kids via spankings or using the belt if needed. As long as the parent is in a calm state and doesn't do it out of anger or rage then fine. Sometimes a kid need need that shit. As long as it is reserved for only extremely serious matters. Like your kid shoplifts and to teach him a lesson you belt him - That is okay to me. But ive also seen children in a store crying and the mom smacked the kid in the mouth and told him shut up. That isn't okay to me.
I think that physical punishment has it's place in [b]very[/b] certain situations. i.e. a kid is about to stick a knife into a power socket or something like that.
I don't think physical punishment helps at all. From personal experience, it never really changed how my brothers and I acted. All it did was fill me with fear when I accidentally went too far with the rough housing and my brother started crying because I knew I was going to get smacked if my mom heard it.
[QUOTE=MR-X;52122270]I think parents should be able to discipline their kids via spankings or using the belt if needed. As long as the parent is in a calm state and doesn't do it out of anger or rage then fine. Sometimes a kid need need that shit. As long as it is reserved for only extremely serious matters. Like your kid shoplifts and to teach him a lesson you belt him - That is okay to me. But ive also seen children in a store crying and the mom smacked the kid in the mouth and told him shut up. That isn't okay to me.[/QUOTE] I think a belt or any tool to beat a child is stepping over the line. Though a light spanking and a stern talk to can do wonders.
[QUOTE=Hanso;52122383]I don't think physical punishment helps at all.[/quote] I can't exaggerate enough how wrong this is. At least for some people. Though I might be saying this because I have a father with a pretty bad anger problem, as well as needing the last word in any argument, and I did everything in my power to not get on that side of him. Even when I was a little kid, he'd still smack the shit out of me if I went too far. And I also had a best friend who had his parents hit him on a constant basis. His mother even had a specially made stick just for hitting her kids. However, the woman had a bit of bitchy satan blood, where she would remove all good vibes with just her presence. Regardless, that "little bit of abuse" worked on us, but isn't completely necessary, as these are things that can stick with a person for a very long time.
My dad has been a teacher his whole life. A large part of his job involves being an authority figure to kids. So why is it that literally the only punishment I received at home was a smack on the bum? I can only recall a [I]single [/I]time I was punished non-violently and that was at my mother's instigation (she confiscated my Age of Empires disc which came in a cereal box). Right now I'm a very bad flincher. People at school used to make fun of how I would jump if they went in for a high-five too quickly. I'm also very dishonest by habit especially towards anyone with even a shred of authority, which I'm trying to fix. [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msy__Gujljo"]Louis CK can sum up why I'm like this[/URL] Dad would also never stop using the fucking 'teacher voice'. I stopped feeling like a son and more like a student who could be hit without social repercussion.
I think I have living proof why physical punishment in means of disciplining ones children is an extremely outdated idea, which never leads to anything pleasant; if you're in for a bit of a read. ____________________ My dad was physically and emotionally abused by his parents and his brothers as a child and into his late teens. He'd often get beaten up after school ([I]or at any time, really[/I]) by his mother or father if they felt like it, just for fun or for taking out their frustrations. Sometimes he'd try to linger around school longer because of this, but it often ended with him being more punished for "dodging the original punishment". Usually by spanking; and by that I mean with a belt against a bare behind. Either with or without belt buckle. It was considered lucky if he could wear underwear. His brothers never seemed to gain the same amount of abuse as my father did, but as said his oldest brother usually helped his father. There was this one time my dad was told to go outside to empty the trash, and when he made it back to the house they had locked the front door. Meanwhile, his oldest brother had sneaked out through the porch door, and to make a long story short my father thought he was going to be murdered and banged on the front door for help. Eventually they let him in and they were laughing their asses off. Having moved from Wyoming to a small town in the southern part of Sweden after meeting my mother ([I]also where he had me and my brother[/I]), I don't think he's ever gotten therapeutic help for his childhood scars, and it shows. During my own childhood, and sometimes still to this day ([I]although not as often since his dad died some months back due to heart problems, which makes the subject even touchier[/I]) he quite often retold these events and stories to me with a deep sense of immersion and sometimes anger. Most prominently me because he had no-one else willing to share them with ([I]my mother didn't care and my brother was too young and too fragile of a person to begin with[/I]). I'd catch him sometimes, hearing him yell out in the garage about things on his mind. As a former heavy drinker, he had promised to stop drinking once I was born, saying that I once caught him sitting by himself out there stealthily smoking and reading a book. Quite often, when food was ready, we'd have to call him in from the garage where he usually worked or repaired things or just stayed during his time off. He's got problems with aggression ([I]never anything violent[/I]), patience ([I]very much so[/I]) and volume ([I]working in the oil fields gave him tinnitus[/I]), and sometimes I consider him quite the asshole – but I can't help feeling bad for him. ____________________ With my parents separated, and because pretty much neither me or my brother wants to spend time with him ([I]where he lives, my old family house, is such a gigantic mess on so many levels and he's the biggest procrastinator – the back yard was once [B]not[/B] a jungle of grass and weeds, to give you an estimate[/I]), he now lives alone. He had a girlfriend a while back and they had a good thing going, but of course his crassness, paranoia, questionable morals and narrow-mindedness caused them to break up, and it shook him quite harshly. Whenever I see him now, I see right through his attempts to keep a straight face and be as friendly towards me as possible; he thinks he's failed as a parent, as a father, and he wants to make up for spoiled time and to feel like he wasn't following his own father's footsteps. And, remembering myself being scared of him during most of his outbursts towards my mother or towards no one in particular, it breaks my heart to say I think he actually has quite failed as a father. My upbringing could have been better if I didn't have to learn to pretend to listen to my own father when he went on ranting about ([I]usually[/I]) a old story from his childhood, just to save my own sanity from my own problems ([I]and I had plenty of those[/I]). Now, it pains me to say I probably wouldn't have it any other way. If my father's parents weren't as horrible as they were, my father probably would've never decided to move to Sweden when asked by my mother, or they probably wouldn't have met in the first place. Which would render me nonexistent, or – at least – radically different as a person. But I can tell that, from the bright moments of positivity, energy and genuinely good moments spent with him as my father, I know he could've become a way better person had he not gotten the upbringing of which he did. ____________________ He probably wouldn't have needed a reason to become an alcoholic, or a reason to satiate his younger everyday life with an abundance of sweets and fats which eventually led to type two diabetes. The poor guy is doing so many changes in his life right now; struggling to be even respected at work, and for some reason he recently shaved his beard ([I]which according to my mother he hasn't done since they met 24 years ago[/I]). He looked like a completely different person whom I didn't even recognize – looked a little bit like Steve Buscemi, actually. My mother and my brother laughed at this for quite a while, I was the only one genuinely empathetic I think by not laughing and understanding what he wants. He's now growing it back it seems ([I]realizing it was a bad decision[/I]), but it just goes to show what he's trying to do: he's flailing about and pulling at strings trying to make meaning of the time he has left in life. He doesn't want to get hearing aid for his hearing problems, glasses to wear for his worsening eyesight nor does he want therapeutic or otherwise attention by professionals regarding his mental health. He wants to live the young, carefree life he never got to live, and feel as unrestricted as possible in the process. He wants to live as far away from that belt buckle as possible, but sadly I don't think it'll ever leave him. And I don't think he'll ever let it leave him either. In closing, I love my dad. He's an asshole, but understandably so. He always wants to talk about his thoughts and his mind on things, even if they're usually not suitable nor called for. And I have a strong feeling he wouldn't need to be in this amount of pain – nor with the need to share it – had his upbringing been different, and that goes with physical punishment as a mean for disciplining children. [B]TOO [I]GODDAMN[/I] LONG; DID NOT READ [U][I]FOR CHRIST SAKE:[/I][/U][/B] My father was beaten and abused up to his teens and it gave him lifelong mental scars that most likely made him a worse person than what he could've been.
I was spanked exactly one time in my childhood and that was enough for me to learn my lesson. All it took was a tone of voice from my mom for me to straighten up pretty quick.
If they did something heinous or put their lives/other lives in danger, it's acceptable to give them a mild spanking, that's it.
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