Got a issue with a good friend. Was it my fault all along?
16 replies, posted
Hey FP,
I have some issues with a friend after a debacle with money.
So the story goes that i still hadn't received my money back after giving him some money in advance and would have gotten it back in a week. So time goes by and he told me multiple time i would receive it as soon as possible but he had to pay his bills first.
After 2 months ([B]from begin February till last week[/B]) i stayed at his house during the weekend with him being away for a short time. With his parent's at home i decided to talk about the issue without him knowing.
His parents told me that they would talk to him but only after i had returned home. 1 hour later and finally being back home he started talking on my phone with things like:
[I]How dare you go behind my back and talk about MY issues.
I'm completely done with you.
I won't talk with you again. Goodbye.[/I]
After the debacle i received the money back but not from him but the bank account from where he's working ([B]he probably talked about it on his work[/B]). It's a week later now and he hasn't talked with me since. Every attempt at speaking with him ends in him ignoring me.
My main concern right now is. [B]Was i the one who did something wrong?[/B] I did say to him he could take his time before paying me back but i was kind of tired of waiting.
thank you Facepunch.
[B]Edit:[/B]
I have known him for 5+ years.
Kind of hard to make a judgement call without the explicit details about who was "right", but giving someone money for something they don't actually -need- (not counting gifts, birthdays, etc) should be considered a charitable donation to them. Obviously the right thing would be for your friend to pay you back, but it's wise to not expect it in these sort of situations.
how much money was it
Also you said something about healthcare bills? If there are bills he needs to take care of, he shouldn't be asking to borrow money for something as expensive as a video card. Unless it's part of your job or something, a GPU falls under the same category as going out and buying an Xbox. It's a toy/tool for a hobby & leisure time.
[editline]12th April 2014[/editline]
Damn ninjas.
It was 40 euros.
Well he told me i would get it as soon as possible but did state he had those bills he still had to pay.
I told him it was okay if he did those first and then when he had enough money again to pay me back, i however didn't say anything and went behind his back and talked with his parent's about the money (including the money he owed to other people).
He should've checked first that he's actually able to pay you back in time before he borrows money from you.
I've had similiar issues like that before and sometimes it took them over a year to pay me back (For an amount of only 70$ (50€))..
[QUOTE=Higurashi;44528487]He should've checked first that he's actually able to pay you back in time before he borrows money from you.
I've had similiar issues like that before and sometimes it took them over a year to pay me back (For an amount of only 70$ (50€))..[/QUOTE]
What do i have to do now, because of my sudden action he's completely done with me and is just ignoring me.
I send him like 10 messages today and the only responds i got was ''Did you forget what i said to you?'' referring to that he wouldn't talk with me again.
He thinks that i back stabbed him hard for talking about his money issue with his parent's even after promising that i wouldn't say anything.
He's butthurt, he'll get over it in time.
No offence, but he doesn't sound like a very good friend if he's known you for 5 years and is holding a grudge because of something that was pretty much his own fault.
Then again, we haven't really heard his side of things.
[QUOTE=ViralHatred;44528568]He's butthurt, he'll get over it in time.[/QUOTE]
Hopefully you don't see this in a wrong way but he is a good friend and i do a lot of things with him so i'm kind of in a cave now because a good friend is like ignoring me and i'm kind of sad right now as i'm afraid this will not end well and that i have lost a friend :(
[B]Edit:[/B]
Here is the exact piece that he send to me.
[B]His:[/B]
I have had it with you mister.
You don't need to talk about my money issue at my parents.
Talking with them behind my back.
How sad can you even be.
I'm done with you and i'm not the only one.
You will get your 40 euros when i have it but you aren't welcome anymore here.
[B]Mine[/B]
Ok.
''Not the only one'' Oh who more?
[B]His:[/B]
Plenty.
[B]Mine:[/B]
Even i can say that.
[B]His:[/B]
Never mind, bye.
[QUOTE=ZyreHD;44528595]Hopefully you don't see this in a wrong way but he is a good friend and i do a lot of things with him so i'm kind of in a cave now because a good friend is like ignoring me and i'm kind of sad right now as i'm afraid this will not end well and that i have lost a friend :([/QUOTE]
Then you let him get on with it, if you get pushy with him he's just gonna lash out. He needs time to accept what he did (not paying you back) is just as bad as you mentioning it to his parents.
For the time being hang out with other people, if he's a proper friend he'll miss you and reach out to you. All you can do is extend the olive branch, it's up to him whether he wants to accept it.
Did you try reassuring him that you didn't really talk about anything private with his parents? Small financial things like that don't seem like they should be kept in a government level of secrecy.
[QUOTE=FurrehFaux;44528648]Did you try reassuring him that you didn't really talk about anything private with his parents? Small financial things like that don't seem like they should be kept in a government level of secrecy.[/QUOTE]
I only talked about the money he owed me and that he had some with other people. During the talk i said ''I think 100 euros with others''.
But that's it, i didn't talk with other people about this.
sounds like he has a severe case of buttfrustration
just do what he says and cut contact, if he ever grows up he'll make the effort to talk to you
in the meantime find a friend who doesn't have the mentality of a teenage girl
[QUOTE=ZyreHD;44528522]What do i have to do now, because of my sudden action he's completely done with me and is just ignoring me.
I send him like 10 messages today and the only responds i got was ''Did you forget what i said to you?'' referring to that he wouldn't talk with me again.
He thinks that i back stabbed him hard for talking about his money issue with his parent's even after promising that i wouldn't say anything.[/QUOTE]
Let it sink for a while and don't spam him with messages, unless you want to archive the exact opposite.
If he was a true friend he will eventually come back to you sooner or later. It's most certainly impossible to just forget a friendship that has lasted over 5 years and 'be done with it', especially when it's a case like this.
I'd recommend to write him again in a few weeks or a month, maybe apologize that you talked with his parents about this issue and you don't want your friendship to end like this over such an stupid incident.
Sounds like an arsehole really. If between you, you'd arranged to have it paid back by a certain time, if he's not done it by then it's on him. Going to his parents without saying something to him first was a bit stupid but not to the same extent as his reaction.
I've had issues with lending people money too, it never works out unless you know when they'll be paid and that they're good on their word.
I'll take your advice but have to admit that while it might have been my issue in some way i do feel bad after what he has told against me :/
[B]Edit:[/B]
Like didn't i go over the line by going to his parent's and just talk about his money issues and the things he had to pay back? I did say my word that he could take the time and no one would know about it.
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