The Jackal
Sometime's I find myself taking the stairs. This isn't for my good health, although I will say it is. In all honesty I just have a horrible fear of elevators. Not the kind with the metal doors that look all nice and modern, I'm talkin about those rickety, old-timey one's with the little metal gate.
It all started about 7 years ago. I had an important meeting on the 15th floor of the office building I work at it's a software design company. We were planning on releasing a new product in early 2004.
Anyway, I was on the lead design team. So I get into this dinosaur and hit the button. It starts making it's crawl towards the 15th floor and I look ahead.
At first I didn't notice it. But then around the 6th floor I notice a black dog staring at me with hungry eyes from each floor. At first I thought it was some hallucination, maybe a strange dream. But it wasn't.
After I finally made it to the 15th floor, the dog appeared not to be there. I stepped out and breathed a sigh of relief. About 6 or 7 people stepped on the elevator. As I looked behind me, I noticed the dog was in the elevator.
I started trembling in fear. And it..it winked at me... Just as it did this, a cable snapped and the elevator plummeted down 20 stories.
There were no survivors, and the dog was never found.
Bump.
Pretty short, pretty inane until the last few sentences and you've messed up punctuation in several places. It was decent though. I'd give it a B.
c+, maybe a B-
eh. i wasnt scared.
first of all dont change the narrator on us so abruptly at the end.
second of all "the dog appeared not to be there" is MAD awkward. make it "the dog wasnt there".
It didn't really keep me interested and felt a little bland.
I'd say [B]B -[/B].
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