• Virginity pledges for men can lead to sexual confusion- even after the wedding day
    51 replies, posted
From the [I]Department of Shit You Already Knew[/I]: [QUOTE]Studying a group of 15 young evangelical Christian men, Diefendorf learned that support groups and open discussions about sex with trusted companions were key in helping the men during their pre-marital years. But once married, they faced trouble. Instructed by the church to keep problems "in the dark" after marriage, the men reported feeling like they couldn't discuss sex with their friends and didn't know how to comfortably broach the subject with their wives. The newly wedded men also expressed surprise that sexual temptations continued to taunt them. ... At the start of her study, in 2008, the men were in their late teens and early 20s and part of a support group for young men who had pledged to remain virgins until marriage... A few years later, in 2011 and 2012, Diefendorf followed up with the men. Fourteen of them were married and she wanted to find out how the men's views of sex and masculinity had changed since marriage. During a focus-group meeting in one of their homes, it soon became clear that as taboo as sexual activity was before marriage, it was now taboo to talk about sex as it was seen as disrespecting their wives. "After marriage, the church culture assumes that couples become each other's support, regardless of the issue at hand," Diefendorf said. "There's little support in figuring out sexuality in married life, and these men don't know how to talk to their wives about it." As one of the men put it: "For me to come home from work and say, 'hey, did you like it last time?' I mean that would be – that would be such a weird question for me to ask." The newlyweds also revealed they continue to think of sex in terms of control, and how the so-called beastly elements of sex – temptations by pornography and extramarital affairs – do not disappear with the transition to married life.[/QUOTE] [url]http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2014-08/uow-vpf081114.php[/url]
NEVERMidn
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45722658]I don't think thats sexual confusion[/QUOTE] they are literally confused about how to discuss or approach sex physically as well as socially. being sexually confused isn't only "am i gay??"
Reminds me of something I read once. Not directly related, but still there and kinda funny. "I know of a guy who had to explain to a very sheltered Christian friend how sex worked. On the friend's wedding night. Because the friend and his bride were never taught what sex was, so they just got naked and laid next to each other holding hands, and waited for "God to make something special happen." After about 30 minutes, they called this guy for help."
Funnily enough, putting that ring on is not actual mind control. It won't make you stop being horny for the 18-year-old intern at work with nice tits. Who knew that faithfulness required effort and wasn't automatically programmed by God once you said "I do"? :v:
[QUOTE=Banned?;45722748]Reminds me of something I read once. Not directly related, but still there and kinda funny. "I know of a guy who had to explain to a very sheltered Christian friend how sex worked. On the friend's wedding night. Because the friend and his bride were never taught what sex was, so they just got naked and laid next to each other holding hands, and waited for "God to make something special happen." After about 30 minutes, they called this guy for help."[/QUOTE] Sweet Fucking Jeues.
[QUOTE=theevilldeadII;45722787]Sweet Fucking Jesus.[/QUOTE] Haha, not in this case.
Who would've thought that repression of sexuality, and a lack of education leads to problems down the track.
[QUOTE=Banned?;45722748]Reminds me of something I read once. Not directly related, but still there and kinda funny. "I know of a guy who had to explain to a very sheltered Christian friend how sex worked. On the friend's wedding night. Because the friend and his bride were never taught what sex was, so they just got naked and laid next to each other holding hands, and waited for "God to make something special happen." After about 30 minutes, they called this guy for help."[/QUOTE] Man, I wonder how someone could raise a child and have them be [I]that[/I] sheltered.
[QUOTE=kaine123;45723067]Man, I wonder how someone could raise a child and have them be [I]that[/I] sheltered.[/QUOTE] Well, believe it or not... That's about how it was for me. "The Talk" was basically "You know your penis? That goes in your wife." And then I saw porn, and it all made sense. There's such a stigma against sex in Christian circles, and I'm not entirely sure why that is. God never says not to have, talk, or think about sex... (The first chapter of the book encourages it.) Just not to go around having sex all the time, which made sense in the Bronze Age nomadic camps where sanitation and health care was practically non-existent. Today it's less a safety thing and more a moral thing, but I think there's still a responsibility to talk to your kids about it so they don't end up like that.
[quote]During a focus-group meeting in one of their homes, it soon became clear that as taboo as sexual activity was before marriage, it was now taboo to talk about sex as it was seen as disrespecting their wives.[/quote] I've seen this happen and it had nothing to do with religion. I was with four friends, three of them brothers, the other one was their brother in law. We were talking about whatever, then it gets to bragging about sex. They asked their older brother if his wife gives head(to him). He gets pissed, and says "NO!" as if they were calling her a whore. Then he asks the next oldest brother, who is also married, "Does YOUR wife give head?" and he says no as if he's defending her honor. Then they turn to ask the brother in law... and there's an awkward silent moment. I laughed.
It's not uncommon for people who stay chaste til marriage be very uncomfortable with sex even after losing virginity I recently read an article written by a woman who was religious and felt that after she lost her virginity she felt useless because she was taught of how important it was to her spiritual purity from a young age
[QUOTE=Jund;45723804]It's not uncommon for people who stay chaste til marriage be very uncomfortable with sex even after losing virginity I recently read an article written by a woman who was religious and felt that after she lost her virginity she felt useless because she was taught of how important it was to her spiritual purity from a young age[/QUOTE] The whole virginity purity concept imo is stupid.
[QUOTE=Jund;45723804]It's not uncommon for people who stay chaste til marriage be very uncomfortable with sex even after losing virginity I recently read an article written by a woman who was religious and felt that after she lost her virginity she felt useless because she was taught of how important it was to her spiritual purity from a young age[/QUOTE] It's ridiculous how young people get it drilled into their head that sex is harmful to them spiritually. The real harmful thing to your soul is living day by day in such a repressed state, with a wife or husband you share no intimacy or openness with, and believe you are wrong and sinful simply for being human.
[QUOTE=meek;45723916]It's ridiculous how young people get it drilled into their head that sex is harmful to them spiritually. The real harmful thing to your soul is living day by day in such a repressed state, with a wife or husband you share no intimacy or openness with, and believe you are wrong and sinful simply for being human.[/QUOTE] That's sad, sex is good for the soul. Nothing puts a spring in the step like recently empties plums.
Isn't there a state in the US where it is literally against the law to have sex with a virgin? You can tell not a lot of thought went into that one.
[QUOTE=Dark RaveN;45723871]The whole virginity purity concept imo is stupid.[/QUOTE] Even worse when they have the whole purity ring shit
[QUOTE=V12US;45724427]Isn't there a state in the US where it is literally against the law to have sex with a virgin? You can tell not a lot of thought went into that one.[/QUOTE] That can't be true. That'd be factual proof that the legislator was functionally retarded.
[QUOTE=Alxnotorious;45722937]Haha, not in this case.[/QUOTE] fucking A+
[QUOTE=Miskav;45725021]That can't be true. That'd be factual proof that the legislator was functionally retarded.[/QUOTE] [url]http://www.radford.edu/~archive/season06/life/stories/sexlaws.html[/url] [quote]- In Washington, there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances, including the night of the wedding. [/quote]
Christ reading this shit makes me feel like I've just landed on an alien planet, Scotland and the US are so fucking different from each other.
[QUOTE=V12US;45725123][url]http://www.radford.edu/~archive/season06/life/stories/sexlaws.html[/url][/QUOTE] So people that dumb can be lawmakers, great. No wonder the country is fucked.
[QUOTE=Miskav;45725414]So people that dumb can be lawmakers, great. No wonder the country is fucked.[/QUOTE] thats probably a rule from like a million years ago that isnt enforced at all and still wouldn't be even if it wasnt so stupidly worded
As someone who is "repressed", it isn't the end of the world for there to be people with this particular thought process. Maybe it's because I'm not a puritan, or the fact that my parents had the foresight to explain things better than these poor people's parents, because I know that after my wedding night all bets are off. I can't place the verse but in the Bible it says that the bed of the married remains undefiled, so as long as it is with your spouse, it isn't dirty. My waiting til marriage is a personal commitment based on my religious and ethical beliefs and I'm doing fine.
[QUOTE=elevate;45725432]thats probably a rule from like a million years ago that isnt enforced at all and still wouldn't be even if it wasnt so stupidly worded[/QUOTE] ...Then repeal it? It serves no purpose, clutters up your legal system, (there's probably hundreds if not thousands of these nonsense laws, potentially waiting to be abused) and the only purpose it can possibly serve is to arrest a political opponent or someone who "doesn't think along the same lines of the government".
[QUOTE=Miskav;45725574]...Then repeal it? It serves no purpose, clutters up your legal system, (there's probably hundreds if not thousands of these nonsense laws, potentially waiting to be abused) and the only purpose it can possibly serve is to arrest a political opponent or someone who "doesn't think along the same lines of the government".[/QUOTE] If you brought that law up in court, the judge would probably tell you to fuck off.
[QUOTE=bravehat;45725375]Christ reading this shit makes me feel like I've just landed on an alien planet, Scotland and the US are so fucking different from each other.[/QUOTE] I feel you on that. I was raised by very christian parents (for Scotland) and I still got a very comprehensive talk from my parents when I was 14 or so. And when I first got a girlfriend, my father took me aside and said that whilst he would be very unhappy about it, he would still prefer it if some of his condoms were to disappear if 'things' were happening between her and I (His wording, not mine.) Didn't have the heart to tell him that I'd been buying my own for months. So I literally cannot comprehend being this sheltered and repressed. The difference between how Worldly-Wise Christians are here compared to in the States is... bizarre.
I'll truly never understand abstinence.
My dad told me my dick was for putting in a woman's snatch, I was about 12 and didn't understand so I asked my mates at school. I've never had religious parents but I learned more from friends than parents, the talk about gays was more intense with my dad because he's pretty worried because I gave never Brought a girl home
teaching abstinence and virginity pledges is the anti-smart thing to do. though, If you want to teach abstinence to your kids, but NOT about sex, you are a fucking moron. You're damning them to probably getting AIDs from not knowing what the hell they're doing. There is no world where teaching your children to be ignorant actually is smart. There is no justification for it. It's just a sign that you're a shitty parent.
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