NFL Star Tells Maryland Delegate That Gay People "Won’t Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cockmonste
80 replies, posted
[quote=Chris Kluwe][i]Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to "inhibit such expressions from your employee." This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's response to Burns.[/i]
Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").
3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)
I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?
In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.
Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe
P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.[/quote]
[url=http://deadspin.com/5941348/they-wont-magically-turn-you-into-a-lustful-cockmonster-chris-kluwe-explains-gay-marriage-to-the-politician-who-is-offended-by-an-nfl-player-supporting-it][source][/url]
I think this letter speaks for itself.
fucking brilliant
My vocabulary has increased
[QUOTE=Zambies!;37584518]My vocabulary has increased[/QUOTE]
Related: You voting on this MN constitution thing this year?
He's a damn good writer for a football player, even if he does curse a whole lot. Still I think he made his point clear enough. good for him.
also in case you guys dont know, Chris Kluwe is a bro.
[QUOTE=areolop;37584524]Related: You voting on this MN constitution thing this year?[/QUOTE]
Vote no mofo
I feel like I just read a Facepunch thread's discussion condensed into letter form.
[QUOTE=Zambies!;37584566]Vote no mofo[/QUOTE]
Mofo, I got my yard filled with those signs. I'm pretty sure my neighbors hate me for it
I have a feeling that "Lustful Cockmonster" is the name of a Harry Potter fan fic.
[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;37584531]He's a damn good writer for a football player, even if he does curse a whole lot. Still I think he made his point clear enough. good for him.[/QUOTE]
I've always thought, when used responsibly, swear words are a great way to converse emotion.
I nominate this for "Letter of the Year".
Seriously, that might be the best thing I've read all week. Hell, I might have to cheer for the Ravens next time I see them on, even if I don't care for American Football.
I don't say this often, but: fucking owned.
When one of your country's politicians gets a smackdown like this from a fucking football player, you [I]know[/I] your legal system is full of morons.
Seriously, a football player knows more about the constitution, the country, and the people than a public official. What the fuck.
It seems that the satanic gay-alliance, hell-bent on bringing down the rightful tradition of the USA, has infiltrated the NFL aswell.
I demand purging and death penalty, it is only right.
But in seriousness, good for him, I hope he continues with what he's been doing, a celebrity most people follow, or keep tabs on, is good as their opinion and views will impact them more-so than someone they don't care about. (The NFL player.)
chris kluwe is one of my favorite players in the nfl. even as a packer fan he's just awesome
[QUOTE=Doctor Zedacon;37584623]I nominate this for "Letter of the Year".
Seriously, that might be the best thing I've read all week. Hell, I might have to cheer for the Ravens next time I see them on, even if I don't care for American Football.[/QUOTE]
If you're going off the letter then you'd wanna root for the Vikings.
[QUOTE=-nesto-;37584718]If you're going off the letter then you'd wanna root for the Vikings.[/QUOTE]Actually, I was talking about the fact that Brendon Ayanbadejo supported the legalization. If their owner had been the one to write the letter, I'd be a full fledged supporter of their team. I'd be looking to see one of their games in person.
I have a feeling this isn't real, kind of like the Bill Nye thing.
[QUOTE=BenJammin';37584817]I have a feeling this isn't real, kind of like the Bill Nye thing.[/QUOTE]
Its real.
[url]http://twitter.com/ChrisWarcraft/status/244141743174467585[/url]
[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;37584531]He's a damn good writer for a football player, even if he does curse a whole lot. Still I think he made his point clear enough. good for him.[/QUOTE]
The cursing is the point. It's the contrast between the excellently worded thesaurus ingesting sentences, and the bluntly put swearing that stands out.
[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;37584531]He's a damn good writer for a football player, even if he does curse a whole lot. Still I think he made his point clear enough. good for him.[/QUOTE]
To be fair he is a Punter and not something like a offensive lineman. Alot of football players are intelligent. Sure you'll get into college on a football scholarship but you still have to maintain your academics if you want to play.
Chris Kluwe is a badass. He did a great AMA on Reddit too and the guy is not an idiot by any means.
I need to say "holy fucking shitballs" more
is that some kinda challenge
hm
Knew it would be Kluwe just based off the topic title.
[QUOTE=-nesto-;37584908]To be fair he is a Punter and not something like a offensive lineman. Alot of football players are intelligent. Sure you'll get into college on a football scholarship but you still have to maintain your academics if you want to play.[/QUOTE]
FYI Offensive linemen are usually the smartest players on the field. Lots of plays and zones and shit to learn.
[quote] (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words)[/quote]
[quote] the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").[/quote]
[quote] "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!"[/quote]
This guy writes really well
The ending is the best part
[quote]I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population[/quote]
Favorite part right there.. mostly the
"They won't come into your house and steal your children....They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery"
[QUOTE=areolop;37584826]Its real.
[url]http://twitter.com/ChrisWarcraft/status/244141743174467585[/url][/QUOTE]
He's a NFL punter, a warcraft fan and a bassist? how do you contain that much awesome?
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