• The Best Stories of the BNB: Volume 1
    1 replies, posted
Four years ago, my wife and I got separated. A few months earlier, we had purchased a house. When we got separated, she got the house and I stayed in the apartment. At the time, she decided to start a Bed and Breakfast business as a means of earning supplemental income. I agreed to assist her with security for the business. Here are the best stories of the BNB that has been running out of the house for the past 4 years: 1. [U][B]The Sex Party[/B][/U] - I was home relaxing. Got a call from the ex asking me to come over quickly because her sister had just walked downstairs claiming that she saw a naked man running around the house. So I go to the house. When I got there, the first thing I notice is that all of the light bulbs have been changed from the normal yellow ones to these blue, red and green ones. I walk inside and there are easily over 100 people walking around, doing all types of drugs. I walk upstairs and the aroma of sex hit me like a fucking truck. There are condom wrappers all over the floor. One of the beds is completely broken. There are clothes strewn all over the place. There are naked people walking in and out of every bedroom, looking for another partner, some wearing condoms ready to go. This wasn't a sex party, it was an all-out orgy. The problem is I was BADLY outnumbered and these people didn't look like they were ready to leave. So I call the cops. The cops come in about 5 minutes flat, walk inside, hands on guns, yelling at everyone to get out. People start running for their lives. Three guys left without pants on. One guy left his wallet and keys in the bedroom. One lady left her bra. Another lady left a diamond necklace. This was the mother of all orgies. AirBNB ended up paying for all the damage the people caused. About a week later, the cops come back with some woman, claiming she left her diamond necklace and that we were refusing to let her in to get out (which was true). I tell the cops I'm not letting anyone in without a warrant and that I'll go upstairs and look for the necklace (I knew exactly where it was). I get it, give it to her, she actually politely thanked me and left. 2. [U][B]The High School Party[/B][/U] - Ex calls me on a Friday , asking me to come a bit early because she thinks there's a party going on upstairs. I get there at about 8 PM. I walk in and the house is PACKED with upwards of 200 high school students smoking marijuana and drinking. I wasn't having a good day to begin with so I walk into the middle of the living room, turn the lights on and yell at the top of my lungs, "EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!" These kids start running for the exits. I see one girl casually walking upstairs. I look at her and say, "YO, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" She looks at me incredulously, not knowing what to do. I say, "GO UPSTAIRS, TELL EVERYONE TO GET OUT RIGHT NOW OR I'M COMING UP THERE WITH A BAT." She runs upstairs and within a minute, endless kids are streaming downstairs and outside. When all is said and done, one asian kid approaches me and says, "hey man, what's going on?" I yell at him, "THIS ISN'T YOUR FUCKING HOUSE! IT WAS CLEARLY STIPULATED THAT THERE WERE TO BE NO PARTIES AT THE HOUSE AND NO MORE THAN 8 PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE AT ONE TIME." He looks scared but is very apologetic, claiming he didn't realize parties weren't allowed and that he never would've rented the place had he known that. I calm down and we start chatting. Basically he admits that he was charging a $15 cover at the door, had well over $1000 in his pocket from people that had come, and had a taser in his pocket and was going to tase me when I first walked in and started yelling. I ask him why. He says he throws these parties all the time, it's how he makes money throughout high school and this is not good for his business. He says people are going to lose trust in him and not come to his parties anymore. I ask to see the taser. He hands me a homemade razor looking thing. I ask how it works. He turns the power on from some switch inside the mechanism. He says, press this button and be careful. I press the button and BOOM, a real-life, functional homemade taser! I ask where he got it from. He says he goes to Bronx Science (a very reputable high school in NYC) and one of his friends built it for him. He apologizes profusely, gives me the taser and asks if he can have 7 people and himself spend the night seeing as they did pay. I tell him to give me $200 additional to stay. He does. I told him if I get called back there, someone's going to the hospital. I didn't hear a peep for the rest of the night. 3. [U][B]The Double-Booked Wedding Party[/B][/U] - Ex calls me driving. She asks me to go to the house. Apparently she double-booked a small wedding party and didn't realize it, so she offered them a refund, but they refused to leave. I get to the house and all hell breaks loose. First of all, they won't let me in the house. Finally when they realize I'm the owner, they go apeshit, telling me that this is their daughter's wedding party and they aren't leaving. I tell them that I'm not in charge of bookings, I'm security and that they have to leave, but they refuse to leave, saying they want to talk to the lady who does bookings. I sit down waiting for my ex to get back while this lady is insulting me left and right for easily over an hour, slinging curses and calling me all sorts of names. Finally my ex texts me and says she's outside. I tell her not to come in the front or all hell is gonna break loose. I walk outside because she has my daughter and pick up my daughter. My ex walks into the house and this lady makes a mad dash at my ex, about to literally kick her ass. I quickly run over there, daughter still in hand, and get in between them. This lady is trying to get around me. I tell my ex's sister to take my daughter downstairs. She comes over to take my daughter, but this lady is going nuts, trying to get at my ex, and starts scaring my daughter. I proceed to go absolutely fucking nuts. My daughter goes downstairs with her aunt and I literally push this lady off of me. I tell her, "if you come near me again, I'm going to knock you on your ass and make sure you don't get up." My ex at this point is sobbing, scared out of her mind. I tell her to go downstairs and call the police, which she does. I start screaming like a madman, "OK, I'M DONE BEING NICE. GET THE FUCK OUT OR I'M GONNA START BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE. YOU'RE IN MY FUCKING HOUSE AND I CONSIDER THIS TRESPASSING." I get the cops on the phone myself and finally they start slowly walking out. After everyone is outside, this lady starts walking up to me again, trying to get back in. I'm blocking the doorway not letting her in. Her nephew, maybe 19 years old, says loudly, "I'll take care of this," and walks up to me. He gets near me and tries to push his way around me. I stick my arm out and shove him down the steps. I tell him, "if you forgot something, I'll get it. If you need something else, you're not coming back in. If you come near me again, I'm gonna hurt you." He gets up and walks back near his family. The cops finally arrive and ask what's going on, but by this point, everyone is in their cars and driving away. I apologize profusely to the guests who originally booked (who were there the whole time videotaping this so this video might be out there somewhere), who say they've never seen anything like that but were afraid to do anything, but that it's okay. I change the lock code on the door and go downstairs. My ex is still in tears, but I tell her to calm down and that everything is over, they're gone and I changed the passcode. She calms down and I never hear from them again. 4. [U][B]The Germans[/B][/U] - I'm at the house. My ex asks me to go upstairs and explain to the current guests (a family of 5) that while they won't see us very often, it's a NYC law that an owner must be on the premises at all times according to AirBNB rules (which is true). I go upstairs. When I get there, they look at me curiously, as if I'm there to hurt them. I explain to them the rules of the house. The father of the family starts walking up to me slowly, clearly visibly unhappy. He says, "is that all you needed to tell us?" I say yes. He says, "okay, then get the fuck out of here." His family starts laughing. HELL NO!!! I start walking towards him, ready to fucking murder this guy. I tell him loudly and in his face, "THIS IS MY FUCKING HOUSE, YOU FUCKING NAZI. IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU GET THE FUCK OUT. I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE MOTHER FUCKER." His family wasn't laughing anymore. The daughter (about 25 years old - the one who initially started laughing), quickly apologizes for her father's behavior and asks me to calm down. I tell her I'll be right back. I walk downstairs and tell my ex that I'm kicking them out and explain what happens; she's okay with it). I walk back upstairs and tell her, "Please get out of my house. You'll get a refund. You got ten minutes or I'm physically going to remove you." She says okay and they leave.
Kind of reminds me of when I used to work at a dump hotel in North Hollywood. Cash only, $280 per week. One night I did a favor and ran the front desk 10pm-6am. About 2am I hear some yelling but ignore it (it IS the ghetto), but a guest comes and complains so I have to check it out... I go out our gated parking lot and find A NAKED WOMAN who claims she is sharing a room with another woman she doesn't really know (halfing rent) who is hitting her "she's too big to be hittin' me". I go to the room to tell the other woman to either let the naked lady come in and put on clothes or give me the clothes because I can't have naked people outside. She agrees to let the naked lady in.. after dressing, the formerly naked lady asks me to call the police. Me: explains what has happened so far 911: "are they lovers?" Me: "I just work here!... I don't think so" 911: "are either of them black?" Me: *wtf face* "yeah, both" Anyway, police show up to gather information. And leave the lobby door open when they leave, assholes.
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