• I Farted On A Pregnant Girl
    5 replies, posted
So before I tell this story, know that this was a complete accident and I in no way intended to harm anyone. This is completely true, and I don't care if you believe me or not. I will MS paint you a picture so you get the gist of it. Okay, here we go: Now last night, I had pizza. Lots of it. And this morning, I had more. Cold pizza, two more slices. So today at work, I was working at my bench like usual. The girl that works in another department was working along side me, kinda. It was like this: [img]http://img693.imageshack.us/img693/396/pregnantfarting1.png[/img] So anyways, she's pregnant, but strangely still hot. It's kind of weird and I don't understand it, but it is what it is. I digress. So I ate a lot of pizza in the last 12 hours or so, and I was really fucking gassy. It was the kind that you know, just from the feeling, that it's going to smell really fucking bad. So I kinda let a small one go, just to test the waters, and it was silent. So I know that I can get away with letting loose and nobody would ever know. About 10 seconds later the worst smell of my life greets my nasal passage with a swift kick to the face, and I slightly gag. I wish I was exaggerating. So I think about letting another one go, when i realize what I feel on my back. Its the fan next to me, and it's blowing right towards prego. "She must have smelled it" I think to myself, fearing for the life of her child. Now I know I can't do that again, or else she will get disgusted and that won't be any good. So I try to hold it in, but oh god it's going to happen again. I rush to the bathroom and let it loose, and have to leave it smells so bad. I've smelled shits that smelled better than this, from plumbers and fat old guys, anybody. So I head back out to the shop floor, but no sooner do I get to my bench when I feel it again. Now I can't keep going to the bathroom every two seconds, and I sure as hell can't hold it in or they'll squeek out. So I come up with a plan. I can hold it for a few seconds, just long enough to finish the piece of wood I'm sanding, and then I'll go get more wood. When I'm next to her, I'll rip one, and the wind from the fan will take it away. It was perfect. So I tried it, not thinking anything, just letting whatever I had saved up fly at full speed about every five minutes when I went over there. Now let me say this: There were some nasty ones. When I say nasty, I mean NASTY. Like, I'd rather stick my nose under Gabe Newell's lowest fat flap. I must have farted over 12 times, easily. It was over an hour of this. I've never had gas this bad. So I finish the piece I'm working on, I don't feel any more gas, and I sigh with relief. I lean over to grab my water that's sitting next to me, and notice that the fan is not on. I turn around quickly, and realize that it's actually the fan blowing right at her that's on, the one near the work pieces. I have no idea how I didn't notice it was that one, but I swear on gary's mod that I was completely oblivious. She had been getting not only the full stink of my ass, but having it forced UP her nose by a high-powered fan. I don't know how she didn't puke, she must either have iron nostrils or a sinus infection, because that was the A-bomb of ass bombs. Aftermath: She never said anything to me. I never heard anybody talking about it and she's still pregnant, so there was no home-made abortion from this, thankfully. So now I don't know what to do. Do I talk to her about it, make a joke hinting towards it, or just completely ignore everything that happened and never fart again? [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Dumb thread" - Benji))[/highlight]
You must be proud. Wait hold on you think farting will cause a miscarriage? Wow.
:crossarms:
Well, I guess that's that then.
okaaay glad to know you love writing about your farts so much
that was a really well written story
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