• My Friend's Beautiful Story (The Story of the Retarded Poodle)
    1 replies, posted
Once upon a time, at one of PuppetSeagull's rockin' parties, his friend found his laptop and typed this story. I recently found it in the depths of my hard drive, and just thought I should share it with you. Be forewarned, it's fuckin' stupid. [QUOTE]Poodle lived one day and he was mentally ill, like DJ he was completely and utterly stupid someday he became so stupid that his Fat Arms fell off and locusts spilled out he was a cripple poodle he couldn’t do anything and one day a magical horse came out and said “Hello I understand you are stupid and physically retarded, Like DJ so he gave him magical powers Then he Flew up in the air and grew poodle wings His Genatalia turned into a bird then it flew out then became dumb. Time for the story to begin… Now the story begins as The poodle is flying Around Being a dumb Flying object that bothered people got Dog doo-doo On People Below then One guy who had Dop Dung on him said “ Why don’t we make use of this Useless flying poodle?”Then the Flying Poodle Flew down and said “What a Good idea Just let me start being useful after researchinh aobut bigfoot and other stuff that Dumb People occupy themselves with.So the Next day the poodle Flew down to The West Side of town where Everybody Tries to rob people coming home from work and Other bad things bad people do in the west side of town.Now the Poodle saw a Negro walking home Stalking a poor helpless Women who was carrying a quite large amount of cash. So the Negro Confronted the woman and said “Nigga Give me all Yo Dough!”.Then the Woman reacted by Screaming “Aaah im a dumb Woman and don’t know what to do so ill just scream and run like a woman from a horror movie. Then the poodle attempted so the save the poor Women So be grabbed a bucket of Doo-doo Straight from his Anus and Chucked it at the Negro-man. The Dumb black ugy reacted by saying “Nigga , you spilled Doo-Doo all over Me and now I look diff—nevermind the doo-doo matched my skin so I wont complain.” Then the Poodle attempted to save the women So he Spotted A Dumpster and picked it up with his retard powers(all retarded people are Super strong strength Am I right? Seriously?) So he picked it up with the nubs on his missing arms then threw it at the N-word then made a slight mis-calculation and killed the women then the N-word picked up all her money and run off with it to spend it on drugs and stuff all other bad people spend it on.The Poodle Thought what he did was good because from his point of view because he thought the Women was dumber than him- and he didn’t like someone being dumber than him-so He Began on a Costume-One So badass and Awesome it would even make Chuck Norris Choke to death on his Steak out of Shock about too much awesomeness. The Costume was finished People hated it so much that they accepted it because it matches the poodles extreme retardation. So as the Poodle began to Destory crime and schools So soon there will be less crime and everyone will be as stupid as he is. As the Poodle began his journey He Flew Waay above the Skies and He forgot The Most Important thing before Anyone goes on a trip, to use the Bathroom .AKA. The Crapper. The poodle remembered he ate spicy enchiladas This morning for his Breakfast and Didn’t remember than it Usually gives him Chronic Diarreha Like all enchiladas do. So he Searhced for a place to poo And then came upon Mcdonalds He went to the bathroom and Found a open Toilet And sat on it and let all the doo doo out. After it was done he was pleased to let it out and then he rembered he didn’t have aposable Thumbs so he Couldn’t Flush the toilet. Then a Half stupid Redneck walked over to use the bathroom to use the toilet and was waiting for our poodle friend and said “ God Dammit can you Shit any slower, You better urry up before I get my good ‘ol .22!”-Because ALL rednecks have a .22 and use it to solve helpless problems. So as Poodle Was trying to grow aposable thumbs In time for the redneck to not find his .22 and shoot him So he tried to begin to grow thumbs that were aposable _ CONSTIPATED NOISE HERE_He someone realized after all this stupidity that he couldn’t grow thumbs He Fly out above the stall and leaves the Mcdonalds leaving a brown trail of after-poo And the Redneck walked into the bathroom and Saw the Dung in the Toilet and Hollered “ God Dammit can anyone Flush A F****** Toilet at a McDonalds!!! Jesus H Christ!! So the redneck went home and grabbed Good ‘ol .22 and Stated shooting People at Mcdonalds Saying “IF U DON’T LEARN HOW TO FLUSH A GOD DAMN TOILET IM SHOVE A .22 BULLET DOWN YOUR GOD DAMN THROAT.” The Mcdonalds Employees said “ Please Shoot theCustomers Not us.” As The employees ran out of the mcdonalds the Redneck Shouted “So How many of you Are potty trained?” Everyone Rose the hand then the redneck said “THEN WHY CANT YOU FLUSH A ****$*#*$#*%*@ TOILET!!!” So the customers Mentioned “ It was the poodle he Doesn’t have aposable thumbs.” So the Redneck Followed the Brown trail that the dog created on his escape out the Mcdonalds The Dumb redneck followed the trail And found the Dogs Dog-House and Said “So You’re the One Who abuses the Glorious Crapper that our good lord has given us?” Then the poodle flew out and Said “Ugh Duh I Ugh EEER I had to use the toilet and I remembered I didn’t have thumbs so I forgot to Flush, SORRY”… In Disbelief the redneck said “Sorry Doesn’t cut how much that Smelled, Its like S***** on a bad of wet socks. The dog said “I ERR UH WILL FIGHT YOU BECASEU YOUR DUMBER THAN ME”. Then Redneck[/QUOTE] And he ends it at that note. Please give some constructive feedback so that we can help further his career.
The story of my life. 10/10.
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