[img]http://imageflock.com/img/1313094595.gif[/img]
Just before we delve into this, I have made this guide to notify anyone who lives outside the UK(basically anyone over the pond)
that this is to educate you on a scourge that is present in our country, in case you are planning to come over and visit. As
you will be more aware and ultimately prepared. Please know that quite a lot of the contents in here are dramatized and satirical,
but then again I'm being often and somewhat serious with some of the things that I type here.
[t]http://i.imgur.com/xgqK8.jpg[/t]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]1. Introduction[/b][/i][/highlight]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]2. Appearance[/b][/i][/highlight]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]3. Habitat[/b][/i][/highlight]
[i][b]i) Internet Presence[/b][/i]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]4. Behaviour[/b][/i][/highlight]
[i][b]i)The Enemies of Chavs[/b][/i]
[i][b]ii)Activites[/b][/i]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]5. Musical Tastes[/b][/i][/highlight]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]6. Befriending a Chav[/b][/i][/highlight]
[img]http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/resources/images/new_site_images/bullet_point.gif[/img][highlight][i][b]7. Notable/Relevant Chavs[/b][/i][/highlight]
[highlight][i][b]Extras, Videos and Stuff[/b][/i][/highlight]
[b]Introduction[/b]
In the United Kingdom, working class people attempt to go about their daily lives in peace, with hope of no disturbance.
And the aspiration to make a steady income and a sustainable lifestyle. In theory it would be thought as possible,
but in reality. It's not due to a sub-human creature that invades most areas of the UK on a daily basis
[i]"The Chav"[/i]
[img]http://www.freewebs.com/boilthechavs/chav1.jpg[/img]
The Chav is a person, well anyone wouldn't really consider them as people, due to the fact that they are devoid of any
remorse or kindness, they only like 3 things, Bangin' "Choons", Violence, and Drugs, you could probably also fit in a
penchant for Tracksuits and Ugly hats. Anything else that isn't similair to these, they hate or do not understand.
[highlight]Fact:[/highlight] Hoodie is a common name for a chav. Chavs are also known as Neds in Scotland which stands for Non-Educated Delinquent(apparently).
[b]Appearance[/b]
The Chav sees itself as a sharp and fashionable dresser, but instead they look like they fell out of bed,
threw a pile of clothes in the air and expected them to fall onto his body. When you see them, they will
perpetually wear the same clothing.
They have no variety when it comes to their style and only normally wear two variations of clothing.
[img]http://www.themenswearsite.com/images/products/zoom/1257553834-83071900.jpg[/img]
[b]A:[/b] Tracksuit(If you are wearing a Fred Perry tracksuit you are top dog among chavs).
[img]http://www.purple-oval.co.uk/lg_images/Original_Penguin_Blanco_Stripe_T_Shirt.JPG[/img]
[b]B:[/b] Or this and Tracksuit Bottoms (Track Pants).
If you top off the look with one of these ghastly creations then you'll look just like a genuine chav (In other words a complete prick).
[img]http://www.tyresmoke.net/attachments/543188-burberry%2520cap.jpg[/img]
Chavs rarely shower, and as a result they stink worse than shit. To mask the fetid smell excreting from every part of their body
they drown theirselves in the stench of Lynx Africa and cigarettes... Charming.
Since no-one has managed to approach a group of chavs without being killed or violently raped, few photos are available too show
this disgraceful creature, since I am a native of the United Kingdom I have been around chavs far to often than I would like so
here is a drawing I have made to show you what I judge to be the typical chav.
[img]http://imageflock.com/img/1313164466.png[/img]
Notice the perpertual scowl on his face, it will rarely ever disappear. And also notice the the ugly hat on top of his head
that is fastened so tight that it probably reduces the function in his brain (Though that would explain why they act like massive faggots).
[b]Habitat[/b]
[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_PZzNU3STZls/TVE3lkvRWtI/AAAAAAAACLo/6gihuo3iLqE/s640/Chavs.jpg[/img]
Chavs can be found outside of corner shops, sitting on a railing waiting for someone to buy them alcohol(ages of chavs can range between
8 - 30). If you dare to walk towards or near them, they will scream and shout at you in their jumbled and unusual dialect and likely
threaten to stab or beat you up (If there are less than 6 chavs they will hesitate to fight you). Do not even think about making eye contact
with one of them, they will signal their pack and come down on you like a ton of bricks. They will also steal any shoes or electrical devices
you have with you at the time. They also commonly occupy derelict buildings where they take drugs (Heroin, Meth, etc). These
are a chavs base of operations and where all the technical shit goes down (nothing).
[b]Internet Presence[/b]
No chav in existence owns a computer, but with the invention of smart-phones means they can always be found on BEBO (They always steal
their phones).
[b]Behaviour[/b]
The Chav lost any shred of happiness after his uncle threw him against a wall when he was young. The only time they will act passive
or somewhat kind is towards their "mates", and people who buy them cigarettes (If you buy them cigarettes they will be extremely grateful
and loyal, but they will come back to you and ask for more cigarettes, saying no will make them hate you and they will likely attack you).
[b]Actvities[/b]
A large chunk of the chavs time is spent drinking alcohol that they have bought from stealing money off of unsuspecting individuals.
One of their favourite times to drink is during the day, they especially like to drink during sunny days even though
those stupid cunts will eventually sustain heatstroke. They like to casually sit outside shops and flats swigging at their
magical brew. Here are two brews that chavs see to be the "pure business".
[img]http://theworldhates.com/chavs/files/2009/11/buckfast_tonic_wine.jpg[/img]
[b][i]Buckfast[/i][/b]: Buckfast is a relatively cheap (in Scotland) alcoholic wine that is the commonly used sterotype
for a chavs drink. It tastes like shit.
[img]http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081231163436/uncyclopedia/images/f/f3/WhiteLightning.jpg[/img]
[b][i]White Lightning[/i][/b]: A cheap sweet cider which costs around £2 for a litre or two (seriously), chavs enjoy
this drink because they dislike the taste of beer.
Apart from drinking and taking drugs, chavs enjoy fighting, playing football, fighting over football, throwing stones at windows
to get a reaction out of the owner, jumping over a fence and running through peoples gardens, property damage, petty theft,
arson, and anything else that is bad.
[b]The Enemies of Chavs[/b]
"Emo's, and Goths", the sworn enemies of chavs. Chavs see theirselves as crusaders who aim to protect the world from
their long gay hair. If you are one of these, try your best to stay as far away as possible from them. When Chav's are done
shouting abuse at you they will chase you. It's a kill on sight rule, or goths you could just throw your newrocks at them (I'm kidding your better
than them).
[b]Musical Tastes[/b]
The chavs choice of music is repetitive club music, commonly the stylings of German dance act Scooter.
[i]"Needs more donk"[/i] - Chav in reply to every song he listens too.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDDpwMc4ZjY[/media]
I felt a little bit of repetition in those 2 minutes.
[b]Befriending a Chav[/b]
Don't even think about it if you have a soul, it's like hanging around with a sack of shit, pointless and smelly (there's more brainpower in a sack of
shit so that's an unfair comparison).
[b]Notable/Relevant Chavs.[/b]
[b][i]Devvo[/i][/b]
[img]http://www.fat-pie.com/darrenbig2.jpg[/img]
Devvo is an unemployed youth from Doncaster, and is a rather realistic view on the stereotypical chav, he is a creation
of David Firth and the character is played by Christian Pickup, the funny thing about Devvo is that there are people
who still think he is real. It's a joke.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNACBKwi-As[/media]
[b][i]Wee Mental Daz[/i][/b]
[img]http://imageflock.com/img/1313165979.bmp[/img]
Wee Mental Daz is like a shitter, less realistic version of Devvo. It follows him and his friend Kinky Kev, and their adventures.
Like breaking into flats, getting into fights with a posh english boy, and going to "job" interviews.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsO1miguuaU[/media]
[b]Extras, Videos and Stuff[/b]
[b]Blackout Crew, one of the pinnacles in chav music[/b]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckMvj1piK58[/media]
[b]MC Smally, I'm sorry please don't hate me for this... They actually listen to this shit[/b]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6xk37FOtrk[/media]
[b]DJ Badboy, the "Number 1 DJ" in Fife[/b]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhRuIlniGWA[/media]
[highlight][b][i]Qumph - Doon the Toon, the only intentionally funny song here.[/i][/b][/highlight]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66kqfNOIz6k[/media]
So that's the end of the thread, I assume 90% of you aren't going to read it... But then again I'm only trying to give anyone
unfamiliar with Chavs a lesson and people aware of them a laugh, remember this was partly delivered in a slightly exageratted way,
but still Chavs are a fucking menace to society.
Have a wonderful day guys
[i]Peace[/i]
[b]PS:[/b] If you have any further questions that this OP does not touch on please ask them.
You did not once mention hoodies.
So...they're the equivalent of anybody that tries to emulate Jersey Shore?
[QUOTE=Arachnidus;31677317]So...they're the equivalent of anybody that tries to emulate Jersey Shore?[/QUOTE]hahaha gold
Chavettes are pretty hot on occasion though
A friend of mine lives in Scottland, he's always talking about "Neds" or "Chavs".
I wonder if it's really that bad as OP states. :v: I really like how he built up this thread as a survival guide.
Here, in Luxembourg we have a chav-like people. They're mostly portuguese and pretty aggressive, it really matches the description. Although they're more aware of their appearance.
But they won't attack you if you stumble near them, only at night when you're alone.
[QUOTE=Arachnidus;31677317]So...they're the equivalent of anybody that tries to emulate Jersey Shore?[/QUOTE]
Pretty much, except
1) much louder
2) more horrid stench
3) not a shred of humanity
[QUOTE=junker|154;31677404]A friend of mine lives in Scottland, he's always talking about "Neds" or "Chavs".
I wonder if it's really that bad as OP states. :v: I really like how he built up this thread as a survival guide.
Here, in Luxembourg we have a chav-like people. They're mostly portuguese and pretty aggressive, it really matches the description. Although they're more aware of their appearance.
But they won't attack you if you stumble near them, only at night when you're alone.[/QUOTE]
One of my friends lives in Luxembourg and he says the people can be pretty rough over there when the need strikes.
We need more threads like this.
Can I listen to Scooter and not be a chav?
haha mc smally brings back memories of school (bad memories)
[QUOTE=The Advisor;31677432]Pretty much, except
1) much louder
2) more horrid stench
3) not a shred of humanity
One of my friends lives in Luxembourg and he says the people can be pretty rough over there when the need strikes.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, at times things get out of hand.
There is a pretty known club here, nearly everyone who likes clubs and that style goes there. The problem is that people get really fucking aggressive because they're either drunk or simply looking for a fight. But at that club, some folk died. One got stabbed with a bottle because he accidently stepped on a girls foot.
Things are getting worse but you can travel through the streets pretty safely, just watch out for those packs at night or at certain places where you don't want to stick at the wrong time.
Nothing about Devvo in this?
[video=youtube;7RBelz8BgX0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RBelz8BgX0[/video]
[QUOTE=BigSmokeDawg;31677737]Nothing about Devvo in this?
[video=youtube;7RBelz8BgX0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RBelz8BgX0[/video][/QUOTE]
I was going to but, I thought the thread was getting too large to squeeze Devvo in. If people actually want I can get him in the OP somewhere?
Aah. The chav. Delightful creature, truly a sigh to behold.
Let's hear some portuguese chav music, let us?
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE2MgPO51qc[/media]
This find gentleman called Agir (which translates into "to do", which is pronounced Ah - geer but for some reason he pronouces it Ah - gee -eh -r. The song is about asking a girl to tattoo his name in her ass even if "your mother doesn't let you, even if your boyfriend complains, even if it hurts".
This fine gentleman also has this song, which is about going back to school and actually fucking learning instead of smoking weed. Obviously this song is an ode.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVFX0pjbCPo[/media]
You forgot the hoodies, daytime drinking and the increased rate of their reproduction.
Other great music from these talented artists :
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G2G2AeBS80[/media]
put this in op
[t]http://i.imgur.com/xgqK8.jpg[/t]
[QUOTE=squids_eye;31677878]You forgot the hoodies, daytime drinking and the increased rate of their reproduction.[/QUOTE]
Anything I forgot i'll add depending on the response the thread gets pal.
I'll likely have to add the daytime drinking regardless though.
Currently I am studying Psychology at the University. Once I am finished with my studies I will analyze the behaviour and write a book about it.
Although it's pretty smug to talk about those guys in such a manner, often they're just poor lads which don't know any other way. Although they're still assholes which are fucking annoying at times. Usually when I go out with my friends at some fucking bar or a party somewhere we get threatened by those fuckers which simply can't shut their stupid face for one second. Usually ending in a fight :v:
[QUOTE=junker|154;31677990]Currently I am studying Psychology at the University. Once I am finished with my studies I will analyze the behaviour and write a book about it.
Although it's pretty smug to talk about those guys in such a manner, often they're just poor lads which don't know any other way. Although they're still assholes which are fucking annoying at times. Usually when I go out with my friends at some fucking bar or a party somewhere we get threatened by those fuckers which simply can't shut their stupid face for one second. Usually ending in a fight :v:[/QUOTE]
You should assemble a comedic yet concise and informative guide to chavs.
as I am not from Britain, I can't really take them seriously if they have such a strong accent, I'd just run away and laugh because if someone would threaten me with that accent I would just burst out laughing
[QUOTE=junker|154;31677990]Currently I am studying Psychology at the University. Once I am finished with my studies I will analyze the behaviour and write a book about it.
Although it's pretty smug to talk about those guys in such a manner, often they're just poor lads which don't know any other way. Although they're still assholes which are fucking annoying at times. Usually when I go out with my friends at some fucking bar or a party somewhere we get threatened by those fuckers which simply can't shut their stupid face for one second. Usually ending in a fight :v:[/QUOTE]
I exagerrate a bit in the OP, I know that some chavs can be okay, it just depends on the people they are mingling with really.
Junker's right. It isn't their fault, poverty breeds this kind of things. In Portugal romanians, ucranians, black people and gypsies are the ones considered to be chavs.
Not gonna lie the music is pretty good save for that one where that 12 year old sings.
[QUOTE=runtime;31677375]hahaha gold
Chavettes are pretty hot on occasion though[/QUOTE]
not really, they are usually overweight/obese.
By the way, I thought the portrayal of Chavs in the OP fit pretty much every one over here in Norfolk.
One day my mom and Autistic brother were at my bus stop wearing Santa Hats because they were going to give a present to my brothers friend. Some young chavs walked by and called them Faggots... I was so angry. I kick myself for not doing anything. they were about 10 too so its not like I couldn't scare or beat the shit out of the 2 of them. But then I wouldn't be any better than them would I? Or maybe so because I'd be beating some asshole up for a reason...
Usually they're pretty okay if you meet them alone. It happened to me a few times.
I only have to deal with them at parties or busstations during night. They'll look for some victims to beat up, but only if they're outmanned and outgunned.
Another problem is that most of them are stupid enough to carry weapons like clubs or knives with them, and you never know if they're stupid enough to actually use them. So sometimes it's better just just avoid them or run away instead of being all proud and playing uber-gangsta.
They're like Britain's black people.
[QUOTE=runtime;31677375]hahaha gold
Chavettes are pretty hot on occasion though[/QUOTE]
until you realise they've been soaked with cheap cigarettes, alcohol, shitty strands of weed, other chavs, council housing etc
All chavs looks like a Neanderthal.
[QUOTE=MountainWatcher;31678035]Junker's right. It isn't their fault, poverty breeds this kind of things. In Portugal romanians, ucranians, black people and gypsies are the ones considered to be chavs.[/QUOTE]
If I would be a poor ass chap on the streets, I would be a criminal and try to get along with the others guys. Also often if those chavs get a decent job they'll try to get out of the mess. It's mostly a thing when you're younger. Same as for punks and other anarchist like groups.
[QUOTE=Rick Ross;31678107]They're like Britain's black people.[/QUOTE]
There are black people in Britain you know.
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