• The Medieval Bestiary
    62 replies, posted
[url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beastalphashort.htm]The Medieval Bestiary[/url] I was recently linked to this fantastic website that lists descriptions of creatures by various ancient and medieval authors. It's unbelievable how much bullshit Pliny the Elder, for example, was capable of spewing while still being considered an excellent source from his era. Here's Bartholomaeus Anglicus' description of the cat: [quote]He is a full lecherous beast in youth, swift, pliant, and merry, and leapeth and reseth on everything that is to fore him: and is led by a straw, and playeth therewith: and is a right heavy beast in age and full sleepy: and lieth slyly in wait for mice: and is aware where they be more by smell than by sight, and hunteth and reseth on them in privy places: and when he taketh a mouse, he playeth therewith, and eateth him after the play.[/quote] He just keeps going on and on! [quote]In time of love is hard fighting for wives, and one scratcheth and rendeth the other grievously with biting and with claws. And he maketh a ruthful noise and ghastful, when one proffereth to fight with another: and unneth is hurt when he is thrown down off an high place. And when he hath a fair skin, he is as it were proud thereof, and goeth fast about: and when his skin is burnt, then he bideth at home; and is oft for his fair skin taken of the skinner, and slain and flayed.[/quote] Thanks, Bartholomaeus. Most of the creatures are also beautifully illustrated [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast265.htm][img]http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/81/basilisk.jpg[/img][/url] That's a [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast265.htm]basilisk[/url] with a weasel hanging from its throat Speaking of [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast150.htm]weasels[/url] [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast150.htm][img]http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/6395/weasels.jpg[/img][/url] This is the [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast80.htm]bonnacon[/url] [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast80.htm][img]http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/4296/bonancon.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast280.htm]Worms[/url] with faces [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast280.htm][img]http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/3438/wormsf.jpg[/img][/url]
:downs:
[QUOTE]Bees are the smallest of birds. They are born from the bodies of oxen, or from the decaying flesh of slaughtered calves; worms form in the flesh and then turn into bees. Bees live in community, choose the most noble among them as king, have wars, and make honey. Their laws are based on custom, but the king does not enforce the law; rather the lawbreakers punish themselves by stinging themselves to death. Bees are afraid of smoke and are excited by noise. Each has its own duty: guarding the food supply, watching for rain, collecting dew to make honey, and making wax from flowers.[/QUOTE] [IMG]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img374.jpg[/IMG] Gotta love the middle ages
dew+bees = honey?
[QUOTE=ThePuska;20797992] Speaking of [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast150.htm]weasels[/url] [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast150.htm][img]http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/6395/weasels.jpg[/img][/url][/QUOTE] Are those weasels kissing?
[QUOTE=Neurotoxsin;20798177]Are those weasels kissing?[/QUOTE] Conceiving orally. And the other weasel is giving birth through the ear
A snake, chicken and eagle combined? Fuck yeah.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you, the ASS [img]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img4470.jpg[/img] [quote] Ass Latin name: Asinus Other names: Ane, Asellus, Mule An animal that is slow and resists commands General Attributes Large and tall asses come from Arcadia, but the smaller animals are more useful because they can sustain hardship. Asses are slow and resist commands. Sources (chronological order) Pliny the Elder [1st century CE] (Natural History, Book 8, 68): Asses are useful for ploughing, and for the breeding mules, which are the offspring of an ass and a horse. Though female asses have great affection for their young, they have an even greater dislike of water, so that they will go through fire to reach their foals but will not cross even a small stream to do so. Asses will only drink from a stream they are used to and can reach without wetting their hooves; they will refuse to cross a bridge if the water of the river can be seen through cracks in the bridge boards. Isidore of Seville [7th century CE] (Etymologies, Book 12, 1:38): The ass (asinus) takes its name from "sitting" (sedendo, taken as a-sedus). It resists commands for no reason, and is a slow animal. Bartholomaeus Anglicus [13th century CE] (De proprietatibus rerum, book 18): The ass is fair of shape and of disposition while he is young and tender, or he pass into age. For the elder the ass is, the fouler he waxeth from day to day, and hairy and rough, and is a melancholy beast, that is cold and dry, and is therefore kindly heavy and slow, and unlusty, dull and witless and forgetful. Nathless he beareth burdens, and may away with travail and thraldom, and useth vile meat and little, and gathereth his meat among briars and thorns and thistles.... And the ass hath another wretched condition known to nigh all men. For he is put to travail over-night, and is beaten with staves, and sticked and pricked with pricks, and his mouth is wrung with a bernacle, and is led hither and thither, and withdrawn from leas and pasture that is in his way oft by the refraining of the bernacle, and dieth at last after vain travails, and hath no reward after his death for the service and travail that he had living, not so much that his own skin is left with him, but it is taken away, and the carrion is thrown out without sepulture or burials; but it be so much of the carrion that by eating and devouring is sometimes buried in the wombs of hounds and wolves. (Mediaeval Lore from Bartholomew Anglicus (London, 1893/1905) Steele edition of 1905)[/quote] And so begin the puns.
[url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast135.htm][img]http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/7518/lynx.jpg[/img][/url]
[QUOTE=ThePuska;20798275][URL="http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast135.htm"][IMG]http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/7518/lynx.jpg[/IMG][/URL][/QUOTE] It came a brick. :v:
[QUOTE=Madman_Andre;20798344]It came a brick. :v:[/QUOTE] The newest thing since shitting bricks! V:v:V
very very interesting...... [sp]i is troll[/sp] [editline]06:02PM[/editline] balls someone reported me... [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Gimmick" - Jaanus))[/highlight]
[QUOTE=ban-fan v2.o;20798415]very very interesting...... [sp]i is troll[/sp] [editline]06:02PM[/editline] balls someone reported me...[/QUOTE] A very bad one at that
[QUOTE=ThePuska;20798275][url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast135.htm][img]http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/7518/lynx.jpg[/img][/url][/QUOTE] Man that is one bigass bladder stone!
[QUOTE=Pretiacruento;20798880]Man that is one bigass bladder stone![/QUOTE] Look at his face, though. He enjoyed it.
[QUOTE=DiscoPony;20798928]Look at his face, though. He enjoyed it.[/QUOTE] Nah he actually looks more like [img]http://chud.com/nextraimages/dec4green2.jpg[/img] Don't you think? :v:
His eyes are still open. :colbert: Unlike the picture.
Now that's an interesting site, gonna take a deeper look when I'm not tired. STILL. [IMG]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img4459.jpg[/IMG] "The whale who deceives sailors and drags them down to their deaths signifies the devil, who deceives those he drags down to hell. Those of weak faith who give in to the sweet odor of worldly desires will be swallowed up by the devil." This is awesome. "Shiir, we see and island, it's safe, covered in mud n' stu- HOLY SHIT, THE DEVIL ITSELF, IT'S TAKING US TO THE DEPTH OF HELL, aaarrrgghhh-/;
[img]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img5137.jpg[/img] Scorpions are formed from the dead bodies of crabs. The scorpion is a worm of the earth that is armed with a sting. It attacks with its tail and pours poison into the wound. Scorpions do not strike at the palm of the hand. If ten crabs are tied with basil, all of the scorpions in that area will gather together.
[IMG]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img4995.jpg[/IMG] [I]As young pelicans grow, they begin to strike their parents in the face with their beaks. Though the pelican has great love for its young, it strikes back and kills them. After three days, the mother pierces her side or her breast and lets her blood fall on the dead birds, and thus revives them. Some say it is the male pelican that kills the young and revives them with his blood. Pelicans live in Egypt. There are two kinds: one kind lives on water and eats poisonous animals like crocodiles and lizards; the other kind, with a long neck and beak, makes a sound like an ass when it drinks (this kind is called the onocrotalus). Some say that the two kinds are distinguished by other attributes: the kind that live in water eat fish, while the kind that live on islands eat dirty animals. The pelican has an insatiable hunger, and because its stomach cannot hold food for long, everything it eats is immediately digested.[/I] Seriously, what the fuck.
[QUOTE=w 1 z;20798270]Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you, the ASS [img]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img4470.jpg[/img] And so begin the puns.[/QUOTE] [IMG]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img5011.jpg[/IMG] [QUOTE]Cock Latin name: Gallus Other names: The cock is a bird that can tell time[/QUOTE] :smug:
This thread made my day
[U][B]Titmouse[/B][/U] [B]Latin name:[/B] [B]Other names:[/B] Mesange, Mesenge A bird that is curoius about other birds [B]General Attributes:[/B] [I]As described by Pierre de Beauvais in his Bestiaire, the titmouse has beautiful feathers. It is curious about other birds and wants to see them, whether dead or alive. To catch this bird, a hunter sets a trap, then whistles and shows a dead bird. The titmouse flies to see what the hunter has, but is caught by its feet in the trap. Other birds are also caught when they respond to the titmouse's cries.[/I] :v:
[img]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img1018.jpg[/img] Unicorn Latin name: Unicornis Other names: Kardunn, Karkadann The unicorn is a fierce beast that can only be captured by a maiden [i]The unicorn ([I]monocerotem[/I]) is the fiercest animal, and it is said that it is impossible to capture one alive. It has the body of a horse, the head of a stag, the feet of an elephant, the tail of a boar, and a single black horn three feet long in the middle of its forehead. Its cry is a deep bellow.[/i]
[QUOTE=w 1 z;20798270]Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you, the ASS [IMG]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img4470.jpg[/IMG] And so begin the puns.[/QUOTE] Asstonishing. The middle ages were so wacky.
The cock is a bird that can tell time [editline]03:16PM[/editline] [url=http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast251.htm]It's amazing how terrifying they make the raven seem.[/url] [editline]03:17PM[/editline] [quote]If a wolf sees a man before the man sees the wolf, the man will lose his voice. If the man sees the wolf first, the wolf can no longer be fierce. If a man loses his voice because the wolf saw him first, he should take off all his clothes and bang two rocks together, which will keep the wolf from attacking.[/quote] What the christ
[QUOTE=WhatTheKlent;20800702] The unicorn is a fierce beast that can only be captured by a maiden [/QUOTE] Only approaches virgins. GREAT TEST.
bees are the smallest of birds
Dragons please :smugdog:
[IMG]http://bestiary.ca/beastimage/img4461.jpg[/IMG] "The beaver is hunted for its testicles, which are valued for making medicine. When the beaver sees that it cannot escape from the hunter, it bites off its testicles and throws them to the hunter, who then stops pursuing the beaver. If another hunter chases the beaver, it shows the hunter that it has already lost its testicles and so is spared."
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