What's comes after dropping the Cosby's off at the pool? Wiping your ass. This requires a special tool -- toilet paper. There are many kinds of toilet paper -- extra strong, extra soft, rugged and hard. There are also many brands you may have heard of such as Scott and Charmin. But it even gets as low as using fucking wal-mart brand toilet paper. Don't use this utter shit! After all, it is the reason why I'm making this thread.
So, there I was dropping the Brown's off at the Superbowl and I finish, but now it's time to wipe. I grab the usual 10-13 sheets of this cheap TP and it fucking papercuts my asshole. This shit is rugged as hell and cut my asscrack.
If you use this fucking store brand toilet paper, kill that bitch with fire and get some motherfucking Charmin before all hell breaks loose in your asshole.
[img]http://thecelebrityautopsy.com/ToiletPaper/charmin1.jpg[/img]
You are supposed to wipe, not scrub vigorously.
If you fold your TP rather balling it up, it allows for a better wiping surface and uses less sheets per wipe.
I tend to take the whole roll and crumple it into a giant ball and whipe my ass with that.
Well think of it this way, now you have another ass crack.
Never use those brown colored napkins you get at fast food joints as TP. Not because they aren't soft, but because they are usually the exact color as your shit and you don't know when you're done wiping.
[QUOTE=JDK721;29622513]I take it you're talking from personal experience[/QUOTE]
Actually I am. I ran out of toilet paper and was too lazy to buy more, so I took a thick stack of napkins from taco bell when I got take-out.
Usually I just get 2 squares of paper and fold over once, so I get one double square. For the nasty stuff I use 4+ squares. But yes, do not buy walmart brand anything.
[QUOTE=Soleeedus;29622387]I tend to take the whole roll and crumple it into a giant ball and whipe my ass with that.[/QUOTE]
The whole roll?
[QUOTE=Master117;29622444]Never use those brown colored napkins you get at fast food joints as TP. Not because they aren't soft, but because they are usually the exact color as your shit and you don't know when you're done wiping.[/QUOTE]
I take it you're talking from personal experience
I use store brand for my ass, and it suffices. It never really falls apart, or required shitloads of paper. Of course, it feels like fine grain sandpaper, but it'll do. Because I ain't paying fucking twelve dollars for tree products that will in end up as solution in wastewater.
[QUOTE=TamTamJam;29622482]The whole roll?[/QUOTE]
I prefer a precision wiping technique, while using the whole roll and crumpling it into a ball and wiping may create a nice buffer from your excrement, you will probably clog your toilet.
[QUOTE=TamTamJam;29622482]The whole roll?[/QUOTE]
The whole roll.
[QUOTE=muffinmastah;29622528]I prefer a precision wiping technique, while using the whole roll and crumpling it into a ball and wiping may create a nice buffer from your excrement, you will probably clog your toilet.[/QUOTE]
do your wax your asshole afterwards
Only on Tuesdays.
[QUOTE=muffinmastah;29622528]I prefer a precision wiping technique, while using the whole roll and crumpling it into a ball and wiping may create a nice buffer from your excrement, you will probably clog your toilet.[/QUOTE]
You can stuff so much in there that the water disappears and a good toilet will still handle it professionally.
[QUOTE=muffinmastah;29622528]I prefer a precision wiping technique, while using the whole roll and crumpling it into a ball and wiping may create a nice buffer from your excrement, you will probably clog your toilet.[/QUOTE]
[img]http://syntacticalsugar.net/pics/superToilet.jpg[/img]
Not with this motherfucker.
I wipe till there's nothing on the paper, which of course requires a lot of wiping and toilet paper. I wipe very light and gentle, so it's either a papercut or I somehow busted a 'roid. Anyways, I just picked up some Charmin Basic. Time to show my ass some love. :buddy:
[QUOTE=deadshot;29622611]I wipe till there's nothing on the paper, which of course requires a lot of wiping and toilet paper. I wipe very light and gentle, so it's either a papercut or I somehow busted a 'roid. Anyways, I just picked up some Charmin Basic. Time to show my ass some love. :buddy:[/QUOTE]
Probably just some rectal tearing from the night before
[QUOTE=Soleeedus;29622597][img_thumb]http://syntacticalsugar.net/pics/superToilet.jpg[/img_thumb]
Not with this motherfucker.[/QUOTE]
What kind of monster turd do you make in that machine?
If you ever start taking a shit and it gets stuck, just remember that humans are not meant to sit and shit. Try leaning forward with your feet back, sort of like you're skiing down hill.
[QUOTE=muffinmastah;29622630]What kind of monster turd do you make in that machine?[/QUOTE]
84% of the world's poop comes from me.
In one sitting.
on a related note
energy efficient toilets
biggest fucking redundancy ever
my god man
i blew my nose and tried to flush the TWO tissues down the toilet and the god damn thing clogs. im flushing it every 3 minutes when im in there for 15 mins. if the god damn thing didnt clog so easily i wouldnt need to flush it so often
[QUOTE=Master117;29622730]If you ever start taking a shit and it gets stuck, just remember that humans are not meant to sit and shit. Try leaning forward with your feet back, sort of like you're skiing down hill.[/QUOTE]
I shat in the woods once and I had to wipe for like an hour to remove all the poo residue
I firmly believe that sitting on a toilet seat is the optimal shitting position
Is it just me or are the Charmin commercials with the bears really... Off putting?
[QUOTE=gerbile5;29622735]on a related note
energy efficient toilets
biggest fucking redundancy ever
my god man
i blew my nose and tried to flush the TWO tissues down the toilet and the god damn thing clogs. im flushing it every 3 minutes when im in there for 15 mins. if the god damn thing didnt clog so easily i wouldnt need to flush it so often[/QUOTE]
don't flush facial tissues down the toilet
I still use leaves.
Thread of the Year 2011 nominee.
I hate ass hair, why do we have it? Makes wiping down a bitch and a half because it all clings to them.
Just apply some lighter fluid and you're set.
You're trying way to hard on this one.
So many threads use the same format lately, over-exaggerating everything to be ironic.
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