So, today I heard some weird conversations and thought I'd start a thread.
One of them went like this:
"Why did the pimple embolize"
"I don't know"
"It didn't!"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
and another one went like this:
"Basically what you do is adjust the boob to get the optimal amount of cleavage in the shot."
"What is it, boob tickling?"
"No, you have to grab the boob and like turn it around and shit."
"Don't touch the tits."
"That's against my entire dialect to you."
"Yes."
Oh boy, where to start. I work in an almost stereotypically classless ice rink with lots of backwoods hockey players, so I hear some weird shit from everyone involved.
"We should use a grenade instead. [I]That'd[/I] motivate them to go!" - High school hockey coach
"What happened?"
"Someone threw up."
"Excellent."
"I think you're right, it [I]was[/I] egg salad!"
"What's the problem?"
"Oh, y'know, biggest fuckin' snowstorm of the fuckin' year and the fuckin' snowblower's fuckin' fucked up."
First day of school once I heard some freshmen
"I don't like the lockers here. They're harder than the ones at the junior high."
"Yeah they hurt my head."
One of my teachers in grade 11 was talking to another student in the room and said this,
"...yeah and that was around the time I began to lose faith in the USD, so, I invested a bunch of stocks into Microsoft points."
"Really?"
"You bet, but it turns out, they don't even use Microsoft points anymore, how screwed up is that?"
"his dick was too big to put in there."
"yeah, but he didn't want me to go because he thought they'f trap me in a lesbian threesome."
"tell her to stick it in harder"
all at work today..
Someone was planning an assassination on me.
I then came if out of nowhere and shot fireballs from my anus at her.
That people - was one historic moment passed down from old civilisation to the modern day. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My geography class today:
"man dey sellin' landmines on deepnets, check it"
"wait, they the same guys who that chilli lube?"
Walking past these two gang type kids at my school, one says "And, I was like: what the FUCK" and the other guy responded with "Wow, he's probably a major GAYLORD". What made it funny was how serious both of them looked and they were staring at the opposite direction of each other while talking.
"It went in my arse but didn't mean anything"
"Is it normal to get a nipple on in the bath?"
I was cleaning the women's restroom at work, and someone came in. I got super quiet. She sat down (on the toilet I just cleaned) and took the biggest shit ever. I heard her groan "ah fuck". I was trying so hard not to laugh. She said to some other woman, "looks like I was the first one here."
Gee thanks lady :(
I work at a Barnes and Noble and I listened to a guy with his mistress. He had his son with him and everything. Put headphones in the kids ears and they started talking about his wifes work schedule and when she could come over.
"What if Mario is actually gay and Luigi is his plumber lover?"
"GMC is a rip-off of Chevy, and Chevy is a rip-off of Cadillac."
"You know they are all owned by the same company, right?"
Lacrosse coach at my school shouting at players over the loudspeaker:
"I'm going to plant pot in your locker so you get expelled."
"I'm going to raise you a cute little puppy, then kill it."
This thread
girls talking at a distance:
" (quiet chatter), I am so ugly, no one wants to go out with me, oh, and this one guy asked me out, strange right?"
...
"Im never dating any boys again, they are all idiots and cheaters!"
I ALMOST agree with that. not all of us cheat
"I want to fuck your mother so hard that she dies of..."
That's all I heard because the two kids where biking past me on the bus stop.
Not a conversation, but I heard the following at the restaurant I work at. A large, bearded redneck was ambling toward the restroom, and paused at the door to loudly proclaim:
"I'M-A GO IN HERE AN' WARSH MAH BIG PENIS."
[QUOTE=Cypher_09;43900593]This thread[/QUOTE]
This post
two girls walking in a bigger group
"yeah! one day you DONT eat at all, just water, tons of water, and the other day YOU EAT ALL THE FUCK YOU WANT"
"Oh YEAH?"
"YES IT WORKS"
"O-M-G"
Judging by the way my friends and I talk to each other, we're probably the ones having the weird overheard conversations :v:
"hey you know that guy from spin city?"
"the marty mcfly guy?"
"yeah, I heard he left the show because he got downs syndrome or something"
I just heard it, I'm sitting a few tables away from them waiting for class and it was so hard to suppress my laughter
"Hey, wanna buy some crack"
"meow"
Oddest thing my friend has ever said to my cat.
"It's settled, then. Make me into a black man."
Coming from a tiny asian girl, this is the surrealest shit I ever overheard.
In school:
"Ex-squeeze me, sir!"
"Do you want to be squeezed?"
"No, sir!"
"Then, don't say ex-squeeze me unless you wanna be squeezed!"
"But sir, I wanna be squeezed. By your long handsome..."
"Outside!"
"I don't even like turkey!"
I heard it as I was playing basketball
"There is no right or wrong, just moral guidelines dictating right and wrong"
"What about hitler?"
[QUOTE=robo126;43945195]was eating lunch at school when
"POTATO SALAD"
"no, don't eat the potato salad"
"POTATO SALAD????"
"give it to me"
"POTATO SALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD"[/QUOTE]
Your avatar fits the potato guy xD
Eating at a Chinese restaurant, couple next to me having a fun time and the woman asks
"So what does your fortune say?"
He opens it and a look of horror comes across his face and he says
"I'm being held hostage at Wei-Fung-Yun Fortune cookie factory, send help."
She laughs and he passes it to her and her laughter just stops and she goes
"Oh my God."
I immediately pay and leave.
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