If you're happy with yourself, this thread is obviously not for you. If there's a few things about yourself that irk you, read on.
First, let's get in the mood. Please listen to this while reading.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrDtxZzHo4c[/media]
What I'm going to tell will obviously not apply to everyone. I've managed to help myself through this method, and in general lines, I believe it can help everyone else. Though of course, some things you will have to fill in for yourself.
Just about a year ago, my anxiety nearly managed to get the best of me. A year ago, I wanted to join an airsoft team. I was posing as an outgoing person. A person of which you could expect that has a lot of friends. I did this because I wanted to join the team really bad. I was sick and tired of rejection. I saw how the others in the team acted. Of course, they were all familiar with each other. I thought I could do the same too, in order to look like an appealing person. I hid my insecurities because I was unhappy with them, my insecurities mainly being about myself.
Before I continue with my story, I'll tell you about myself and what dissatisfied me about myself.
I used to be bullied all the time. I was manipulated into believing that I am a piece of shit due to my naivety, and my ego reflected upon this. Every time someone told me to stop worrying about myself I couldn't, because it felt like I would be lying about myself. My self view was ridiculous, my self respect was low as could be. I was full of prejudice and I could not stop hating people for what I thought they were. Subconciously, I would evaluate a situation in a negative way before even being faced with the situation, because I wanted to stop myself from failing again and lower my self respect even more. I judged people for their clothes and how they acted.
The fact that I tried to join the team means alot in itself. I was trying to socialize for once. Unfortunately, I went too far in my facade. They rejected me because I did too familiar while in fact I'm nothing but a stranger.
At this point, it's when shit really start hitting the fan. At this point, my self respect was no longer. All I saw when I looked at myself in the mirror was lies. I put up a facade to hide my insecurities, and I started thinking why I did that.
It took me a long time to find that answer. I've had many moments at which I was on a thin line between sanity and insanity, because my head was full of many thoughts at the same time I could not grasp. My head felt heavy all the time, loaded and clouded with inane thoughts that made no rational sense. This went on for about half a year. However, all the time did I know I was thinking about myself. I was rooting in my own ego, trying to turn it inside out. I wanted to discover every bit about myself that annoyed me. Most of that was so deeply rooted in my subconcious that I had to break the boundary, if you could call it that, between my conciousness and subconciousness.
It was at my internship that I finally managed to destroy my ego. I was cycling towards home, a 45 minute ride. I was really tired and sometimes it felt like I wasn't even there, looking at the world through a dull window, not even paying attention at my surroundings. I was completely drowned in my own thoughts. Halfway through, it felt like something snapped. Everything felt peaceful, I felt like I was unified with the world and nature, everything suddenly looked bright and colorful. Finally did I see how colorful the world was again after having weeks upon weeks of dullness. My old lying, irrational, self-hating and self-pitying ego was finally destroyed. I sat down on a treestump, just resting. My head was completely void of any thoughts and felt light as a feather.
I've read up ego death on various websites, and to some, it may mean the end of the world because they have no more sense of self. It was different for me. I had a better sense of myself than I could ever have. I discovered everything about myself that annoyed me to great measures and based on what I discovered, I could improve myself as a person. Cannabis helped a bit in that because when I got stoned for the first time, I noticed I had a different way of thinking. I could think more open-minded and broader, I could think more objective. That way of thinking helped improve me and I try to keep hold of that way of thinking as long as I can, even when I'm sober.
After trying to keep hold of that way of thinking, I tried to get an understanding of this society and why anxiety and even depression originates.
There's a long list of terms in my findings, but most of it boils down to tolerance, acceptance, norms, social stigmas, expectancy. The society has built a norm for itself in order to help people judge another individual easier. People in a group expect others to behave according to that norm. If an individual does not apply to the norm, people will find him different, and they don't want that. You are expected to behave towards the norm. Social stigmas, I think, are created in the same fashion. Anxiety originates, I think, because the society puts too much emphasis on those norms, they want to avoid being shamed, because that's the consequence of not behaving to the norm. Shaming directly hurts the self-respect and people want to avoid this. Unstable people will have trouble conforming to the norm, and therefore they start doubting themselves when there is in fact no need to, the doubt is put upon them by others, and that is in no way fair. Acceptance is a funny thing. Acceptance should be unconditional, acceptance should be universal, in my opinion. But the social norm is not unconditional and universal, therefore people become anxious because they are expected to behave themselves in a fashion that they might be uncomfortable with or because it leaves them no room to truly be themselves. People know when people are anxious because they see it through body language, another concept that is made to conform. Even after telling the anxious person there is no need to be anxious, the anxious person might not believe it because of what happened to him by other people in the past. After many times of failing to join a group, an anxious person may lose their self-respect, similar to what happened to me, and will drown in emotion, and there is no thing more irrational than emotions. At this point it can become a vicious cycle, in which the person might keep lying to themselves that all is ok, or that he is a piece of shit because others tell him he is, at which point it's going to be impossible to be convinced that you are not a piece of shit. You can't convince yourself that you aren't a piece of shit at such a point, because your ego tells you that you would be lying. Your ego tells you that you would be a piece of shit because others tell you you are, and if you tell yourself you aren't, your ego will tell you you're lying. And that has to be destroyed, and nobody can do that except yourself.
What I've told about social stigmas and norms and conformity etcetera, I see it on Facepunch aswell. Bandwagons exist because people can't or don't want to think for themselves, because we're all part of this community, and this community has created a certain set of values that you have to apply to or get banned or get rated dumb. And yet people truly believe Facepunch is an elite community. In no way or sense is it better than Reddit or 4chan.
I know how ~spiritual~ and all this all sounds, but this is what I've experienced. I realise what I've told isn't exactly in great detail, but I guess people would become bored eventually. I'm just trying to help others help themselves. I think there is a cure for depression, but that cure has to be applied to everyone in a different way.
Live and let live, be happy, peace, etcetera.
that's quite a lot of text to digest on one sitting
But did you read it?
I used to be a tool like that, thinking that anyone with even a single hair out of line or a loose thread in their shirt was a massive douche. You won't believe what helped me.
[I]I moved my desk a few metres to the left.[/I] And from there I could see out the window, seeing all the green outside, feeling the wind flow into my room and on my face. Of course I was looking at my monitor most of the time but inbetween rounds of Battlefield or waiting for a website to load, I'd just lean a little and stare at the world. It was calming.
[editline]27th February 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE]And yet people truly believe Facepunch is an elite community. In no way or sense is it better than Reddit or 4chan.[/QUOTE]
We're superior to reddit and /b/ but the rest of 4chan has some pretty cool dudes. I'd say SomethingAwful is only a little above facepunch, they've got great moderation and the wealth of intelligent, humourous, helpful people there is great. They're the first place I head to if there's something google can't answer.
And why would you say that Facepunch is superior to reddit and /b/? To me, that's hivemind thinking, going with a rather irrational opinion that has sprung out of the blue without any deeper thought. I think that Facepunch is not superior because people in reddit are just doing their own thing that makes them happy, it doesn't hurt facepunch, it doesn't hurt anybody, so where does the idea come from that facepunch is superior? Because facepunch says so. It's just as easy as saying that I am superior to you because I have learned to think in a different and unorthodox way, I could say that you are a mindless sheeple and therefore I am superior. But I won't because that too is a complete dogma, and I hate dogmas.
Facepunch is superior to reddit in a technical sense.
Seriously, the layout of reddit makes my fucking head spin.
I honestly wholeheartedly Sympathize OP, there are some real fucking pieces of shit in this world that are willing to consistantly and constantly take a dump on another in order to make themselves feel better. (And trust me, everyone does it.) I suffer daily because of the kind of traumatic shit that people have put me through, and i hardly ever go out because of it. I don't think my naivity was necessarily a thing to be mocked, but it seriously shook me up because dealing with that sort of bullying day in and day out from practically everyone, changes you. Literally, it changes the way you approach people and talk to them.
My life is alot more different, and those years have shaken me up so much. I was this really bright smart and enthusiastic person, who was eager to get into my work but it just went to absolute shit when you get picked on,beaten and cussed, all day everyday. I stayed in my Bedroom because i was afraid of having to deal with that "Torture" day in and day out. I shouldn't have had to, but someone has to have someone to beat into. I even took some shit from Teachers in my school who literally more or less got more people to harass me, because i was afraid of going to school. I never told anyone, never even bothered because i hated it, because people would think im lazy and it just seemed easier. Whenever i tried to get some help at school, it'd just happen again. You can't really make upkeep when your in a position like that, everyone attaches a social stigma to you.. as you've said. I fucking hated high school, i say that not with only aggression but i passionately say it and will always say that it was a absolute fucking nightmare and i'd rather have my eyeballs lobotomized out of my skull than have to deal with 5 Years of that again.
Right now, i'd say that im much more the wiser. Im Okay, and i think that is more than i can ask for after all the shit i was put through.
For other dealing with this, i would implore you.. Literally PLEAD to you.
Get Help, because its fucking awful having to lock all your stresses and anxieties in a box. It is literally unhealthy.
As for any of you reading this and taking a shit on someone at school, think fucking twice. Going through being a Teenager, defines who you are later down the line.
I wouldn't say its Destroyed my Ego, my Ego is what makes me who i am and although its associated with unfriendly attributes, its what keeps us ticking sometimes.
Having a Ego, makes us stubborn. It makes us unwilling to quit, and i guess in a way its another reason why i haven't gone completely crazy.
I sincerly wish you the best of luck, OP.
As for the Facepunch Part, i can defintely see what you mean. 4chan and Reddit are Crazy, so it comes with the territory.
I like SomethingAwful alot more. I prefer Facepunch alot more, because mainly its a much nicer atmosphere. I go on Neogaf and SomethingAwful from time to time, but i mainly post here.
[QUOTE=Recurracy;44065789]And why would you say that Facepunch is superior to reddit and /b/? To me, that's hivemind thinking, going with a rather irrational opinion that has sprung out of the blue without any deeper thought. I think that Facepunch is not superior because people in reddit are just doing their own thing that makes them happy, it doesn't hurt facepunch, it doesn't hurt anybody, so where does the idea come from that facepunch is superior? Because facepunch says so. It's just as easy as saying that I am superior to you because I have learned to think in a different and unorthodox way, I could say that you are a mindless sheeple and therefore I am superior. But I won't because that too is a complete dogma, and I hate dogmas.[/QUOTE]
Y'know I really don't want to sound like an ass, but it honestly sounds like you've gotten upset over one thing, and decided to make a thread, venting those frustrations out. Not that's necessarily a bad thing, but you're implying that the entirety of reddit does, "what makes them happy."
And that is why I think everyone should stop worrying about what someone else should think if you speak out your mind. I think people should open up more and tell everyone else what they really feel and think. I think that for everything, there is a reason. I've been trying to discover the reason why some people lock up. I could say that the story about social norms and everything fit in here aswell. Some people perceive it as weakness to expose yourself. That's another social image that exists because of dogmatic thinking. If you don't expose yourself and your weaknesses, it'll stay within you and screw you up mentally, eat you up from the inside out. I've experienced the same thing. It doesn't hurt to talk. It doesn't hurt to open up. The internet is anonymous, so talk.
[editline]27th February 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Laferio;44065852]Y'know I really don't want to sound like an ass, but it honestly sounds like you've gotten upset over one thing, and decided to make a thread, venting those frustrations out. Not that's necessarily a bad thing, but you're implying that the entirety of reddit does, "what makes them happy."[/QUOTE]
I realise that by skipping everything else and spinning the message I'm trying to convey makes it sound like I am upset over one thing only.
[QUOTE=Laferio;44065852]Y'know I really don't want to sound like an ass, but it honestly sounds like you've gotten upset over one thing, and decided to make a thread, venting those frustrations out. Not that's necessarily a bad thing, but you're implying that the entirety of reddit does, "what makes them happy."[/QUOTE]
It is a Rant thread..
-snip-
I didn't make this thread to rant. I made this thread to get people to think and talk about what worries them about themselves. I have helped myself reach a certain wisdom that I think will help me and everyone else in life, and I want to help people become happy.
[QUOTE=Recurracy;44065895]I didn't make this thread to rant. I made this thread to get people to think and talk about what worries them about themselves. I have helped myself reach a certain wisdom that I think will help me and everyone else in life, and I want to help people become happy.[/QUOTE]
The Thread is tagged as Rant.
Jus Saying.
Well then, then I tagged it as a help thread because I want to offer help.
[editline]27th February 2014[/editline]
Oh, god this image is perfect for what I'm trying to do here
[t]http://timkoh.info/files/2010/06/Sitting2.jpg[/t]
You tell me what you think when you see this guy.
[QUOTE=Recurracy;44065939]Well then, then I tagged it as a help thread because I want to offer help.
[editline]27th February 2014[/editline]
Oh, god this image is perfect for what I'm trying to do here
[t]http://timkoh.info/files/2010/06/Sitting2.jpg[/t]
You tell me what you think when you see this guy.[/QUOTE]
A guy who has an intense passion for animu, to fill up the gaps of certain parts of life you can enjoy.
Daylight, romance, friendship perhaps?
I don't really see people like that guy as sad.. but yeah.. whatever makes you happy.
Exactly. Whatever makes you happy. I see people saying the same thing and then completely turning around 180 degrees and [I]still[/I] judging people for what they do and who they are despite their so-called philosphy. And those people, I think, don't think the message of it through. They hear it and say oh how cool, I'll follow that mentality. Those people I think are easiest to influence and break down into tears because deep down there is something that they can't deal with at the end of the day.
[QUOTE=Recurracy;44065939]Well then, then I tagged it as a help thread because I want to offer help.
[editline]27th February 2014[/editline]
Oh, god this image is perfect for what I'm trying to do here
[t]http://timkoh.info/files/2010/06/Sitting2.jpg[/t]
You tell me what you think when you see this guy.[/QUOTE]
I see someone who is infuriatingly wealthy.
That too, and I see someone who is happy. That shirt doesn't even have to mean anything by itself. That shirt could mean anything, yet it's always associated with creepy tentacle hentai nerds that value a woman's life as nothing more than a sexual object, which likely a very vocal minority actually does think. And because that image exists, some people tend to cling to that dogmatic image as the truth, while it's nothing more than gross generalisation that's made to ease drawing a conclusion. And that way of thinking, I have discovered, will eventually bring nothing but anger and frustration for everyone involved.
-Snip, don't know how to explain it-
Can you explain what it'd be that's gonna bother you then? Can't really help you if you don't tell me what'd bother you.
[QUOTE=Recurracy;44065789]And why would you say that Facepunch is superior to reddit and /b/?[/QUOTE]
Because being an asshole who does nothing but insult people, derail discussions and post spam is actually bannable here. What happens in Congo doesn't affect Australia but you'd have to be a master of discussion to convince [I]anyone[/I] that the former is a better place to live.
I didn't read it, but I all ready feel worse about myself
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