• Stories from your work V1: Do you sell Fox urine?
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Pretty straight forward, Post Stories from your workplace. Can be from a former job and it dosen't have to be funny. As part of the title, when I first started working at a hardware store, the first question I ever got was: Do you sell fox urine?
This happened during the second year I was working at hospital. There was this chump hired at our hospital who was assigned to the night shift. He was basically an asshole who kept showing up to work either drunk, or high, or sometimes both. He'd just show up, not bother to do a damn thing, and find a place to sleep it off. He would be rude to the nursing staff and behaved quite crudely with them, including being suggestive and trying to grope them. When I heard about this I asked the nurses why they hadnt reported him for being a creep and a lazy ass disgrace on top of it, they said they were too scared to do it until now. So I told the HR guy and my boss everything, adding on that the nurses were nervous about saying it themselves, which led to this asshole getting fired.
Back when I used to do IT contracting, I was called in for a deployment job for a large US bank. Deployments are simple scripted jobs, that require you to press a couple keys. Because of the simplicity in these types of contracts, the recruiting agencies would just employ anyone just to make sure they had the numbers so they can get the checks. Usually deployments are not super smooth as something usually fails. Server can't handle the load, DHCP cannot issue any new addresses because no one /released the previous. Something small, minor and annoying. This contract was going exceptionally well and all the tech work was done. During this process the operations center (PMs/banks techs etc) would go through and do an scan over the computers to make sure they had the proper RAM, drives and applications installed. This was a tense part because we're all looking to go home and theres some stragglers that prop up. This one had none, til we got to the last "group" of computers. These techs where pretty slow, and it was clear they didn't have any previous IT experience. No big deal, how hard is it to hookup a cable and put some new RAM in? Not very. So the ops team did a scan and said they have some errors. One machine was showing half as much RAM as it started with. We pulled the system into the conference room to take a look. All the banks where occupied. So we began to extract the new RAM to see if this was causing a problem. This is when a problem was discovered. When we where about to pop up the ram, we noticed the top of the DIMM had a notch and some pins. We stood there in amazement, how the hell do you do that! we said. The ops team laughing their asses off in the background. To that day, I have never seen RAM installed pin-up. The tech who worked on that basically worked for free, for all 10 hours as they had to replace the whole board. Which added to extra time as we had to come back again and redo the process. IT has been a interesting career path. From getting death threats from collegues and other departments, laptops thrown at me and doors slammed in my face. Nothing tops the tech who installed RAM pinup.
Last Saturday I was at work (I worked at a it store) and a guy comes up and asks how to set up the hotspot on his android, while I was helping the guy out the old cunt of an owner/boss is staring at me and making hand gestures, mouthing "stupid" and giving me the evil eye from across the store, after the guy left the boss had a go at me for not telling the guy to either piss off or submit his phone for a fucking service and said something about how customers won't come in the store if I help people like that :what:. The old fuck never even dealt with a customer, all he'd do is creepily hanging around the front of the store if any woman was in the store, if any old people were in the store or if any kind of Slavic person came in the store. 2 hours after I got home I got a call from a coworker telling me I had been fired and here's the kicker; I can't file an unfair dismissal complaint with the fair work ombudsman because I hadn't worked there long enough. Feels bad man.
Nothing too weird but I am a Cartman and it is not uncommon to find people leaving their wallets in their carts (I return them without looking inside so don't worry) I also found a half empty bucket of KFC which is weird because there is no KFC in town and I have found carts from other stores too. Yay exciting, innit?
There's some stories from working at Staples that I can share. I'm pretty tired so let me give you the one i'll never forget. So it was back to school season, which was always a pain in my ass because i'd have idiot parents who wouldn't be able to find school supplies [I]which were out in the fucking open in clearly marked bins[/I] But that's a story for another day. In Aisle 1 we had what we called the binder section. Every possible binder you would ever need for school was here. My manager walks on over to this aisle as i'm tidying it up during closing and he asks me to take some binder out from this square binder display we had which was about half my size. So why did he have me do this? A Staples store in the US was in the middle of back to school season as well, and it turns out they had lost a lot of valuable electronics. So Loss-Prevention comes in and starts reviewing security camera footage and also interviewing the closing staff of the day previous. What they found was some time close to midnight, a camera facing the binder section recording someone coming out from where they had all their binders stacked on the floor, gone and opened up the doors to let his friends in, and made off with thousands of merchandise. Whoever pulled that off was one patient thief. No idea if the stolen electronics were recovered.
My work flew me down to the bay area of California to assist at a warehouse we just opened that was hitting some roadblocks, the workers down there were working pretty late nights, every night, so they flew in a bunch of help. I spent a month down there, then flew home for 3 weeks and then flew back for another two. I've never worked so many hours in a week, and I dont think I ever will again. I got the opportunity to change jobs when I got back this last time, so now I load trucks. Much less stressful and physical than my last position.
When I worked at a huge DIY supermarket in the plumbing department (my job was basically to restock shelves, interacting with customers wasn't my job at all), once a guy came to me and said "hey where can I find some chainsaw oil?" I was like fuck if I know, but I told him "Most likely with the chainsaws, look in tools, it's right over there". He suddenly became visibly mad and went off somewhere else. Still not sure what the hell happened
My workplace can be interesting, mostly due to my coworkers and my boss himself. The bathroom is divided by a thin wall, and directly behind the toilet itself is the desk where my boss usually does his work on the computer. That thin wall lets sound through as well so it can cause pretty interesting results. One time [sp]I was taking a shit, and it flooded out of my ass quite violently[/sp] which caused quite a lot of noise in the pot. My boss who heard it then jokingly called through the wall: "Are you taking a good shit?" "If you've got problems just call out, so I'll give you some pliers". Oh yeah and another story was that my boss handed out boxes of pull strings that blow if you pull hard enough, as a Christmas gift :v:. About a week later I found that pretty much the whole workshop and warehouse were boobytrapped when I came to work a time ago. Opened one of the shutters, to hear a faint 'BANG' thinking it was just something of the door itself. Walked into the workshop to grab my tools from the drawer, which also gave off a loud bang. Same story for the drawer where we keep spare bolts and nuts. The last one that was placed for that day was in the cap of a can of brake cleaner. But a different coworker who is the most silent one taped at least 4 to the front wheels of our bikes when we pulled them out to go home for that evening. In the following weeks we occasionally either boobytrapped the toilet seat, or quickly tied one to the bathroom door when somebody was in there until they all ran out.
What a horrible place to have your desk
'Hi, I'd like the apple pie please' (Me): 'Sorry our kitchen is closed, we don't serve food anymore.' 'Oh then I'll take the chicken nuggets.' (some woman with a stroller):'Excuse me, could you watch my baby while I go to the toilet?' 'Oh don't worry, I don't think anyone is going to steal him' (she looked at me really pissed but didn't say anything) Some dude once ate 3 pizzas and threw up on the floor, my manager cleaned it up. There was a dude who had a batcheler party with his friends. He worse fake boobs and had reindeer antlers on his head. He asked me to sign one of his fake boobs in exchange for candy (I ate it the next day) One time a lady wanted a cigarette but didn't have any, so she tried to take it from the trash until my coworker gave her one. A few Chinese guests tried every beer we had. All warm Someone asked me where he could find some cocaine. One time a guy came in, hair until his shoulders with a buckethat. He ordered a water but asked me to open it himself, because he 'was paranoid of other people and I'm 12' (he was clearly not 12) , he sat in the corner and talked to himself while rolling a joint. He then dissapeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes leaving behind a huge bag, I was really afraid it was filled with explosives. He eventually left without me seeing him, he took his bag with him. Just a few stories from working in a restaurant/bar
When I was working in retail in charity shops, you wouldn't fucking believe the number of customers rudely asking for discounts on already-very-discounted items :v: The last one was from some daft bint; (EVERY CD costs £2.50) "Excuse me, I saw this exact same CD down the road at PoundLand... Can I have a discount?" GO TO POUNDLAND THEN! :v:
This happened to me when I was working in the produce department in a grocery store: A woman came up to me and asked if we had any strawberries. "Yes," I replied and pointed them out to her. We didn't have much out at the time since my manager told me to let the older stock sell first because the strawberries we had in the back were from a different company and had a different price and we didn't want to cause any confusion. So what we had out there wasn't great, they were kind of old. The woman returned to me and asked if there was anything fresher in the back. "Yes, there is. How many containers would you like?" She told me she wanted two containers of strawberries, so I went into the back and brought her two containers. She examined them and looked at me in anger. "These aren't fresh," she said. "Now, I know you have fresher strawberries back there. You're holding out on me. What's your name? Okay then." She read my name tag and walked off to find a manager. She didn't tell me this, but I knew what was coming. I went into the back were some other senior produce workers were and told them what happened. As I was explaining it, my manager came in behind me and heard what had happened. Everyone said I did the right thing, since the strawberries I brought out to her really were as fresh as we had. My manager took the two containers I had brought out earlier and took them to the woman and she grabbed them without a word. The same goddamn strawberries. God, I was so mad. But at least I didn't get chewed out, so whatever.
Saw someone shaped like this at my former workplace [t]http://i.imgur.com/2RiJWZO.png[/t]
one time at about 10 oclock at night there was a really sweaty bald dude who was obviously tweaking on something who came into the store and asked me if he could talk with my manager because he needed to use the phone. took the manager to him and he said he needed to call the FBI. we let him, but my manager also called the cops. they came, talked to him for a bit before putting him into the patrol car and driving away. never saw that guy again [editline]21st October 2016[/editline] another time while taking out the garbage i had a bag full of blood and meat chunks burst and fill up my boot
[QUOTE=gokiyono;51241682]Saw someone shaped like this at my former workplace [t]http://i.imgur.com/2RiJWZO.png[/t][/QUOTE] the wendy's girl really went downhill after she began getting high on her own supply
[QUOTE=justinl132;51231759]Pretty straight forward, Post Stories from your workplace. Can be from a former job and it dosen't have to be funny. As part of the title, when I first started working at a hardware store, the first question I ever got was: Do you sell fox urine?[/QUOTE] That's not actually a weird thing. My grandparents used get bobcat (I think?) urine at their hardware store back when they had chickens. You put it on your property to ward off predators.
I worked as a bagger in a grocery store and one day this HUGE black guy came through my line. Like at least 7 feet tall and muscular and everything. He got a salad in one of those clear plastic containers and it was absolutely [I]drenched[/I] in ranch dressing. I mean it was literally seeping through the container at every seam and I got ranch on my hands. I swear 90% of the salad was just dressing. I couldn't stop laughing at that for the life of me. Then the man spoke to the cashier and his voice was so high and it shocked me and I started laughing even harder. A super high voice on a 7+ foot tall muscular black guy? Didn't expect that lol. I tried to conceal my laughter but of course that only made it worse. I seriously couldn't take it anymore so I quickly bagged his fucking dripping ranch salad and just left it there so I could leave and get ahold of myself.
[QUOTE=Blazyd;51245836]I worked as a bagger in a grocery store and one day this HUGE black guy came through my line. Like at least 7 feet tall and muscular and everything. He got a salad in one of those clear plastic containers and it was absolutely [I]drenched[/I] in ranch dressing. I mean it was literally seeping through the container at every seam and I got ranch on my hands. I swear 90% of the salad was just dressing. I couldn't stop laughing at that for the life of me. Then the man spoke to the cashier and his voice was so high and it shocked me and I started laughing even harder. A super high voice on a 7+ foot tall muscular black guy? Didn't expect that lol. I tried to conceal my laughter but of course that only made it worse. I seriously couldn't take it anymore so I quickly bagged his fucking dripping ranch salad and just left it there so I could leave and get ahold of myself.[/QUOTE] You should have just excused yourself by saying you needed to use the bathroom or something. A similar thing happened to me once when I bagged groceries, a guy came in the store super high (he told the cashier that he ate three THC cookies earlier) and was about to pay with his card, when he decided to set it on the countertop where people sign checks and he put it down at such an angle that it snapped in half. I don't know why but I couldn't contain myself so I went over to the courtesy desk and acted like I had to blow my nose.
[QUOTE=Blazyd;51245836]I worked as a bagger in a grocery store and one day this HUGE black guy came through my line. Like at least 7 feet tall and muscular and everything. He got a salad in one of those clear plastic containers and it was absolutely [I]drenched[/I] in ranch dressing. I mean it was literally seeping through the container at every seam and I got ranch on my hands. I swear 90% of the salad was just dressing. I couldn't stop laughing at that for the life of me. Then the man spoke to the cashier and his voice was so high and it shocked me and I started laughing even harder. A super high voice on a 7+ foot tall muscular black guy? Didn't expect that lol. I tried to conceal my laughter but of course that only made it worse. I seriously couldn't take it anymore so I quickly bagged his fucking dripping ranch salad and just left it there so I could leave and get ahold of myself.[/QUOTE] Pretty sure that was an Eric Andre stunt.
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