Embarrassing Situations v2 "I shat myself in public"
270 replies, posted
Tell us about embarrassing events that have happened to you. We won't judge you too much.
Nothing too bad has happened to me recently, so I'll just start with a situation some of you may have seen me post in the old thread.
When I was 10, I thought the word "Jizz" meant "poop". My older sister said something funny, so I thought it'd be hilarious to say "oh that was so funny I think I jizzed myself."
Needless to say, she had an expression of horror on her face, and had to explain that "jizz" has a very different meaning :v:
Stumbling over words frequently. As in trying to say one thing but having another way to say it in mind, and then I mash them together so that it sounds illegible. Sort of like Porky the Pig from looney toons but everyone just thinks I'm retarded.
Also first page, hi mom
I have this habit of eating my semen after I masturbate, so the first time I got a blow job I came and started wiping the cum off my dick and her face and slurping it off my finger. My sister and I never really talked much after this.
you got your first blowjob from your sister?
[QUOTE=kitteh-nator;39738688]you got your first blowjob from your sister?[/QUOTE]
yes
[editline]27th February 2013[/editline]
unless my dog counts
im not buying it
[QUOTE=kitteh-nator;39738883]im not buying it[/QUOTE]
Your pointless posts would be a lot more tolerable if each didn't take up the size of three.
Okay well...
I was 13, I was a dumb fuck and had a lucid dream. The dream felt extremely real, in it i was watching shrek in class.
Then I for some reason I stay after, talking to the teacher I made a shitty pickup line using the word "ogre". Long story short: We end up having dirty dirty sex. She wanted round 2 tommorow. I woke up thinking this really happened.
I went to school, stayed after and talked to her. I suddenly grab her ass and used the same pickup line as yeserday:
[editline]27th February 2013[/editline]
"This is gonna be very ogre!" I said with a devilish smirk.
I then got suspended and had to switch schools.
I walked into a shop and one of the women said "Good evening" and I replied with "Good morning". We just stared at each other.
I have this habit when im at a movie theater, and some one there says "enjoy your movie" i all ways say you too, and just stand there staring at them like an idiot thinking about what i just said.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/o5aRQKj.png[/IMG]
snip
So I left the window open while fapping yesterday. It was around dinnertime for my neighbors. I sit right next to the window, which is inline with their kitchen and dining room window. They saw it all...
After track practice when you stumble into the girls locker room moaning about how sweaty your balls are.
That shit gave me PTSD
Well.
When I was the age of about 7 or 8, I once experimented with friction. To be specific, I was in class and I was very bored and I didn't like my teacher, so I had a brilliant idea.
What I thought was if I rubbed the knuckles of my right hand against my left hand, what would end up happening was that my right hand would catch fire. I had dubbed this brilliant attack the 'fire punch'. I thought if I punched my teacher it would immolate her and she would die, so I began to get to work. I rubbed my knuckles against my other hand for about 25 minutes until I had to stop because I had split my skin and pus started dribbling out and it hurt like hell.
I also told this story to some friends at school. When we had a fire drill for the first time that year, one of them said to me "Good going with your fire punch, Sam".
That's fucking genius.
Buy food at mcdonalds.
"Here's your receipt."
"You too!"
[sp]shamelessly stolen from the last thread[/sp]
"Enjoy the movie"
"You too"...
Back when I was still working in the restaurant, we had a dish that the cook simply called "Bear Dick" (ofcourse only when guests couldn't hear it). At one point he called out a table which had that dish twice. Normally we're supposed to say "And here's your *dishname*". With this table I said "And here's your double Bear Di- *Pork Fillet*". Thank fuck they weren't paying attention.
[QUOTE=BuffaloBill;39746199]Back when I was still working in the restaurant, we had a dish that the cook simply called "Bear Dick" (ofcourse only when guests couldn't hear it). At one point he called out a table which had that dish twice. Normally we're supposed to say "And here's your *dishname*". With this table I said "And here's your double Bear Di- *actual name*". Thank fuck they weren't paying attention.[/QUOTE]
-why did i even post this-
[QUOTE=Rapist;39746242]Was the dish boiled hedgehog?[/QUOTE]
Pork Fillet
During my first communion I stabbed myself in the hand with the sharp side of a candleholder. Can't quite remember if it was just me being stupid or utterly bored.
^You need to keep an archive of previous threads, dude.
Anyway, I once had this terrible flu and had to take a penicillin shot in my butt cheek.
Since it's a very sensitive place (it tickles me) when the nurse stabbed me with the niddle my leg responded involuntarily with a kick that knocked the nurse back on the floor.
Since the needle twitched a bit with the impact I screamed loudly. The nurse was getting up and the syringe was still there on my butt.
The nurse gets up and we kinda laugh it off, but shit was that embarrassing.
I need to stop saying "see ya" to random people like delivery guys
I was taking a medication for overly porous skin, and I had to have a blood-test every month.
Mind you, I hate needles, but I had gotten used to it.
It was my 4th blood test, and it was a new nurse.
She stabbed the tendon and I wailed like a babby.
It was kinda embarrassing for me or at least felt awkward as hell for me. After school I was sitting at a table at school working on some school work, when one of my friends sat down also to work on the same paper that we were both working on.
He was with a girl that is a few years younger with that he is screwing, but nobody including me is supposed to know that, but he trusts me and told me.
So anyways, he jokes saying that she should write the essay for him. So I try to be social and reply to his joke. I knew he didn't want me to expose to the girl that I knew they were seeing together, so I replied you shouldn't let a random person do your essay for you, hopefully fulfilling the illusion that I knew nothing. So then she rather than taking the bait and preserving the illusion said in a sexy way "I'm not just some random person to him." So then I said I know, he still shouldnt be letting a freshman do his essay."
There was no good way to not seem clueless and not blow his cover, so I just let it drop, and then after some whispering, they left the table and headed to bathroom upstairs, I guess keeping it a secret wasn't that important.
I had to give a presentation in class, and my friend added a vagina to the end of the slideshow.
Embarrassing for a friend, so I'll chuck it in.
When I was doing my GCSE's, a friend of mine asked me to proof-read his short story for a deadline. It was a pretty poor piece, all told. Poor punctuation, missing words and the like. I corrected it, and added in a line about "grappling with his mighty love truncheon" after a paragraph about the protagonist visiting her uncle. Just as a joke, he'd catch it when he read it over again right?
Wrong. He printed it out and took it straight to the submissions office without me knowing it.
He came back a week later, a look of sheer fury on his face. He threw an envelope down on the table, B+ and two lines scrawled out with red writing "Not relevant". Apparently the grammer was rather good though.
Got my haircut last week and was having a good chat with the hairdressers as I paid for it. Chatting away quite happily, cracking a few jokes and getting all of them laughing (all female btw) feeling like quite a smooth motherfucker indeed.
I said "Well thanks a lot, I'll see you soon, take care!" with a cheeky smile, only noticing mid-turn their faces of alarm as I walked straight into the magazine table and sent that shit flying everywhere to a lot of laughter.
Smashed shin and a red face, hurt like a bitch.
Was in a computer class while a sub was in, so naturally I decided to browse facepunch and get no work done.
Go to Fast threads, open LMAO pics.
It wasn't LMAO pics.
It was the Hot Girls thread. Titties fill screen.
Flip the fuck out and attempt to close browser.
Scumbag Firefox: "Close all tabs?"
Not to mention the computers were arranged around the perimeter of the room, against the wall, so anyone who turned their head would see it.
By some miracle, no one did. No more facepunch in school.
Browsing Facepunch in school is pretty much playing Hot potato with a pipebomb.
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