[url]http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/pas/2288971774.html[/url]
[quote]HEY RICH-ASS DOG OWNERS:
Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every last penny out of your 20s and 30s?
Are you going out of town with your post-divorce trophy-girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in the Barbados?
Do you work for a corporation that received TARP money?
I AM YOUR DOG-WALKER.
I am the most radical, bitchin', mind-blowing dog-walking experience in all of Dallas. All dogs are STOKED when I'm around, regardless of breed or sex. Your dog is gonna be on me like Charlie Sheen on a porn star made of amphetamines; when I'm ascending toward your penthouse suite in your private elevator, bitch's nipples are gonna be ROCK HARD.
Do I have experience walking dogs?
I'M A HUMAN BEING, OF COURSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE WALKING DOGS. THIS ISN'T LINEAR ALGEBRA, FOLKS; IT'S DOG-WALKING.
Are you one of those prototypical American success stories who worked your way up from nothing to live the dream, and now you want to gloat over a student who has been reduced to posting a dog-walking classified on skeezy-ass Craigslist?
You can shadow me while I walk! Take pictures of my pathetic face as I handle your dog's feces with nothing but a plastic bag over my hand! I might even cry!
Forget the agencies; I will walk your dog for less money, and I'm not some weirdo art school dropout who claims to be "in sub-verbal communication" with your dog.
I'M JUST A GUY WHO WANTS YOUR MONEY AND WILL WALK YOUR DOG TO GET IT.
Do I do overnights?
YOU BET YOUR BOATHOUSE, BUDDY!
I will sleep in your sweet-ass apartment and tend to your dog while doing it. Don't want my poor-person skin sullying your ostrich-feather sheets? I'll sleep on the floor! Don't want my poor-person hair secreting oils all over the pearl-white tiles? I'll sleep in the crate with the dog! Sh*t, as long as I'm allowed to turn on the heat, I'll curl up in a ball and sleep in your sink WHILE THE WATER RUNS OVER MY NAKED BODY!
Am I going to steal your jewelry? No, I'm not. Am I going to jack your electronics? No way, man. Am I gonna eat some of your food? Probably, but nothing you'll miss, maybe an apple.
I'M NOT ABOUT TO TAKE A BATH IN YOUR FOIE GRAS, MONEYBAGS.
I'm a good guy, and I'm just looking to make a little extra cash by chaperoning your dog around your stupid white bread sidewalks. So if you're interested in the dopest, most swagged-out LEGEND OF THE UNIVERSE dog-walking champion of Dallas, reply to this ad and we'll get started in making your dog happier than a Mormon on his honeymoon.
So act now, write me. I'm excited to meet you and your dog, and I am sure as motherf*cking c*cksucking sh*t that your dog is excited to meet me, too.
Serious inquiries only, please. [/quote]
Was searching for a dog walker for my grandma, this is what I got. Seems reliable.
Walk your own dog. That's just part of you owning one. But this guy seems like a badass dog walker in any case.
Well.. Has a sense of humor.
Great thread, a link and two words, amazing
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Starpluck))[/highlight]
If you're too lazy to walk your dog you must be a god damn basement dweller
What the hell.
[QUOTE=Garik;29035458]If you're too lazy to walk your dog you must be a god damn basement dweller[/QUOTE]
Holy fuck! Nice one! Cuz nobody is ever busy with a full-time job!
Folks, this isn't linear algebra.
I'd hire him if only to admire his writing talent in person. I don't even have any dogs.
I'd hire him.
I don't even have a dog. But I would still hire him.
He's funny but that doesn't mean he's going to be nice or good at walking your dog. Just walk your grandma's dog and charge her :v:
Give this man your money goddamn.
Sounds legit.
This guy is amazing :v:
[QUOTE=BigOwl;29035532]Holy fuck! Nice one! Cuz nobody is ever busy with a full-time job![/QUOTE]
If you can't take a half hour to walk your dog you shouldn't own one because you obviously don't give it enough attention anyway.
Leave dogs to people who actually enjoy their company.
Hire this man.
Do the right thing OP. Hire this bro, and give him tips too.
You find a lot of interesting things on craigslist, including personals(dating).
Hell yeah! If only he had branches of his franchise in Atlanta! I'D TAKE THAT SHIT UP!
This guy sounds suspiciously like that guy from Dontevenreply where he baits people on Craigs list and then trolls the shit out of them.
Only if he's Mexican, they do the best job.
The Charlie Sheen reference was great, and linear algebra is hard.
I wonder how much he charges then...
Thats a awesome ad.
[QUOTE=Tudd;29035310]Serious inquires only, please.[/QUOTE]
I gotta tell you, he's not making it any easier on himself.
"Serious inquiries only, please."
heh.
You've heard it, BEST DOG WALKING EXPERIENCE, FUCKING DO IT!
Hire him leave plenty of tips and get him to become the next great comedian.
I bet its the swimsuit guy again
[QUOTE=BigOwl;29035532]Holy fuck! Nice one! Cuz nobody is ever busy with a full-time job![/QUOTE]
This is facepunch.
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