TGL: I sell lawn care. - General

So, I just got this job about 2 months ago. What I do is sell lawn care to people around the area I work (I live about an hour away, but fuck, whatever, money's money). We're given leads full of people and give them calls. Sometimes, I'll call somebody and they will answer politely, "Hello?" with which I'm to reply, "Hi, Mr./Mrs. So-So, this is Robby with Team Green Lawn, how are you doin-" [B]"I'm on the no-fucking-call list! Go to hell!"[/B] or in one funny instance, the guy just yelled, [B]"NEVEEERRRRRR!!!"[/B] and hung up... What I'm supposed to do is let people know of the [I]great[/I] offers we have (i.e. say their lawn is $56/treatment, but we can do it for $38), that we guarantee our work and if any weeds pop up between treatments we'll come out and spray for free (lol no), and we're a local company who's been around for about 9 years (3). Now to the part you guys may find interesting... (My dialogue in italics.) About 2 weeks ago I call a man who seems fairly happy I called... "Hello?" [I]"Hi, Mr. So-so?"[/I] "Yes." [I]"This is Robby with Team Green Lawn, how are you doing today, sir?"[/I] "Oh, I'm glad you called! I've got some problems with my lawn." [I]"Oh really sir? Well what is it that you've got wrong?"[/I] "Well, you see... I've got this pretty [B]bad pale look[/B] in my lawn, and I'm not quite sure what's wrong." [I]"Well that could be a grub problem, I could definitely set you up with our grub application along with the 6 treatments we offer through the year, sir."[/I] "I don't think it's that... It's all over the entire yard, though." [I]"Well, do any of your neighbors have problems with moles?"[/I] "Actually, I don't really know, everybody here has the same problem I do..." [I]"Ok sir, hold on one minute and I can pull up an aerial view of your lawn and see if I can get you a price."[/I] "Alright." At this point I place him on hold, and immediately figure out what he's talking about... [B]Pale lawn[/B] [B]Everybody else has it[/B] [B]Fucking FEBRUARY[/B] I put him back on... [I]"Hi, sir?"[/I] "Yep." [I]"I looked up your lawn here, I actually have some customers on that street with the same problem, as you said."[/I] "Oh really? Well what do you do for-" [I]"We've been coming out and urinating across the entire lawns, it clears that paleness right up."[/I] "Well... (few seconds of silence)... That doesn't seem too kosher." [B]KOSHER[/B]? What the fuck. [I]"You see sir, we're a very kosher company. Every Jew in this county and a few neighboring ones have us."[/I] ".......... Touché." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So pretty much, this job can be fun... But will piss you off like nothing else. Thankfully I'll be treating lawns this next week instead of being cooped up in a chicken den selling shit.

Ever step in dog shit?

Get off my lawn.

How much would you charge me to piss on my lawn? The way I see it, you should be paying [I]me[/I] to piss on my lawn. What's your long term business strategy?

Yes. No. Give address.

[QUOTE=Robman8908;20738142]Yes. No. Give address.[/QUOTE] No thanks. Putting up the scare jew now. [img]http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/a/a4/Scare_Jew.jpg[/img]

[QUOTE=hypno-toad;20738164]No thanks. Putting up the scare jew now. [img]http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/a/a4/Scare_Jew.jpg[/img][/QUOTE] I'm not supposed to scare the customers off.

No, I meant to scare you awa.. never mind. You should drive around in a black van at night hosing salt water onto people's lawns. You'd get a lot more customers during the day.

[QUOTE=hypno-toad;20738199]No, I meant to scare you aw.. never mind. You should drive around in a black van at night hosing salt water onto peoples lawns. You'd get a lot more customers during the day.[/QUOTE] We do tell people that we don't mix the chemicals. We do. Btw, saw your edit. ;)