Here's something I whipped up for an art class of mine. I'd like to get some feedback on it before my teacher tears it a new one tomorrow.
[img]http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g261/I_Forgot_fro/HelloDaveRed.jpg[/img]
why is HAL an iphone
[editline]8th December 2010[/editline]
i think i get the message you're trying to convey with that but i think it's also kind of miss.
as for cc, it's very poorly made.
the blood has no depth and looks like its pasted over the top and doesn't blend in well at all. the text doesn't match the spray brushes, and none of it looks like it's actually on the wall. it is very poorly composed and does not make very good use of space. the hal phone's angle looks a bit strange, as if it's peering in almost comically and doesn't really fit the intention i believe. but it also does not look a part of the scene.
Make it an android and it will be a start, mostly because it makes more sense.
[QUOTE=Rusty100;26559797]why is HAL an iphone
[editline]8th December 2010[/editline]
i think i get the message you're trying to convey with that but i think it's also kind of miss.
as for cc, it's very poorly made.
the blood has no depth and looks like its pasted over the top and doesn't blend in well at all. the text doesn't match the spray brushes, and none of it looks like it's actually on the wall. it is very poorly composed and does not make very good use of space. the hal phone's angle looks a bit strange, as if it's peering in almost comically and doesn't really fit the intention i believe. but it also does not look a part of the scene.[/QUOTE]
Yeah after I made it, I realized that it probably should've been a droid phone. And the red isn't supposed to be blood, it's just there.
You do bring up a good point about the spray paint letters.
Thanks for the feedback.
You also sound just like my art teacher, so I can imagine how today is gonna go. But it's all good, I'm slowly getting better at this shit.
that sucks if your art teacher is like me
my art teacher was never negative, always positive. it was always about improvement and never about the negatives of something
i loved that guy
Negative is better since once you manage to impress someone all negative you'll feel fuckaweosme.
[QUOTE=BANNED USER;26560425]Make it an android and it will be a start, mostly because it makes more sense.[/QUOTE]
would dissagree because apple is more restrictive if you get where i am going?
[QUOTE=3v3ryb0dy;26566796]Negative is better since once you manage to impress someone all negative you'll feel fuckaweosme.[/QUOTE]
Unless they can't be pleased, and then you just get to a point of not caring after a long while.
If the text is supposed to be sprayed on it should have misting round the edges aswell.
[QUOTE=3v3ryb0dy;26566796]Negative is better since once you manage to impress someone all negative you'll feel fuckaweosme.[/QUOTE]
Well he's not negative, but he usually points out all the little flaws and whatnot. He actually liked this one, so I did feel pretty fuckawesome.
And I didn't feel the phone itself was important. I used the iphone because it's very recognizable.
And the text itself wasn't supposed to look extremely realistic. I did the font first, and thought the spray paint effect looked nice, so I went with that. I tried the normal stencil font after I realized that if it were actually spray-painted, it wouldn't look anything like that. However, I didn't really like that font and decided to keep this one.
This was the first remotely successful thing I've made in photoshop, so hopefully once I learn how to use it better, I can make better things.
Back to the critique of the art, since you, that is what people are supposed to be doing...
- I see too many brushes, which is ok, but it makes it look fake
- Remove the 'comma' from 'Hello,', because in typography a break in the lining of the text achieves the same thing
- Stencil Text is not Graffiti Text. Either trace something grungy in Illustrator or download an actual grunge font. No gangster really writes like that. (Alternate Interpretation is that HAL is trying to be gangster, and therefore a computer would actual treat stencil font as grungy, which would be cool if it weren't too deep)
- Why do you have a black border?
- Instead of having a grungy square with text inside, try making the text look like it is dripping. More realistic.
- Mess with blend modes. Your text is too black to be really 'on' the wall. Maybe Darken or Colour Burn would make it seem more 'merged' with the wall, and more realistic.
- People keep saying it should be a Droid phone, but I feel like it is more likely that the iPhone would turn into HAL with Steve Jobs voice, so nothing wrong there!
The art is ok, considering you don't do much art. Just think it through a bit more next time.
[QUOTE=3v3ryb0dy;26566796]Negative is better since once you manage to impress someone all negative you'll feel fuckaweosme.[/QUOTE]
im not going to argue, because im super negative, but he honestly was more helpful by being positive than anybody whos ever been negative toward me
He just was a really good positive teatcher, you just haven't met a very good negative one.
Its like comparing a car that has it's limiters removed to a car that hasn't.
:iiaca:
nah
you'd really have to have had this teacher to know what i mean
he was the best teacher i ever had. he will be the only one i remember in years time
he is the only one that always encouraged improvement but never focused on the negatives. the way he worked and taught made you motivate yourself to want to do it, not because anybody said, and not because it's "not right". i'm telling you, if you met the guy and got taught by him you'd understand
Probably.
But sadly I never will
:eng99:
I appreciate negative comments as well as positive ones,
for negative prompts for improvements and positive rewards.
You never want any of your work to be perfect btw,
as it only implies that you can never be better.
The fun of life is to fix as many things you can fix, not all the things you can fix.
Once you fix all the things you need to fix, your life ends.
and because I know my work is never perfect and never will be perfect,
I'd like people to pin point as many things as they can so that I can improve.
Well, that is my opinion.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.