So recently for my Mythology elective I was tasked with writing a short myth on the creation of the world. I've always had a bit of a knack for creative writing so I took a bit of pride in what I wrote in a matter of 20 minutes, but I've been wanting to take the whole of the myth, and make it into a full story (Fantasy type and what not) but before I do so, I want to see what some people think of it.
Keep it? Improve on it? Or toss it? Constructive Criticism is wanted.
Also, the myth has characters based on some from games.
[quote]Mythology
Dragon’s Blood: A story of creation.
It is written that they have always been, watching over us; yet never seen. Our world and our universe began only as a torrent of wind and lightning, a horrible tempest sending debris and chaos throughout the bleak and lifeless universe. It was within this torrent that life began; it began in the form of six winged beasts: six dragons. The dragons were noble and elegant creatures, having been soaring along the edges of the torrent since the beginning of time.
This six were as the following:
• Guthriax; King of Wyverns, giver of life, and leader of the six, having borne the other five. His color was green.
• Bronto; First son of Guthriax, and the shaper of worlds. His color was red.
• Kyurama; Second son of Guthriax, and the divinity of sky. His color was yellow.
• Galiara: The only daughter of Guthriax, and the essence of water and the seas. Her color was of course blue.
• Saradomian: The Third son of Guthriax, and the holder of the light, bringer of the sun, and guardian of the cosmos. His dominion was that of holy intent. His color was white.
• Zamaros: The Fourth and final son of Guthriax, guardian of the shadow and keeper of the grave. He was rarely seen amongst the others, residing in his evil domain; the nether. His color was black.
It was spontaneous, as it was, that Guthriax sent his children fourth to create a world, a world stable and beautiful enough to hold a different kind of life; a mortal one. First he sent Bronto, “Form a world, a solid sphere, and a grand one.” He commanded, and Bronto obeyed flying to the center of the swirling torrent and bringing a massive, barren sphere into being. “We will call this planet Earth. It shall be a beautiful sight, a marvel to behold.” Guthriax spoke, and circled the globe, his gaping maw open and breathing upon the barren Wasteland, grass and foliage covering the Earth. “This will be known as flora, and it shall bear seed and fruit for all to enjoy and thrive upon.” Galiara soared to the side of her father, gazing in sadness at massive and empty trenches within areas of the newly born world. “My Daughter,” He turned to her. “Fill these trenches; give unto them an everlasting source of pure water. Galiara did so, and the grand trenches came to be known as lakes and rivers, the largest of all becoming the ocean. Guthriax saw the work of his children, and he saw that it was splendid. Guthriax looked above and saw the endless span of swirling wind above his head, and called for his son Kyurama. “A sky is needed, it’s time this swirling chaos came to an end.” And so it was, Kyurama soared along the torrent, every inch of it his towering form passed became basked in a glorious blue sky, and soon the tempest was no more. Guthriax saw his son’s work, and was glad. Finally, Guthriax needed a place beyond his Earth, a place studded with stars and un-natural beauty. “Saradomian,” He called his son. “I ask that you leave this Earth, but stay close, I ask for you to give unto this world a universe to call home.” Saradomian did so, and flew into the blank void of space, and birthed an eruption of stars and cosmic lights to light the world at night.
Guthriax’s world had finally come into place, and he tasked himself with giving it life; the life of animals, and the life of man. He gathered a mass of stones and piled them up, then gave his breath upon them, giving them the form of man and beast, capable of co-existing in peace together. Guthriax saw his Earth, and saw that it was beautiful. One of the siblings was not happy however; Zamaros had been tasked with noting, left in his bleak and lifeless void, the nether, a place that any wretched soul would succumb to in death. Zamaros hatched a plan, a plan to attack the Earth in retaliation once his father would begin his thousand year sleep.
“My children.” Guthriax spoke to his children. “You’ve done me very proud, and I leave you to this world.” He left each child an artifact corresponding to their power, and left the Earth. His children rejoiced and returned to their domains as man took its first few steps into their new home, it was there when Zamaros would attack, breaking from his domain and reigning death and destruction upon the animals of Earth, scorching the once beautiful landscape. Earth fell quickly, as the other dragons could not stand against the rage of Zamaros. “You’ve the favor of father, but not of me.” He slew each one, leaving himself as the sole inhabitant of Earth. Saradomian had witnessed the entire thing, and quickly went in search of his father, not returning for nearly a millennium.
The Earth in the mean time became a burning wasteland, inhabited by the foulest of creatures spawned from the blood of Zamaros’ fallen sibling. It was here when Guthriax returned to his creation, and wept at the sight. Zamaros lay oblivious to what had returned to his new empire, and fell peacefully when Guthriax quickly slew his own son. Together, he and Saradomian used the blood of Zamaros to restore the life of the others, and bring the Earth back to its former beauty. This time however, he imbued the blood of Zamaros into all life of Earth, protecting it from any direct interference from the Gods.
With his work done, Guthriax and his children left the Earth, no longer seen by the humans, but always keeping a constant vigil over their beautiful creation, their beautiful Earth. [/quote]
SPESS DEGONS!
rrerr
Somewhat overhauled version of the Legend of Zelda sequence, but with dragons. Not enough of a departure to be called creative; I would toss it.
I would suggest not using bullet points. They belong in like, powerpoint presentations, not fiction.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
