Ejaculation Etiquette - Because there are do's and don'ts! - General

[url=http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_400/444_ejaculation-etiquette.html]Article written[/url] by Sarah Stefanson, Sex Education Correspondent [quote][img]http://i.imgur.com/kZrTL.png[/img] Sarah Stefanson is a writer, editor and advice columnist for a variety of online magazines on subjects as varied as sex, relationships, fashion, women’s issues, travel, and autos. She and her boyfriend live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, where they are both working on novels.[/quote] [release][img]http://i.imgur.com/AaKDr.jpg[/img] Women are lucky in that they can have an [url=http://www.askmen.com/dating/keywords/female-orgasm.html]orgasm[/url] pretty much anywhere and don't have to worry about leaving behind any telltale substances. Men, on the other hand, know that the end result of their pleasure includes a mess to clean up. This means that you should have an ejaculation etiquette plan that includes where it goes, where it doesn’t go, how it’s cleaned up, and how it’s disposed of. Much of this is dependent on your partner’s likes and dislikes, so make sure to get an idea of where she draws the line when it comes to your climactic fluid. Here is the AM breakdown of ejaculation etiquette based on location and situation. Also included is a hint about what you absolutely should never do when it comes to ejaculation etiquette. [B]Inside her[/B] If you’re having sex without a condom (which should only be done with a girl you’re confident won’t give you an STI), you’ll likely end up finishing inside her. Make sure to get her permission, and understand the birth control situation before coming inside her. This option lifts most of the clean-up responsibility from you since your ejaculate is now literally up in her business. She will likely excuse herself to go to the bathroom and clean up there. There is a possibility that some of your stuff could leak out before she makes her way to the bathroom. In this case, the onus is back on you to clean up your mess. [B]Etiquette reminder:[/B] Don't tell her that you won’t ejaculate insider her and then do it anyway. [B]In a condom[/B] When using protection, the condom should be removed immediately after you ejaculate, before you lose your erection. This will prevent any sperm from escaping and slopping all over her or the bed. Tie the end off so nothing leaks out and place it in the garbage -- not the toilet or the floor. [B]Etiquette reminder:[/B] Don’t ask her to take the used condom off for you. That’s your responsibility. [B]In her mouth[/B] The ejaculation etiquette involved in oral sex is a little more complex. First of all, you have to determine whether or not she wants to swallow. Once this is established, it’s nice to let her know when to expect your orgasm so she can either prepare to swallow and avoid gagging or switch to a different method of stimulation, like using her hand, to finish you off. You don’t have to make a big announcement of it. A simple, [highlight]“It’s time,”[/highlight] would do, or you could agree on a subtler signal that you’re about to erupt. [B]Etiquette reminder:[/B] Don’t hold her head so she has no choice but to swallow. That’s a good way to never get a blow job again. [B]On her arse/breasts[/B] Some men like the idea of ejaculating on a woman’s [url=http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/special_feature_150/157_special_feature.html]breasts[/url] or butt, and some women think it's sexy too. Again, this should be established beforehand, because it’s possible that it could disturb out and that would be bad ejaculation etiquette. If she digs it, then go ahead. [B]Etiquette reminder:[/B] Don’t rub it in afterwards. Don’t spread it around with your hands and don’t collapse on top of her so the mess is squished between your bodies. [B]On her face[/B] Coming on her face is a tricky issue. Some women really get off on the idea, but plenty of others think it’s disgusting, and some even find it degrading. So it’s essential that you get her permission before you shoot anywhere near or on her face. [B]Etiquette reminder:[/B] Do not get any in her eyes. Avoid her hair as well, if possible. [B]Climax Control[/B] If you follow AM’s ejaculation etiquette, you can avoid plenty of awkward and potentially unpleasant post-sex clean-up routines. You’ll also have a better chance of keeping your girlfriend happy, which means you’ll have more opportunities to practice your etiquette rules in the future.[/release] Just wanted to share these uh, [I]tips[/I] with the rest of FP. The "It's time" part had me laughing really hard :v: [editline]18th May 2011[/editline] "HHHNNNGGGGG OMG It's time!!! :q:" [img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_hToGrSmIJx4/S99EPMI_3GI/AAAAAAAAASA/tUlE2FSFYsU/s1600/its+time.jpg[/img]

Shame no-one on facepunch will ever need it. :rimshot:

Now we need a guide learning us how to even get that far with a girl.

[QUOTE=Tools;29904464]Shame no-one on facepunch will ever need it. :rimshot:[/QUOTE] Not yet... but when the time comes to get their dicks wet, they'll remember these simple tips and go "Oh wait, here's the part where I'm supposed to let her know I'm coming!" :v:

[quote]don’t collapse on top of her so the mess is squished between your bodies.[/quote] Now this is a weird thing to do.

BTW I would have posted this in the defunct Love Advice subforums but it's gone now :/

@Tools - the thread is now complete! Nothing more needs adding

Whats the etiquette for surprise creampies?

:siren:[u][b]“IT IS TIME"[/b][/u]:siren:

[QUOTE=Tools;29904464]Shame no-one on facepunch will ever need it. :rimshot:[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=mobrockers2;29904495]Now we need a guide learning us how to even get that far with a girl.[/QUOTE] Haha both of you are so right :D

[QUOTE=Thaard;29904594]Whats the etiquette for surprise creampies?[/QUOTE] it's time.

[img]http://home.vicnet.net.au/~cogito76/assets/images/its-time-poster.jpg[/img]

So all in all, this entire article can be summarized into this simple sentence: Use common sense. Or am I missing some underlying hypothesis that everyone thinks real life is like a porn movie?

[QUOTE=GeneralFredrik;29904724]So all in all, this entire article can be summarized into this simple sentence: Use common sense. Or am I missing some underlying hypothesis that everyone thinks real life is like a porn movie?[/QUOTE] it's cool to assume all girls love hot semen on their face

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/vKH7p.jpg[/IMG] It's time.

I thought women loved getting it in the eye.

What happens if you say it's time with a blowjob and she doesn't say/do anything. It's the worse decision ever

[QUOTE=NoDachi;29904637]:siren:[u][b]“IT IS TIME"[/b][/u]:siren:[/QUOTE] [I][highlight]Jackpot![/highlight][/I] [sp]From dat' mp3 if anyone remembers[/sp]

[img]http://i.imgur.com/CkKH6.png[/img]

I once did it on the backseat of my girlfriend's car. Except it was actually her mum's. It was awkward. Luckily there were tissues under the seat, for some odd reason.

Isn't this mostly common sense? Well, except for the whole "It is time!" thing which sounds vaguely porno-esque.

[QUOTE=Tools;29904855][I][highlight]Jackpot![/highlight][/I] [sp]From dat' mp3 if anyone remembers[/sp][/QUOTE] That MP3 was hilarious and creepy once she started whispering in one ear.

Thanks OP, but to be honest I'm just going to stick with Christian Weston Chandler's sex tips. [release][img]http://www.google.com/profiles/c/photos/public/AIbEiAIAAABECPqnlbKZpoqO2AEiC3ZjYXJkX3Bob3RvKig2M2ZmNzExY2QzZTkwOWY3YmVjYjI1MjlhOGQ2MGNmYWZlMjJhZjFlMAHrhRNbOR5of65Hmzeur_Z0ITcjIg[/img] [b]Always after the third date![/b] [/release] [I]Thanks, Chris.[/I]

i got a boner

[QUOTE=SgtTupelo;29904776][img_thumb]http://i.imgur.com/vKH7p.jpg[/img_thumb] It's time.[/QUOTE] HNNNG I'M GONNA EXPLODE OH GOD IT'S TIME [img]http://i.imgur.com/vKH7p.jpg[/img] Time, Dr. Freeman? Is it really that time again? It seems as if you only just arrived. You've done a great deal in a small time span. You've done so well, in fact, that I've received some interesting offers for your services.

[img]http://localhostr.com/files/noAbnhI/noyphh.jpg[/img]

I read all these thinking "I do this anyway" Except the "It's time", that's pretty cheesy. I usually just go "Inbound"

[release]Women are lucky in that they can have an orgasm pretty much anywhere and don't have to worry about leaving behind any telltale substances.[/release] So what about [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_ejaculation"]Female Ejaculation[/url]? ("squirting") Have scientists proved/disproved that sort of thing yet? :raise:

"It's time." ahahahahahaha.

[img]http://gyazo.com/143c5a1747db67942e6fe2c7cdfe62f6.png[/img] [QUOTE=Gordon Frohm;29905038]Have scientists proved/disproved that sort of thing yet? :raise:[/QUOTE] It's completely true, it just depends on the person. (and unlike many people think, it is [I]not[/I] urine)